Jokes about Chapaev

Read funny Jokes about Chapaev

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Chapayev are at war with Petka in Petk's Ispanii.
-, what for shouts whom it there the people welcome?
- Some Dolores Ebanulli!
- Well and that it shouts?
- Shouts: "Standing better, than on a lap!"

*****

Chapayev from Petkaya go across Zurich, and towards negr.
-Who is it? - asks Chapayev.
-you do not learn, Vasily Ivanych? Solzhenitsyn!
-Is necessary, Petka as blackened the person!

*****

Chapayev with Petka shoot back in an entrenchment the white. Bullets whistle, shells are torn. Petka creeps up to Chapayevu.
-Vasily Ivanovich, I composed the poem!
- What else poem? - pour
- of Chapay!
- Eh, Petka, found you time to think of POETRY!

*****

Chapayev from Petkaya sit among deputies at congress and laugh. They are done zamechaniye:
-by Companions how you behave during dear Leonid Ilyich's performance?
- You, Petka, said that there will be Raikin, and this some shit!

*****

Chapayev floats through the Urals, rows with one hand, the orderly Petka floats nearby. Chapayev floats everything more difficultly and trudnee.
-Vasily Ivanovich! Throw a suitcase!
- Is impossible, Petka! There cards staff … - two packs.

*****

Chapayev lifted a division in approach. Looks: udirayet.
-Cost Petk, the coward, back!
-Vasily Ivanovich, you badly know geography. Earth ved
kruglaya. I go to the opponent to the back.

*****

Chapayev went to Moscow to pass entrance examinations in Academy. The sad comes back. Petka
asks:
-Vasyl Ivanych, well as, arrived?
vasily Ivanovich:
-Is not present, Petka! On history filled up - ask, who such Caesar? Well I to them, naturally, answer - a stallion from the 2nd squadron! And they to me put the two …
petka (is guilty):
- Eh, Vasyl Ivanych, it I am guilty … I transferred Caesar to the 1st squadron yesterday …

*****

Chapayev was taken prisoner. Three days tortured him, but so anything from nego
ne achieved. Threw into a chamber, and glance in glazok.
vidyat - Chapayev the head about a wall byetsya.
- The Damned sclerosis. And can shoot.

*****

Chapayev invited Petka to himself to a wedding. But with a condition if it to it on
prilichno to conduct differently it will throw out it from okna.
utrom Petka wakes up on the street, comes and Chapayeva asks:
That I such Sdelal.
-Chapayev speak to it: at first you climbed to kiss to my wife, I terpel.
potom you climbed on a chandelier and became urinates on guests, I suffered .
Ho when you thrust a corkscrew to me in a bum I did not sustain.

*****

Chapayev ordered to weld Petke zaytsa.
-Where I will take it, Vasily Ivanovich? Here hares not vodyatsya.
-It is the order, Petka! I will take a nap hour or so and when I get up that there was a zaychina. Chapayev wakes up and catches a meat smell. Petka at a copper shuruyet.
-sees Petk, you well done! Tell where you got it? I Took
- a rifle, came to a porch, the hare runs. I in it women! He also did not manage to mew.

*****

Chapayev tells Petke:
-to Dream me today son:
-… We float by the ship and suddenly a hole! well I stopped up it, stopped up, and next morning woke up - a blanket floor in a zh%pa.

*****

Chapayev decided to come to Academy, well went to pass examination and zavalilsya.
sidyat from Petkaya drink, his Petka and asks:
-Vasily Ivanovich and why you did not arrive?
-of Petk asked a question to me: "Who such Caesar?" Well I at once and otvechayu
eto so call a horse from 3 regiments and examiners vygnali.
nu they still drank me also Pettka speaks:
-Vasily Ivanovich, and it I am guilty that you not postupili.
-How are you?
- Yes because, I Caesar from 3 transferred it to the 5th regiment.

*****

Chapayev sits on a porch and cleans a checker. Sees - by there is neprivychno
chisty Petka, eyes are obscured, in hands - a bottle samogona.
-Petka, you where go?
- Yes here, Vasily Ivanych, decided to make Anka the proposal …
_ Yes you that, absolutely went balmy? With it all Kuban overslept!!!
petka somehow went out at once, turned and went back. Came to itself,
nalil and hryapnut a glass of moonshine, without having a snack …
smotrit - goes Chapayev in a smart uniform to a window, in a hand butylka
rekvizirovannogo at white shampanskogo.
-Far gathered, Vasily Ivanych?
- Yes here, Petka, I suspect Anke to marry …
-???? As … you spoke … with it all Kuban … you know
-A, Petka, I looked at the staff globe here -
tak of this Kuban there and not to see at all!

