Jokes about mother in law and son

Read funny Jokes about mother in law

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Service from David Copperfield - flies in a window, saws the mother-in-law and disappears.

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Morning. Call to a door. The sleepy husband opens. Ha a threshold - the mother-in-law who arrived from the station with two suitcases. Mute scene. Then the husband turns around and shouts in komnatu:
-Zine, get up, help with suitcases. Here mother leaves!

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Morning, to the apartment becomes hollow well poddaty husband and krichit:
- The Wife, collect things, I won one million dollars in a casino!
Wife is enough a suitcase and asks:
-Where we go? To France or Italy?
- You go to mother. On absolutely...

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In the morning the man wakes up, comes on kitchen and, looking at the wife and the mother-in-law,
likhoradochno thinks: "And where I two blyady saw these earlier?"

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Horror film. The monster long and with skill torments the victim. And then, slowly, eats it alive, bringing terrible tortures. The mother-in-law zyatyu:
-If it is frank, you, probably, would like to me a similar fate?
TOT:
-Of course, mother. I would not want at all that you got off so light.

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Bury the man. The passerby asks:
-Of what he died? Read
-A on wreaths, - advise it. That reads: "From the loving wife of" ; "From the Mother-in-law" ;
"From children" ; "From Trade-union Committee".

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Bury tyoshchu.
u the son-in-law sprashivayut:
-Ot that died?
Da mushrooms otravilas.
-A why person blue?
Da she them is did not want.

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Bury the mother-in-law. Svyashchennik:
- The Death takes away the best of nas.
zyat to friends, is silent: - Fortunately, she sometimes misses.

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Good relations with the mother-in-law are directly proportional to a distance square to her.

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Stored the mother-in-law, tore two bayans …

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- That such happy? The Mother-in-law for February 23rd a spinning carbon fiber podarila.
-So she you hates
-!?
-A I some days gundosil:
"Hate carbon fiber spinnings! God forbid somebody will present a carbon fiber spinning!!

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Than accident differs from misfortune? If your mother-in-law fell to the river, it is accident. And if it was rescued, it is misfortune.

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Than the mother-in-law played if only on a visit did not come!

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The world champion in fights without rules of the house adhered to the strict rules established by his mother-in-law, the simple lover on twisting of nerves and a pulling of veins.

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Whether in some months after znakomstva.
-Darling, is time to acquaint to you me with the native? Even I do not know
- how to be. Children now at the mother-in-law, the wife on holiday...

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What is the double feeling?
ETO when your own mother-in-law flies to an abyss on your own "Volvo".

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What it is necessary to do when the mother-in-law was attacked by a tiger?
- Itself attacked, itself let and is protected.

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- That my daughter practised music, I presented it a violin. Alas, eto
ni to what privelo.
-I had the Same with the mother-in-law when I presented her a suitcase.

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To salt to the mother-in-law, Petrov presented her on a birthday even number of tulips - any...

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- To awaken interest in music in the grandson, I bought it a violin. No
nichego from this did not leave...
-U me was the same when I presented to the mother-in-law a suitcase.

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- The chief, you will bring my mother-in-law to giving in Cockerels?
-Five hundred rubley.
-Here one thousand, vezi.
- And delivery?
-C of giving is not necessary!!!

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10 floor. From a window the woman hangs down, having caught hands a window sill. The man beats her on fingers a hammer. In the bottom of a storm negodovaniya:
-Seychas we will cause militia!
muzhik oret:
-Eto my mother-in-law!
VNIZU:
-Ish, caught rubbish such!

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It in old jokes buried the mother-in-law - tore two bayans. On commemoration of mine we three night clubs carried also a monkey house in militia!!

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- Yesterday I was in the woods three buckets of mushrooms collected for tёschi.
- What if they poisonous?
- What do you mean if?

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- I'll give you ten dollars if you go to the station and met my teschu.
- And if she does not come?
- Then get twice as much.

