Jokes about Vovochku

Read funny Jokes about Vovochku

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

78  79  80  81  82  83  84  85  86  87  88  89

Vovochka goes with the father by the building with the sign "Wine", okolo
kotorogo there is tolpa.
-a Father, what is it?
-It, Vovochk, "The highest institute of national education".
-A of that all of them shiver?
-A at them from two o'clock - examination.

*****

Vovochka kapriznichayet:
- The Father, let the nurse will go to bed with exchange!
-Not "with exchange", and "with me".
-Aga! In total with you yes with you!

*****

Vovochka with a class went for walk. Bought all on vozdushnomu
shariku. Walked generally, well and as usual, at Vovochka the ball uletayet
i clings for derevo.
Vovochka: Marya Ivanovna, speaks, get mine sharik.
u she climbs on a tree, Vovochk krichit:
-Marya Ivanovna here, and what it at you black such there?
-Where?
-Yes between feet...
-A is a floret Vova.
-Oh, Marya Ivanovna, and your flower so on п#@%$у is similar...

*****

Vovochka washes with mother in a bath and notices at it kurchavyy
treugolnik.
-That this such, mummy?
-It mochalka.
-Well, at the father is better, that with the handle, - on - hostesses notices Vovochk.

*****

Vovochka stops mashinu:
- The Uncle, bring to shkoly.
-I go to another storonu.
-That better.

*****

Vovochka - ottsu:
-I on the street found yesterday 200 rubles and carried them in militia. And chto
by you made on my place? Same
-, as you. Told lies.

*****

Vovochka ran up to a huge dog and began to iron it pyshnyy
khvost. Mother in a fright krichit:
-That you do? He will bite you!
-Is not present, mother, since this end they do not bite.

*****

Vovochka spots how mother with the father are engaged lyubovyyu.
vdrug slyshit:
-Darling you whom want: "Boy or girl? "
-Well, now - the girl...
cherez the father leaves some minutes from spalni.
Vovochka takes off trousers and the Father substitutes popu:
-, and I want a saber, felt-tip pens and the bicycle!

*****

Vovochka received the two. The father brings the fist to him under a nose i
speaks:
-Feel, than smells?
-Again at mother in.... it was picked.

*****

Vovochka sent to the teacher a note: "I love you" .
uchitelnitsa in reply: "I hate children" .
togda Vovochka sends the second zapisku:
"I Guarantee - children will not be!"

*****

Vovochka resorts home from shkoly.
-Oh, che was, che was! The teacher on work went along a corridor, nesla
banku glue, stumbled, glue poured, slipped, fell na
kley and was pasted to a floor!
-Well, you from a floor tore off it?
-Tore off, tore off! Who is more courageous - already two times!

*****

Vovochka invited Tanechka to himself home. Bought a pie, flowers,
butylku of cognac and a cigarette, exposed everything on a table and zhdet.
prokhodit to hour of Vovochk dumayet:
"Tanechka from a good family, will not drink". Cleaned butylku.
prokhodit an hour more of Vovochk thinks: "Tanechka from a good family,
ona does not smoke". Cleaned cigarettes. Here call to a door. Vkhodit
tanechka. Vovochka asks:
- And you that in a school dress came?
-So after all tomorrow in school...

*****

Vovochka comes to mother and speaks:
-Mother, I want marries Borya from next podjezda
mama:
-On Borya is impossible!
-But mother, I love ego
-On Borya it is impossible, you will dishonor us with the father on a life coffin!!
-But mother, why?
-But after all Borya Jew!!!

*****

Vovochka comes to mother and asks:
- And how I appeared? We you with the father found
-in cabbage - answers ta.
- And how the brother appeared?
-We it in carrot nashli.
- And how the little sister? We it in potato nashli.
-So you the father on all kitchen garden dragged
-?