*****

Chapayev collects shtab:
-Command allocated us radio station on an armored train. What budut
predlozheniya?
PETKA:
-Vasily Ivanovich, and radio station on lamps or on transistors? I repeat
- For the stupid once again: radio station on an armored train.

*****

Chapayev asks Petku:
-Well as, interrogated already captured white officer?
- Is not present, is silent po-still.
-Well, and distance ramrods?
- Still as, but all the same molchit.
- And exhausted needles under nails?
- Exhausted … Is silent. I decided to give to drink him properly, and not to give opokhmelitsya.
-Well that you, Petka, we with you not animals in the morning!

*****

Chapayev left on affairs and left Petka for main. Comes back in a week and asks:
-Well as? It happened nothing? otvechayet:
-Yes everything is normal
petka. Only the dog died …
- of That it he died?
- Yes a horse-flesh ate too much, here and sdokh.
-From where a horse-flesh?
- Yes tired out a horse when vozili.
- And why water carried water?
- extinguished the Fire - a staff zagorelsya.
-As it lit up?
- As-as … Furmanov went, the stub threw, he and zagorelsya.
-So it does not smoke! Here you will light
- when the banner of a regiment was filched!

*****

Chapayev, Furmanov, Petka drink port. Chapayev pours to himself and Furmanov a full glass and a petke
pol-glass remains. Croaked, poured the 2nd bottle - a similar hogwash. Here furmanov vozmutilsa:
-Vasily Ivanych! the 2nd time it would be possible and to get the hand!
petka (spitefully):
- Yes che there a hand, for such is possible also a muzzle ….

*****

Chapayev with Furmanov cause Petku:
-So, Petka! Tomorrow you will go for boxing! To support our team!
- That you, children! This business to me too hard!
- On teeth, on teeth, Petka!

*****

Chapayev in the swimming World Cup, a distance of 100 m of
petka, the trainer, speaks V. I-chu: "do not worry, I guarantee, on tribunes all without weapon"

*****

Chapayev squints hitro:
-Wine glasses clean, Petro,
I bring me a bucket - vodka we drink
ved, but not a soft drink!

*****

Chapayev from Petkaya was sent to Africa for the cultural help to underdeveloped countries. Soon there comes the commission of the Central Committee to check their work. They see Chapayev jumping in the fluttering felt cloak on the river bank of Limppopo and the Black towing on a cable sliding on the river on a water ski. The commission is happy. Meet Petka who harnessed in a plow of two Blacks further and plows the earth. The commission vozmushchena:
- And it you call the cultural help? Follow an example of companion Chapayev rolling the Black!
- Not, is Vasily Ivanovich of a crocodile on the live bait catches!

*****

Chapayev from Petkaya was sent to business trip. Upon return demand from them otchet.
-we Drank, - Vasily talks Ivanych.
-Is not present, so sense will not go, - speak to it, - in the report you have to write something serious, for example, reading literatury.
chapay writes: "We from Petkaya bought the book, read, then handed over a cover and bought another, read. Then went to library, and it leaves Furmanov, all such read …"

*****

Chapayev was shot not white, but green! That he washed the socks in Ural River!

*****

The Chapayevsky division hit in alcoholism. On the gloomy, not freshened the nip Chapay following den
vykhodit from the tent,
stroit a division and terribly asks:
-Tak who it drank yesterday?
molchaniye. At last courageous Petka and speaks:
-Ya fails, Vasily of Ivanych.
chapay grows dark even more and again asks:
-Tak who standing did not keep yesterday? Who thumped immoderately?
vyyti from standing!
vykhodit out of operation solatik (he had nothing to lose, it and tak
pod tribunal was) watches
chapay at them _mrachno _, something ponders and speaks:
-Znachit so. I, Petka and this tell-tale now will go in derevnyu
pokhmelyatsya. And the rest companion Furmanov will read lecture about vrede
pyanstva and alcoholism.