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I doma.
-You where go? I how many from a balcony shout "Vova, home!!"... You do not hear me? Essentially you do not hear me?
- Mother, but it is not necessary to shout...
- You I poukazyvay still - should shout to me or I should not shout!! You look at yourself!!! Look at the trousers!
- Where?
- Here!! At a pocket. What for a spot again? I do not know
-... Leaned.
- Leant it!! All day you go and you lean!! Is not present that to be engaged in business!! You will not be laundered on you!! To wash march of a hand!!!
-U me pure. Of Marsh I TOLD
-, to WASH HANDS!!!!!! And at a table!! Show hands. Probably again without soap of soaps? Wetted and on a towel smeared? Yes you are a villain!! Monster!! You look that you made with a towel!!! At a table... Clear elbows the table!! Take bread!! Who so holds a spoon?? Sit down exactly - do not shake!!!
BABAH!!!! (A fist on a table.)
- Means so, mother. That that you mother of my wife does not grant to you the right for me to shout!! Or you calm down or you now to the station and home go...
(sobbing and sobbings)
- Monster... I and knew that you will not be glad to me... And for such person I gave out the daughter...

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- I very much hope, what afterlife net.
-?? Present to
-only, you died, and there the MOTHER-IN-LAW!!

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I will allow to offend to nobody my mother-in-law! Nobody dares to take away from me this small pleasure!

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- I want that my mother-in-law became Snegurochkoy.
-Well you the romantic!
- Is not present, just like that I will see it no more once a year.

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- I presented to the mother-in-law on birthday a rosette!
- You that, so love the mother-in-law?
- Is not present, I it is simple when bottles went to hand over one bottle unintentionally razbil
i to the mother-in-law it presented!

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- I as the mother-in-law will see, I feel that there is a round by the operator, at once it wants to be sent somewhere.

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I often wake up at night and, choking with tears, I utykatsya in a pillow. I cannot understand how our Lord allowed to be born to Hitler, Chikatile and my mother-in-law Svetlana Fiodorovna …

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- And give everything with each other we will share! Vaska sausage, Ivan half of litroy, Petka cucumbers! You than will share
-A? I shared
-A idea!

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And life is adjusted, - Vasily Ivanovich thought crossing a channel of the Urals.

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And you know, what Pelevin started writing continuation to the novel "Chapayev and Emptiness"? Is called - "Buddenny and the Karma" …

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- And you know, Vasily Ivanovich, what most of all it is pleasant to me in the American cinema?
- That, Petka?
- Happy end!
- That, what?
- Happy end, well, happy end! You know
-, me too! I here watched yesterday such film!
- It you, Vas

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- And it is good, Petka, in the village - got up in the summer, Vasyl Ivanych drank a mug of pair milk and in les.
-Yes, and then got down and again to sleep.

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Aha, aha. Injustice in days of the Olympic Games surpassed the sizes of a one-sided world in the UN and came to the arena of world view. When Russians blew the World Ice Hockey Championship all Russia cursed them idiots because did not manage in time to demand to switch off hypnosis of computer system of dopes of a team of the USA. And today only Chinese are not subject to radio hypnosis of stimulation. Americans are enough gold medals with hypnosis of foreign computer intelligence, and Chinese d not slynut it - difficultly to confuse professionals hieroglyphs. Worst of all with Russians, all expostulate those "communists" and terrorize boycotts.

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America. Wigwam. Chapayev and Furmanov decorated under Indians,
sklonilis over the card. Runs in painted, in down and in peryakh
petka: "Vasyl Ivanych …" Furmanov interrupts: "Fast Feet, we-na
territorii opponent. Observe masking, report as"
- "is necessary Is guilty. The great Soldier, to you - a package from Blue H%ya!" -???
Chapayev (was tired): "How many time to say you that the surname BLYUKHER s
angliyskogo is not translated …"