Jokes about Vovochku

Read funny Jokes about Vovochku

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- Again you with a cigarette, Vovochka! - the grandmother becomes angry. - And after all skolko
raz spoke to you: "Smoking reduces life! "
-da? And how our grandfather? Smokes, and to 70 dozhil.
_ Just about! Would not smoke, already 80-tbylo.

*****

- Tell, Vovochka, what subject most of all is pleasant to you v
shkole?
-Is ringing, the father.

*****

The neigbour resorts to the father of Vovochki.
-you know, your son in bushes a goat gets on!!!
-As? Today Thursday, my turn!

*****

- Who your father? - the teacher of Vovochku.
-Companion Stalin asks!
-A who your mother?
-Soviet homeland!
-A whom you want to become?
-Orphan!

*****

Literature lesson. All write the composition on winter. At the end of the lesson Vovochka
tyanet ruku.
-Well, Vovochka?
-A can be read to me aloud?
-Mmmm... Well, davay.
- The winter Came. Struck morozy.
-Well, Vovochka... prodolzhay.
-Froze prud.
-Well!
-Were going to drive deti.
-Remarkably!
-came kozel.
-Well Here...
-Came koza.
-Well and...
-Well and goat goat...
-of Vovochk! Well it is inconvenient!

*****

Literature lesson. Uchitelnatsa:
-Children, think up a rhyme with the words "If I Have a Horse" .
MASHKA:
-If I have a horse - I on him katalasya.
petka:
-...
Vovochka:
-If I would have a horse is there would be number,
If the horse would have me - I likely would die.

*****

Lesson in shkole.
uchitel asks:
-Who will be able to prove this theorem? Masha, you know?
(Silence...)
Вовочка you will be able to prove this theorem?
(B) - B@ya I will be!
(U) - Sit down, I trust!

*****

At a lesson of biology of Marya Ivanovn asks
-Children, at whom the biggest eggs?
MISHA - At kurochki
-Well done!!!
ANYa- At a penguin...
-Well can...
Vovochka pulls ruku
- And you as think Vovochka???
Vovochka- The biggest eggs at an elephant!!!
-;-E Sit down Vovochka - Two!!!!
Vovochka-Da Da Marya of Ivanovn, 2 such big...

*****

At a lesson Maria Ivanovna asks:
-Children who knows: why storks for the winter depart to Africa?
Vovochka pulls ruku:
-That also Blacks could have children.

*****

At a lesson: Ivanovn's
marya speaks to children:
(MI) Children think up a rhyme that in it there were words a vice and a hammer!
Vovochka after long thought pulls a hand and speaks: Marivann's
(B), and it is possible vvvmesto to put words a hammer the word a sledge hammer?
(MI) A what for? of
(B) That was stronger blow! Well put
(MI) if you want... Then I thought up
(B)!!! (In) If to deliver you to
(MI) Rasskazyvay
a cancer,
I to clamp nipples in a vice, a sledge hammer to set
A in с#аку,
GDE will appear brains? :)

*****

At a lesson the teacher explains to mathematics a condition zadachi:
"the Ladder of the house under construction has five flights, everyone iz
kotorykh consists of 20 steps. How many steps it is necessary to pass,
chtoby to get on the last floor?
-Everything, - are answered by Vovochka.

*****

At a lesson the teacher dictates predlozheniye:
v to a corner Ivanna, and who such "skr" scrapes mysh.
Vovochka asks:
-Mar?

*****

Uchitel:
-Vovochka, call an imperative mood of a verb "to be silent".
-of Sha!

*****

Uchitel:
- The Woman looks from a window, what this number?
-Only, - are answered by Masha.
- And what we will tell if three women look from a window?
-Is a brothel, - Vovochka answered.

*****

The teacher set the composition on a subject: "If I was direktorom
firmy... "
Bce diligently write, and only Vovochka looks in okno.
- And you why do not write?
-I Expect the secretary!

*****

The teacher explains to pupils of the rule good tona:
-On a ladder the man always goes before the lady. And knows li
kto-nibud from you, why?
RUKU lifts Vovochka:
-Because the lady does not know, on what floor he lives.

*****

The teacher warns uchenikov:
-Never it is impossible to kiss animals. It threatens razlichnymi
zabolevaniyami. Who can give an example?
-Ya, - rose Vovochka, - here my aunt kissed svoyego
popugaya.
-Well all the time and?.
- The Parrot went crazy.

