Jokes about Rzhevsky

Read funny Jokes about Rzhevsky

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Pierre Bezoukhov calls Growth home and speaks:
-Natasha, I am ready to forgive you and to return to you if you clean everything from the house, well all that connects you with this easy rider Rzhevsky!
- Of course, I am a soglasa, Pierre!
ON comes, houses - naked walls!
-Natasha, well I understand, well a sofa, well a sofa, well a bed - but a chandelier!
- Ah, porutchik, such joker, such inventor!

*****

Pierre Bezoukhov and the lieutenant Rzhevsky conduct philosophical besedu.
- The Lieutenant! You constantly speak about a female body. And what you think o
zhenskom mind? Desire
- - page. The main lack of female mind, in my opinion,
zaklyuchayetsya in its total absence.

*****

Pierre Bezoukhov - to the lieutenant of Rzhevskomu:
- The Lieutenant, and the truth is said, what you have sex of 6 days in a week?!
- Yes, buddy, it is devilishly difficult, but I resolved: on Monday - any a bl.dok!

*****

Pierre Bezoukhov woke up in the morning, picked in teeth and otkovyryal
malinovuyu a stone. The count called the butler that tot
vyyasnil from where it would undertake here. In an hour it was received otvet.
okazalos that in last evening Pierre kissed Natasha Ros-
tovoy who took before ment at the Lieutenant Rzhevsky,
kotory ottrakhat the striker that that sjel
nemnogo raspberry jam before.

*****

Pierre Bezoukhov asks the lieutenant of Rzhevskogo:
- The Lieutenant, it is the truth, what you have sex six times a week? Da-with
-, pure pravda.
-But how to you it works well???
- is hard, the sir, of course, but I took himself for the rule kazhduyu
nedelyu one day to abstain.

*****

Pierre tells Rzhevskomu:
-Yesterday the first time kissed Natasha on a mouth, and it the hips crushed to me eye-glasses!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky, drunk in smoke, with the lit candle and an empty mug in a hand went down in a cellar and rapaciously went to the next barrel, having a presentiment igristoye.
- The Lieutenant! To set aside vskra... - told zavskladom
-BA-BAH!!! - told a barrel with porokhom
-huya to herself at you champagne... - the lieutenant murmured, flying by where-to
nad Danube...

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky, drunk in smoke, fell to Neman. Natasha Rostova pulls out it and let's pump out. Water went, seaweed went, crayfish went... Fish went! The lieutenant to an elezhela came to, and Bormochet:
-Natashenka, you though to me from water take out a bottom, and all Neman you will pump over that!

*****

The drunk lieutenant Rzhevsky with a bottle of beer becomes hollow in a brothel. The administrator addresses to nemu:
-you want the woman?
-NET.
-Girl?
-NET.
-of the Boy? You want
-NET.
-A of that?
- of the Small fish solenenkoy.
-About! Hussars are a good judge of perversions!

*****

The drunk lieutenant Rzhevsky tries to sit down on a horse, but everything is vain. Then he calls to the aid all sacred on ocheredi:
-Saint Peter, help! Saint Mikhail, help! Saint Georgy, help! It does to
nakonets the last effort and, without having calculated, flies through konya.
-Silence! Silence! - he mutters. - Not all at once.

*****

Told somehow the lieutenant Rzhevsky at Growth such kalambur:
"Adam, having pressed Eve to a tree, Tore her virgin plevu.
eva shouted, the tree cracked" .
prikhodit Rzhevsky in Anna Pavlovna's salon of Sherer:
-of the Lord, recently heard a witty pun. Definitely I do not remember, but sense such: Adam Ebal Eve under a tree so that boughs cracked! All were indignant and banished Rzhevskogo.
v the following time the lieutenant at Growth hears the clipper following kalambur:
"At the sea, on a clipper the skipper, the skipper has a gonorrhea" .
rzhevsky Sherer:
-of the Lord hurries to Anna Pavlovna, just heard a charming pun. Definitely I do not remember, but sense such: The barge floats by the sea, on it three hundred people and all are sick with syphilis!
Bce again were indignant and again banished Rzhevskogo.
through some time at Growth Rzhevsky sleduyushchee:
"hears Ty-g@ndon, and you-g@ndon, and I am a viscount De Bragelon" .
prikhodit Rzhevsky in Sherer:
-salon of the Lord, a fresh pun, just heard at Growth! Precisely ne
pomnyu, but sense such: All of you here hu creeping, one I am D'Artagnan!

