Jokes about Chapaev

Read funny Jokes about Chapaev

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- To sing who in our toilet constantly g@vny indecent drawings on walls does it?
-Vasyl Ivanych - it Furmanov! From where you know
-? Yes he one ambassador of a toilet of a hand washes
-!

*****

- To sing! Let's play a point?
- Is not present, Vasyl Ivanych, without vaseline I will not play more with you!

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- Petka, and where Anka?
-C appendicitis lezhit.
-Appendicitis to a wall, Anka to me.

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- Petka! Where Anka?
- do not worry, Vasyl Ivanych! Anka under control!
-of Cho, Furmanov changed a surname?!

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- Petka! Where Anka?!
- It lies with radiculitis!
- So! Anka here, and Radiculitis - on a guardroom!

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Petka:
-Is not present, Anka, with you I would not go on reconnaissance! Anka:
-You that, Petka, I am a Bolshevik, I for the Soviet Power of life will not regret! Petka:
-Is not present, would not go. Anka:
-you are afraid, what I will bring? Yes I shoot and I fight not worse than any man! Petka:
-Is not present, would not go. Anka:
-But why? Petka:
-Proyebem we with you all investigation!

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Petka of Anke:
-Good you are person Anka and the fighter excellent! Ivanovic's
vasil says that you even sleep with a machine gun!
- Well it it about itself big opinion …

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Petka with Anka bathe in the river. Petka offers:
-Let's play sea battle. You will be the cruiser, and I - underwater lodkoy.
-Only chur! Do not bite a periscope!

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- Petka, you for white Ali for the red?
-Ya, Vasily Ivanych, for Uniform Rossiyu.
-Means, for the blue.

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Petka from V. I. on the river bank sit, look - on that coast of the woman. V. I. speaks:
-Swim, learn, whether give. As you learn, hang up a scarf, I will read. Bikyu
pereplyvayet Petka, V. I. looks: "have dinner". Well, have dinner,
through 2 too have so dinner … in an hour too. Then Petka comes back. V. I.:
- That as had long dinner?
- Well. BOTH GIVE!

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Petka with Vasily Ivanovich run on deserts from the white. White catch up, there is-zarylis
v-zarylis
v to do sand. the white find Petka and are going to bang him. Petka umolyaet:
-Allow to say goodbye to the friend?
ON digs out Chapayeva:
-Sorry, Vasily Ivanovich, someone betrayed us.

*****

Petka with Vasily Ivanovich do to a lab in biology. Caught mukhu.
-Petk, write: "The fly - 6 feet - creeps. "
otorval Vasily Ivanych to it nogu.
-Mucha, creep!
MUKHA popolzla.
-Petka, write: "Tore off to a fly a foot - the fly creeps. "
otorval Vasily Ivanych to a fly two more nogi.
-Mucha, creep!
MUKHA polzet.
-Petka, write: "Tore off to a fly two more feet - the fly creeps. "
togda Vasily Ivanych tears off to a fly the last three nogi.
-Mucha, creep!
MUKHA lezhit.
-Mucha, creep!!
MUKHA lezhit.
- The FLY, CREEP!!!
MUKHA not polzet.
-Petka, write: "Tore off to a fly the last feet - does not creep. CONCLUSION: the fly without feet DOES NOT HEAR!!!!"

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Petka wash with Vasily Ivanovich in a bath. Petka rubs a back of Chapayu mochalkoy.
- And here, Vasily Ivanovich, and the undershirt seemed, and you said that it from you stole long ago.

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Petka with Vasily Ivanovich creep drunk on rails. Petka
-Vasily Ivanovich when this long ladder comes to an end?
- Fasten Petka, the elevator goes.