*****

The teacher asks small Vovochka:
-your jacket and that it is made? From sukna.
-Verno; and cloth from what is manufactured by
-?
-From wool! Well done! And wool who gives
-to us?
-Ovtsy.
-Clear head! Means, what animal gave you a jacket?
-Father.

*****

The teacher asks uchenikov:
-What personality whom you faced during uchebnogo
goda, shook you most strongly?
-Me - to Napoleon.
-Me - Gannibal.
-Me - Yuli Tsezar.
- And me, - were told by Vovochka, - my father when he saw the sheet za
pervoye half-year.

*****

The teacher ordered to bring to pupils in school meditsinskiye
instrumenty who that can: scissors, tweezers, syringe...
Vovochka brought the respiratory device. The teacher asks:
-Vovochka where you took it?
-U of the grandfather, - Vovochka.
-answers And what he told you?
-of Ap-ap-ap...

*****

The teacher (to see to year in 1945) asks children:
-Children who and how from you helped the front?
NASTYA:
-Ya sent on the front tobacco pouches with tabakom.
masha:
-I helped mother to do perevyazki.
uchitelnitsa:
-Good fellows!
Vovochka:
-A I brought to soldiers shells!
-of Vovochk and you are the real hero! You were thanked?
-Yes, told me "Zer gutnut, Voldemar!"

*****

The teacher - Vovochke:
-You why did not make lessons?
-Simply yesterday we had a fire and the grandfather was lost.
-So it that, burned down?
-Well, it was in time vyprygnut.
-So it that, broke?
-Well, firefighters stretched an awning, it fell to it,
spruzhinil and flew again in okno.
-Dak so it burned down?
-Well, it again was in time vyprygnut.
-Dak so broke?
-Well, I spoke, firefighters stretched an awning, it fell to it,
spruzhinil and flew again in okno.
-So, burned down?
-Well, it again was in time vyprygnut.
-Well, so broke?
-Well, I spoke, firefighters stretched an awning, it fell to it,
spruzhinil and flew again in okno.
-So to it happened...? Yes it firefighters got
- And they shot down it.

*****

The teacher speaks uchenikam:
-Children, think up the offer that in it there were words "na
vsyaky case" .
podnimayet a hand one of pupils: "War is not present, and army derzhim
na any case".
-Good fellow, correctly! Still who thought up?
vtoroy pupil: "The fires are not present, and firemen we hold on vsyakiy
sluchay". Well done! Who else thought up
-?
podnimayet hand Vova: "Our neighbor has no wife, and the her costs na
vsyaky a case".
-As to you is not a shame, Vova! Unless it is possible such things on urokakh
russkogo language!
Bo break time the teacher approaches Vovochke.
-Give me the address of your neighbor just in case.

*****

Teacher: - Children, we studied a new letter "Zh", call not it slova.
vstayet Masha: - Zhelud.
- The Good fellow Masha, sit down, pyat.
vstayet Katya: - Zhavoronok.
- The Good fellow Katya, sit down, pyat.
vstayet Vovochka: - Zh_pa!
uchitelnitsa: - As it is a zh_pa and there is no such word!
Vovochka: - How it is not present, the zh_pa is, and the word is not present?

*****

Teacher: - Children, guess, how many to me years?
Vovochka: - 24!
uchitelnitsa: - And how you guessed, Vovochka?
Vovochka: - I am 12 years old, and mother calls me the silly person...

*****

The teacher asks children to think up the offer with the word ANANAS.
MASHA: "Pineapples grow in Africa. "
uchitelnitsa:" Good fellow Masha. "
MISHA:" The father bought pineapple in shop. "
uchitelnitsa:" Good fellow ".
Vovochka:" And the father left us. "
uchitelnitsa:"?!? And where word pineapple? "
Vovochka: "A_na_nas with mother #@$ put."

*****

The teacher asks:
-Vova if in one trouser pocket at you ten rubles, and v
drugom thirty, what it means?
-It means that I put on others trousers.

*****

The teacher asks children for whom with whom work roditeli.
Vovochka:
- And my mother the prostitute!
-Ah as you dare, go to the director and tell about the act!
direktor was the man. After a while Vovochka enters v
klass and something hides for spinoy.
-Well, what the director told?
- The Director told that all professions are important, gave a paper bag of candies i
zapisal the home address.

