Jokes about cats

Read funny Jokes about cats

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The man was bothered by a cat - and it brought it far away - but the cat returned...
I so - a little raz.
nakonets the man brought it absolutely far and all road wagged and confused dorogu.
v result itself got lost and calls home zhene:
-Kot came? Da's
-!
-Well call it to phone...

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- Messes messes of messes... Cat...
-Dayobzhesh your mother... the head will hurt you or not?!

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We know long ago that when cats obssykat bushes and corners - that it they mark the territory. But recently scientists found out, why cats obssykat wheels of cars are they, reptiles, the friend the friend of the SMS send.

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The mouse got to a bottle with champagne. At it absolutely it is impossible to get out. Here she noticed that by the cat goes. A mouse vzmolilas:
- The Cat, pretty, rescue me, and I will become yours!
KOT thought and decided to let out a mouse. Turned a bottle. The mouse jumped out of a bottle and at once in a mink yurknula.
kot became krichat:
- And well give get out rather! You now mine!
A mouse to it otvechayet:
ekh, you! Who trusts in promises of the drunk woman!?

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On an exhibition of cats the casual person got - goes, considers everything with genuine interest. It approaches one owner and asks:
-That for a cat at you?
-Siamese!
- Well, blow me down! As well divided them...

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In kitchen the mother-in-law cooks pelmeni. The little kitten approaches it and asks from it myaso:
-Meow, meow!
TESHCHA pushes away it nogoy:
-Leave alone!
kotenok again approaches and again asks myaso
-Leave! - pushing away a foot, shouts teshcha.
kot again for the. The mother-in-law, having become angry, the son-in-law flings away it nogoy.
zakhodit on kitchen. Teshcha:
-Sit down, the beloved son-in-law, I to you pelmeshka cooked!
ZYAT sits down to a table, the mother-in-law imposes to it pelmeni. The kitten approaches the son-in-law and a pad asks pelmen:
-Meow, meow!
ZYAT:
-On, my good, eat pelmeshka!
kotenok joyfully eats a dumpling and dead you fall on pol.
zyat teshche:
-Ah...!!! Took in head to poison me?!!!
I as will give to the mother-in-law that that flew away in ugol.
-Yes!!! - slightly opening an eye, the kitten thought.

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On meat-processing plant to the head of the laboratory on quality of production the inspector on kadram:
-comes I found the cool specialist in quality! It determines our defects by a smell, and tastes only high-quality samples!
-Well, I did not meet something else such experts so far... Well, invite the new shot, acquaint me with nim.
-Murzik, pussycats-pussycats-pussycats, come!

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On a roadside the dead cat lies. The boy asks mamu:
-That happened to it?
-She died and went on the sky to Bogu.
- And God, threw out it back?

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At opening of new mine by tradition of the first threw a cat there. It, getting out, also scratched the first three tons of coal.

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On bird's rynke:
-Oh, who it at us - a cat or a kitty?
-A that, on ears do not see?
-NET.
-Is a hare!!!

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In the market buyer asks:
-How much is this cat? frankov.
-But yesterday you for it asked
-Hundred only dvadtsat.
-Today she ate a parrot!

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At a ceremony of a vrecheniye of the theatrical award "Gold Mask" actors of theater of Kuklachev nassat in boots to actors of Lenkom Theatre...

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The wife's cat bothered the husband, it is more unbearable. He decided to get rid of him. Took it, put in a bag, carried it on 2 km from the house and left there. With a light heart comes back home. Approaching the house, sees: on a porch the cat sits, for it waits, joyfully murlykayet.
muzhik entered wild rage. Next day it took a cat and carried it on 4 km. Again same history: the cat sits on a threshold and patiently zhdet.
muzhik hair on himself tears. Thought, thought and solved: took a cat, got into the car and went 10 km directly, 20 km on the left, 7 km to the southwest and 15 km on the northeast, threw a cat and left. In half an hour the man calls the wife on sotovomu:
-Kot of the house?
-Yes, the road, returned five minutes ago and why you ask?
-Give me this swine to phone - I was lost!.

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Vovochka gave to drink a cat gasoline. The cat passed two steps and upala.
- The N-yes, - thought Vovochka, - probably at her gasoline came to an end - it is necessary to pour still.

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The real man what leaves the car and speaks:
-Expensive you ideally parked, and this Lexus already was rumpled, and the cat already was dead and the fir-tree here nakhren was not necessary

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The owner started feeding a cat with buckwheat. The cat to miske:
-Faugh, buckwheat resorts!
Ha resorts the second day: - Faugh, again buckwheat!
Ha third day: - Faugh, again buckwheat!
through week: - Wow! Buckwheat!!!