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Petka with Vasily Ivanovich were taken prisoner to savages. Bring them to the leader, the leader examines ikh
i speaks:
-This (shows on Petka) we will eat, and from skin of it (shows on Vasily Ivanovich)
sdelayem a new drum! But before death I will grant your last desires. Speak!
petka thought-thought and ordered a vodka bottle. Sits, drinks … And Vasily Ivanovich speaks:
- And me bring a fork! The leader orders to bring to
izumlenny a fork and gives her to Vasily Ivanovich. That is enough it i
nachinayet with osterveneny to prick itself(himself) in a stomach with krikom:
-H*y to you, but not a drum!!!

*****

Petka with Vasily Ivanovich footcloths rewind. Petka looks na
nogi Vasily Ivanovich and speaks:
- And feet at you, Vasily Ivanovich, more dirty moikh.
-So I will be more senior than you, Petk.

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Petka worked with Vasily Ivanovich as paramedics …
priveli a cow - lows often!
-of Petk, get up behind, listen spellbound in a hole, I will look … at
-Well, you see me?
- Is not present!
-Ya you too! Write: zavorot guts …

*****

Petk with Vasily Ivanovich consider the map and read "Sahara Desert". Vasily of Petk's Ivanovich
speaks:
-, go, moonshine nagonim.
petka comes back and speaks:
-Vasily Ivanovich, there one pesok.
- And I you that, for the rafinaty sent?

*****

Petka with Vasily Ivanovich run away from an elephant climbed on a palm tree, and the elephant starts shaking palmu.
petka speaks:
-his nest Can here?
- You that, Petka, the fool - they live in holes.

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Petka with Vasily Ivanychem get out from okruzheniya.
propolzayut by the village occupied with the white. Iz
derevni the grand piano sound reaches. Vasily Ivanych, mechtatelno:
-Glinka …
- What, Vasily Ivanych, nafig Glinka - the third chas
po to manure we creep!

*****

Petka with Vasily Ivanychem sit on the bank of the wide river, miss. Suddenly on other coast notice two women. Chapayev
speaks:
-Oh, Petka, you give, this, swim there and agree with them there … And you will let me know, you will report how dogovorishsya.
nu Petka crossed, talked … Later some time shows from that coast the poster, on it large letters -
OBEDAYuT! Well, what to do, V. I. waits … half an hour passes, again Petka the poster mashet:
-HAVE DINNER!!!! V. I. waits for an hour more of
-HAVE DINNER!!!! 3 more hours - absolutely was upset … Well how many it is possible to have dinner … Here Petka crosses, happy such back, speaks, well I and на#бался, Vasyl Ivanych, well and на#бался…а that you did not float?
- So you, showed me - "HAVE DINNER!!! "
-da not, Vasyl Ivanych, papers it was a little simple - "have not dinner", and "both give".

*****

Petka:
-Vasily Ivanovich, Anka caught a gonorrhea! The Gonorrhea to shoot
-, to recommend Anka for a decoration.

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Petka: Vasily Ivanovich, let's together verses compose - You tell the first line,
Ya - the second and etc.
vasily Ivanovich: Give! I nachinayu:
"in the field I reap wheat …" .
petka (having thought): "And I am е$у your wife" .
vasily Ivanovich: So same lie!!!
petka: But in rifmu.
vasily Ivanovich: Well, all right … And now you, Petka, nachinay.
petka: "In the sky the asterisk burns …" .
vasily Ivanovich (quickly): "And I am е$у your wife"!
petka: So after all not in a rhyme!
vasily Ivanovich: But truth!

*****

Petka and Vasily Ivanovich drank all vodka in the house, Vasily Ivanovich speaks:
-Petka, descend to the cellar behind a bottle of some cognac!
petka brought, cut. On utro:
- And what we drank?
chitayut label: "Ж#пораздирающая liquid for horses. One drop on all herd."