*****

The teacher asks in klasse:
-Than life before revolution differs from that, what now?
Vovochka:
-Before revolution spoke: "Pshel of wons!" And now speak: "Prikhodite
zavtra!"

*****

Teacher asks:
-Who the most popular person?
Vovochka are pulled ruku:
-by Michael Jackson!!!
-Sit down, two!
Ha following den:
-So, children, who the most popular person?
Vovochka:
-President!!!
-Sit down, five!
Vovochka sits down, gets under a school desk Michael Jackson's portrait and shepchet:
-Sorri, Michael, - business!

*****

The teacher asks at a lesson biologii:
-Children, what color there are eggs?
-Grey, belye.
Vovochka:
-Vovochk's Siniye.
- At whom you saw them? Guarding
-U when it their door pinched.

*****

The teacher asks shkolnikov:
-Who will tell the female name with three letters "B"?
Vovochka are pulled ruku:
-by the Wide bum! From where you took
-?! There is no letter "B"!
-We with the father walked down the street yesterday and met here takuyu
shirokuyu the aunt. The father looked back and all the time govoril:
"Wai - vay-vay! Wai - vay-vay!"

*****

The teacher at a lesson of literature calls Vovochka to doske.
-Vovochka, you know Pushkin? You know
-NET.
-A of Lermontov? You know
-NET.
-A of Nekrasov?
-NET.
- Then sit down, the two, and let parents will come in shkolu.
posle Vovochk's lessons stops the teacher tomorrow and speaks:
-You know Fedka Dolgovyazov?
-NET.
-A to Tolk - It sets your teeth on edge?
-NET.
-A Kolka Okurk?
-NET.
-So why you at a lesson me the gang of a scarecrow?

*****

At Baltic school there is a lesson. The teacher asks:
-Who will tell me, what means red color on our flag?
YANIS, otvechay.
yanis:
-on our flag means Red color blood, prolituyu
narodom in fight for independence respubliki.
uchitel:
-it is correct. And who will tell, what means green color on nashem
flage? Arvidas, govori.
arvidas:
-on our flag means Green color fine prirodu
nashey the homeland - its woods, a field, gardens...
uchitel:
-is right. And who will tell, what means white color on nashem
flage?
Vovochka from a back school desk (without rising from a place):
-A means white color snow in Siberia where will go Yannis I
arvidas when we come to the power...

*****

At school the teacher (At) finds out who whom rabotayut.
mashenka:
- At me has parents the father the engineer, and mother uchitelnitsa.
serezha:
- my father - the director of vegetable warehouse, and mother - domokhozyayka.
Vovochka (B):
- And at me is the father - Sherlock Holmes!
(U) - As it?
(B) - Every evening it comes home, comes into a toilet and oret
v a toilet bowl: "Uatson! Ua-a- Atson!"

*****

At school the teacher meets pupils, asks kak
zovut who parents, etc.
vstayet Mashenka, speaks:
-Masha Ivanova, the father the Russian, mother Russian, I too russkaya.
vstayet Moysha and speaks:
-A at me the father the Jew, mother the Jew, was born I in Russia, poetomu
russkiy.
tut there is Vovochka (not the brother-in-law) and speaks:
Эт chozh such it turns out, I have here the Russian father, mama
russkaya, I was born in garage, so I that, ZIL-130 of a chtola!!!!!

*****

Evening. Small-family hostel. The young husband and the wife gather zanyatsya
lyubovyyu. The little son Vovochka could not be put and the father speaks to him: "Also tell Vovochka
vstan at a window that becomes on the street". Vovochka unwillingly gets up u
okna and begins: "The bus passed". The father, climbing on mother: "The good fellow, look i
rasskazyvay further". Vovochka: "The cat stole a march". Father: "The good fellow, also tell
smotri further". Vovochka: "Vaughan Lenka, in the house opposite, at okna
stoit. Probably her parents too е@#$ся..."

*****

Vovochka comes back home from a party. In the hall kvartiry
dolgo rummages hands on a wall. Vovochka approaches it mama:
-, what you look for there? Yes you tell
-Otstan.
-to me, what you look for there? Perhaps I znayu.
-... your mother, it was worth leaving the house, already dver
zamurovali.

*****

speaks:
-my parents of animated cartoons are afraid of Vovochk. As animated cartoons show,
oni to the TV put me, and climb under a blanket i
tryasutsya.