Jokes about Chapaev

Read funny Jokes about Chapaev

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- Vasily Ivanovich, tanks in the city!
- Drive them nafig Petka, nothing to guzzle!

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- Vasily Ivanovich! Tanks in the city!
- Drive them, Petka, to hell, nothing to guzzle!

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- Vasily Ivanovich why the theatrical collective is called troupe?
- So at them, Petk that a performance, someone kill.

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Vasily Ivanovich: "Darkly, as at the Black in …, forgive in a bum" to
petka: "Vasily Ivanovich knows everything, …" ;- visited everywhere))

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- Vasily Ivanovich, the instruction is lowered: to reduce the device!
- You, Petka, the device reduce, and leave a coil!

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Vasily Ivanovich studies English. Causes Petk's Petku:
-! Hou from ebsent? You told
- of Chyo, Vasily Ivanovich?
-Chyo-chyo, goof: I speak, bring to me my boots, a cudgel!
through half an hour, having been out of breath, Petka and oryot:
-Vasily Ivanovich resorts! Ebsent from h@y - спи$дили boots!

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- Vasily Ivanovich, and that it for ф#гня?
- It, Petka, the railroad!
-A long, iron, it that?
- It, Petka, rails!
-A wooden, across?
- It, Petka, cross ties!
-A on ф#га they?
-A it, Petka that rails were not reeled up on wheels!

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- You stockings have no Vasily Ivanovich?
-A why to you, Petka? You that, pervert?
- Well. It is necessary cash desk quickly vzyat.
-to Kass? In stockings? Beautifully …

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Vasily Ivanovich sews to himself red rubakhu.
podkhodit Petk and asks:
- And why, Vasily Ivanovich, sew to yourself a red shirt?
-A it in order that blood in fight was not vidna.
-Aga- And ponjatno.
petka ukhodit.
na the following put - on battle Vasily Ivanovich (in the red shirt) looks to the left, looks to the right, turns around back,
A goes Petka in the new brown trousers there!!!
chapayeva in academy cause to doske.
-What documents give out to commissioners?
kotovsky podskazyvayet:
-Mandates, man - yes - ty.
chapayev obidelsya:
- And you - is simple ж#па with ears.

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- Vasily Ivanovich, and you painted eggs for Easter?
- Is not present, Petka. Offered me, but I refused and to Stierlitz sent …

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- Vasily Ivanych! Americans landed on the Moon!
- is good, Petka where we tired out them!

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- Vasily Ivanych, Americans on the Moon landed!!!
- Now that's something like it! See, where we tired out them!

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- Vasily Ivanych! Anka about us composed a joke!
- It, Petka, your defect! If the woman instead of cleaning of a machine gun - jokes composes, means - I have an aide-de-camp - the impotent man!

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- Vasily Ivanych! Anka to the white spread!
- do not shoot, Petka, everything is normal. It is bacteriological attack!

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Vasily Ivanych on BAM visited camp of a particular treatment. Before it built striped arestantov.
-Hello, companions sailors!

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- Vasily Ivanych, white brought!
- How many boxes?

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- Vasily Ivanovich white privezli.
- Rastrelyat.
- Vasily Ivanovich white privezli.
- Rastrelyat.
- So Well last bottle left.

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- Vasily Ivanych! And when we will break the white whom we will begin to beat?
- So, red, Petka!
-A we are Tats what? You ask
-A Furmanov!

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Vasily Ivanych from a big hangover sits and the head holds. On a wall a bug polzet.
-Yes do not knock you so feet loudly, the swine!

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- Vasily Ivanych, you will drink a bucket of moonshine?
- Neee, a bucket is not present. Ho OTHLEBNUUUU mnooooy!

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Vasily Ivanych leaves from bani:
-Petka! Go bring me new boots! So you these absolutely novye.
-Yes have no
-, on two sizes pomenshe.
-???
-Ya simply washed feet and nails tonsured!

*****

Vasily Ivanych tells Ank's Anke:
-, rozdevaysya.
-What for? at
-A we will look there …

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Vasily Ivanych tells Petke:
petka, skazhi:luk.
petka:
-Luk!
V.I.:
- On a forehead to you knock!
petka of half a day went - went, thought - thought,
potom approaches Vasily Ivanychu and speaks:
vasil to Ivanych, tell: Chesnok.
v.I:chesnok!
petka: And on a back to you a shovel on!!

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Vasily Ivanych, Gulf Stream froze! How many to you to tell
-: not to send kikes to investigation!

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- Vasily Ivanych and if the squadron jumps on elections where there has to be a commander - in front or behind?.
- Fool you, Petka! The commander has to stand …

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Vasily Ivanych graduated from the institute and comes back to Petke.
-Well as Vasyl Ivanych, here you tell, you now the clever?
- Well so, Petka, konechno.
-Here tell me then, here wheels at the train the round?
- Well kruglye.
- And then that knocks there? Ivanych's
vasil thought … Well give
- podydy on the scientific. Here the area of a circle is equal 4pi a square.
- Well?
- Well this that a square also knocks!

