Jokes about Chapaev

Read funny Jokes about Chapaev

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- Vasily Ivanovich, Gulf Stream froze! How many to you to tell
-: not to send Jews to investigation!

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Vasily Ivanovich, Gulf Stream froze! How many to you to tell
-: not to send Jews to investigation!

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- Vasily Ivanovich, you why such sad?
-of Petk died …
- of Tyu! And that?
- Current ubilo.
- And how?
- the Accumulator fell on the head …

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Vasily Ivanovich in dirty boots costs on a stool under a ceiling. Petka:
-Vasily Ivanovich, you though a newspaper podlozhili.
-Anything to Sing, I and so will get!

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- Vasily Ivanovich how you think, the president Medvedev white or red?
- White, Petka. You Razt there are bears red?

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- Vasily Ivanovich how you think, soon bright future will come?
- Soon, Petka, soon. Here is how we will be the death of all white, so it i
nastupit.
- And whom then, Vasily Ivanovich, we will rubat?
- Well, it not a problem. There would be only

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- Vasily Ivanovich. Are you Jewish?
- You see, Peter ...

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Vasily Ivanovich finished courses of Italian and returned in native polk.
-Well tell something in Italian - asked Petka.
- And there would be on #$% Petruchio!

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Vasily Ivanovich, having caught Petka with Anka, spat and told: - "That to you it was empty". Such is the summary of the novel of V. Pelevin "Chapayev and emptiness".

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Vasily Ivanovich goes, having dejectedly hung the head. Furmanov it is sympathizing is interested in what delo.
-Yes here, we wash all group in a bath today, suddenly Anka rushes into a steam room. All of us were covered with gangs, and she gets a Mauser and orders: "Hands up!". Well, we released gangs, hands raised - so gangs on a place remained with all, and at me fell …

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Vasily Ivanovich approaches a stable, Petka with Anka clearly hears there than are engaged. Knocks at the door, oret:
-Open. Petka fast made undermining, Anka got out, Petka opens a door, Vasily Ivanovich vbegayet:
-Petka! You than it were engaged here?!
- Than-than! I crapped here! - shows on horse lepeshku
-Yes? Dak after all shit horse! So you properly did not allow to posrat
-!

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- Vasily Ivanovich! Well you all are treated for wounds: vodka and vodka, a
antibiotiki in tablets - as if also do not exist?
- Yes I drank these tablets, Petk! They, maybe, also help. But to have a snack,
NI to talk …

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- Vasily Ivanovich, you of what dream?
-O zhenshchine.
-So go to Anke.
-Yes was already …

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Vasily Ivanovich watches in the field-glass the coming chain "white", wants to admit them closer. At last shouts Anke who is in zasade:
-Anka, turn!
B answer tishina.
-Anka, turn!!!
pulemet is silent …
- Anka, &&*&&$&$*$$&, OCHERED!!!
IZ of bushes, clasping riding breeches, jumps out Petka:
-your turn passed, Vasily Ivanovich.

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- Vasily Ivanovich, our children caught enemy lazutchika.
davayte him we will hang up!
- By no means! From the gallows he can make out an arrangement of our division!

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- Vasily Ivanovich, and you sometime rescued girls from rape?
- Rescued one, Petka.
- And how? I it finished
-A.

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Vasily Ivanovich bypasses a system of fighters. Behind it there is Furmanov, poyasnyaet:
-It is the chief of a staff Mikhaylov, this is the commander of a company Semenov, and it is a commander of a platoon Kozlov …
vasily Ivanovich:
- The Commander of a platoon of WHOM??!!!

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- Vasily Ivanovich, here explain, me, what it for new concepts takiye:
perestroyka, publicity? - asks Petka.
-Reorganization is such time, Petka when I, at last, novuyu
burku, a horse present you, a checker zamorskuyu.
-Well, and publicity, Vasily

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Vasily Ivanovich before leaving says to Anka that the pier has to come Petka and to ask something (what exactly, Vasily Ivanovich forgot), you give it to it … In the evening Vasily Ivanovich comes back home and asks Petk's Anku:
-came?
- Came … That asked
-?
- Asked to give ROTATION … Well you gave
-?
-of Kolo of GATE to the people was much, I gave in a shed …

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Vasily Ivanovich, Petka and Anka do zaryadku.
-Time-two left! - Vasily Ivanovich, - Time-two right orders! Time-two of average! Anka! Why without cadence???

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Vasily Ivanovich, Petka and Anka run away from the white. Ran in a log hut. Where to hide? Vasily Ivanovich got into a box from under bottles, Anka - into a barrel from under sauerkraut, Petk - into a bag from under potato. The white come. Start looking for.
- clearly, bottles knocked a foot on a box from butylok.
-Dzin-Dzin ….
- clearly, sauerkraut knocked a foot on bochke.
-Boole-Boole …. Knocked a foot on a bag. Anything. Knocked more strongly. Anything. From everything to scope - BAM! Ottuda:
-Yes potato I, potato!!!