*****

Petka and Vasily Ivanovich go on one of numerous ulits
tokio. See the announcement: "School of karate".
- Well, Petya, we will come?
- Is not present, Vasily Ivanovich, there I already was, beat as dolbney.
vasily Ivanovich went one. Shouts, groans, cries are audible. In 15 minutes Chapayev leaves and wipes pot:
-Karate, karate, only one bright got, hardly a checker got …

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Petka:
-Vasily Ivanovich, to us there arrived Angela of Devis.
-Perfectly. Now it to stenke.
-As, Vasily Ivanovich? Such figure, fighter for the rights of oppressed Blacks?
- All the same to a wall. I do not like to sleep under the window.

*****

Petka and Vasily Ivanovich somehow got drunk in dupel, well and Chapay was chopped off. Petka who still was standing on the feet decided to be kidding over him and pasted to him second "advantage" from plasticine. In the morning, it appears, Petka, having woken up, sees pydayushchego
vasil of Ivanycha, and asks in neponyatka - that supposedly with you?! Yes you understand
-, Petka, I wake up in the morning and I watch - y me two h%ya,
Ya one tore off, and another disappeared!

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Petka:
-Vasily Ivanovich, our boys of Fantomas caught!!!
vasily Ivanovich (looks at the prisoner): Immediately to release
-, $ $ * $ $ % * $ $, same Kotovsk!

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Petka:
-Vasily Ivanovich, I from party was expelled … by
-A for what?
- Yes I go down the street, I see to me Anka from a bath waves a hand. Well I undressed, jumped there, and there a Communist Party meeting.

*****

Petka and Vasily Ivanovich were taken prisoner to the white. White started secrets extorting from them. Petka told at once everything, and Vasily Ivanovich does not give out anything. He is tortured, tortured, he already half-dead lies in a chamber, and Petka to him speaks:
-Vasily Ivanovich, tell you to them everything!
- the Damned sclerosis, so after all and can kill!

*****

Petka:
-Vasily Ivanovich, and the truth what you become over the years stronger?
- Yes, Petka, earlier, happened, х$ % two hands could not bend, and now one - as two fingers об#ссать!
- Vasily Ivanovich. you Jew?
- You see Pyotr …

*****

Petka and Vasily Ivanovich solved vrachevat.
vkhodit the patient and speaks:
- The Doctor, at me obonyan iye propalo.
vasily Petk's Ivanovich:
-, a tablet number devyat.
bolnoy, proglatyvaya:
-Yes it goat kakashka.
-Petka, write: sense of smell vosstanovleno.
na the next same day bolnoy.
- The Doctor, at me was gone pamyat.
-Petka, a tablet number devyat.
-Yes it goat … Petk's
-, write: memory in norm.

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Petka and Vasily Ivanovich sit on dereve.
podbegayet an elephant and begins with tusks a tree raskachivat.
-Vasyl Ivanych, it has probably here a nest!
- Well and the fool you are Petka, they live in holes!

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Petka: Vasily Ivanovich, heard - Gulf Stream froze!
vasily Ivanovich: How many time spoke to you - do not put Jews in the winter in guard!

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- Petka!!!
- of That, Vasily Ivanovich?
- of Champagne and fruit!
-Vasily Ivanovich, what champagne, what fruit?
grazhdanskaya war, hunger!
- Fool, cucumbers and vodka!

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Petka to Vasily Ivanovichu:
-Vasily Ivanvich and why your socks are dirtier than at me?
V.I.:- So I am more senior!

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- Petka and what is Vasyl Ivanovich on a roof does?
- pulls the Antenna!
- Antenna? beautiful name!

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Petk with Vasyl Ivanovich is cost at Ankina's door spalni.
-As you think, Petka, - Chapay, - Anka a platoon komandovat
moget asks?
- Easily! - Answers with Petka.
- And a battalion?
-I a battalion can!
-A division?!
- Oh, would not go you to it, Vasyl Ivanych! It already politotdelom
komanduyet!

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Petka:
-Vasyl Ivanych, will be enough more to drink, and that will be delirium tremens. Vasily Ivanovich:
-Here, a pancake, even a fever - and that white.