Jokes about Chapaev

Read funny Jokes about Chapaev

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Vasily Ivanovich from Petkaya were going to blow up the bridge protected white and, for masking, changed clothes - Petka in a women's dress, and Vasily Ivanovich in a cow. Go. White stand on a post. Suddenly one point-policeman drugomu:
-Look, look - attack of pederasts and zoophiles.

*****

Vasily Ivanovich presented to Petke the drochilny device … In five minutes Petka comes upset and speaks:
-Vasily Ivanovich, my device - exploded …
- Well and #у# with it …
- That's it …

*****

Vasily Ivanovich went to India. Approaches it on the street of yogas and prosit:
-Pour a glass vodki.
-From what it? Yes I will not drink
-, I will show focus to you …
vasily Ivanovich pours a glass of vodka, the yogi sits down nearby, stares at a glass and suddenly falls. The people run together, the doctor comes, makes the diagnosis: "alcoholic poisoning" .
vernulsya Vasily Ivanovich home, comes to Petke:
-Pour a glass of vodka, I will show the Indian focus to you!
petka pours, Vasily Ivanovich sits down nearby, stares and suddenly falls. Called the doctor, that made the diagnosis: "choked with a saliva".

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- Vasily Ivanovich, went to the city: there the holography exhibition idet.
-Is not present, Petka, why the hell to me naked grafyev to look?

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Vasily Ivanovich lived in the city apartment,
vozvrashchayetsya, tells Petke:
-Fine there at them, Petrukha! Equipment! Though i
nedorabotki are available: is, for example, takoy
bely a wash basin, and so, if the head in nyom
moyesh, it is necessary to bend very quickly, kogda
dernesh for a chain. Disorder.

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Vasily Ivanovich got hospital, around there is a lot of equipment and hoses. Petka enters and speaks: "Well, how are you Vasiliy
ivanovich". He waves hands:
- And understood - Petka told and gave it paper and a pencil. Vasily Ivanovich wrote a couple of words and closed eyes. Petka at meeting soobshchayet:
-our commander died and in the suicide note napisal:
-Petka descend from a hose, and that I will choke!

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Vasily Ivanovich constructed a division and asks:
-Tell, money is necessary to birds?
- Well, Vasily Ivanovich.
- And so, eagles! I spent on drink your salary!!

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Vasily Ivanovich sends Petka behind binge to the grandfather moonshiner to the farm. Petka comes back, speaks:
- There are no you at him nichego.
vasily Ivanovich:
-to All, youth, it is necessary to learn. Let's go, I will show, how nado.
prikhodyat to dedu:
-Hi, the father!
- Hello, sonnies!
- We to you, the grandfather, came on behalf of the Soviet power. Here, I see at you a hut old …
- Oh, old, sonnies! Write
- Petk: a new hut to it from the Soviet power. And the wife at you the grandfather too the old?
- Old, sonnies! Write down
- to Petk: the new wife to it from Soviet vlasti.
-Oh, thanks, children! How many I waited for you!
poshli cut, washed this business also with themselves took. On a threshold Vasily Ivanovich asks deda:
-Ded, you, probably, and h%y the old?
- Oh, old, sonnies! Write down
-, Petk: h%y to it from the Soviet power!

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich, condoms American brought!
- all this Overindulgence, Petk, I here used 30 years a sleeve from three-inch plank and as much again I will use.

*****

Vasily Ivanovich comes from English military academy where studied military science of 2 years. Opens a door in a log hut a foot and krichit:
-Petka, hu from ebsend for the tudy!
-of Che, che? Deliver Valenoks on the furnace to
-, wet. In half an hour Petka resorts to Vasily of Ivanovichu:
-Vasyl Ivanovich, and izebsent h@y!
-of Che such?
- Valenoks burned down …

*****

Vasily Ivanovich arrived from Moscow and asks Petku what occurred for it otsytstviye:
-Yes, anything special, only a shovel slomali.
-As broke?
- Yes, dug a hole and slomali.
- And what her you incurred a hole to dig?
- So a dog sdokhla.
- And she that died?
- of the Horse-flesh ate too much here and sdokhla.
- And and here a horse-flesh?
- Yes after all a stable sgorela.
-As burned down? Furmanov the bull-calf threw
-, it and polykhnyla.
-So after all it not kyrit.
-Will light here when a banner of a regiment sleep %%%%%%!!!!:-))))

