Jokes about Chapaev

Read funny Jokes about Chapaev

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Vasyl Ivanych and Petka creep across the field. Day creep, two creep, and did not crawl …

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Two turtles on the desert with a machine gun creep, and suddenly see a caravan idet.
-Vasily Ivanovich let's fire? What for?
- Well we prikolntsya by
-!
- Will be enough a petk prikolnutsya already over the old man the hotabychy!

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Two turtles creep on the desert, one machine gun pulls along. Suddenly see - ahead karavan.
-Vasily Ivanych! Let's them fire!
- of Nafiga, Petka?
- Is so simple, we will be kidding …
- of Nafig! Over Hottabychem were already kidding!

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Regimental priest RKKA:
-Vasily Ivanovich! White in the wood!
CHAPAYEV:
-Not time, yours prepodoby to gather mushrooms.

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Vasily Ivanovich received the letter …
I zaarkhivorovat it …

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Vasily Ivanovich liked these riddles, and he went to Furmanovu.
-Furmanov, want a riddle?
- Well, davay.
-Without windows, without doors is full an ass ogurtsov.
-It h@ynya some, Vasily Ivanovich! Here and I tell
- - h@ynya, and Petka speaks - scissors.

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The man on a next world gets. Also meets Pushkina.
poznakomilis there, talk about poetry … Vdru
gpushkin - time! - it perekuvyrknutsya, and as in anything ni
byvalo, continues conversation. The man in udivlenii:
-Alexander Sergeich, what it you somersault?
- Yes I already got used. It when about someone iz
pokoynikov on the earth a joke is told, it zdes
perevorachivayetsya.
-A-a-a, clearly. And what it there for two propellers?
-A is Petka with Vasily Ivanovich walk.

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Got Vasily Ivanovich from Petkaya to Moscow. Go, are spacing out. Look - two prostitutes stroll, clients catch. By itself, are made brightly up, all all forms outside ask, walk before restaurant, only hips to and fro hodyat.
-Beautifully go …, - hardly taking breath, whispers Petka.
- The Intellectuals! - validly Vasily Ivanovich explains.

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Vasily Ivanych and Petka got to paradise, so, go on paradise, enjoy, birds rayskikh
slushayut, nectar drink … In a month of Petk and speaks:
-Someone's Vasily Ivanych, boringly it is sick, we will go, can we will look that there in a hell delayetsya.
nu, V. I. agreed of course, to it too already this paradise cloyed rather … V. I. go down from Petkaya to hell doors, so, knock, in a minute of lines gets out and asks, chyo a pier it is necessary? Well they to it and govoryat:
-We here so, simply, want to look here as there at you in a hell …
CHERT was delighted here, come, speaks, welcome! They come and watch, fun everywhere, drink, walk, smoke. So friendly atmosphere …
NU, returned they to paradise, and Petk again to Vasyl Ivanychu, give, a pier we will move to a hell, there it is cool, not that here, boredom mortal. A V. And. of course agreed, what, against the truth you will not trample … So they collected things, papers at angels issued everyones, and directly in a potopala hell … Approach to the same door, knock, the same devil opens, asks, what a pier it is necessary? And they to it, so a pier and so we move to you to a hell. Well lines of paper looked, the some stamp put, and passed … Did not manage to come Petka with V. I. as on them some left devils attack and knit, then drag on a fire and start roasting … Here Petka did not sustain, and asks them so modestly that not obidet:
- And that happened, we here were only yesterday, so here all walked, had fun …
NU and lines to it and otvechayet:
- And YOU DO NOT CONFUSE TOURISM TO IMMIGRATION …

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Got somehow Petka, Vasily Ivanovich and Furmanov on uninhabited ostpov.
zhpat nothing - decided to go to look a grub, and in an hour vepnytsya.
vozvpashchayutsya through chas:
petka - nothing nashel.
vasily Ivanovich brought big tyshy.
zazhapili they I extinguish and 2 hours sit zhpyt.
petka:
-Here passed, and Furmanova is not present, something it not npavitsya.
-He it to be pleasant to me - do not eat.

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Drink Vasily Ivanych from Petkaya vodka. Suddenly absolutely unexpectedly vodka came to an end. And money too. Vasily Ivanych and speaks:
-Petka, fly to Furmanov, borrow rubles ten! Petk's
ubezhal. Minutes through fifteen comes back. Chapayev asks:
-Gave?
- did not give! As it it motivated
-I?
- Oh, strongly motivated. Both motivated me, and you, Vasily Ivanych. Promativirovat all and did not give.

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Vasily Ivanovich Petku sent to investigation. Petka went, goes - well, the sun shines, the grass turns green, birdies sing. Generally beauty. Descended in investigation, comes back - the sky gloomy, everything clouded clouds, the grass all dry costs, any bird does not sing - horror. Looks, Vasily Ivanovich on the bank of the small river sits the thoughtful … Asks Petka:
-Vasily Ivanovich that it happened? That such thoughtful?
- Yes here I think, Petka to wash to me the second sock or not?