*****

Tells a cornet of Obolenskiy:
- The Lieutenant Rzhevsky, misters, it is sometimes simply impossible! Imagine: we had a good time somehow in a tavern, put on a table the prostitute and became her in a vagina a cucumber to put. And here the lieutenant Rzhevsky came and all vulgarized!
- That, woman of вы$бал?
- Is not present, the cucumber ate!

*****

Hussars frolic, already all tried, everything bothered! Rzhev: - Misters! I have an idea! Ladies stand on one side of the room at a wall, hussars - on another. Who will get from running start, that kisses to the lady the handle!

*****

Rzhev on a ball persuaded Natasha Rostova to leave with it in a bedroom. All officers of a regiment wait for an outcome, and nobody leaves home. After a while Rzhevsky and Natasha leave from spalni.
gusary jump up to Rzhev and snatch with voprosami:
-Well, the lieutenant, tell how was, how it, what did?
rzhevsky (confusedly):
- Well, is not necessary, the Lord, will not be about it, is not necessary...
Natasha (angry):
- You incorrectly put an accent in the last word, the lieutenant.

*****

Rzhev on bankete:
-I Will go to possat!
- the Lieutenant, well who so speaks? It is necessary to tell: "I will go I will look at stars" .
rzhevsky left, the Lieutenant comes back and lasts for bokalom.
-, you though hands spolosnuli.
-Oh, do not worry, madam! I held the telescope with other hand!

*****

- Rzhev, and you had sometime a big and light love?
- Was one tradeswoman from me growth, the blonde of poods so on six!

*****

- Rzhev, your most mad desire?
-U me never was patrimonial pomestya.
-?!!
-A so wants to spend on drink it...

*****

The Rzhev comes back to Natasha from park. Natasha, seeing his wet trousers and boots, asks:
- The Lieutenant, on the street a rain?
- Is not present, the madam, a breeze - with!

*****

Rzhev for the first time got to theater. Sits and asks at priyatelya:
- And why this in a dress coat all the time waves on the lady a stick? It does not wave
-. He dirizhiruyet.
- Then why the lady all the time shouts?

*****

- Rzhev and why all the time have a rest in Sochi?
- Well, as! I have so many friends here! Tanya Ivanova, Lena Petrova,
galochka Sidorova.
-is good to you, the lieutenant!
- is bad, enemies too are enough. Vasya Ivanov, Petya Petrov, Grisha Si

*****

Rzhev came to a porch, assumed a dignified air, jumped in a saddle and rushed on the road so that a cloud of dust. Having galloped two versts, it ostanovilsya.
-Mother honest, and a horse where?
krepko having sworn, Rzhev jumped back.

*****

The Rzhev - denshchiku:
-If me will be asked, tell: net.
-I Listen to houses, your nobleness. The guest asks denshchika:
-Houses the barin?
- In any way net.
- And when they can be found?
-Ya now I will go I will ask their nobleness.

*****

The Rzhev goes by the train. It in a compartment on the top shelf, two below talk damy:
-you know, and after all eggs from silver blacken!
- Really!
- Truth! I here the day before yesterday put a silver spoon with eggs and what you think? Turned black!
"Live and learn" - thought Rzhev, shifting a silver cigarette case from a trouser pocket in the breast...

*****

The Rzhev lay on the shelf of the car in the train and incidentally heard conversation of two ladies from next kupe:
- The Darling! That you do. Never put eggs on silver, it from it grows dull!
- Live and learn - thought the lieutenant and shifted a cigarette case from a trouser pocket under a pillow.

*****

- Rzhev, and whether there can be a woman the lieutenant?
- Is not present, only the second lieutenant.

