Jokes about school

Read funny Jokes about school

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- Speak, at you at school installed the most modern equipment?
- Yes, is only one problem...
- What?
- Is very inconvenient to erase chalk from liquid crystal monitors.

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The astronomy is a science which teaches us as it is correct to use the Sun and planets.

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Budenny addresses school students with vospominaniyami.
-I Leave it on a white horse. I look on the left: your mother!
glyazhu to the right: your mother!!
DETI:
-In blya, memory!

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Buratino did not aspire in school because more than once heard that tam
postoyanno something violently knock into the head.

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The former Minister of Education Vladimir Filippov offered that vse
vypuskniki after the Unified State Examination (USE) went v
armiyu for a period of one year. The minister hopes that then in HIGHER EDUCATION INSTITUTIONS not budut
ochen results school reformy.
are noticeable (Vladimir Vladimirovich suspected)

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At the Georgian school - the lesson of Russian yazyka.
uchitelnitsa asks to sort sintaksicheski
predlozheniye ''Georgians go to wash in a bath' '.
gogiya: ''Georgians... Sushchestvitelnoye.
idut to wash... Predlog.
v I ban... Pronoun''

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In step with progressom:
s new academic year at Uryupinsk high school is not present klassnykh
dosok: on each school desk - the display. Only inconvenience: ne
vse pupils, leaving on change, erase a rag chalk from the screen.

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In one special school brought together all the most outstanding Vovochek of all times and narodov.
na a mathematics lesson the teacher asks:
-Children, how many will be twice two? Vovochk's
pervy rises, thrusts hands into pockets, blinks the eyes and speaks:
- The Question paramount! Vovochk's
vtoroy important inflates shcheki:
-Twice two - unambiguously! Vovochk's
trety are got satellite telefon:
-by Hellou, Zhorzhik? Tu Bai that is Hau mach? Phone and soobshchayet:
-It does not know
otklyuchayet, but promised to call back as soon as asks the father.

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In one of schools invented a time machine and sent Sasha excellent student, a
seregu-major and Vovochku-narkomana respectively in 150000 year BC,
1545 AD and 1937 god.
through some time they come back year also the rasskazyvayut.
sasha-excellent student: - I got means in primitive school, children there tupye:
nikhrena do not know and are able nothing. And here I decided to be sketched i
posovetoval a hole for a mammoth to dig. But at this time there passed pyanyy
vozhd with the elders, well and all of them in this hole were filled up. Koroche
poluchil I пи@#ы according to the full program. Hardly feet unes.
serega-major: - And I here got to church school. All sit takiye
skuchnye. And I tell them about our life, I show a mobilka and vklyuchayu
diktofon. They as will shout: - It chrevoveshchat!!! Accused me v
satanizme well and gave such zvezdyuly that I do not know as well as back the dobralsya.
vova-addict: - And me it was cool, but. a little boringly!
Bce: - That it suddenly?
VOVA-addict: - Yes I when smoked a jamb, began "Change!" to shout, nu
vot all class was shot!!!

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At parish school the priest asks to call miracles sveta.
1 - ZHOPA.
P - Obosnuy.
1 - has no Vocal chords, and poyet.
p - Sit down, 5.
2 - - Obosnuy.
2 - Milk you pour in Pi%da.
p, meat vynimayesh.
p - Sit down, 5.
3 - H%Y.
P - Obosnuy.
3 - Points of support has no, and stoit.
p - Sit down, 4.
3 - Why 4?
P - Not at all.

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At 3 o'clock in the morning over notebooks with compositions the teacher of Russian, to horror zatr@khanny a padonkovsky slang podopechnykh.
-Krosavcheg sits?!... Nakhy!
КораблЕГ?!... Nakhy!! (furiously crossing out)
OLEG, running start, escape... NAHY,NAHY,NAHY!!!

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At school two meet podrugi.
-Svetka, yesterday Kolka and the Ear ring because of you nearly fought!
- Yes you that?!
-Aga! Kolka shouts: "Take it to yourself!", and the Ear ring in otvet:
"On figs it me is necessary to it!"

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In shkole.
-Children, get pencils and paper. Today we will try to draw a horse, and Natasha Petrova will try not to move!

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At school in New York the teacher asks:
-Children, who from you the fan "New York Yankis"?
Bce raise hands except Bobbie's Bobbi.
-why you did not raise a hand?
-Ya fan "Red Soks".
-of Bobbie why you are a fan "Red Soks"?
- my father fan "Red Soks", my mother fan "Red Soks", well here and I fan
"Red Soks".
-of Bobbie and whom you would be if your mother was bl@dyyu, and the father a thief?
- Likely, fan "New York Yankis"!

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At school Seryozha sprosili:
-What your favourite subjects?
- TV, bicycle and ball!

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At school biology lesson. The teacher causes Vovochk's Vovochku:
-, give a symbiosis example in prirode.
Vovochka, podumav:
- The Father and teshcha.
uchitelnitsa:
-Um … well, well, explain to us why you so think? They are mutually useful to
-each other. When the father has to hammer the reek of alcohol, on
polzuyetsya with grandmother's valocordin. And the grandmother steals from it a trifle i
sigarety.
uchitelnitsa:
-All right, we will leave it. Give better an example mimikrii.
Vovochka, podumav:
- The Father and teshcha.
- And how it occurs?
- the Father sometimes long sits in the bathroom, smokes and reads newspapers. Mama
nachinayet to shout that it left quicker, and it grandmother's golosom
otvechayet: "Now, now, the daughter to see, sour cream was stale". A
babushka when it needs a little port … to
uchitelnitsa pospeshno:
-Enough, sadis.
Vovochka:
-Is not present, why. I still can give a parasitism example.

