Jokes about Chapaev

Read funny Jokes about Chapaev

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- Vasily Ivanych! Write, all these pre-election races with violations pravil
mogut to end with scandals?
- Can, Petka, can … Just now shackles are almost not applied,
populyarnee handcuffs …

*****

Vasily Ivanych approaches Petka and speaks:
-Let's take scrap, we will heat its one kontsom
i the cold party we will thrust into a bum of Furmanovu.
- And why to heat?
- That put out could not.

*****

- Vasily Ivanych how it is correct to write - "rezervativ" or "prezervuar"? I do not know
-, I in these affairs not impotenten …

*****

- Vasily Ivanych! And where there will pass the line of this most popular front?
- On offices, Petka, on offices …

*****

Vasily Ivanych tells off Petku:
-I told to write in the announcement - we leave in a campaign on Tuesday. Why Monday wrote? I did not know
-A how it is correct to write - vtornyak or vtornek.
- And in the dictionary to look poorly? I watched
-A - there in general on "F" such word is not present!

*****

- Vasily Ivanych, for me today to Anka on appointment, it is possible I your white socks I will take?
- Yes that, take, Petk - at an oven is cost.

*****

- Vasily Ivanych, tell honestly - You with Anka slept?
- of Hm … As me painfully to speak to you about it, Petka - slept!
- Yes is not sick at all! Some pricks and at you too will pass everything!

*****

Vasily Ivanych, how many will be zero the whole five tenth plus one second? The Interior I feel
- that liter, but I cannot prove!

*****

- Vasily Ivanych! Heard? Women, it appears, love ears! And you than, Ivanych's
vasily?
-Ya, Petka, I love women lips, hands, a trunk and others organami.
predpochitayu that women loved me approximately the same. However, Ushkom
ona too can be ru

*****

- Vasily Ivanych! And the smartphone - what it?.
-of Uuuu, Petka, it clever! Just like Furmanov … Only he also can point a finger at a mug.

*****

- Vasily Ivanych! You in a staff a bird were called!
- Probably eagle, Petka?
-NET.
-Well, then falcon?
- Is not present, Vasily Ivanych! It seems such bird what also something sits dolbit.
-Really a woodpecker? Not - we will smash
-.

*****

Vasily Ivanovich was sent to study in Military academy. After his Petk's arrival and sppashivayet:
-Hy as, Vasily Ivanovich to that you learned there?
- Yes is a lot of to that, Petka … Here, for example, sciences such - logic, psychology, philosophy … to
-Oh, tell about sciences!
- Hy, as if to explain to you … Present to yourself that to the party of a bath there are two men: one pure, and other dirty. Who from them goes to a bath, and who by?
-A of lines knows them!
- Eh you, Petka! The dirty man will go to a bath - pure why to wash? Here to you an example from logiki.
-it is healthy, Vasily Ivanovich!
-A here to you still problem: again there are two men: pure and dirty. What of them goes to a bath?
- Hy as, you told - dirty!
-E, is not present - think, why it dirty? Therefore that does not go to a bath! Means, pure will go! This to you an example from psychology …
- Hy, Vasily Ivanovich, you give! Here still listen to
-A: there are two men …
- Yes you lifted up me the men!
-A it already example from philosophy …

*****

- Vasyl Ivanovich, and you for whom? For Putin, al for Medvedev?
-A Lenin for whom?

*****

- Vasyl Ivanovich, here tell, and than the tax differs from a nalozhitsa? Well you understand
-, Petk. Concubine it when you, and tax when you.

*****

Vasyl Ivanovich asks Petka: - What there will be if to you an ear to cut off? - I will worse hear! - And what will be if vtoroye
otrezat? - I will worse see! - And it is to a pochemuzha? - The cap will slip on eyes.

*****

Vasyl Ivanovich asks Petku:
-That there will be if to you an ear to cut off? I Will worse hear
-!
-A that will be if the second to cut off? I Will be worse than
-to see!
-A is to a pochemuzha?
- the Cap will slip on eyes.

*****

- Vasyl Ivanych, Anka kicked the bucket!
- Well and silly woman! Us, men it has not enough.

*****

- Vasyl Ivanych! Anka current ubilo.
-As it occurred?
- Yes, the accumulator fell on the head.

*****

- Vasyl Ivanych! And you the woman can?
- I Can, Petka!
-Vasyl Ivanych! And two you can?
- I Can, Petka!
-A three, Vasyl Ivanych?! Grant
-, I can also three!
-A of the man, Vasyl Ivanych! You will be able?
- Not, Petka, the man I will

*****

- Vasyl Ivanych, and what such safe sex?
- Well, it, Petka … Well, here you see a Mauser … Well, so the same, only with the muffler!

