Jokes about school

Read funny Jokes about school

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- So, Sidorov. Explain to teachers' meeting why you stole a skeleton from an office of biology and threw it into a pan in the dining room?
-Ya wanted that soup rich was!
- Soup tasty turned out, I do not argue, but we have cooks the gray-haired now!

*****

- Say Little Johnny what subject do you like in school?
- Call Dad.

*****

- Tell me, please, from where there were spots on the sun?
- It not on the sun, is windows on duty badly washed.

*****

- Tell why, filling in the questionnaire, you wrote, what you have no children? You have their four!
- Oh, unless is children? Same swine!

*****

Modern lesson of literature at school. Uchitelnitsa:
- And now, children, we write comments to "War and peace"...

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Modern lesson of literature in shkole.
uchitelnitsa:
- And now, children, we write comments to "War and peace" …

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There are a pioneer and the grandfather. The grandfather sneezes. Pioner:
-Good luck, grandfather! I am not ill
-A, I am a tabachok nyukhayu.
- And on me you though ** at smell, we at school of politeness are taught.

*****

The son of new Russian writes the father about the life-bytye in Moskve:
-A physics I handed over on the five! The teacher and goes by this five.

*****

The son comes from school, the Father speaks ottsu:
-, in school vyzyvayut.
-That you did you?
- Yes so, glass razbil.
otets skhodil.
through some days the son again speaks:
- The Father, you again in school vyzyvayut.
-That this time?
- Yes so, a chemical office vzorval.
otets skhodil.
through some days the son again tells ottsu:
- The Father, you again in school vyzyvayut.
-Everything, I will not go, nadoyelo.
-Well and it is correct, there is nothing to gad to you on ruins …

*****

Three twins came to the first time to school. The teacher govopit:
-Tell us, what is your name?
pepvy govopit:
-Kolya of Petpov.
vtopoy:
-Vitya of Petpov.
i, at last, the third ppedstavlyaetsya:
- And I am Anton of Petpov.
uchitel intepesuyetsya:
-As it at you turned out? Kolya and Vitya have such high pitched voices, and at you, Anton, such low rough golos.
anton otvechayet:
- At mother only two boobs, me was necessary to be fed from a bottle. Sometimes confused and put on a pacifier a father's bottle.

*****

- So, Sidorov. Explain to teachers' meeting why you stole a skeleton from an office of biology and threw it into a pan in the dining room?
-Ya wanted that soup rich was!
- Soup tasty turned out, I do not argue, but we have cooks the gray-haired now!

*****

- Why you were not at school yesterday?
- my elder brother zabolel.
- And you and?
-A I rode on it are great!

*****

- Silence! - the teacher speaks. - That it was audible as a fly proletit.
vse at once become silent. In a minute Petya, having lost patience, in a whisper asks:
-Ivan Sharipovich and when you let out a fly?

*****

- To the one who will go the first to a board, I will put on point bolshe.
-Ida! Put to me the three!

*****

Teachers to the village of Zyuzyukino are required. The log hut, a dog and dva
kuvshina for milk of the lifting is allocated. Children at school - 8 people. To address v
selsovet. The preference is given to teachers of ethics and psychology,
italyanskogo of language, informatics, ethnography.

*****

At mother Vovochka twins more were born, and the father tells Vovochke:
-Tell the teacher, what you will not go week to school and explain,
pochemu.
na Vovochka comes back the next day from school, and his father asks:
-Well as, what you were told by the teacher?
- She congratulated our family on the birth rebenka.
otets, angry tonom:
-As it is the CHILD? Why you did not tell, what we gave rise twins? I reserved
-A of the second the next week.

*****

At Masha the first monthly and she in tears costs in a corridor. By passes Vova:
-That with you? Yes here I do not know
- that with me - blood goes... Well give
-A I will look... - da-a-a I of course not the expert, but in my opinion to you tore off eggs!

*****

Lesson of the Russian language in Georgian shkole.
uchitelnitsa:
-Deti, it it is impossible to understand, it should be remembered: FROM YOU pishetsya
pazdelno, and KVASS - together.

*****

Surprising nablyudeniya.
If Belarusians/Ukrainians in the Russian news pishut:
lose "Loss of Belarusians/Ukrainians" to
If they win, in the Russian news pishut:
"the Victory of the Soviet school"

*****

English lesson in rural shkole.
uchitelnitsa: "Ivanov how there will be in English a door? "
ivanov:
uchitelnitsa "Dwear": "What eto da!"

*****

Geography lesson at school in the deaf sele:
-So sho, ditochka, a zapamyatayta: the cities of Warsaw, London, Paris, - Wuxi na
pravomu to Dnipr's birch, and the cities of Moscow, Gongkong, Tokyo, - on livomu
berezi …

*****

Lesson at the German school. The teacher gets acquainted with uchenikami.
-What is your name?
-Hansi.
-of Hansi is you houses so call. And here be called as a full name -
yokhannes. And you as are called?
-Zeppi.
-of Zeppi, you after all too have a full name - Josef. And you as are called? House
- my name is Curt. And full name... probably Yogurt.