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At school a lesson geografii.
-Ivashchenko, tell, what you know about Egypt?
- Well, Ebibet is such country...
- Not Ebibet, and Egipet.
-Yes, Egypt in which this live most, the ebibtena...
- Not to the ebibtena, and egiptyane.
-Yes, Egyptians. Ebimota, and also are found there...
-of Ivashchenko, not ebimota, and hippopotamuses. And what you know o
rasteniyakh?
-O plants? I know... There grow... These... Ebobaba...
- Not of the ebobaba, and a baboyeba, and in general, sit down Ebashchenko, an ebinitsa!

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At school the teacher asks uchenika:
- When Alexander of Macedon died?
- Died? I did not even know that it is sick!

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At school. The teacher asks house zadaniye:
' 'Ivanov' '
' 'Yes mother birthday был``
``Садись,два``
``Петров``
``Да yesterday yesterday the grandmother died, on a funeral был``
``Садись,два``
``Вов?ка``
``Да yesterday the brother from prison returned, all night long thumped' '
' 'You that me still will frighten, sit down three''

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The new teacher of geography came to school. Comes in klass:
-Hello, children!
- Went nakh%y!
uchitelnitsa began to cry, ran to the director to complain. The director speaks:
-To them special approach is necessary! Go vmeste.
podkhodyat to a class, the director from a foot opens a door, zakhodit:
-it is healthy, men!
Bce horom:
-is healthy, the director!
-A that, is weak to you g@ndon on the globe to pull?
VES a class in nedoumenii:
- And what such the globe?
-A here about it to you will also be told by your new teacher of geography.

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- Vasya if to you suggested to bang Masha of 1 time or Petya 2 times - that you would choose?
- Hy. Masha is, of course, Masha. Ho TWO TIMES are two times!!

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- What is your son going to do after leaving school? If it will study
- so as now, at once posle
okonchaniya schools will retire on age.

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Great, mighty Russian... - govoroit L.N.Tolstoy.
a here N. V. Gogol about the language so to speak could not therefore did not marry.

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- Vladik, you are a school student?
- Is not present, still the sadist... I go to a garden!

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During medical examination at school the doctor asks at pervoklasnika:
-you have any complaints to ears and a nose?
- Is. They disturb me when I put on a sweater

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During a lesson the terrible thunder-storm burst, and to calm children, the teacher began to explain an origin molnii.
- And so, Jimmy, tell why the lightning never strikes in the same place?
- Because after the first blow of this place does not exist.

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Vova came from school home, parents sprashivayut:
-Well, what you received today?
-''Four''! - cheerfully reported Vovochka.
- And why not ''five''?
-A we had only four lessons.

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Vovochka on the way to school stopped mashinu:
-Dyad, bring to school!
- Yes to me, the boy, absolutely in another storonu.
-(is pleased) by That better!!!

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- Vovochka, a canary disappeared somewhere!
- is strange, five minutes ago I vacuumed it, and it was na
meste.

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Vovochka whom you would like to become?
-Lion or tiger!
- What for?
- That me all boyalis.
-Even teacher?
- Well, no! You will frighten our teacher of nothing.

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Vovochka rushes after a lesson of a corridor and nearly knocks down with no
gdirektora schools. That indignantly grabs it a shoulder and speaks:
- And now return and pass quietly! Also greet me kak
tvoy the father greets acquaintances!
Vovochka departs on some steps, waddlingly - hands in pockets -
podkhodit to the director, claps it on a back so that at that chut
ochki did not come off, and shouts in everything gorlo:
-Well, fine, old х#%! You did not see hundred years, е$#%ть tvoy
lysy a skull!! Did not die yet, п#$%а the morzhovy!!!

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Vovochka the first time went to school. All family with neterpeniyem
zhdet its returns. At last, it prikhodit:
- Brekhuna all of you! The stork brought me, in cabbage me found...
skazat, from where I was born?! Here, and tomorrow still I learn,
kak I got there!

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- Vovochka, give couple of examples of the destroying influence of alcohol on human organizm.
-That, again parents in school of a message?

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Vovochka invited Tanechka to himself home. The pie a cigarette cognac bottle bought flowers. Laid out everything on a table and waits. There passes an hour of Vovochk dumayet:tanech. of good kin to drink will not come. Cleaned a bottle. Passes two hours. Tanechka will not smoke. Cleaned sigarety.
a a call to a door here. Tanechka comes. Vovochka asks:
- And that you in a school dress came?
- So tomorrow in school.

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Vovochka comes to ottsu:
- The Father, I again at school glass razbil.
- The Pancake, at you am not school, but some greenhouse!

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Vovochka disassembled the father's field-glass. The father i
speaks:
-Vovochka comes from work, well why you disassembled the field-glass? After all I uzhe
neskolko time said to you that there anything, except lenses, net.
-A picture is worth a thousand words! - Vova answered.

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Near school there is a boy and loudly cries. The passerby asks ego:
-That happened why you cry?
- Damned revmatizm.
-Unless happens rheumatism at your age?
- Happens. In a dictation …

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- All of a hand for the head, feet on width of shoulders!
- Is a robbery?!
- Is not present - a physical education class!

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Two gamers meet. To one another speaks:
-you Know whom saw today? Vaska Sidorov. Well you do not remember Vaska, whether
chto? Why I do not remember
-. We with it to the 4th level together studied at school.