*****

Rzhev cannot find a suitable gift on Valentine's day in any way, rushes about on shops i
larkam and reaches the beer. Naturally, except beer, cigarettes and vodka in it anything ne
shevelitsya. Rzhev (thinks), to knock, so barakhlit:
-a champagne Box!!!!
- You for Valentina?
rzhevsky, inspecting yashchik:
-Not, it will not drink so much, I will go to Valentin.

*****

Rzhevsky and Natasha go in a carriage. Suddenly one of horses loudly and long lets out gases...
Natasha (confusedly):
- Oh, My God... Natali's
Rzhevskiy:
-, and it you is absolutely vain... Know if you kept silent, I would decide that it was made by a horse!

*****

Rzhevsky and Natasha on art vystavke.
- And this horrific image you call a work of art?
- Of course, no. The lieutenant, after all you look in a mirror.

*****

Rzhev Natashe:
-Oh, this dress to you very much to the person, and pants - to a bottom!

*****

The Rzhev disliked women...
He was in time!

*****

Rzhevskiy:
-Once, the member excited with fight, I on oshibke
skhvatil instead of sabli.
- And further, the lieutenant?
- of Two cut until noticed.

*****

The Rzhev has a rest, having buried a muzzle in salad, and Bezukhov (that is strange, but sober) - pulled to flash knowledge of biology area...
It, Natasha, shrimps! The family Crustacea, group arthropods, - is told by Bezukhov to Natasha, showing on shrimps...
TUT from a plate with salad rises an ugly face Rzhevskogo.
-Natasha in a bed a cancer members hundred-legged tore off?! Well, know, Bezukhov - You as nazhryotes - well, such already h@ynyu bear...

*****

Rzhev in officer sobranii:
- The Fresh joke - with, misters! There was on the desert a camel and nasral.
-Porchik, and to what salt?
-A of salt is not present! Around sand and GAVNO!

*****

Y, Rzhev on reception, regimental leyb-medika:
- The Doctor, I explained to you: these are biserinka from a bra which I the day before yesterday on a bet ate, without removing, about mademoiselle Lopukhinoy. And you took - "eggs of worms, eggs of worms"!

*****

The Rzhev sent the striker Ivan to prepare for it a mare on departure. Waits, and the striker is not here. Bothered it, he went to a stable and sees there: the stallion of the lieutenant Dubrovsky saddled i
imeet him, Rzhev, a mare, and Ivan got on a stallion and tries to drag it. Dubrovskiy:
-Admire, the lieutenant. Such menage de trois.
Rzhevskiy:
-It still that! The colonel, speak, the day before yesterday black behind an onanism found.

*****

Rzhev on a billeting at the Ukrainian. The big piece of fat which it also used lay in the room allocated for it on the shelf. The owner comes, does not find fat and asks the lieutenant: where it? The Cat sjel.
khokhol takes
-a cat on scales. The cat is powerful, approximately equal to number of the missing sala.
-Well, fat is, and where a cat?

*****

Rzhev on reception at regimental leyb-medika:
- The Doctor, I explained to you: eto
poruchik Rzhev disliked zhenshchin.
... was not in time.

*****

Rzhev in transit stayed at provincial hotel. Late at night came to itself to number, undressed, laid down on a bed and was already going to fall asleep when suddenly behind a wall it was distributed hysterical female vopl:
-on the right Wait... wait... not so quickly!
rzhevsky tried to fall asleep again when because of a wall another was distributed female vopl:
-Quicker at the left... quicker... I beg you!
rzhevsky swells up from a bed, beats feet on walls and with all the might oret:
-Listen to my team, oh, damn! RAZ-DVA! RAZ-DVA!

*****

The Rzhev woke up since morning, put on, shaved, came to a porch,
potyanulsya, swelled up in a saddle and jumped so that a cloud of dust. Galloped 5
verst stopped: - Your mother, and where horse?!!! Also jumped obratno.
-So on whom we stopped? - the lieutenant asked, having woken up in the morning after a ball...