Jokes about Chapaev

Read funny Jokes about Chapaev

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Petka:
-Vasyl Ivanych, some swine in the neighboring village of all maids ruined! Ivanych's
vasil (playfully tightening up a mustache):
- So and swine!

*****

Petka with Vasyl Ivanychem run from the white. Ran in Petk's izba hides under a bed, and Vasyl Ivanych zalazit in a case. White came running and saw the foot which is sticking out of a case, the officer ran up and grabbed with Chapaya by a foot. Vasyl of Ivanych:
-Went on x "y, I did not hide yet!

*****

Petk with Vasyl Ivanychem opened shop and gave the announcement that they have everything. Here one man comes to this shop and speaks:
-Give me 4kg nekh%ya.
vasily Ivanych brings to the cellar, turns off the light and asks at pokupatelya:
-See something?
MUZHIK:
-Nekh%ya.
-Here gain 4 kilograms and uye%yvay from here.

*****

Petka with Vasyl Ivanychem sit and feet in water rinse. Petka tells Vasil
vanych well and feet at you dirty, is dirtier than moi.
a Vasyl Ivanych and otvechayet:
-Well than Petk, compared, you skaky year and I with what.

*****

Petk with Vasyl Ivanychem skyjacked the plane. Fly. Suddenly V. I. oret:
-Petka, devices?
- 20!!!
-of Che "20"?!!
-A che "devices"?

*****

Petka runs in to Vasily of Ivanovichu:
-Vasily Ivanovich, tanks on a kitchen garden!
- Yes well them to the devil! I about them blunted yesterday a new checker!

*****

Petka runs in a log hut and oret:
-Vasily Ivanovich - tanks go!!!
- Yes well their Petka, I about them the day before yesterday blunted all checker!!!

*****

Petka runs in a staff to Vasily Ivanovich and it is joyful krichit:
-Vasily Ivanovich, me the member in party wrote down!
vasily Ivanovich (with astonishment): Really they even handles had no
-?!

*****

Petka flies to Vasily Ivanovich and kpichit:
-Vasily Ivanych, Vasily Ivanych, there. in a shed. white Anka violates!!
vasily Ivanovich is enough a rifle and run to a shed … Anka rushes inside and Anke:
-, well sign to it, I this reptile in flight to a puln!

*****

Petka flies to Chapayev in shtab.
-Vasily Ivanovich! The arms are changed, rockets sent us … saddle
-A to them is?

*****

Petka comes back from business trip to Moscow. His Vasyl Ivanych asks:
-Well, how there, Petka?
- Yes everything is good, here only shoot on everyone shagu.
- And what, was necessary to shoot back?
- Well, before did not reach. Simply said that I smoke the last.

*****

Petka comes back to a regiment. Chapayev - emu:
-Petka, you that is such dejected?
- Yes here came to military Academy, and at examination provalilsya.
-As? Why it?
- Yes here, asked me who such Caesar, and I take and answer that it is a horse from the fifth eskadrona.
-It washing wines, Petk. While you were not, I transferred Caesar to the seventh squadron

*****

Petka rushes to Chapayevu.
-Vasily Ivanovich, just ours took to Ali Bab and forty robbers! Ali and forty distribute
-on groups, and the woman - to me!

*****

Petka rushes into a staff …
- Vasily Ivanovich, Vasily Ivanovich, Anka with current killed!!!
- As, where?
- the Accumulator fell down the head …

*****

Petka meets Vasily by Ivanovicha:
-you che such gloomy?
- Yes here, everything in a division do swimming, and me do not take …
-I will not take, Vasily Ivanych, after all there at competitions at first shoot, then jump and float, and at you always on the contrary: at first you float, then at you shoot ….
-Vasily Ivanovich, how many will be 0,5 + 12?
- the Interior, Petka, I feel that liter, and here I cannot prove!

*****

Petka dressed up in red wide trousers, an astrakhan cap put on - and to ANKE.
A Anka only lows yes uses foul language.

*****

Petka pulled out Chapayev from the river and does it an artificial respiration. Water from Vasily Ivanycha whips everything and whips. The Cossack travel approaches. A Cossack captain sovetuyet:
-Yes take out you to it a zh*pa from water, and all Urals you will pump over that!

*****

Petka pulled out Chapayev from Ural River and does it an artificial respiration. Water from Vasily Ivanovich whips everything and whips. The Cossack travel approaches. A Cossack captain sovetuyet:
-Yes take out you to it an ass from water, and all Urals you will pump over that!

*****

Petka tells Anke:
-Here good you are a person. And fighter excellent. Vasily Ivanovich even says that you with a machine gun spish.
-Well, it it about himself too good opinion!

*****

Petka tells to Vasily Ivanovichu:
- And our Anka, it appears, a tselka was until recently! Yes from what you took
-? I Go
-yesterday, I look - е#ет her one tell-tale, and a sheet under it all red! How many times I told
- to it: Anka, not е#ись on a banner!

*****

- Petka! Ordered maids?
- were Ordered by Vasyl Ivanych!
- Precisely will?
- Promised a guarantee!
- What beautiful name!

*****

- Petka what you do? The Opera I write
-! About me you will write
-A? About you I will write
-I, and about Anka I will write, Operas told about all to write!

