Jokes about school

Read funny Jokes about school

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The little American was declared to the doctor: - Listen, the dock, seems to me, I got sick koryyu.
odnako I can to anybody about it not speaks.
-Be are reasonable, - it continued, having seen amazement on a face vracha.
-Give me 10 dollars, I will go to school and I will extend an illness to other pupils.

*****

Little Gogi brings to the father dnevnik:
-Wai, Wai, Wai Gogi Pachemu the two of a pas of a fiskultura, you at me such spartyvny,
padtyanuty the boy?
- the Father, the teacher of a fyzkultura mane gavarit:
-Gogi Padnymi a foot, I padnyal.
-vtaruyu.
a I emu:
- And Chita I on find fault with Padnymi stand I will be, and he to me and dvoyku.
otets thought and the truth on I find fault to stand that li:
-my Maladets malchyk, correctly made, muzhchina.
na the second day little Gogi brings to the father dnevnik:
-Wai, Wai, Wai Gogi Pachemu the two of a pas of mathematics, you at me such clever boy?
PAPA, the teacher of mathematics mane gavarit:
-Gogi how many will be two will increase by three,
-Shchest.
-A three on two,
A I emu:
- And what h%y a difference, and it to me the two in dnevnik.
-Honestly and what h%y a difference, maladets mine malchyk, pravilyo made, goes gulyay.
na the third day little Gogi brings the two on literature:
-Wai, Wai, Wai Gogi Pachemu the pas two to literature, you at me such clever boy?
PAPA, the teacher of literature mene gavarit:
-Gogi compose a rhyme of a pr of a cockerel,
-Ya sachinyl: The cockerel, a cockerel-zalatoy gribishok, a wound gets up to mornings to children to sleep ne dayet.
pidaras Takoy
-honestly, the sonny, pidaras the rooster if allows to sleep to children ne, the clever boy, go gulyay.
na following den:
-Papa, Maine from school to a vignali.
-Pachem?
Визвали me on teachers' meeting, I come into a teacher's room, and uchitel matematyk,
fiskultury, literatures, risavaniya:
-Padazhda, and on h%ya a rysavaniye,
VOT and I gavaryu to them, and on h%ya the teacher of a rysavaniye sit there?

*****

Explain to the little girl: in kindergarten there were games, and at school budut
obyazannosti, real rabota.
- And part time it is impossible?

*****

Explain to the little girl: in kindergarten there were games, and at school budut
obyazannosti, real rabota.
- And part time it is impossible?

*****

The boy comes to mother and asks:
-Mothers and how I appeared?
- Well, I took a glass, spat there, and the father made the same,
postavili a glass on a window sill, and next morning you poyavilsya.
na the next day the son brings a glass in school and speaks:
-Mashka, spit!
MASHA spat, he too spat, put a glass on podokonnik.
a at night there the cockroach crept. The son wakes up, vidit
tarakana in the morning, the father calls and prosit:
- The Father, be the friend, beat the grandson - on own syna
ruka does not rise.

*****

Boys from the 7th "In" write a note to girls from the 7th "A":
-Come after lessons for school tselovatsya.
prikhodit otvet:
-If only we kiss, write girls from the 1st "And".

*****

The boy the Scot came to shop, stretched to the owner a pot and speaks:
-Pour to me honey on twenty pensov.
tot poured here. The boy takes a pot and speaks:
- And the father will bring money to you zavtra.
-Well is not present, I know yours "tomorrow"!
otobral a pot, poured out honey and turned the boy out. That departed for a corner and glanced in gorshok:
- And that, the father was right. Here quite will be enough for couple of sandwiches!

*****

Mother awakes with Vovochk's Vovochku:
-, get up, it is time in school!
- Yes well it! Again Petrov on change to fight budet.
-Vovochka, pora.
-I will not go! Again Ptitsyn to throw a rag for a board budet.
-Vovochka, you will be late!
- Is not present, I will not go! Again Ivanov to catapult budet.
-Vovochk how you will not go, you after all the principal?!

*****

- Mother, seems to me that tomorrow at school I will look the black sheep!
- Yes well, the daughter, you will croak.

*****

- Mother, and at us in a garden the nature corner was made!
-I who at you lives there?
- of the Raven, turtle, cockerel... Allocated to everyone on zveryushke.
- And you got who?
- of the Raven!
-A that with it need to be done to you? To Hold
- when her cockerel tramples down...

*****

- Mother, all at school dryaznit me the greedy person!
- Well call to me their surnames!
- If you will give me 5 dollars, I will call to you them everything!

*****

- Mother and that at school all a monkey tease me?!
- Well, do not shake on curtains and slaz on a case behind bananas!

*****

Marya Ivanovna:
-Vova, call examples mestoimeniya.
vova (with astonishment):
- Well - at. a bedroom, a back seat in the car.
marya Ivanovna:
-Vova! We at school! Pronouns it.
VOVA (joyfully):
- Teacher's!

*****

Vovochki's mother - uchitelyu:
-my Vovochka - the genius. It has so many brilliant ideas, not pravda
li?
- Yes, especially when business reaches chemistry lessons.

*****

- What can you tell us about the great scholars of antiquity?
- They all died long ago.

*****

The husband came back home angry and tired and speaks:
-It everything you are guilty! You send me to PTA meeting and you do not speak, at what school our son studies.