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Vasily Ivanovich, Petca and all their group went on corporate picnic to the Bahamas. Come back, consider photos. Suddenly Vasily Ivanovich starts shivering with a laughter small. Petka: "Vasily Ivanovich what happened?" "Da Petca, well and a round at you in a bathing suit! Chreslo as at a horse!" "Vasily Ivanovich! It at Anka as at a horse, at me - as at the Horse!" Al

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Vasily Ivanovich and Petka agreed that if Petka will guess, in what hand at Vasily Ivanovich a bottle, - they will drink it and if is not present - will break. Petka:
-In the left?
- Think, Petka, think!

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Vasily Ivanovich and Petka sunbathe on the river bank. Suddenly look - on the river the guy with a gold crown on the head floats. Petka krichit:
-Hey, the guy where got a crown?
- Yes here at the bottom the whole barge lies with zolotom.
petka at once rushed to the river. Dived, then appears on a surface with a gold crown on the head. And krichit:
-Vasily Ivanych, help, I sink … Petk's
-, throw a crown …
- Is not present, I will not throw …
through minutu:
-Vasily Ivanych, help, I sink … Petk's
-, throw a crown, and that you will drown …
- Well, well, I will throw a crown, and the barge is not present …

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Vasily Ivanovich and Petka go down the street. Petk speaks:
-Vasily Ivanovich, and want I to you a pager I will show?
- Yes is inconvenient somehow, Petka, better houses will show!

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Vasily Ivanovich and Petka dream about budushchem.
-Life, Vasily Ivanovich, will be fine and udivitelna.
konservatorii
- correctly, Petka, conservatories, and from above machine guns postavyat.
-It why machine guns, Vasily Ivanovich will stand …?
- That did not filch some canned food.

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Vasily Ivanovich and Petka got on the island. Nothing was eaten some days. Suddenly Petka left somewhere. Petka where you ducks got it comes with dichyyu.
-?
- Yes brought down on the lake!
- Than?
- Boomerang! Where you it took
-A?
- Over there, near dereva.
-Here that, Petka if you still at least once touch my socks, I with your tie will go to a bear.

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Vasily Ivanovich and Petka send to the reserve. Vasily Ivanovich tells Petke:
-Let's protein steal?
- Yes you that, Vasily Ivanych?! Give
-, give, Petka. Put it to yourself in trousers! To do
hechego, put. Go further, suddenly Petka govopit:
-Oh, Vasily Ivanych, I cannot! Suffer
-, Petk, suffer!
dalshe idyt:
-Oh, Vasily Ivanych, not moguu …
- Suffer, Petka, suffer!
chepez some vpemya:
-Oh, Vasily Ivanych, not moguuu!!! Suffer
-, Petk! I can suffer
-He! At first, when it took mine zh@pu for a hollow, I still suffered. Then, when it took my eggs for nuts, I still suffered. Ho now it dragged nuts in a hollow!!!

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Vasily Ivanovich and Petka send to watch "A magic lamp of Alladin" .
posle the first act run to the bar, - and there, vodka, beer … After the second act - there zhe.
nastupil the third act. Petka: - "Vasily Ivanovich, I in a toilet want! "
V.I.: - "Wait, the third act will end, together we descend. "
petka again: "I cannot suffer more!" Is shorter, pobezhal.
vybegayet in a corridor, opens one door - grimernaya; the second - razdevalka.
otkryvayet a third - the long dark room. Runs on it, finds some iron pot, pisat in it and joyful runs back in zal.
zal lies from a laughter. Petka asks V. I. - "What happened that all laugh? "
V.I.: "Well, Petka when you ran out on a scene and took off trousers, - zamer.
kogda you began the hall sts@t in Alladin's lamp - the hall began smeyatsya.
no when Gene got out of a lamp, having told that this work already za@bat it and he leaves …

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Vasily Ivanovich and Petka on the small river. Look - the barge with jewelry floats. Reached, gathered, how many could, float obratno.
-Vasily Ivanovich, I cannot float more!
- Throw a bag with gold. Brosil.
-Vasily Ivanovich, I sink!
- Unfasten a sack from bryulika. Unfastened. A little to the coast there was …
- Vasily Ivanovich! I sink, there are no forces absolutely!
- Remove a helmet gold!
-Aha, can to you also to untie the barge from a foot!