*****

Petka tries to find out at Chapayeva:
-Vasily Ivanych, and here you can drink two liters of vodka?
- Of course I can, Petka and as I will drink - I push such ideas!
-Vasily Ivanych, and herbs - the whole jamb - You can smoke?
- Yes easily as I will be smoked - I leave before a division of the speech to push,
tak prt!
-Obana, Vasily Ivanych, and mushrooms you can gobble up a handful? And then,
navernoye, books to write pulls, philosophy everyone, huh?
- Not, Petka, mushrooms, and then philosophy - not mogu.
- And here companion Lenin - can!

*****

Petka complains to Vasily of Ivanovichu:
-Vasily Ivanovich, Anka - the provoker!
- cannot be, Petka from what you took? I by a bath Go
-, and from there Anka leans out and hands waves. I fly in a bath, and they have a party meeting there.

*****

Petka runs to the house is enough a checker, a rifle … His Vasily Ivanovich ostanavlivayet:
-You where it?
- There on the river white Anka тр##%ют!!!
- Sit down, Petka is we began biological warfare …

*****

Petka runs in izbu:
-Vasily Ivanovich! Tanks in a kitchen garden!!!
- Drive their Petk on hr@n, there is nothing to guzzle.

*****

Petka on the instructions of Vasily Ivanovich went to investigation. Anka remained one. In the evening it approaches Vasily Ivanovich i
speaks:
-Vasily Ivanovich I am afraid to sleep at night one so that so far Petka in investigation you have a sleep with me. Went to bed. Vasiliy
ivanovich turned away to a wall and zakhrapet. Anka pushes it in fight and namekayet:
-Vasly Ivanovich, and I have a sexual crack … I watch Toto's
- from where blows.

*****

- Petka! You know where the strongest alcohol is?
- Where, Vasyl Ivanych?
-B ship compass. There and it is written - 360 degrees.

*****

Petka studies ancient istoriyu.
-Vasily Ivanovich, - he asks, - how to understand "patricians invited heteras and arranged an orgy". What is "orgy"?
- Yes, pyanka.
- And who such "heteras"?
-Prostitutki.
-Well, and "patricians" who such?
-A here, Petka, typographical error, not "patricians", but "Party members".

*****

Petka found the popular magazine on flight business. Decided to do some flying with Vasily Ivanovich by trophy plane. Sat down in a cabin, Petka - reads, Vasily Ivanovich - delayet.
-to Start the motor - a key clockwise napravo
-Is made!
- Gas to upora
-Is made!
- the Wheel on sebya
-Is made, we fly up!
- the Loop - a wheel up to the end on themselves, have to fly vverkh
-Is made!
- a wheel from themselves - have to fly Now vertically vniz
-Is made, Petka as we fly!
-?????!!!!! - Vasily Ivanovich, write, chto
"Continuation in the following number"!!!

*****

- Petka, it anything, what I with Anka overslept?
- Yes anything, Vasyl Ivanych, you are my commander!
-A poshto you do not go to bed? So I wait for
- When you fall asleep - I am your orderly! Why a saber you sharpen
-A?

*****

Petka addresses to Vasily Ivanovich: "Tell me as the fighting commander, how the senior companion, than the sensuality differs from a pornography? "
vasily Ivanovich in reply: "I, Petka, about it think so. If you somebody, are a sensuality. Well, and if you - that a pure pornography".

*****

- Petka, you why did not salute me?
- Is guilty, Vasily Ivanovich; has to be, usnul.
-Well, thank God, and that I thought that you do not respect me!

*****

Petka somehow time went on courses of conjurers. Here, prezzhat back in part and Vasyl tells Ivanychu:
-Vasyl Ivanovich, want focus I will show? Give
-! Approach
- me zadom.
-Well, Petka!
- Here, Vasyl Ivanovich, a finger in a bum you feel? I Feel
-, Petk! Handle
-A here they!
vasily Ivanovich speaks:
-Give I to you focus pokazhu.
-Ladno.
-Approach me zadom.
-Well now, Vasily Ivanovich!
- Here, Petka, the grenade in a bum you feel? I Feel
-, Vasily Ivanovich! Check
-A here it!!!!!!!!!!

*****

Petka crosses the Urals on trophy kontrabase.
- And where Chapay - are asked by Anka.
-meeting him ashore Vasily Ivanovich with a grand piano. On a bottom pushes.

*****

Petka writes Anka love pismo.
-Vasily Ivanovich and how it is correct to write - to gnut or a breast? Write
-, Petk, grut.
- And why?
- the Test word is - a tit.

*****

Petka writes the announcement: "The Communist Party meeting of group will take place on Tuesday". Asks Vasiliya
ivanovicha:
-As it is written: "Tuesday" or "Tuesday"? Ivanovic's
vasily (thumbs through the spelling dictionary):
-B the dictionary on the letter "f" in general is not present such word! Write: "The Communist Party meeting of group will take place in sredu.
prosba everything to be per day earlier".

*****

Petka went to go to the university. Comes back, and Chapayev asks:
-Well as?
- History failed. Asked me, who such Caesar. I also told that it is a stallion from the fourth eskadrona.
-my fault, Petka! While you were not, I transferred it to the third.

*****

Petka caught the White Guard Cossack and conducts it under a rifle barrel to the. Suddenly at the Cossack some small bagatelle drops out of a pocket and starts peeping in a disgusting way. Petka directs just in case a rifle on the prisoner and it is mistrustful asks:
-That for a hogwash such?
- Yes that the brother Mitka dies … Fish soup asks.