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Our kitten sits and plaintively mews. At first did not understand in what business, and appeared then that he sees a fly on a wall, and cannot reach it. The next 20 minutes ran with it on the apartment for a fly. I hold a kitten on hands, and he on a fly waves paws. The hunter grows, a pancake...

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Our cat too was afraid of the vacuum cleaner.... anything then it was involved....

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The Estonian found a dead cat in a ditch once and thought: "It is useful!" .
proshlo three years. The Estonian comes to the same place and throws out a cat back in a ditch. "Was not useful...", - he told.

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- I do not believe that neutered cats live longer nekastrirovannyh.
- Why?
- Why?

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Recently left for a while without supervision on a bedside table a purse, and, having come behind it, understood as far as after all to my cat to shit on money...

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There is no bigger temptation in the world, than to thrust a finger into a mouth of the yawning cat.

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- No, it not a cat, and ssssssssushchy punishment!.

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No force is capable to stop the cat who decided to get down from your knees.

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Novelty of Japanese robotostroitel! The new model of a cybercat is almost indistinguishable from live, but asks to eat in fifteen languages, tears up wall-paper and furniture under music and spoils strictly in the places programmed by the owner.

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New settlers let a cat of the first into the apartment, and the cat of a door closed, locks replaced, the third year already lives, in a door peephole the axe shows.

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News from the world nuclear fiziki:
zheludok at a kitten has more than thimble, therefore, of
TE two liters of milk which he is capable to drink for an hour,
nakhodyatsya in his stomach under a daleniye of 50000 atmospheres,
chto is ten times more than pressure in epicenter of nuclear explosion.

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New Wiskas with taste of sweet cherry! Let your cat will become stupid from surprise!

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New filler for cat's toilets with carbide! There is no cat, there is no smell!

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The new Russian complains drugu:
-Estimate, bought the projective TV for 3,5 pieces of dollars, and the cat, a bough, on it jumped and nassat in a back cover... Gave 600 dollars for repair!
-I chyo, you banged it?
-Well... (sadly) - it costs five pieces of dollars!

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The new Russian complains priyatelyu:
- The Dog at me such angry as will see a cat - rushes and on scraps breaks off!
-Yes do not worry, the brother, uladim.
beret the friend this dog for a shkvarnik, is lucky in a zoo. And there tycht it a muzzle in a cage with tigrom:
-you See, a padla? It is cat's "roof"!

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Night. The huge mouse falls out of the refrigerator. Round a neck sausages, in one paw - a piece of ham, in another - a sausage long loaf are reeled up. Approaches a hole, sees a mousetrap, and in it - a small slice syra.
pokachala the head: "Well, it is direct, as children, ches. word...".

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- What is necessary for your cat for entire happiness, except a jar of "Wiskas"?
-Well, unless still small opener...

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Of what your favourite cat when spoils in a room corner behind a chair thinks? It is difficultly for
dostoverno to tell, but approximately tak:
"I Know, of course, that it is impossible. But, first, here anybody the net.
vo-second, darkly. And thirdly, I after all will dig!"

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Of what your cat when spoils a carpet in a corner behind a sofa thinks?
DA, I know that it is impossible, but: first, anybody is not present nearby, secondly - here it is dark, and then - I will dig everything...

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Two communicate koshki:
- And when he promised to marry you? marte.
-In March all of them promise
-B

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Objyavleniye:
"it is free in good hands: a red kitten, 6 months, tender, playful, all vaccination is done, to a toilet is accustomed, ideal for a family with detmi.
ili:
husband , the brunette, brown eyes, 35 years, is kind, sociable, good highly paid work, but hates cats. Says that in the house will live or it, or kot.
prikhodite, look and choose the one who to you is more to liking!"

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Announcement! "Kitten. Qualitative. Almost yuzany, run - 2 months. It is completed. There is a wool (cheerful black- And-white coloring), paws (4 pieces), moustaches (unlimited) and Int hummed (is built in). The subject possesses function of an urination in a toilet, lying on the TV, having lowered a tail on the screen, and irrepressible cheerfulness. Function of food is debugged simply splendidly: with pleasure guzzles even bread and macaroni. And I give all this just like that, for good it is not a pity for people! Brandovy. Glitches are not present. It Apgreyditsya. Guarantee. The mouse identifies".

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Objyavleniye:
otdadim kittens in good hands, and that at us bad.