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- Vasily Ivanych, you know that I live many years with Anka … Of course I know
-, Petk!
- Means, you will not object if we get married?
- Of course will not be!
- Perhaps, then you will cease to go every evening with us to bed? Studioz.

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Vasily Ivanych calls Anka on the small river kupatsya.
anka:
-Well and who will see off me back?

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Vasily Ivanych goes, afterwards - Petka. Vasyl Ivanych will stop, will bend the head, will listen and further goes. So several times. Petka:
-You, Vasily Ivanovich what you stop?
-is more silent, Petka, slushayu.
- And what you listen?
- You, Petka, too do not hear? Petka:
-Nothing slyshu.
vasil Ivanych:
-is strange. And why Furmanov told, what I mudozvon?!

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- Vasily Ivanych! And we will go for inauguration?
-A why to go, Petka? Neponyatno.
-As what for? Inaugurirovat inauguriruyemy and to deinaugurirovat the deinauguriruyemy! It is clear to
-. Why, I speak, to go? On horses we will go!

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- Vasily Ivanych, and you would ispuzhatsya if to you the old woman with a braid comes at night?
- Still ispuzhatsya as if, Petka!
-I ubeg?
- Really - ubeg! And from what you ask?
- Yes I think: to cut off Anke a braid, or to leave …

*****

- Vasily Ivanych, you can drink to liter?
-Mogu.
-A two?
-Mogu.
-A bucket?
- Not, Petka, I cannot. And here Vladimir Ilyich - he can do everything!

*****

- Vasily Ivanych! Honey agarics already went!
-Yi-aaaaaa! … Now, Petka, and fly agarics will leave!
chapayev from Petkaya go across Zurich, and towards negr.
-Who is it? - asks Chapayev.
-you do not learn, Vasily Ivanych? Solzhenitsyn!
-Is ne

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Vasily Ivanych before stroyem:
hasha the division received an award 10 for release of the village from the white tys.pub.
delit we will be tak:
-7 thousand to me, 3 thousand Petke, the rest the fact on the person …
ppokhodit week … Fighters Vasyl Ivanychchu: When we the share receive
-A?
- of Kauyu share? Well you told
-: "the fact on the person … "That you wanted
-A that I before all system would tell: "A horse-radish on a snout …"?

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- Vasily Ivanych:
- And how it you Petka achieved, sho from you so beautiful hair, black and curling?
- So, Vasilivanych, I their eggs natirayu.
-Well, Petka, you are an acrobat!

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Vasily Ivanych and Petk's Petka.
-, and I learned a modern language!
- Yes well? And what?
- Tatar!
- Yes you che? And well tell something Kiel a m@nda!
-I that it means?
- go HERE.
- is healthy! And how will be - "Idi from here"?
- It. How it? … And! FROM MANTI KIEL!

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Vasily Ivanych and Petka jump from the plane with parachutes. Petka krichit:
-Vasily Ivanych! It is time to develop parachutes!
- Is not present, Petka, at us long pryzhok.
-Vasily Ivanych, 1000 m remained - it is time!
-Rano.
-of 200 m remained!
- Early, Petka, rano.
-100 m remained, Vasily Ivanych!
- Early eshche.
-2 m, Vasily Ivanych! What
- You, Petka, the hero if from two meters you cannot jump off!

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Vasily Ivanych and Petka hide from belykh.
petka hid in a haystack, and Vasily Ivanych got into a dog skin. White suit to sobachke
(Vasily to Ivanovich) and give a sugar slice. He ate, and white neigh. Again give a piece of sugar, VI
SJEL, and those began to neigh, etc. even more strongly. After the white left, our heroes razmaskirovatsya,
VI asks Petk's Petki:
- And that all of them neighed? Vasily Ivanovich and you a skin on the contrary put on
-!

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Vasily Ivanych and Petka decided to have a bite in Brooklyn. As always, they had no money, almost do not understand English. Vasily Ivanych predlozhil
petke to buy one apple for two. Petka refused - will fight for a bit. And there was a wish to eat more and more. What to do?
-of Petk, let's have a bite in Chinese chaynoy.
-Give, they have tea, probably, as in Russia, on two kopeks. On a cup chaya
i, bags, dried fruktyyu
-Okey.
zavalivayut in the tea. Two cups of tea and bags. Petka chews - will not chew. Speaks: "Vasily Ivanych, same any cud, I will not gorge on in any way. Probably, at food factory when cooked a fruit candy, a rubber glove in a copper obronili.
vasmly Ivanych was upset, hungry, sticks to a chaykhanshchik supposedly money give back. That is in any. Does not understand Russian, only on Chinese and English. Argues: Tea was drunk? The chewing gum was bought? Money not otdast.
tut Vasily Ivanych was upset and in Russian as will blurt out:" Money is not present - now to us - "3,14zda" .
TUT the chaykhanshchik understood Russian: "Ya-ya! there, round the corner, two quarters - the sex shop. There can buy also it. "
Tak in FBI of New York appeared procedural case of communistic terrorists - chapayevets. With words about mother - filled to the seller of videotapes of sex a muzzle.