Jokes about cats

Read funny Jokes about cats

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At theater on a shoulder at the man the cat sits and stares at a scene. It is visible that the events there it are strong zanimayet.
-It surprisingly! - exclaims sosed.
-Anything surprising, - the owner of a cat explains, - simply he read the book, and it is interesting to it that with it the playwright made.

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The man comes into three o'clock in the morning to the neighbor from which apartment terrible noise reaches, and sees - in the middle of the room the cage, in it the cat frightened domestic dies in the last ditch, and round it the naked neighbor with wild cries chases the naked wife. The man asks:
-Ivan, you that, went crazy?! And why a cat you torment?!
-a situation was Last night the return. Here let will also experience, the swine!

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Variant:
tri a cat meet, argue who from them lenivee.
-I lay on a floor yesterday, and from a table sausage fell. So to me was to approach and eat laziness. Me yesterday the hostess delivered a saucer with milk under a nose to
-A, and to me to drink up laziness...
-A you heard shouts yesterday? So it I to myself stepped on egg. Painfully, and a paw to lift laziness...

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- Vas! Our cat in slippers nassat!
-That?! Ah you are vile cattle! Shcha I will kill, on a horse-radish!!!
-Yes not in yours! In the mother's!
-A, well give it smetanka...

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- Your cat awfully shouts at night! Yes, since he swallowed
-a canary, imagined that is able to sing.

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Your kitten cannot get used to a cat's toilet?
razreshite to it to read and smoke there!

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Having returned from fishing, the husband asks at zheny:
-Kot of the house?
-Come, be not afraid, I sprats in shop bought it...

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The veterinarian on departure: arrived on a call, and the hostess says to it that the cat at them became pregnant though on the street it was not let out - generally a nonsense. Suddenly from the neighboring room there is such fat, experienced cat. Veterinar:
- And so to you and reason!
khozyayka:
-Yes you that - it her brother!

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The excited uncle Fedor runs in in dom:
-Matroskin! Matroskin! Your cow of a calf striped gave rise!!!
matroskin, with dostoinstvom:
-M-rrr … My cow. That I want - that and I do!

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Vovochka watches TV commercial of "Wiskas". The hostess koshki:
-to me broadcasts reported Today that the kitten very similar on menya.
Vovochka was born: - Well, here! Played with a cat, played, and finished badly!

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Here also the generation of cats who had not to lie down on the warm monitor grew...

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- You say that cartoons do not affect the life. And many people still eat a sandwich sausage down just because one cartoon cat said so delicious ...

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- Here you laugh, and I watched week it. I when go to a shower, on
saditsya nearby and looks. And before such was not. From what I draw a conclusion,
chto the castrated cats show interest in human females! You the British scientists in a sort had no

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- Here I watch advertizing. Boris - the actor, the philosopher, the athlete, the reformer...
samoy, perhaps, kiteket is?

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Two cats meet. One - lean, another - fat. Lean sppashivayet:
-Listen where you otjetsya so? You have after all an owner same pyan, as well as mine, all spent on drink, to guzzle houses nechego.
-Yes. Ho at yours when it falls into a white fever, what on a table jumps?
-Green chertiki...
-In! And at mine - pink mice!.

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two familiar cats - one fat-prezhirny met and another lean - in what the soul keeps lean with envy tells zhirnomu
-not the floodplain in what business - Your owner the drunk and my your drunk to you to guzzle ne
dayot and mine does not give from where at you such puzo
- And you remember - when to your owner the little squirrel comes that at it po
stolu prygayet
-well green chyortiki
- And here at my-pink mice FAT pink mice

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The gnome's cat meets. asks:
-You who?
-Ya - the gnome. Pakostyu to people, I spoil things, I shout at night, I do not allow to sleep. And you?
koshka reflected....
- Then I too gnome.

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Two cats meet. One drugoy:
-You know, yesterday walked on that roof, so jumped out two unknown impudent peeled a cat, dragged for that pipe and FROM! On! SI!!! LO!! Wa!!! LIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!
-Yes, And that?
-I Think - today. Again. Sing. Ti...

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Two girlfriends meet...
-How are you doing? of
-Divorced... I live on drugs... A valerian five times a day...
-Poor, anybody does not love you, does not understand....
-Well why? Cat... loves!