*****

Vasily Ivanovich arrived to New York. Goes on the Broadway, looks, marvels … Suddenly sees - stoit
avtomat, and on it a flickering inscription: "Replaces the woman". To Vasily Ivanovich it became curious,
podkhodit is closer, sees - on the machine gun a cut for a coin and some hole. Well, Vasiliy
ivanovich threw a coin into a cut, looked back, undid riding breeches, got chl*n and put him v
dyrochku … The machine gun buzzed, Vasily Ivanovich pulls out chl*n - and on it the button is sewn.

*****

Vasily Ivanovich comes to Anka, undoes a fly and speaks:
- And now, Anka, competent authorities will be engaged in you.

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Vasily Ivanovich came on a visit to Anka. Sat, drank … It is time to start the main thing. Vasiliy
ivanovich speaks:
-Anka, you undress and go to bed, and I will go to a bathroom, prigotovlyus.
anka laid down, waits. Passes 15 minutes, half an hour … Being burned with impatience, Anka gets up, approaches k
vannoy and looks in a chink. Sees - naked Vasily Ivanovich swings the Mauser i
ugrozhayushche krichit:
-a revolution Name, to RISE!!!

*****

Vasily Ivanovich wakes up with a hangover - the head cracks, remembers nothing. Petrukha calls Petka and asks:
-, I that yesterday, fine touched?
- Yes cut, Vasily Ivanovich, neplokho.
-Listen, and I brawled strongly?
- Well, Vasily Ivanovich, not that that very much … Listen to
-, and I did not beat anybody?
- Well, Vasily Ivanovich, beat nobody, and here tolko
pod the end took out a checker and chased for Kotovsk on everything selu
i shouted: "Why зал#пе ears?"

*****

Vasily Ivanovich passes by a shed and slyshit
dikiye kriki:
-ah-ah-aaa very still - aa
ponyal, than there I am engaged in PETKA S of ANKOY and krichit
-Open quickly Petk, quickly open or I a checker will take down!!
petka quickly made undermining, pulled out ANKU and opens a door. That do you do to V. I:
-here?! I Crap
-, - and it shows on horse lepeshku.
-Yes horse! You properly поср#ть did not give
-A!!!

*****

Vasily Ivanovich in the Poultry market buys white konya.
soratniki on party interesuyutsya:
-by Parade are going to order?
- Is not present, on the Kremlin gate hung up "brick" everywhere, so I na
kone to the Kremlin will drive.

*****

Vasily Ivanovich drink from Petkaya in a dugout. Anka, everywhere a mess, ruin, empty bottles comes. Takes both by the scruff of the neck, kicks and pendalyam shows the door. The shabby men sit down in an entrenchment, recover. Petka, opravlyayas:
-Vasily Ivanovich, and you banged Anka in a bottom?
- Yes was business, Petka, last week … That I also watch
-, not pulemetchiyets, and some pi@or!

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich! And a handheld transceiver at us on lamps or on trazistor? I Repeat
- for idiots. A handheld transceiver - on an armored train!

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich! Session comes nearer! Wait for
-, Petk, let's admit closer!

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich, session comes nearer!
- Not dreyf, Petka, we will admit it closer …

*****

Vasily Ivanovich sits near a window, smokes and sees how down the street there is Anka. Petka approaches it and begins long and to it to speak something in an impatient tone, swinging hands. At last Anka nods and they together leave. Vasily Ivanovich lets out a cloud of a smoke and is thoughtful says:
-it would be easier to rubanut a checker.

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich, here tell: why Russia with the population of 140 million people loses in soccer of Slovenia with the population 3 million people?
- Therefore, Petka that to find the good football player among 140 million people 46 times more diffic

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- Vasily Ivanovich, how many will be zero the whole five tenth plus one second?
- the Interior, Petka, I feel, something about a liter, and here I will not be able to prove!!

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich, soon elections. You for whom - for Putin or Medvedev?
- Question, Petka, idiotic. As the Party will solve, and we will vote for that!

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich, and you will be able to drink a quarter?
- I will be able, Petka!
-A shtof?
-I a shtof smogu.
- And a bucket you will be able?
- Not, Petka, a bucket I will not be able. Such, probably, only to Lenin in power!

