Jokes about Chapaev

Read funny Jokes about Chapaev

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V. I.:
-of Petk, what for the book you read?!
PETKA:
-About the pilot, the expert Pushkin nazyvayetsya.
v. And.: Who wrote
-A?!
PETKA:
-some Da Ucpedghiz.

*****

V. I. and Petke put phone, Petki was not at home, is ringing, V. I. takes trubku:
-Hallo, and St. Petersburg houses?
- Is not present ego.
-Tell it that Charlotte called, I have at theater today a debut and that it came with the idealom.
prikhodit Petka and V. I. to it soobshchayet:
-Called some Shalava, called you П#дором, told that her today at theater %nut, that ty
prikhodil with the blanket.

*****

V. I. asks:
-Petka, are how good women on Mars? The Woman's
- as women, only breasts szadi.
- The Fool, you are Petka but how pleasantly to dance.

*****

At theater on galerke.
-Well not a fig to itself! Vas, look, in the first row some mudak exposed a naked ass up!
- Well, Petka, you give! The same two bald are whispered.

*****

In the black-black city on the black-black street there is a black-black house. At the house a stoit
chyornoye-ebony, under a tree two black-prichyornykh persons sit. One drugomu
speaks:
-Yes, Vasily Ivanovich. In vain we BURNED DOWN RUBBER …

*****

In the black-black wood there is a black-black lake, near this black-black lake there is a black-black rock, under the this
chernoy-black rock the black - an ebony grows, under this black - an ebony sit two black-black man:
-Vasily Ivanovich, and on a hr@n we burned down this rubber?

*****

- Vasily Vanych! Write: Allegrova forever goes to Italy!
-A, maybe, and @uy with it, Petka?
- Not. That @uy too with it goes - is not written, Vasily Ivanych …

*****

- Vasily Vanych! And what such "stability"?
- Well, it, Petka when you as were a striker, and to them you will be farther, a
ya: how was the divisional commander - and him too I will be farther … than
-But, Vasily Ivanych? You after all took away

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich! Americans landed on the Moon!
- is good, Petka, we where tired out them!

*****

Vasily of Ivanovich:
-Anka, you why, * $ $ $ * $ $ $ ** $, a machine gun again did not clean $? ???$?!!! All of you promise
ANKA:
-…

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich Anka to the white creeps!
- do not shoot Petka, this ours bakteriologicheskoye
oruzhiye!!!

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich, Anka to the white creeps!
- do not shoot, Petka! This our bacteriological weapon!

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich, Anka suddenly it appeared the pregnant woman!
- is excellent, Petka! Will give birth to one more krasnoarmeytsa.
- And if she from the white officer became pregnant?
- is good, Petka! Without straining one more white hare we wil

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich, Anka blonde stala.
-As it so, Petka?
- Yes pokrasilas.
-That would be the last straw. And so it at us the silly woman the silly woman …
- the Silly woman the silly woman but only now instead of a tachanka armor "Mercedes" dem

*****

Vasily of Ivanovich:
-Anka, we will go to the small river to bathe?
ANKA:
-Not, I will not go, what to me to come back home one?

*****

Vasily Ivanovich, Anka - the provoker!
-He can be, Petka from what you took? I by a bath Go
-, and from there Anka leans out and hands waves. I fly in a bath, and they have a party meeting there …

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich, Anka - the provoker!
- cannot be, Petka from what you took? I by a bath Go
-, and from there Anka leans out also hands mashet.
vletayu I in a bath, and they have a party meeting there …

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich! At us with Anka the son was born!
- I Congratulate, Petka! And to whom it is similar?
- So lad still absolutely! Though … Already tries to tighten up a mustache and reaches for a checker …

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich! Anka shock killed!
- How did this happen?
- Yes, that's the battery fell on his head ...

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich, and you the woman could?
- Could Petka, smog.
- And in ж#пу, Vasily Ivanovich, and?
- to Study a little and in ж#пу smog.
- And in a mouth, Vasily Ivanovich, and?
- Not - and in a mouth could not, in languages is not trained

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich! The bath is ready!
- Not time now to wash-take a steam bath, Petka! Crisis! Let's undress in a waiting room, we will drink vodka - and back!

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich, you "mistress" can?
- I Can, Petka, mogu.
- And "gipsy dance"?
-I gipsy dance mogu.
- And "boogie-woogie"?
-A it that else for бл##ь such?

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich, white brought!
- How many boxes?

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich, white beer with crayfish is drunk! Vasily Ivanovich takes the field-glass, long and attentively looks and speaks:
-Well, Petka, it at them an ugly face such.

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich, white behind!!!
- Forward, red never recede!

