Jokes about mother in law and son

Read funny Jokes about mother in law

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

589  590  591  592  593  594  595  596  597  598  599  600

The mother-in-law asks zyatya:
-You saw the man who rescued me when I sank?
- Yes, it already came to apologize to me.

*****

The mother-in-law asks at zyatya:
-That pleasant I could make in your birthday?
- to Pretend to be the deaf-mute!

*****

The mother-in-law treats the son and zyatya:
-Eat-eat, the sonny, and you, zyatek, eat. There began the son-in-law is, the son to him and speaks:
-only to eat You invited, and you already eat with might and main!

*****

The mother-in-law to improve mood to the son-in-law, grabbed heart and zastonala:
-Oh! Oh!! I die!!!

*****

To the mother-in-law we put gimny
my - happy zyatya.
ona would take even Winter!
Ho what for? Took me...
ZA the mother-in-law to whom all obey!

*****

Mothers-in-law were thought up because the devil is not ubiquitous.

*****

Mothers-in-law two teeth are necessary: to discover one beer, and another that was always ill!!!

*****

- The mother-in-law is called often mother, and the father-in-law the father is not called. Why?
- the Father-in-law can really appear the father.

*****

The mother-in-law speaks zyatyu:
-I want that me buried in Kremlin stene.
prokhodit day, the son-in-law comes home and Mother speaks teshche:
-, I agreed, a funeral tomorrow.

*****

Too there is somehow a funeral procession, all as is necessary except neskolkikh
momentov: only one men participate in a procession, well and to a coffin is attached belyy
kozel... Interested the man passing by why the goat on a leash za
grobom trudges... Also it appeared that this goat the mother-in-law butted to death here it kak
raz and bury. It was pleasant to the man of a trestle and he asks from the owner to borrow on paru
dney, and that in reply "Forgive it the mobster but I cannot, all who in a procession go uzhe
stoyat to turns on it..."

*****

- Too it is quite good, - the son-in-law told, having thrown a stone into a dog, and having got to the mother-in-law.

*****

The ship sinks. All in a panic run except one aunt. It sprashivayut:
-Us now will be rescued?
- Is not present, not dumayu.
- And in what business?
-Ya assumed all this. My son-in-law is often lucky.

*****

Three stages sifilisa:
1. Children are not born...
2. On a grave flowers do not grow...
3. In the photo teeth drop out.
sidyat the son-in-law with the mother-in-law in the room... Suddenly the mother-in-law speaks:
-Yes, here after all time flies. Only recently in maids went, and already and It is time to die pora.
zyat:
-, it is time...

*****

Three behind a glass of beer. One speaks:
-I normally can communicate only three days in a month with the mother-in-law!
VTOROY:
-A at me is enough nerves already for two weeks!
TRETIY:
-A I quietly live the whole month! Well, you have
-, probably, the kind mother-in-law?!
-U in general the mother-in-law is not present me!

*****

You that do on Saturday?
-I go with the son on the nature, we will start in air of a dragon! And you?
-U me to a takayazha the program the mother-in-law I will go to the airport to see off.

*****

Heaviest to the person to hide the feelings when he says goodbye s
teshchey at the station.

*****

Ask the Armenian radio - that such a man's orgasm?
armyanskoye of radio otvechayet:
-It when the son-in-law stamps a hillock on the mother-in-law grave …

*****

At the Armenian radio sprosili:
-That is better: mother-in-law or beer?
- is good both that, and another. On a table and cold.

*****

- You to Uryupinsk have a ticket? The lateral, top shelf the toilet has
-Est.
-A?
- Is!?
-A before me Gipsy tickets bought a camp, with them in the car it is possible?
- Is possible, only there also demobilization edut.
-Give, that!! GG

*****

At a bindyuzhnik lousy mood, and here still mother-in-law near by... And rage sorvat
okhota, and it seems there is nothing... Went - paced the room, nakonets:
-Mother! You want some fried potato? Of course I want
-, the sonny!
- So go and fry!
- So is not present some potato...
-A then lie and do not trendit!