*****

Singing lesson at school. The teacher caused What Vovochku:
-you know composers? Vovochk's
A did not learn. Costs and looks at the neighbor on parte.
tot took the book, Bach knocked on parte.
-, - told Vovochka.
-Correctly. Who else?
DRUG pulled out from a notebook a leaf listok.
-List.
-Well, eshche.
-Chlennikov.
-Not Chlennikov, but Hrennikov. And you, Petrov, clean the help.

*****

Lesson of Russian in Georgian shkole.
-Gogi, conjugate a verb of chickens in the present!
-Ya - chickens, you - chickens, it, it, they - kurits.
-Sadys 5! Vano, conjugate a verb of CHICKENS in past tense!
-Ya - a chicken, you - a chicken, it, it, they - tsyplenok.
-Sadys 4!
-A why 4?
- For accent!
-of Nicko, conjugate a verb of CHICKENS in future time!
-Ya - a shish kebab, you - a shish kebab, it, it, they - shashlyk.
-Sadys 2!
-A why 2?
- the Shish kebab is the future from a verb barashk, and the future from a verb of chickens -
chakhokhbili.

*****

Lesson in shkole.
-Who read "War and peace"?
-A that, it it was necessary to read? Ml
-Konechno.
-, and I copied.

*****

Lesson in shkole.
-Who read "War and peace"?
-A that, it it was necessary to read? Ml
-Konechno.
-, and I copied.

*****

Language lesson in Georgian shkole:
-Deti, Russian - very difficult language! Naprimer, Nastya - eto
devushka, and nenastya - bad weather!

*****

The pupil was late for a lesson. Uchitel:
-Vanya why you were late?
- Mother ruble poteryala.
- And you here at what?
-A I stood on it.

*****

The pupil comes to a class with swelled guboy.
-Who it you bit? - ask rebyata.
-Boated with the father, and on the bay of the village osa.
- And you sognal.
-I would like to drive it, but the father killed it with an oar.

*****

The teacher utters to the person on duty on klassu:
-Again a board dirty, the rag dry, and on the globe, - points a finger, -
PYL.
-It not dust, - objected the person on duty. - Where you have a finger, nakhoditsya
sakhara.

*****

Uchitel:
-Children, what most of all was pleasant to you in the museum?
- As Petrova from a ladder fell down!

*****

The teacher set the composition on a subject: "If I was the director of firm..." All diligently write, and only Vovochka looks in okno.
- And you why do not write?
- I Expect the secretary!

*****

Uchitel:
-Sokolov, tell, what most favorable time for sbora
yablok?
UCHENIK:
- When a dog is attached.

*****

The teacher asks: - Who will tell how there lived ancient Jews?
PETYA: - I!
- Well?! Definitely I do not know
-, but I guess that is bad since trimming was made stone axes...

*****

The teacher asks uchenika:
-You why yesterday was not at school?
-U us addition semeystva.
-Yes? Brother or sister?
- Is not present. Mother, at last, married.

*****

The teacher asks uchenika:
-You why yesterday was not at school?
-U us addition semeystva.
-Yes? Brother or sister?
- Is not present. Mother, at last, married. Language

UROK in Georgian shkole:
-Deti, Russian - very difficult language! Naprimer, Nastya - eto
devushka, and nenastya - bad weather!

*****

The teacher - the schoolgirl: "Here if I give you a squirrel, then two more squirrels, and then three more squirrels! How many will be?"
uchenitsa: "Seven!"
uchitel: "Listen attentively! At first one squirrel, then two more and then three more. How many?"
- "Seven!"
- "T-a-a-k! Give in a different way! One apple plus two apples, plus three more apples! How many?"
- "Six!"
- "Well, at last! And squirrel plus two squirrels plus three squirrels! How many?"
- "Seven!"
uchitel: "Well, why?!!"
- "And at me already lives alone a squirrel!"

*****

Uchitelnitsa
Vovochka with the friend received unit on biologii.
Vovochka:
-Here the old hen! Let's hide round the corner and when it passes, we will suddenly jump out, I will lift up it a skirt and you beat on eggs...

*****

The teacher enters a class and sees: all board is used up and that that х@# or P;' "A.
-Children - tells the word - let's be disaccustomed to bad words. Now we will close eyes and we will count up to sixty, and for this time that who wrote these words will approach and will erase ikh.
po to a signal everything closed eyes, counted to sixty, otkpyli.
hichego did not disappear, and below poyavilos:
" And here х$# to you the teacher! You will wait He. Fantomas".