Jokes about Chapaev

Read funny Jokes about Chapaev

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- And give everything with each other we will share! Vaska sausage, Ivan half of litroy, Petka cucumbers! You than will share
-A? I shared
-A idea!

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And life is adjusted, - Vasily Ivanovich thought crossing a channel of the Urals.

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And you know, what Pelevin started writing continuation to the novel "Chapayev and Emptiness"? Is called - "Buddenny and the Karma" …

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- And you know, Vasily Ivanovich, what most of all it is pleasant to me in the American cinema?
- That, Petka?
- Happy end!
- That, what?
- Happy end, well, happy end! You know
-, me too! I here watched yesterday such film!
- It you, Vas

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- And it is good, Petka, in the village - got up in the summer, Vasyl Ivanych drank a mug of pair milk and in les.
-Yes, and then got down and again to sleep.

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Aha, aha. Injustice in days of the Olympic Games surpassed the sizes of a one-sided world in the UN and came to the arena of world view. When Russians blew the World Ice Hockey Championship all Russia cursed them idiots because did not manage in time to demand to switch off hypnosis of computer system of dopes of a team of the USA. And today only Chinese are not subject to radio hypnosis of stimulation. Americans are enough gold medals with hypnosis of foreign computer intelligence, and Chinese d not slynut it - difficultly to confuse professionals hieroglyphs. Worst of all with Russians, all expostulate those "communists" and terrorize boycotts.

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America. Wigwam. Chapayev and Furmanov decorated under Indians,
sklonilis over the card. Runs in painted, in down and in peryakh
petka: "Vasyl Ivanych …" Furmanov interrupts: "Fast Feet, we-na
territorii opponent. Observe masking, report as"
- "is necessary Is guilty. The great Soldier, to you - a package from Blue H%ya!" -???
Chapayev (was tired): "How many time to say you that the surname BLYUKHER s
angliyskogo is not translated …"

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Angela Davies in the USSR very much liked the movie ''Chapayev''. Especially place. ''Here we will cut out all white, and happy life will come! ''

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Anka returned from the city. Petka.
-Well as approaches it? Bought that nibud.
-Yes, here a belt female to herself kupila.
-Pokazhi.
anka raises a short skirt, Petka looks and falls on a floor writhing in spasms from a laughter. Vasily Ivanovich comes. Is surprised that such with Petkoy.
anka tells it about a new belt, shows …. Now lie oba.
zakhodit Furmanov. Ania looks at Vasily Ivanovich with Petkoy.
-that it with nimi.
-Yes here, showed them the new women's belt, and they not the word without telling i
upali.
hu, too it is interesting to Furmanov to look that such in this belt there. Anka is long rumpled, at last raises a short skirt … … .
furmanov looks, and being the person intelligent, naturally restrains. Only tryasutsya.
-you Understand hands Ania, this belt is necessary that to fasten stockings, but not lips ….

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- Anka, you do not know why Petka has head hair such magnificent and curly?
-A it, Vasily Ivanych, their eggs natirayet.
-In, the acrobat!

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Anka comes from competition of prostitutes with serebryannoy medalyyu.
petka and V. I.: Tell
-, why the second place!
- Met we in the final the Frenchwoman. It lying, I lying, it standing, I standing,
ona a cancer, I a cancer, it in a mouth, and I could not Petka with V. I. thought - did not put, it is necessary tpenipovat.
ha the next year Anka comes with a gold medal and with a medal for originality. Petka and V. I.: Tell
-!
- Again we with the Frenchwoman reached the final. It lying, I lying, it standing, I standing,
ona a cancer, I a cancer, it in a mouth, and I two, and in what a way will whistle at once!

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- Anka, and where Petka?
- Yes on a roof the antenna natyagivayet.
- And, well … Vasily Ivanovich and podumal:
"told That for foolish names went …"

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- Anka, shoot! Beat the white!
- Oh, Petka, are felt by me: today we will beat white, so in seventy years the black will be declared!

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Anka with Chapayevu:
-you Bothered me from Petkaya. I leave. In total … Without me be engaged onanizmom.
petka now all this heard and asks:
-Vasily Ivanovich, and what such an onanism?
vasily Ivanovich:
-Well was Karl Marx. Left … So, there was a Marxism. Now Anka leaves …

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- Anka! You as now feel?
- is good, Vasyl Ivanych!
-A us from Petkaya?