*****

At the boxer sprashivayut:
-Why you killed the mother-in-law?
- It left absolutely sluchayno.
-Tell podrobnee.
-Well, I come home, and there the mother-in-law from a threshold meets, shoes to me took off, slippers put on and to kitchen invited. I come, and there the table is laid... seated, smeared bread with oil, poured 100 grams, asked, maybe, to add smetanka to soup?
Ya agreed, she started sour cream reporting... And HERE I SEE, IT OPENED ON THE RIGHT.

*****

At my place there lives a kitten of Bytes, kotoryy
postoyanno eats, constantly begs for food and in general insatiable, prosto
zamuchil all. I go to bed late. One night I go along a corridor, on kukhne
svet burns. From a corridor only the part of kitchen, a table and the refrigerator is visible. I
VOT at this refrigerator the Byte sits and something with enthusiasm eats,
navernoye, from a plate pulled down. And as he ate in the evening, I is loud and s
razdrazheniyem sprashivayu:
-Again guzzle, a creature?
through second from that corner of kitchen that the plaintive voice svekrovi:
-Well you was not looked through, reaches, Kirochka, I since the morning did not eat...

*****

- I have a gold husband, gold children and a gold cube of 'Maggi'. And the mother-in-law we melted, and now at me still gold brasletik, a ringlet and a watch!

*****

I have a dream, - one gangster told another, - to rob bank and ostavit
pri it fingerprints of my mother-in-law.

*****

At the man sprosili:
-Why you drink very much recently?
- It at me nasledstvennoye.
-In what sense?
- Died the mother-in-law and left in inheritance five bottles of moonshine.

*****

- My mother-in-law zabolela.
-it is serious?
- Well, likely - chirps something.

*****

- Your mother-in-law from what died?
- Fly agarics otravilas.
- And why all in bruises?
- Yes did not want to guzzle!

*****

- I have not a mother-in-law, and a treasure. Its only shortcoming is that it is on a surface. The real treasures have to be underground.

*****

The mother-in-law has to have only two teeth: the first - to open for the son-in-law beer, and the second - that was ill...

*****

Dear citizens seismologists, whether it is impossible to report about big earthquakes in advance? My mother-in-law had not a rest long ago anywhere.

*****

Dear Bin Laden!!!
OT dispute of anthrax sent by you in an envelope with white powder mine nearly died teshcha.
ubeditelnaya a request to send any means more reliably.

*****

Street. Multi-storey building. The crowd under a balcony, and on a balcony the young man beats the old woman, trying to throw off it vniz.
pervy a voice from crowd: Here the swine - the elderly woman beats!
vtoroy voice: So same his mother-in-law! First voice: Whether well bough? Also clings to a handrail!

*****

The man died. Sits in a heavenly switchyard, waits for the fate. By passes the train with the plate "In the Hell". Does a short stop, and here in a window the mother-in-law opposite is shown. The man at first was taken aback, then mastered himself and speaks: "Mother! As I am glad you to see! You now on procedures?"

*****

The mother-in-law died at the man. Appointed court - medical examination. The doctor asks at muzhika:
-Of what she died?
- Gorged on poisonous gribov.
- And why it has on a neck blue spots?
- Is did not want …

*****

The mother-in-law died. The son-in-law comes back from a funeral, over him the crow flies by, croaks and spoils to him a suit. The son-in-law raises the head vverkh:
-Mother?. You already there?.

*****

The mother-in-law died. Funeral. The wife speaks muzhu:
-to Darling you as the close relative, you will incur grob.
-Of course, darling!
pokhorony in the heat. Farewells to a body. The wife again to muzhu:
-Darling, kiss mother in lobik.
husband , in storonu:
-I Feel, a funeral to me will be not in pleasure.

*****

The mother-in-law dies...
- Call the son-in-law, I want with it poproshchatsya.
zabegayet the son-in-law with a bottle vodki:
-Well, give, the mother-in-law, one for the road.

*****

The mother-in-law dies. The son-in-law sits next and patiently waits. Here letit
mimo mothers-in-law fly. She moved behind her eyes: in one party, in another,
ozhivilas - began to watch a fly. The son-in-law suffered-suffered and not vshcherzhal:
-Mummy, my dear! Do not distract!!!

*****

The mother-in-law dies. Looks out of the window and speaks:
-what Decline... Zyat:
-Mummy, do not distract. Go about the own business.