Short jokes

Read funny Short jokes

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- What would you think of me, about the stranger if I sent you an air kiss? - That you are the idler avoiding the real work...

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- Why would be not present? - the lieutenant Rzhevsky told, coming into a stable.

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- As appearance is deceptive! - the hedgehog thought, getting down from a shoe brush.

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- Yes, there are dogs, such clever... Directly more cleverly than the owners. I in a year before last had such dog.

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The editor of the newspaper who allowed a typographical error in the name of article about the prime minister's trip "Putin on K. Alyn" was dismissed

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There was at the Hare an izba bast, and at the Fox - ice. They very much were on friendly terms, and the Hare wrote the Fox of the letter from the Lubyanka to its Chukotka.

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Quickly drunk glass is not considered juicy.

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- How quickly to lay a holiday table?
- Recognize at whom from your acquaintances the holiday table prepares, here him unexpectedly and "cover".

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The young woman of years of thirty comes into SEX SHOP and very constrainingly approaches a counter with vibratorami.
-Forgive, it is possible for me that white, that black, and in a corner of krasnenkiya...
- White - please, black - too, but, madam, the fire extinguisher we cannot sell you...

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The girl enters the bus. The aunty sitting on sitting begins with her obshchatsya:
-Oh, what beautiful girl! In a beautiful dress, with a bow! And what it at you for a speck on a fartuchka?
-A it I, mummy, obrygatsya.

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In the bus the granny with a flowerpot, forcing the way to an exit, asks the man standing at dverey:
-you descend?
muzhik in a condition of thoughtfulness is wrapped, some time looks at a pot: - No, I to the house will suffer...

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In avtobuse:
- The Citizen, well where you climb at a forward door, all with the small here! Well to me it to cut off
- now, perhaps?!

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In the bus: - Man! If you on me absolutely laid down though do not sleep!

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In avtobuse.
-Descend from my foot!
- As I will descend when I stand on one and that on yours!

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In avtobuse:
- The Companion, you will leave now?
B the answer poluzadushennoye:
-Is not present...
- Then take away the head from steps!

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In apteke:
-Give me lekarstvo.
-What?
- On your taste.

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In army do not use foul language, and talk.

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In army rise in the 6th mornings irrespective of time of day.

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Take in army healthy, and ask, as from the clever.

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In Africa forbade hunting for endangered species of white people.

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The visitor comes into the bar and, pointing to the drunk person, speaks to the bartender: - To me, please, the same.

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In the bar. At a rack the "ready" man sits. The bartender speaks:
- And to you does not seem to it, what you drank the superfluous?
- Fie... the N - Yes... seems to me that this superfluous... ik... I now will return to you... ik... B-e-e-e-e...

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In Belarus there are three degrees of poverty: 1) Is not present deneg; 2) Absolutely is not present deneg; 3) Money in general is not present, it is time to change dollars.

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In the near future we are expected by a putinism and a putanizm.

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In the rich person irritates not that he can buy you with giblets, and that it is not necessary for it at all.

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In hospital the surgeon krichit:
-Marya Ivanovna, you did not sweep out a kidney?

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In hospital office: At Potter's bed costs Dobby: - "Mr. Potter, is short …"

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Fight for life of the patient was won by doctors. Life receded.

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In fight against alcoholism of the greatest progress drug addiction achieved.

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- In marriage office: - You whom prefer, Ms., the brunette or the blonde? - I would like red! Know, I have a furniture of red color!

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In the car of the foreman Van Vanych flies rabochiy:
-! Trouble! The house which we just repaired, now will fail!
- That!!! How many time spoke to you - do not remove the wood will not paste over the room with wall-paper yet.

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- Why in those days when the horse was the main transport, was much less accidents?
- Because the driver should not have relied only on own reason.

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In gazete:medlenno the working stenographer - the typist looks for the stammering director.

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In Stierlitz's Gestapo did not love. But as loved Cat there!

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In 2000 there will be Windows 00.

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In 2012, Medvedev not so much will stop being the president, how many will continue to be not the president...

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In Hollywood one director for a scene of battle invited ten-thousand massovku.
-you ruin me! - began to shout at it prodyuser.
-do not worry. I ordered to shoot during shootings the real shells.

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The Black entered a room, ruddy from a frost.

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In the city of N the monument to the famous hero Pavliku Matrosov who, as we know, threw the father on an enemy embrasure is put.