Jokes about women

Read funny Jokes about blondes

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Two blondes stand on the bridge and argue that there, under it. One speaks:
-Tam Volga!
other not soglashayetsya:
-Well, there the Moskva River!
pervaya again speaks:
-is fine that just like that to argue? Let me dive and I will check!
prygayet, soon comes back. Second blonde asks:
-Well, and what there?
-Tam Kashirskoye Highway!

*****

Two girlfriends blondes bought on a hamster. Began to think how to distinguish them. One speaks:
- And give I to the one pad I will tear off, and mine will have three pads, and at yours - chetyre.
-What you clever! Give!
Tak also made. At night a hamster with three pads with envy otgryz a pad to the second hamster, at that too became tri.
pervaya the blonde again pridumala:
- And give I to the hamster one more pad the tearaway. Mine will have two, and at yours tri.
nochyyu a hamster with two pads again otgryz a pad to the second hamster …
B a result from hamsters remained two little bodies without pads. Began to think how now to distinguish them. The first blonde speaks:
- And give mine there will be white, and yours - black …

*****

Two podruzhki-blondinki:
-It precisely me lyubit.
-You are sure of it?
-Of course! To the girl with whom simply want to oversleep, will not give a chocolate.

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Two secretaries-blondes discuss the nachalnikov:
-to me mine is pleasant, but, unfortunately, it too pedantichen.
-In what sense?
-He claims that all words are written strictly definitely.

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The girl for work of the secretary ustraivayetsya:
-I print with a speed of two thousand two hundred blows in minutu.
vse gasped!
-Such nonsense turns out.

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The girl gets a job in ofis:
- I Print with a speed of 1200 signs in minutu.
vse gasp. It slowly in storonu:
- Such hogwash turns out.

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– What the blonde With bicycle after purchase does?
-Removes a saddle.

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– What does the blonde when gets a water ski do?
-Looks for the inclined lake.

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– What does the blonde Who has nothing to eat do?
-does not eat.

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– What does the blonde for whom phone ceased to work do?
-Tries to phone on it in customer service.

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– What the blonde in a bed does early in the morning?
-Disturbs.

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- What does the blonde when sits down at the computer do?
-Screams because sees a mouse!

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- What does the blonde do, standing on scales?
-Pulls in a stomach.

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- What to do if the blonde threw in you a ring?
-Run from there, as soon as possible, - at it is in a pomegranate hand.

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– What to do if the blonde threw in You the grenade? to Pull out
-to the Check And to Throw it back.

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Dialogue of the blonde with zerkaltsem:
-my Light, a pocket mirror, tell and all truth report. I on light of all am lovelier, all ruddier and am more white? You are beautiful
-, no doubt. But turn slightly to the left. Silly woman, stop! Now more to the right. And, go to red light... Brake!!! Pothole, ditch... You are beautiful, no doubt, but did not see this world of anybody you growing dull...

*****

Dialogue in a chat / аське:
-HI!!!
-daroff
-AS we LIVE????
-is normal, kaps release a lok tolko
-RELEASED WHERE??? Simply press
-it. that would write with normal letters, but not in the top register!!! To me SO NRAVITSYa
-you is casual
- And not the blonde?
- And THAT???????? Yes just like that I ask
-...
- The BLONDE, BUT NOT to UNDERSTANDING AS YOU CALCULATED IT?

*****

The taxi dispatcher kliyentu:
"Leave in 5 min. You are waited "by Mazda?, a blue metallic" .
dalee according to the driver: Leaves an entrance zhenshchina.
oboshla 2 times round the car came nearer to the slightly opened window and asks "It you blue Vitalik?"

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- For what the blonde keeps ice in the refrigerator?
-That was cold there!

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For work gets a job in the center of weather forecasting blondinka.
-What at you for this purpose data?
-B this year I guessed 6 figures in a lottery.

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For those who remembers anatomy:
-That such: 70 gray cages on a beach?
-of 70 blondes.
-A 74 gray cages?
-of 70 blondes and dog.

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– How to achieve that at the blonde eyes lit up?
-to light a Small lamp in an ear.

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The doctor - blondinke:
-Not dyshite.
- And you that, broke wind?

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The doctor of Blondinke:
-I Congratulate, the darling, you beremenny.
-Oy, the doctor, and you are sure that it is my child.

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The doctor, at me in chips got a bag with an inscription "Is not", and I ate. I will die?
-Well, all will die sometime...
-All? What horror! That I did!

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- Darling how many at us children?
-Dvoye.
-A why in the room six?
-K send to our kids druzya.
-Well and how I now will distinguish the from strangers? Our
-Ya marked. That bald with a red cross on the head - not ours!

*****

The daughter addresses to mather:
-Mother and why boys in the yard call me "pig"?
-Not "pig", and "blonde" - remember it, and write down better!

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- Why so clever Jews?
-Because intelligence is transferred on the maternal line, and blondes among Jews are practically not present.

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Egypt, excursion to pyramids. In the bus the guide napominayet:
-On pyramids not to get! To turistke-blondinke:
-Sphinxes not to feed with
povorachivayetsya!

*****

The blonde on an oncoming lane goes. Stops it gaishnik:
-Where it you go? I do not know
-, but, in my opinion, I am late - all already go back.

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The blonde on the jeep, the GAI officer ostanavlivayet:
-Why in front and behind different numbers goes?
-In front - cellular, and behind - house.

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The blonde on "Zaporozhets" goes, and suddenly from under a cowl the smoke went... The blonde left the car, opened a cowl and something razglyadyvayet.
tut to it goes one more blonde on "Zaporozhets" to a meeting - looks that the girlfriend has, probably, a trouble... Stopped, the Girlfriend approaches it, asks:
-, what at you happened? You Present to
-, I left the motor at home!
-Yes you do not take a steam bath, at me in a luggage carrier the spare lies!!!

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– How blondes go to the blinking red traffic light?
-will go. will stop. will go. will stop...

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Two blondes go by the car with a speed of 120 km/h the car gaishnik:
-Devushki! The sign 60 weighs! You eat 120!
So us two!

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If the blonde and the brunette together jump out of a window who will fall the first?
bryunetka. The blonde will stop at windows and to ask the road.

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There are three things at which it is possible to look postoyanno:
-On ogon
-On vodu
-As the blonde parks.

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- There are three girls, all go to the fifth class. One of them the brunette, another giving birth, the third blonde. At what of them the best figure?
-Of course, at the blonde, after all to it 19 years!

*****

Heat, Sochi. On a beach there is so all bum dirty in a cap and with an oar on a meeting to it the blonde slender all. Well the bum an oar on ж#пе as will give it. Blonde vozmushchenna:
-YOU THAT???!!!
-Oy-oy-oy what we gentle.

*****

The wife blonde calls the husband on rabotu:
-Darling, today guests will come. What to prepare for me? Take
- The recipe-book and choose something more tasty!
through five minut:
-Darling, it again I. I will prepare a duck in Chinese! Well?
-is excellent! To
through five minutes, with alarm in golose:
-Listen, here it is written that it prepares on 4 people, and guests will be 8! What to do?
-Yes simply double all ingredients! Understood?
-Understood!
through of 5 minutes, placha:
-is impossible To me! It is written: take one duck - I took two. It is written to 1 kg of apples - I took 2 kg, and then tam
napisano to prepare in an oven at a temperature of 300 degrees, and at us on a plate is written "at most 500"...!!!