*****

Chapayevtsa beat off at white a substation. At survey trofeev
vasily Ivanovich and Petka found the tank with spirtom.
chtoby fighters were not drunk too much, signed C2H5(OH), hoping, chto
boytsy chemistry know poorly. Next morning all were "in an insole". Chapayev
rastormoshil one and asks:
-As was found?
- Yes is simple. We looked for, looked for, suddenly we look - something na
tsisterne is written, and in skobochka - (IT). Tried - precisely it!

*****

Chapayevtsa caught the white. Petka all night long interrogated him … In the morning they talk to Vasily of Petk's Ivanovichem.
-, he something admitted?
- Is not present … you to it hands broke
-A?
- Broke … foot
-A?
- Too broke …
- killed it?
- Curtailed … the Backbone killed
-?
- Interrupted …
- of an Eye pricked out?
- Pricked out … it told nothing
-I? Listen, Petka, and you to him
-allowed to smell my socks? Vasily Ivanovich, we are not monsters …

*****

Chapay acts before boytsami:
-our division for release of the village from the white got an award of 10 thousand rubles. Let's divide so: 7 thousand to me, 3 thousand Petke, the rest the fact on the person …
prokhodit week … Fighters address to Vasily of Ivanovichu:
- And when we receive the share?
- What share?
- Well, you, Vasily Ivanovich, told: "the fact on the person". That you wanted
-A that I before all system would tell: "A horse-radish on a snout?"

*****

Chapay and Petka in patrol. There is some muzhik.
-Petka! Ask it parol.
-Hey, you! Tell the password! Pass
-Parol.
-.

*****

Chapay and Petka began to argue whose will be Anka. Vasyl Ivanych: "Mine!" Petka:
" Is not present, washing!"
nakonets settled, Anka will tell a coma to the first I "love", that it and budet.
petka dressed up in red wide trousers, an astrakhan cap put on - and to ANKE.
A Anka only lows yes swearing.
vasil Ivanych then took a bottle of vodka and a piece of fat - and too to Anke:
-Anka, vodka with fat love? I Love
ANKA:
-!

*****

Chapay in a bath wash with Petka. Petka to it a back tret:
-Oh, Vasily Ivanovich, - an undershirt! And you spoke - was lost!.

*****

Chapay wash with Petka in bane.
-Well, and feet, dirty at you, Vasily Ivanovich …
- So I also will be more senior than you!

*****

Chapay from Petkaya drink vodka. Furmanov:
-Wow! Vodka approaches! I will be the third!
- Is not present - the fourth. Three we already sent …

*****

Chapay from Petkaya, running away from white, came across the blind cannibal. It tired out them in a cave, lets out only bald and on one. Petka pulled out the head hair and passed, and Chapayev does not want to be bald and substitutes the cannibal instead of the head the back. The cannibal feels-feels and, doing the movements by hands as though something breaks off, speaks: "I told - on one!"

*****

Chapay floats through the river, round a bullet fontanchik lift everything closer and blizhe.
-Petka! - Vasily Ivanovich shouts. - That they create! The director promised that blank cartridges will be!
-Vasyl Ivanych! - Petka shouts in reply. - And you up to the end read the scenario?

*****

Chapay got used to fly without shturmanov.
i suddenly from a staff Furmanov … is sent to
prishel to Moscow inquiry in e-meyle:
"the too clever … Whether Jew?"

*****

Chegoy to a noncha raskhvoralsya
skakun chapayevsky dashing … the
geroy-divisional commander did not become puzzled -
verkhom on Petka jumps in fight!

*****

Worm of a doubt Anka glozhet:
v to a womb a fruit, and who the father -
chapayev, Petka or, maybe,
bulany Petkin a stallion??

*****

Petka gazetu.
-reads Hear, Vasyl Ivanych, Americans on the Moon landed! Here Petk where we office tired out
-!

*****

Petka (Item) reads history of ancient Rome and asks:
(Item) Vasily Ivanovich (V. I.), and who such heteras?
(V. I.) It, Petka, baby.
(Item). And what such orgy?
(V. I.) The orgy is pyanka.
(Item) Vasily Ivanovich, and who such patricians?
(V. I.) Read, Petka, polnostyyu.
"Patricians suited (Item) orgies with heteras" .
(V. I.) Here, Petka, a typographical error it is necessary to read Party members.