*****

Vovochka comes to school with bruise a subeye. The teacher its asks:
-Vovochka, what it happened to you?
Vovochka рассказывает:
- Yes went to bed I in the evening, whether mother approached to me asks:splyu I?
Ya answered, what is not present, and it, having swung, closed up to me on fizionomii.
na the next day Vovochka came to school already with two bruises, i
uchitelnitsa it again a sprosila:
-Vovochka, and this time that happened to you?
Da all too most. I went to bed in the evening, mother approached me and asked, splyu
li I? I, remembering yesterday's, kept silent. Then the father approached and asked, whether I sleep,
NU I answered the father, what is not present, and it to me closed up bruise under the second glaz.
na the third day of Vovochk came to school all hackneyed, and у?ительница,
ужаснувшись,спросила:
-Вово?ка,?то with you, you that, were run over by a car?
No, Marya Ivanovna, everything was the same, mother with the father on ocheredi
sprosili, whether I sleep, on what I, naturally, kept silent but when papa
said to mother went, I simply asked WHERE!

*****

Vovochka comes from school with the scared look and speaks:
-Mother, the father, I think, today you should not watch mine dnevnik.
mama fathers for a belt grab heart, open the diary, and tam
- The five! In total in a faint. Vovochka (sadly): I was also afraid of This
-.

*****

Vovochka comes from school and it is joyful soobshchayet:
-Hotite, I will write the word from three letters to you?
MAT gives it a slap in the face, the grandmother a clip. Vovochka in tears. Comes otets
i asks:
-what is the matter?
Vovochka explains that wanted to write the word "world". The father gives a slap in the face mather:
-A you that meant? Give
Vovochka:
-I to the grandmother. Let does not think of it.

*****

Vovochka at a lesson thoughtfully clicks a pen: "silk, silk" .
uchitelnitsa razdrazhenno:
-Vovochka, than you are engaged there?
-Yes here is interesting - enters and leaves, but does not become pregnant!
-of Wons from a class! You will come with parents!
direktor finds the teacher behind the same occupation and slyshit:
-Really does not become pregnant...
direktor takes the handle and, having turned in hands, vosklitsayet:
-So in the same place a spring!

*****

Vovochka at school wrote: "Masha - Бл$дь" the teacher also tells
prikhodit, tell 3 times that Masha not of бл$дь and apologize.

*****

Vovochka at school wrote the composition "As I spend the day off of" .
"in the Morning we with the father and mother get up, we do exercises, we have breakfast and idem
gulyat. After walk we have dinner and we read newspapers while mother washes posudu.
potom again we walk, we watch TV, we have supper and we go to bed. Posle
togo how I go to bed, mother with the father in other room play a goat" .
uchitelnitsa, having read to Vovochkino the composition, a sprosil:
-Vovochka, and what it for game such "Goat"? I do not know, Marya Ivanovna, simply the father in a whisper speaks mame:
-Ya terminated!
A mother answers it, but already громко:
- Well, a goat!

*****

Vovochka decided to hammer on Russian lessons. Here also Marivanna and as it is correct "on h*y" to write asks in shkole:
-: together or separately? Of course, in krik:
-Until the end of the year that I you did not see
Ta!
Vovochka is also glad. Only in the middle of the year in a class there is a new teacher of Russian, Jew Isaak Abramovich. He calls Vovochke home and invites on urok.
Vovochka Isaak Abramovich and as it is correct "on h*y" to write decides to repeat at a lesson fishku:
-: together or separately?
- The Young man if you mean mine to you the relation, together and if depth of the great Jewish Jordan River, separately.

*****

Ha zoology lesson Marya Ivanovna sprashivaet:
-Children! What to mozhnopoluchit from chicken?
-Meat, it is possible to receive!
-Well done! :-) Petya too pulls ruku.
-Well Petinka?
-Small eggs!: - D
- The Good fellow Petenka. Well a still that? - the teacher asks. A class molchit.
-Well Vovochka, a you that you will tell?
-Heznayu.
-Well on what you sleep?
-Ha lavochke.
- And under the head what you lay down?
-Valenok.
-Well a your father nachom sleeps?
-Ha polu.
- And under the head of it that?
-Second valenok!
-Well the grandfather on what sleeps?
-Ha to an oven!
-A under the head of it?.
-Pillow!
-Well that can be received if at the grandfather to cut a pillow?
-Piz @@@ to it, from the grandfather, it is possible to receive!!!