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich, and what such BOBSLED? I do not know
-, Petk. Probably something like that that with women svyazano.
- And here is written that it is DOWNHILL RACING …
- Well so, I also say that with women is connected.

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich, you would throw kurit.
-I do not know, Petka as from this infection izbavitsya.
- And you would buy candies. Speak, pomogayut.
-Tried, do not burn.

*****

Vasily Ivanovich from a budun leaves on kryltso:
-Petka, where my white Mercedes?!
-A of wons in the field ssyt …

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich, Vasily Ivanovich!
-A went you, Petka, on x.! And so already all Moscow laughs at us!

*****

Vasily Ivanovich (V. I.) returned from business trip from Italy. Petka:
-Vasily Ivanovich, would tell that in Italian …
-A would go that on @@@
vasily Ivanovich decided to check, than the staff does in the spare time. Postroil
otryad, goes along a system. asks:
-You who such?
- Red Army man Mikhaylov!!!
- Than you do in the spare time?
-Lenochka to an e*!!!
- is good … And you who such?
- Red Army man Vasilyev!!!
- As you spend leisure-time?
-Lenochka to an e*!!!
- is fine … And you who?
- Red Army man Lenochka!!!

*****

Vasily Ivanovich comes back from solar Italy. Petka begins ppistavat:
-Vasyl Ivanych, and Vasyl Ivanych, tell something po-italyanski.
-you Went on x., Petruchchio! Petka and Vasily of Ivanovich.
vasily Ivanovich tells to
letyat in the airplane Petk's Petke.
-where the card on which we have to fly?
ON otvechayet:
-to Voo's Zabyl.
-mlya, - are told by Vasily Ivanovich, - again on Belomor's pack it is necessary to fly.

*****

Vasily Ivanovich comes back from America. Petka asks:
-Vasyl Ivanych, and how there "moths"?
vasily Ivanovich:
-Are good, Petka!!! There are somehow I in the evening on the Broadway, towards to me such woman …
petka (with hope):
-Vy*bal?
vasily Ivanovich:
-Ignored … I go further, towards still whip!
PETKA:
-Well, and vy*bat this?
vasily Ivanovich:
-Ignored, Petka! And here to me towards such bl*d …
PETKA:
-Vy*bal???
vasily Ivanovich (is proud):
- Three times ignored!

*****

Vasily Ivanovich comes back from Moscow from Lenin and gives Petke prikaz:
-That tomorrow by the morning wrote me the novel about my trip! Otherwise - execution!
vstayet in the morning Vasily Ivanovich, sees - on a bedside table at his bed the tolstenny book lies. "It is necessary - was in time!" - Vasily Ivanovich is surprised, opens the first page and reads: "Also there went Vasily Ivanovich to Lenin …" .
"Fine! Interestingly, and than Petka finished?" - Vasily Ivanovich opens the last page and reads: "Also there arrived Vasily Ivanovich to Lenin.".
"Devil take it, and what in the book?" - opens at random, and there: "Tsok-tsok, tsok-tsok, tsok-tsok …".

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich, here yesterday on the TV showed that … Petk's
-, do not lie, TVs were not constructed yet.

*****

Vasily Ivanovich leaves a bath and speaks
-Petka, bring boots on 2a
vasily Ivanovich asks Petku:
-As it is Ukrainians pyatimetrovuyu a pig grow up?
-A they, Vasily Ivanovich, concrete hind legs, and the trough is put aside by all further and further …

*****

Vasily Ivanovich leaves a bath, having wrapped in a sheet. Petka passing by zamechayet:
-Vasyl Ivanych, you just like Jawaharlal Nehru!
vasily Ivanovich discontentedly otvechayet:
-First, not Nehru, but Nyur. And secondly, you what business whom I "dzhavakharlat" …

*****

Vasily Ivanovich speaks:
-Petka, I give you a task - to bring here ten girls but that all of them were virgins! Got that?
- Understood! In a week zhdite.
through week Petka brings ten devochek.
-Petka, undress all, I will be osmatrivat.
-Yes whom you to me brought, Petka! - Vasily Ivanovich shouts, - they everything poporchennye.
-cannot be, itself checked.

*****

Vasily Ivanovich tells Petke:
-Get to me devochku.
petka got. Vasily Ivanovich after "business" speaks:
-It was not the girl! Get to me druguyu.
petka got, and again the same. Then speaks:
- Why when I check that the girl and when you do not?

*****

Vasily Ivanovich tells Petk's Petke:
-, I now will go to bed when I wake up that on a table there was a roast from krolika.
nu, means he went to bed, wakes up, looks, on a table roast. ON:
-Petka! Yes I joked, you where it managed to take?
PETKA:
-Yes here, came to a porch with the gun, I look - runs, I hit, it even did not manage to mew.