*****

Vasily Ivanovich was going to come to academy, but there the dictation should be written at receipt. He asks Petka to him from the book to dictate that then it was easy to check mistakes. Petka reads: "Still Ukrainian night. Stars shine. All sleep. And only in a corner the mouse scrapes." Vasily Ivanovich udivlyaetsya:
-That for an animal of such SKR?
- Yes not SKR, Vasily Ivanovich, and VUGLUSKR!

*****

Vasily Ivanovich was going to leave for time and left Petke the magazine for record of all vazhnykh
sobyty. Having returned, finds the only record: "The shovel broke". Asks Petki:
-In what business, all delov a shovel, because of what breakage?
- Da here, buried horses, a shovel slomali.
-Horses buried!!? - To Vasily Ivanovich it became already bad, what cavalry without koney.
-Well, stables burned down, horses sdokhli.
-Stables burned down!!!??? How? Da Furmanov a cigarette did not extinguish
-, threw, here they and zagorelis.
-After all he does not smoke!
- So stole a banner of a regiment how not to light! …

*****

Vasily Ivanovich asks Petku:
-As it is Ukrainians pyatimetrovuyu a pig grow up?
-A they, Vasily Ivanovich, concrete hind legs,
A a trough put aside everything further and further …

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich, and spammers at communism will be?
- Is not present, Petka, all will die out to that vremeni.
-Vasily Ivanovich, and the truth, what at communism there will be no people who instead of the answer to a question at a forum answer "a

*****

Vasily Ivanovich asks somehow Anki:
-Anka, and on хр#на tampaxes are necessary to you?
- Yes here, you understand, in difficult days vyruchayet.
- And! It when the white come?
- Is not present when the white come, not tampaxes, but pampers help!

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich, - Petka, - that such asks "double standards"? Chapay and speaks:
-Here you thought, Petka when with Anka you are loved, it is pleasant to her?
- Of course!
-I you is glad to it?
- Still as! When I with it am loved by
-A,

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich, - Petka, - that such asks "double standards"?
podumal of Chapay and speaks:
-Here you, Petka when with Anka you are loved, is pleasant to it?
- Of course!
-I you is glad to it?
- Still as! When I with it am loved by
-

*****

Vasily Ivanovich, - Petka, - that such asks "double standards"?
podumal of Chapay and speaks:
-Here you, Petka when with Anka you are loved, is pleasant to it?
- Of course!
-I you is glad to it?
- Still as! When I with it am loved by
-A, after all too it is pleasant to it! But you to it absolutely ne
rad. Here such Makar, Petka, you apply to Anka Dvoynye
standarta!

*****

Vasily Ivanovich asks Petk's Petku:
-, it che it at you in trousers moves?
- It, Vasily Ivanovich, my pager vibriruyet.
-Well, let to himself vibrates, the main thing - that stood.

*****

Vasily Ivanovich asks Petka who arrived from America and sporting newcomers dzhinsakh:
-It that for trousers such?
- Is new fashion from America - jeans, Vasily Ivanovich, indigo colors! The next day Petka sees
Ha - there is Vasily Ivanovich to riding breeches which are cut off knee-deep. Petka asks:
-That it on you, Vasily Ivanovich?
- Is new fashion, Petka, jeans of color potato botvy.
-A- And, I look - tubers hang down!!!

*****

Vasily Ivanovich asks Something Furmanova:
-I do not understand - on each construction I see that fighters of a vypimsha, and smell are not present!
furmanov:
-Vasyl Ivanych, so same the alcoholic enema - also takes away quickly, and the smell is not present. Try itself!
Ha Furmanov is interested the next day at Vasily in Ivanovicha:
-Well, how?
vasily Ivanovich:
-is excellent! But it was necessary to tinker with a cucumber …

*****

Vasily Ivanovich strictly asks Petku:
-It you on my table tore off a fanerka?
- Really, Vasily Ivanovich, I and names such do not know!

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich, the tank climbs!!! Take
- the grenade on an oven. Go!
through Petk's half an hour comes back. Vasily Ivanovich asks:
-Well, Petka, is ready the tank?
- Is ready, Vasily Ivanovich!
- Well done! And with the grenade