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The airplane is shaken in boltanke.
soset by Chapayev ledenets.
- And you, - Anke, -
NA winks, suck my end!

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- You, Vasily Vanych though the blog, shtol, got?
- of the Flea, Petka, and will be got if long not to go to a bath …

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Take interview from Chapayeva:
-Tell, Vasily Ivanych, why you before fight always kpasnuyu
pubakhu put on?
- Well, suddenly will wound me, blood will go - if fighters see it,
TO will tremble, will become puzzled and will lose battle. And on kpasnom
kpovi it is not visible, anybody and will not notice anything. Clearly?
- Yes, is clear … clearly why Petka before fight kopichnevye
shtany puts on …

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Vasily Ivanovich and Petka from the white run. Petka:
-Vasily Ivanovich, I will climb on a tree, and you hide in prud.
-Well. And as white will run, throw a pebble, I will get out …
koroche, white ran, and Petka on pleasures forgot to throw a pebble. In many years Petka became a teacher. It gave the class to prudu
etomu and speaks:
-Here, children, here my best friend Vasily Ivanovich once was lost. Let's execute his last will - we will throw a pebble. Lifted Petk from the earth a stone and threw it in water. Vasily's head of Ivanovicha:
-Well leans out of a pond, Petka, white ran?

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Vasily Ivanovich and Petka from Nemtsov run. Run up to the river what to do, solved spryatatsya.
petka speaks:
-Let me climb on a tree, and you in a log zalezesh.
-Davay.
podbegayut Germans, saw Petka and V. I. Reshili that V. I. is closer, took it yes beat, and tak
prodolzhalos week. In a week speaks:
-Give V. I. now on the contrary: I on a tree, and you in brevno.
-Germans and govoryat:
-That we will fish Davay.
podbegayut in a log week п#здили, give what on a tree now.

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Run Petka with Vasily Ivanovich in attack. Petka krichit:
-Vasily Ivanovich! To you a bullet brought down trousers!
-Her of Petk with them!
- So and I about the same!

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Petka and Vasily Ivanovich from Germans run. See a tree. Petka on a tree got, and Vasiliy
ivanovich remained below. Germans came running and otpinat Vasily Ivanovich. Again run from Germans. See the same tree, run up to nemu:
-Petka, wait a moment now I will get - Vasily Ivanovich told, and climbed on derevo.
nemtsy resort and govoryat:
-Well it below we beat, give that we will remove from a tree, and otpinay.

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Run Chapayev from Petkaya from the white. Came running on the river, Chapayev speaks:
"Petka, you hide in water, and I will hide under the boat. "
NU hid. White came running, looked looked, did not find and ushli.
petka got out and decided that Chapayev umer.
mnogo years later, after revolyutsii:
prishel Petka with children (already the teacher):
" Here, children, was lost the great hero Chapayev! "
vdrug is distributed a voice from under the boat: "Petka, white already left? It is possible to get out?"

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Petka to Chapayev, kpichit:
-Vasily Ivanych runs, to us again this blue her arrived! How many time to you to repeat
-, Petk: surname Blyukher neperewodima!

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Three girlfriends talk. One speaks:
-my Vanka when grows, will be an architect. He is the best of all at school draws houses. Vtoraya:
- And my Petka - the pilot. He only also knows that everywhere draws planes! The third, zadumchivo:
- And my Vaska, probably, will be a gynecologist …

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Chapayev and Petka talk. Petka:
-Vasily Ivanovich! Americans landed on the Moon! You watch
CHAPAYEV:
-, Petk where our sir Bandera tired out them!