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Vasily Ivanovich Petku sent to study on hudozhnika.
through year Petka comes. Whether and Vasily Ivanovich it asks:
-Brought any picture?
- Yes.
-Pokazhi.
petka gets a black sheet of paper. His Chapayev asks:
-As is called?
- Blacks steal coal at night!

*****

Chapayev sent Petka in Japan, to study karate. In a year Petka returned, Chapayev constructed all division that that showed to that learned. Petka asks to bring it scrap. Takes scrap, swings the arm it and Chapayeva beats. That shouts, uses foul language, and Petka speaks:
-Here, approximately so they a hand beat!

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Sent Chapay Petka to Bender behind "torch" and fat. Petka empty returned - the leader of OUN.
-Well refused supposedly, it though motivated with something the refusal?
-Aha, motivated! And you, Vasily Ivanovich, motivated, and your mother …

*****

Sent somehow Chapay Petka to Furmanov behind vodka. Empty-handed Petka comes - the commissioner refused supposedly. Chapayev:
- And it something motivated the refusal?
- Still as motivated! And you, Vasily Ivanovich, motivated, and your mother too motivated!.

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Sent Petka to business trip to England. In a month comes back in a limousine, on hands rings with diamonds. A full luggage carrier deneg.
chapayev:
-It, you how so managed?
- Arrived I and first of all to a casino. One Englishman speaks:
- At me a point sat down in kartishka perekinutsya.
igrali, here! emu:
-Show
Ya!
A on:
-We, gentlemen, always trust on slovo.
vot at me the card and a poperla here!

*****

Sent Petka to transport academy, well he was disaccustomed there and comes back. Vasily Ivanych at it and sppashivayet:
-Here, Petk, explain why the armored train when goes, rattles?
PETKA:
-Well … you understand … when an armored train … not, an armored train it is difficult, we will take the car … not the car, it is difficult … we will take … a wheel! The wheel is Pier in the Square. Well Pier on figs is rejected, there is a Square. Well judge itself how the square can not rattle?

*****

After civil Petka and Vasily Ivanych doctors became. There is an operation, Vasily Ivanych operates, Petka - the assistant. Chapayev:
-Petka, a scalpel …
- Is a scalpel!
- Tweezers!
- Is tweezers!
- to Alcohol!. Tampon!. Still to alcohol!. Still tampon!. Still to alcohol!.
KONYA! Checker! Felt cloak!.

*****

After fierce fight Vasily Ivanovich from Petkaya lay in patrol, having given rest boytsam.
-Well, Petka, on a droplet for a sugrev? Tyapnuli.
-As there hydra of counterrevolution, Petya? Yes not to see
-. Well still on odnoy.
-Vyglyani, Petka, whether White Guard reptiles climb?
- Yes is pure, Vasily Ivanovich. And on one, and still …
- Well as there?
- of Anybody!
-A me, Petk, vvidishsh?
- Is not present, Vassilly Ivanych, in an emphasis …
- is quite good we zamasskirrovalisss!

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After ship-wreck threw out Petka and Vasily Ivanovich near some island. Vasily Ivanovich on the bank of two women sees and sends Petka to investigation. Soon ashore there is Petka with a banner "HAVE DINNER". Waits for V. I., waits, absolutely in water froze, and a banner on a place. Did not sustain, with the last bit of strength podgreb to the coast, and there Petka already rumples the native. Well, the fighting commander, naturally, in krik:
-As you could? I there, in water freeze! I pine! Petk's
A nedoumenno:
-So I wrote you that both give!

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After one fight Vasily Ivanovich and Petka wash feet. At everyone the basin. Petka looks in a basin on Vasily of Ivanovichu:
-E-e-e, Vasily Ivanovich, and your feet is dirtier than mine!, water what dirty!
- Eh, Petka, Petk … So after all I am more senior than you …

*****

Vasily Ivanovich and Petka at whom argued the member is longer … to be measured by
stali …
pobedila youth …

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Petka and Vasily Ivanovich who in a year will become richer argued. Argued and dispersed. Petka went to America, Vasily Ivanovich - to Sahara. Meet in a year. Petka goes on "Rolls-Royce", dressed up, with a cigar, and Vasily Ivanovich ruminates trudges towards and too something chews. His Petka asks:
-Well, Vasily Ivanovich, we ruminate?
A that otvechayet:
-I wash Socks.

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Vasily Ivanovich constructed a division and asks:
-Tell, money is necessary to birds?
- Is not present - answer boytsy.
- And so, eagles, I spent on drink a salary.

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Whether Chapayev constructed group and speaks:
-Children are necessary to birds money?
- Is not present Vasily Ivanovich why to birds money?! Well here "eagles" I your pay spent on drink
-!!!