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Vasily Ivanovich and Petka decided to come to academy. There one of receipt conditions - to write the composition "as we provodim
svoy leisure". Well guys think what such leisure do not know, went to Furmanov explain a pier that for the word such "leisure" Furmanov to them speaks
"leisure" it almost too, as "to a bough", to be exact free time. Heroes of the civil go and discuss free time eto
libo vodka we drink or to a bough we go what to write that. And let's Petk write so, on women - on fishing and when we drink vodka - books chitayem.
na examination write. We woke up from Petkaya the head hurts from the read books, look one book unfinished costs "read" quickly, then collected all crusts from books went handed over and bought one small brochure came into a staff prochital it, we watch Furmanov
idet a full grid of books read already letters of an isomouth got then went fishing from Petkaya of nothing caught, a
furmanov caught after that the hook in potassium permanganate rinsed two weeks.

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Vasily Ivanovich and Petka sit on a bench in the freed village at pletnya.
mimo there pass two girls one of which speaks:
-Look, sit, one EAGLE, and another GOVNO;
-Well, then, Vasily Ivanovich, I poletel;
-Here then, Petka when on a shovel throw you - then you will depart!

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Vasily Ivanovich and Petka, alas, grew old. Sit on a zavalinka, are heated on the sun, remember last life …
petka (voluptuously): You remember
-A, Vasyl Ivanych how we with you in youth on maids ran?!
vasily Ivanovich (painfully remembers, wrinkles a forehead):
- AS ran - I remember, and here WHY - forgot …

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- Vasily Ivanovich, where Petka?
- On a roof natyagivayet.
-Well and names send the antenna …

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Vasily Ivanovich from Petkaya float through the Urals. Petka:
-Vasily Ivanovich, what for we with ourselves took this chest? Brosha I ego.
vasily Am impossible for Ivanovich:
-, Petka. There the plan of a capture of Parizha.
neskolko of times Petk asks for permission to throw a chest. Vasily Ivanovich is relentless. Somehow got out, recovered the breath. Petka opens a chest to look for the sake of what was nearly lost, and in a chest of kilograms of the 7th potato. Petka:
-Vasily Ivanovich, you che? Sdurel? Petk
vasily Ivanovich:
-, you do not understand a horse-radish. Look, here - we, here - Paris where there has to be a commander?

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Vasily Ivanovich from Petkaya went to a performance ''Alladin's Lamp''. Petk's
A before it beer drank - well and in a toilet a wish arose. Hour suffers, an hour and a half suffers - did not sustain - jumps out in a corridor, and there doors. It at the first door - cash desk, in the second - the director, in the third - accounts department, in the fourth - it is dark and the pot costs. Petka to a pot podbegayet:
-Ff-f-fuu-u-u-u-u-uu-u-u! …
NU happy comes back to the hall, and there all lie from smekha.
petka to Chapayev, and that speaks:
- When you, Petka, stepped on the stage - the hall thought that it takaya
rol. When you possat in a pot - the hall became silent. When you left -
zal was silent. But when gin got out of a pot and told that eto
ne a role, and пи$ @ets, and that from tomorrow it objyavlyaet
zabastovku - the hall did not sustain.

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Vasily Ivanovich from Petkaya sort pochtu.
-"to Companion Chapayan …", - reads Petka.
-It from Armenia, - comments on Chapayev.
-"to Companion Chapaidze … "
-A it from Gruzii.
-"to Companion Chapaytis … "
- From Pribaltiki.
-"to Mister, Chapayev … "
-A it still, a pancake, from where? - Vasily is indignant Ivanovich.
-Seems, from Moskvy.
-That, again nedorezanny bourgeoises podymat the head?

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Vasily Ivanovich from Petkaya pass examination in mathematics, poluchili
bilety and suddenly jumped out on the street. The surprised professor vykhodit
za them. Watches - Petka the earth a shovel royet.
-You that, Petka?
- Root square ishchu.
- And Vasily Ivanovich where?
-A to it gave a task a monomial to spread out to a polynomial, so he cries i
shashku sharpens …

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Vasily Ivanovich from Petkaya sit, skuchayut:
-Petka, drive on the farm to the old man moonshiner, think something! It is possible for
-. In an hour of Petk vozvrashchayetsya.
-Well as? Yes it has no
-figa.
-Eh, youth, everything should be taught you. Let's go together. Come to the grandfather. Vasily Ivanovich:
-is healthy, the father!
- is healthy, sonnies! - We here to you on behalf of the Soviet power. Here I look, a hut at you staraya.
-Oh, what old! - Petka, write down: a new hut to it from the Soviet power! And the wife at you it seems old …
- Oh, what old! - Petka, write down: the new wife to it from the Soviet power!
- Sonnies! Dear! Yes how many I waited for you! Sat down at a table, drank, with themselves took. Already in the doorway Vasily Ivanovich as if nevznachay:
-Hear, the grandfather! And can at you and h*y the old? - What old!
-of Petk, write down: h*y to it from the Soviet power!