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Two girlfriends meet. One and speaks:
-Pochemu your cat so shouts in the evenings?
we bathe her...
Well we too bathe the, but she for some reason so does not shout... As you it unscrew
-A?

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Two meet. One udivlyaetsya.
-You, I look, lately such harmonous became! You go to a gym?
-Is not present, simply zavel.
- And it you eats around a cat?
-Well. He, a muzzle, was moved to spoil under a sofa. And I on three times per day under this sofa on all fours climb!

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Two meet druga.
-How are you doing?
-do not ask: yesterday the apartment burned down, giving robbed, the bank where there was all my money, burst, the son put, the daughter kept company with addicts...
-Yes, old man... Worse cannot be any more! I am afraid of
-that can. Today the black cat stole a march on me and put out the tongue at me!

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Two friends meet. One normal and the second such sad. The first - That such sad?
Da here, a cat at me. Only descends in a toilet - disperses, runs, and wipes an ass about a floor....
So you lay an emery paper on a floor....
Ha that and poreshili.
vstrechatsya through неделю.
- Well as? In total ok. To a door only the tail with paws reached....

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Two cats, wild and house meet. House asks at dikogo:
- And who feeds you?
-Yes anybody. I to myself get pishchu.
-You are able to open cat's canned food itself?!!

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Meet Priyateli:
-hi, what fashionable at you shuba.
-A you as thought, it is sewed by the special order from cat's shkurok.
-Well and how warm? Everything is good
-: both warmly, and it is convenient … Only I am closer to spring as though not the … and on a roof pulls.

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Two meet priyatelya.
-You that such sad?
-Yes here, a cat pokhoronil.
- And what happened?
-Was lost from molnii.
-As???
-Yes here, I clasped a jacket, and it put the head...

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Vstrechayutsya two new Russians. one sad and the second cheerful. Grustnyy:
-Nadoyel to me my dog. Eternally for cats runs, I will not hold in any way....
VTOROY:
-give me it for one day I it quickly otuchu.
pomenyalis. They come home. The man sits down a dog in front of the TV, turns on the channel of the nature, and there show tigra.
muzhik sobake:
-Vot you run for cats, so poznakomsya, it is their roof....

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Yesterday my Persian cat on my favourite Persian carpet suited the Persian Gulf.

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- Yesterday the whole day money otmyval.
-That, got good profit?
-Well, the cat in a purse spoiled.

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You did not notice, what the open box with a puzzle on a floor reminds a tray? My cat noticed
A...

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Drank for the night before examination of a valerian - kisses with moustached devushkoy.
v the following time before reception of a valerian all night long dreamed I will throw out a cat from the room.

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- They say that Catsan - the best cat's filler. Well I do not know... I filled two cats yesterday, so they died!

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They say that cats help to remove a stress. And after all it is valid, you will kick the asshole - and at once it is easier!

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The Lord created people. People asked: "In what there will be a sense of our life?"
gospod answered: "In anything, simply live". Pulled a string and people appeared on Zemle.
sledom the Lord created cows. Cows asked: "In what there will be a sense of our life?" "In anything", the Lord answered, pulled a string and cows appeared on zemle.
tak he the whole day worked, creating fauna. Was tired. By the time of when he created cats, nervishka were on a limit. Cats, as well as everything asked: "In what there will be a sense of our life?" But to god was not to them any more, he shouted to the assistant: "Valerian!" also pulled a rope.

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The guest sees at owners of a cat and asks:
-As call?
-Kastryulka.
-Because gets into pans, how at Kuklachyov?
-Is not present, because the castrated.

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Got Maxim called the cat of Smert.
i now quite often in the evenings plays with Death.

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Giving, the grandmother with the granddaughter drink tea. On a table there is a jam to which from the different parties ants creep. The girl, without thinking twice, crushed odnogo.
babushka Lizonka, you that how it is so possible presses on pity rebenka:
-?! With Muravyishki too after all live, him it is sick! They have children! Here present: they stay at home and wait for the mother... And mother will not come...
LIZA (pressing a finger the next insect):- And the father too will not come!

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Two domestic cats watch closely for fluffy Persian koshechkoy.
- The beauty! - sighs odin.
-Not that word, you would see it wet - not a figure, but lovely sight!

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Two cats sit and razgovarivayut:
-Something our owner ceased to be pleasant to me...
-is not pleasant - do not eat!!!