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Fought - Vasily Ivanovich fought with corruption: and freedom is better, than not freedom - spoke, and civil society - created, and cops in a show off - renamed, and Skolkovo - modernized, An of anything is impossible to it: (. Steal! Even it is even more, than earlier. Especially as to sit under economic articles now practically not prikhoditsya.
ustal Chapayev, was disappointed and went to girlfriends to Angela to the Russian people to complain, and to Petk for itself till ostavil.
vozvrashchayetsya it in a month, and cannot rejoice - officials polite, bribes are not taken, worked quickly and accurately. GAI officers not of a bablosa collect on bushes, and at intersections sticks wave - traffic jams disperse. Generals not of giving by hands of soldiers build, and on grounds begayut
-soldiers in attack lead. Doctors of operation do free of charge, and at the sight of chubby envelopes hide in staffrooms and are locked. And the people, together with OMON fighters, stage every Saturday the coordinated demonstrations - to wish long summer of the power. Lepota!
vyzyval then Chapayev to himself Petka, embraces, kisses, a fur coat from a presidential shoulder, from a nemetchina brought, gives and the biggest awards the order. And now, speaks, be pricked Petka - as you in a month reached what I for all years could not achieve! Give out, speaks, Petka the military secret!
- Yes I have no military secret, Vasily Ivanovich, the person ya
malogramotny, about freedom and not freedom I know nothing, the debit with creditom
putayu, but here Maxim - I cope with a machine gun in perfection! Therefore ya
prosto Maxim S
polnymi boxes of tapes and slightly ordered to put in each establishment on two machine guns where someone honestly does not want to live -
ocheredyyu, turn!
- Good fellow Petka! Continue further. Only I one did not understand - a
pochemu two machine guns?
- Yes tried to manage I one, Vasily Ivanovich, but is not handy - vse
time overheats!

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Fighters led to a donkey staff, and sprashivayut:
-Vasyl Ivanych, tell, what for an animal? Ivanych's
vasily with a type of the expert bypassed round a donkey, and speaks:
-Yes … To this hare of years three hundred!

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Everyday life of the scout Wyswal Hitler of Stierlitz and speaks:
-All! I cannot more! I will run away to guerrillas!
- took in head to Act willfully, Petka?! Under tribunal you will go!

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- In attack, Petk!
- So after all crisis, Vasily Ivanovich?
- is exact, Petka! Then - on-plastunski and to shout - in a whisper!

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In the train car, having hardly found a place among crowd of meshochnik, Vasyl Ivanych climbed on the shelf,
snyal boots and lowered feet down. From below his intelligent lady asks:
-Kind, you change socks?
- Only on fat!

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In those days, when only just there were jokes about Vasily Ivanovich and at once became very popular in the people, the son-in-law (at that time!) the glorified marshal S. M. Budennogo Mikhail Derzhavin sat with the friends, and all of them with pleasure poisoned jokes about Vasily Ivanovich.
vdrug with horror saw everything how in the doorway there is Semyon Mikhaylovich. Fright
OT all grew dumb. And Semyon Mikhaylovich govoryat:
-Spoke I to him, a mudak: "Study, Vaska, after all will laugh at you!"

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Chapayev's office is run in by Petka:
-Vasily Ivanovich! Allow to report!
chapayev is strict obryvayet:
-Petka Will be enough! And so all Russia laughs!

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The room to Anka was entered by Furmanov. Tightened, in a soldier's blouse, all v
remnyakh.
-Eh if he also sang as Rastorguyev … - having sighed, Anka thought.

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V. I. bought a new sofa. Began with petky to mark out him. Petka got drunk and settled in boots na
divan to sleep. V. I. saw it and sleepy Petku
sbrosil on pol.
vdrug in the middle of the night V. I. hears shout in that room, where a sofa. V. I. there, and there Petka creeps po
polu and oret:
-V. I., help, I from a sofa cannot get down!!!

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In the museum of revolution the guide shows a skeleton of Chapayeva.
- And it that for a small skeletik near it? - ask ego.
-this is Chapayev in the childhood.

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- One can not enter the river twice. Proved Chapaevym.
- Parallel lines do not intersect. Proved rails ...

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Sent to Chapayev's group from Moscow the grenade of a new sample. Vasily Ivanovich from Petkaya sat down v
izbe at a table, started studying the maintenance instruction. Suddenly - on the village fly "white",
vasily Ivanovich with the instruction jumps in one entrenchment, and Petk with the grenade - in another. Vasiliy
ivanovich krichit:
-Petka, I to you will read the instruction, and you do that I speak!
- is good, Vasyl Ivanych!
-"Take the Grenade in the Right Hand" … Took
-, Vasyl Ivanych! "The left hand to pull out
- to the check" …
- Pulled out, Vasyl Ivanych! Now - throw
-A! Catch
-, Vasyl Ivanych!!!

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In group to Chapayev the karateka came to register - is praised, what mozhet.
- And scrap to bend all?
- I Can also scrap. Right there constructed all - to look at this miracle. The karateka speaks: the assistant is necessary more fine. Parts to it hands in the parties, puts in them the scrap … runs up … hryas a foot on eggs! Muzhik:
-ЫЫЫЫЫ! The scrap is slowly bent …