*****

The man complained to the doctor of fading of the sexual life with zhenoy.
doktor advised it to avoid monotony, to bring a variety i
nezaplanirovannost.
through month, on repeated reception at the doctor, the man rasskazyvayet:
- The Doctor as you advised, decided to make something sudden. V
proshluyu Friday asked for leave on an hour from work earlier, arrived home, tikho
zashel to the apartment, found the wife in kitchen, right there broke from it everything odezhdu
i made love directly on kitchen stole.
-Well and how?
- Well, was pleasant to us, but come to the wife on tea school podruzhki
byli are a little dumbfounded!

*****

At the president's meeting with shkolnikami:
-Vladimir Vladimirovich! And you when to the Kremlin go to work, na
krasny light often steal a march?

*****

At the first lesson of swimming Petya got out of the pool, without waiting for team uchitelya.
tot:
-What is the matter? Who allowed you?
- Anybody, simply I already got drunk.

*****

On a break brag shkolniki:
- And I already read the novel "Don Quixote".
- Who such Don Quixote?
- Is the Cossack from Don by the name of Quichotte!

*****

On the street the darling zhenshchina:
-approaches Me the man it seems, you are a father of one of my children …
muzhchina with uzhasom:
-I?!
- Calm down, - the woman answers, - I am a teacher.

*****

On a zoology lesson the teacher brought arbuz.
-That this such, children?
- Same water-melon, Mar Ivanna! - cries out Vovochka.
-Is not present, this Michurinsk apple, - with a malicious smile says
uchitelnitsa.
na sledyyushchy day the teacher brings dynyu.
-Children! What is it?
-Dynya.
-is wrong! It is Michurinsk sliva.
na the third day Vovochka brings a full portfolio of crayfish and, vysypav
na a table to the teacher, asks:
-Mar Ivanna, and it that such?
- As that? Of course, crayfish!
- Is not present, Mar Ivanna, incorrectly! These are Michurinsk COCKROACHES!

*****

At a lesson set zagadki.
Vovochka decided to set a riddle to the teacher: - Marya Ivanovna, call the word which consists of three bukv.
uchitelnitsa thinks...
- You held it in hand recently, - prompts Vovochka.
-Go out!
- shouted Marya of Ivanovna.
-Marya Ivanovna, it is chalk!
Ho the course of your thoughts is pleasant to me.

*****

At a lesson the teacher explains to mathematics a statement of the problem: "Five flights have at home Lestnitsa
stroyashchegosya, each of which consists of 20 steps. How many steps it is necessary to pass to get on the last floor? "
- Everything, - the pupil answers.

*****

At a drawing lesson one pupil addresses to the neighbor on parte:
-Fine you drew! My appetite was played!
- Appetite? From sunrise?
-Is necessary! And I thought - You drew fried eggs!

*****

At a chemistry lesson the teacher mixed red liquid with green and received the blue. We thought that she is a witch, and burned it...

*****

At a lesson at school the teacher drew apple on a board and asks children:
-what is it?
VES a class horom:
-Zhopa!
uchitelnitsa burst into tears and escaped to complain to the director. In a minute comes into a class direktor:
-Ekh how you could? Such teacher was made cry! And the ass on a board was drawn!

*****

At a lesson at school the teacher drew apple on a board and asks children:
-what is it?
VES a class horom:
-Zhopa!
uchitelnitsa burst into tears and escaped to complain to the director. In a minute comes into a class direktor:
-Ekh how you could? Such teacher was made cry! And the ass on a board was drawn!

*****

At a lesson at school the teacher explains detyam:
-Children, on a building site it is necessary to go in a helmet. I know one boy,
ON went on building without helmet and to it the brick fell on the head. The boy got to hospital. And still I know one girl. It went on building in a helmet and to it the brick too fell on the head. She smiled and went dalshe.
golos with back party:
-I Know this girl - she at us lives in the yard. Still goes in a helmet and smiles...

*****

- Our teacher of physics talks itself with soboy.
-ours too, only he does not understand it. He thinks that we listen to him.

*****

- You will not borrow me a simple pencil?
- On, vozmi.
-Same krasnyy
- And what, red is already too difficult for you?

*****

- I hate L. Tolstoy!
- Why?
- But because wrote "War and peace" in four volumes!
-I that, was worn out to read?
- Is not present! Was worn out to copy!

*****

New Russian checks a notebook at the son: - the Sonny I something do not drive. It is written "classwork", and there is a two?

*****

- You like to go to school?
- Yes, only these hours between walking - the most opposite.

*****

One boy wrote the story: "Unsuccessful hunting" .
poshel one uncle on hunting. Also drowned. And his dog is not present. It was shot.

*****

Once in ice cold winter poru
sizhu behind a lattice in a dungeon syroy.
glyazhu the eagle molodoy.
i rises slowly in gory
vskormlenny in bondage striding important, gait chinno
moy the sad companion waving a wing,
B big boots, in a short fur coat ovchinnom
kravavuyu food pecks under a window.

*****

It always was such small that from school lessons fizkultury
zapomnil only one. The phrase "Calculation is ended!".

*****

-You Why late? - Asks the student-uchitelnitsa.
On the way to school I was attacked by bandits and ograbili.
- And what do they have you?
-Book with homework.

*****

- Why you were late in school?
- Me the father zaderzhal.
-Unless it could not detain somebody another?
- Is not present, Marvanna, he wanted to cut me.