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Vasily Ivanovich enters the institute. The selection committee solves: such famous person should be accepted. At entrance examination ask it, pointing to a portrait To. Marksa:
-Tell who it? …
- We to you will prompt to
-of Eee the first letter - "M".
-of Makhno! Well grew, did not learn.

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V.I.CH arrived. in Military Academy. Everything handed over!
analiz of urine handed over, the test a calla made, and here mathematics did not hand over.

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Petka was admitted to evening school somehow. After classes he comes and tells to Vasily Ivanovichu:
-Vasily Ivanovich, to us the composition set "As I spent summer", and I do not know as to write - after all all of us probukhat summer yes with women prolazili.
-Nonsense, you it is simple when thumped, write - books were read and when on women went - on fishing were … Petk's
napisal, every other day the teacher distributes to a notebook - a coma the two to whom the three and speaks:
- And here very strange composition wrote Petk - I do not know, as postavit.
i reads vslukh:
"As I spent summer" .
Kak only we with Vasily Ivanovich received a vacation pay, at once went to bookstore, bought there books different, came back home and everything read them. Woke up from rereading in the morning, quickly covers collected, handed over them, money added and again went chitat.
nu we read - we feel, will be a little. Went to bookstore - and there Furmanov - read - widely-read, we with it developed, still books bought and went fishing. There we caught-caught fish, caught-caught to a full ofigeniye. I and Furmanov caught nothing, and here Vasily Ivanovich caught - still the hook in potassium permanganate otmachivat".

*****

Petka went on reconnaissance. There went - good fortune, birds sing, the grass turns green. He comes back and does not learn the district - any live soul, the trees which dried up, herbs and in mention are not present. Approaches the river and sees Vasily Ivanovich. They greeted, and that and asks:
-Hear, Petka, me to wash the second sock?

*****

Petka went to study in driving school. Well, was disaccustomed, returned, and Vasili Ivanych solved it proverit.
nu they got into the car, edut.
vi: - Petka! It is what sign?
P: - Well such-TO.
VI: - Petka! And It is what sign?
P: - Well such-to.
vasil Ivanych thinks, as if Petku Nye "Ivanovic's
vasily, session comes nearer!
- Quietly of a petk, we will admit closer …

*****

Petka went to school of karatekas to a disco somehow. Comes back - all izbityy.
-Vasily Ivanovich, here at night that reptiles … create
- of Anything Petk, went we will understand vmeste.
- And can tomorrow? Yes be not afraid of
-, you will stand - posmotrish.
nu, they went, Vasily Ivanovich comes, wild shouts, then silence are audible. Vasily Ivanovich leaves, reeling and wiping the nominal weapon about travu:
-Where to them with naked heels yes against a checker!

*****

Went on reconnaissance Petka with Anka, masked under Indians. They are intercepted, sprashivayut:
-you who? The Indian, - Anka.
- And I … I … tells to
-Ya an indipetk!

*****

Send Petk with Vasily Ivanovich to a bath. Began to undress. Petka and speaks:
-Vasily Ivanovich, and your socks is stronger than mine vonyayut.
a Vasily Ivanovich otvechayet:
-Well than Petk I nevertheless and is more senior than you.

*****

Petka and V. I. went in istinut entrance examinations sdavat.
pepvym Petka went. It sppashivayut:
-to You as, 100 easy questions or 1 tpudnyy.
-Give 100 legkikh.
otvechal, answered, did not answer a half, expelled. V. I comes. The same voppos.
-is better 1 slozhnyy.
-Where there is Africa?
- There (pokazavat a finger on the South)
-A "there" it where? The second question I do not answer
-Ha.

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Went Chapayev from Petkaya for investigation to the white. Took a skin of a cow and put on themselves: Chapayev behind, Petk's
A in front. There are white - see a cow. One speaks:
-Look, what thin. Let's give it poyest.
prinIf to it eat hay. Petka it set not to be lit all this. And Chapayev costs behind,
khvostom wags and on the quiet gets poisoned by fumes. Petka ate hay and suddenly started laughing too. Chapayev
asks:
- And you, Petka why it is ridiculous? Whether Yes, you see
-. There, it seems a bull conduct …

*****

There was at Vasily of Ivanovich an idea … He went to "IKEA" … and bought nothing …

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The petka to Vasily of Ivanovichu.
p.Ka-Vasily Ivanych, Vasily of Ivanych.
v.I-resorts Leave alone Petka about us and so already vsyakoy
chepukhi told.

*****

Petka to Vasily to Ivanovich resorts, and that stands near a hole and to soldiers komanduyet:
-Sidorov, hands on seams, a jump! Ivanov, hands up, jump! Petrov, one hand up, druguyu
ruku aside, jump!
-Vasily Ivanovich, white come! And you play "tetris" here!!!