*****

- Vasyl Ivanych, Vasyl Ivanych! There, on that coast Anka with white hares еб№тся!
-is more silent, Petka, we began biological warfare.

*****

- Vasyl Ivanych! And why we in a division have no debate, and in others,
govoryat, debate is?
- It therefore, Petka that in other divisions commanders of a mudaka. I, kogda
mne sent this debate, distributed them on companies, they i
rassosalis w

*****

- Vasyl Ivanych, it is possible I once again your boomerangs on hunting I will take?
- What boomerangs, Petka?
- Yes under a bed at you lie. I with them in the wood am a lot of yesterday bird nabil.
-Petk, once again my socks will take, I a tie wi

*****

- Vasyl Ivanych, decided I in an artillery regiment pereyti.
- The Fool you, Petka: here you both a horse, and a saddle, and a checker are given, and there that?
-A there for each shot - kickback …

*****

Vasyl Ivanych from Petkaya in shashki
igrali, having slapped on a wine glass …
dlinnee a checker at komdiva.
letit Petyunya from break down.

*****

- Vasyl Ivanych, and the truth, what white drink beer with crayfish?
- Is not present, Petka, it at them an ugly face such.

*****

- Vasyl Ivanych, and tell - here take all who passed medical board in army, and will take in the Popular front of whom?
- well, Petka, is clear a stub - everything who otkosit and paid off from medical board - patients, 3,14dorasov and children of offi

*****

- Vasily Ivanovich! Tell me: are you a Catholic or Orthodox?
- And where Christ? ...

*****

- Vasyl Ivanych, and here tell, you are a commander of Red Army, in chem
napervoy has to understand?
- in the weapon, Petka …
- and what then the leader of the Popular front has to understand?
- well, napervy - in vacuum cleaners …

*****

Vasyl Ivanych then took a bottle of vodka and a piece of fat - and too to Anke:
-Anka, vodka with fat love? I Love
ANKA:
-!

*****

- Vasyl Ivanych! The white hare, what Anka interrogated died!
-???
- Yes it to it, the silly woman, instead of your footcloths, allowed to smell the laying!

*****

- Vasyl Ivanych, Furmanov a bird called you!
- Eagle, probably, Petka!
- Well, not an eagle, and it, which stuchit.
- The Woodpecker, perhaps?
-of Waugh-in - dolbo%by!

*****

- Vasyl Ivanych, and what such sensuality? Here present to
-A, Petka, you come after work home, tired, and on a pornography forces are already not present.

*****

Vasily Ivanovich runs in a staff, and there the white officer %bt Anka. Chapayev gets a Mauser i
pritselivayetsya in ofitsera.
- At the lying do not shoot, Vasya - speaks the officer and Anka showers Ankina nogi
sebe on plechi.
-, you are a red pulemetchitsa and has to execute my orders - Vasily Ivanovich shouts, - Sign to it so that I flew up above, and it in flight as I will beat a duck!

*****

Joyful Petka:
-Vasily Ivanovich runs in a log hut, I killed a fly with a poker!
-A where you, Petka, took a poker?
- Yes at an oven stoyala.
-Means so, Petka, once again my socks without demand will take - I will break your trousers on pieces!

*****

Petka to Vasily to Ivanovich of Petka:
-Vasily Ivanovich runs in, condoms American brought!!!!!!! Vasily of Ivanovich:
-(yawning) Overindulgence all this Petka I here 30 years a sleeve from tpekhdyuymovki
polzovalsya and as much again propolzuyus.

*****

Petka to Vasily of Ivanovichu.
petka runs in: "V. I., I just cut Kolobok. "
V.I". You, what Petka the fool or fairy tales read? "
P.: "Here to you V. I. cross, I go, and he in a kitchen garden rushes about to and fro, to and fro, well I hryas a checker and in half".
V.I. "The fool you are Petka, same I Kotovsk sent a trench to dig."

*****

Petka to Chapayev runs in a staff and krichit:
-Vasily Ivanovich! Anka was blown up on a mine! I know
-Ya. "Tampax" in a window flew.

*****

Vasily Ivanovich Petke ordered to write the announcement,
chto on Tuesday will be politucheba.
petka it asks:
- And how to write "Tuesday" or "Tuesday"? I do not know
-, Petk, look in slovare.
na the next day Vasily Ivanovich sees objyavleniye:
"one Day earlier Wednesday, there will be a political education" .
ON asks Petku:
-You that: did not find the word "Tuesday" in the dictionary?
- Is not present, Vasily Ivanovich!
tam on "F" only "flag" and "jersey".