*****

Ha botany lesson. The teacher sppashivayet:
-What most favorable time for gathering apples?
PETYA:
-Avgyst.
tanya:
-Sentyabp.
Vovochka:
- When a dog is attached.

*****

Ha approaches Vovochk's change Mashka and speaks:
-Mashka, we go to a toilet, we will play in adult igry.
mashka agreed, they came to a toilet, Vovochka became behind Mashki, lifted up it a short skirt and let's it play adult games.

*****

Ha a lesson of English came checking from RONO. Thick, bald... Uchitelka thought, thought - where to put him - one option - to Kamchatka. To Vovochka. Conducts, to mean, the lesson, on the course on a board foreign writes something... Dropped a piece of chalk, lifted, put the end, sppashivayet:
-Who will translate?
Vovochka pulls a hand. The first time for history of school. Well, it is necessary spposit.
-Please, Vladimir!
Vovochka rises, and on all klass:
-Well and a zh*pa!
pobagpovela an uchitelka, hpipit:
-from a class!!!! Vovochk's
podnyalsya, reached doors, turned back and with reproach govopit:
-Eh you, bald! You know He, and you prompt...

*****

Ha a lesson of the Russian language the teacher govopit:
-In Old Russian language instead of a combination of letters "oro" was often used a combination of letters of "pa". For example, "city" - "hail", "gate" - "gate"... Vovochk's
vstayet and govopit:
- And how on-drevnerusski "forty"?

*****

Ha Russian lesson the teacher speaks:
-In Old Russian language instead of a combination of letters of "shouting" chasto
ispolzovalos a combination of letters "ra". For example, "city" - "hail", "collar"
- "gate"... Vovochk's
vstayet and speaks:
- And how in an Old Russian way "forty"?

*****

- Well, what you received today? - the father of Vovochku.
- Four asks - blurted out syn.
-A why not five?
-A we had only four lessons.

*****

Vovochk's P.S:
Приходит home, and krichit:
-MOTHER! MOTHER! I RECEIVED the FIVE!!!
A mother to it and speaks:
-to Tisha Vovochka! Silence! Gore at us in a family.... Brata
tvoyego
sashu arrested... It threw a bomb in the tsar!

*****

And most Vovochka suffered from crisis. It managed to receive the two that day when his nervous father got under reduction.

*****

– And What such big And Brown in the field?
-Korova.
-is correct.

*****

- "And here Mashenka, it now actress. And it here Petechka, it now doctor... "
TUT was distributed a low voice of Vovochki with back party:
- And this Mar Ivanovna, long ago died...

*****

and one of Vovchk's lessons understood that now it will cause to answer. K
uroku it was (naturally) not ready. Having pulled down points at the teacher, he on one iz
stekol drew a fly. The fly so of a masterstka was drawn, chto
teacher tried to banish it until the end of a lesson which, of course, was sorva
n... "Kind" children in a class prompted to whose teacher it is hands business, i
vovochku asked to bring into school the father!
direktor: - Your son drew on points of the teacher a fly and sorval
urok!!!
PAPA: - Fly? It that... In the days he drew a barrel with beer,
tak we with the godfather three hours per turns stood on a fence...

*****

– And I never at school pulled girls braids Because once in the village pulled a tail Of a horse...

*****

Entrants with a name middle name Mar Ivanna are taken in a teachers training university without examinations.

*****

Bus. Mother - Vovochke:
-Sit down! The aunt a place ustupila.
-I cannot, mummy!
-??? The Father and the grandfather said
-to me that in the presence of women only at whom is not necessary sit

*****

- To Alya, doctor? Come rather! Our Vovochka a live mouse swallowed!
-Now I go. So far to it open a throat more widely and take a piece of cheese. She can vyydet.
priyezzhayet the doctor, sees - before the Vovochkiny throat you shake kilkoy.
-that

*****

Andryusha, go here!
-Yes, fathers. You a Kama Sutra took
-?
-Took...
-A you, dorisovyvat something there??
-Well. Idi now mother untangle
-!!

*****

The joke from stagnant vremen.
Vovochka shouts from the yard of mother costing on balkone:
-Mothers throw to me 62 kopeks here! They rassypitsya by
-! You them in three rubles wrap
-A...