Jokes about cats

Read funny Jokes about cats

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- As your cat's name?
- day or night?

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- What your cat of breed?
-British goluboy.
-Elton John, perhaps?

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Only two types of living beings on Earth are capable to use love to themselves in the mercenary purposes are women and cats.

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Three cats meet, argue who from them lenivee.
-I lay on a floor yesterday, and from a table sausage fell. So to me was to approach and eat laziness... Me yesterday the hostess delivered a saucer with milk under a nose to
-A, and to me to drink up laziness...
-A you heard shouts yesterday? So it I to myself stepped on egg. Painfully, and a paw to lift laziness...

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Three mice were going to drink. One speaks:
-Let's drink on a liqueur glass and spoyem.
-Give on two liqueur glasses and stantsuyem.
-Let's drink on three and we will go to beat a muzzle to a cat.

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It is difficult to look for a black cat in the dark room. Especially if there it is not present.

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It is difficult to look for a black cat in the black room, especially when it there... shitted.

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At veterinara:
-Nickname?
-Velzevul.
-Oh and how you to eat it call???? To eat with
-A I do not call it, he comes...
-Nickname?
-Oligarch!
-I as it?!!!
-As, as... Real oligarch. Not purebred, impudent and all house obozhrat.

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At the hostess started talking kot.
-to live as to you, to cats, is, - she speaks to it. - You do nothing, you are fed, care about tebe.
- Then I offer: to drown the son, to lull the grandmother, and to castrate the father that from the house did not run...

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I have a friend. Every time when I come to it, it washes the floors. Once I asked it supposedly that it you how I will come, all the time the floors wash? And it speaks:
-Is ringing at us very loud, and a cat - very timid!

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At acquaintances of a cat call Kastryulk. On my surprised "Why?" they answered: "So castrated...".

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Our cat without light is afraid to eat at night...

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At a cat language is not only language, but also a spoon, a mug, a toothbrush, a brush for fur, soap, a bast and toilet paper...

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- I have a cat three kittens and brought all malchiki.
- How did you know?
- Yes they pee standing.

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At mother the daughter studies at university and lives in the hostel. When the daughter arrived to mother on vacation, mother asks:
- The Daughter, you live in the hostel with free customs how you beat off from crowd of admirers?
-Is very simple, I show them the cat and I say that him castrated!

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at the man of the house there lived a cat, it to death bothered it, he solved it in the wood to take away. Threw it in the car and went to the wood. In 3 hours calls home,
- The Wife a cat came?
-Yes, davno
-a nuk give it a tube, I got lost.

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One man had a cat. And terribly the man wanted to get rid of a cat.... Every day he drove this cat in different places and could not confuse it in any way. Where it only did not leave it. Here good friends advised to take away it in the wood and to throw... It brought. Passes day, the call is distributed...
Wife:
-Allo...
husband :
-Kot came?
Wife:
- Yes.
husband :
-Dai to it a tube, I will ask as to get out of the wood....

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One programmer a screensaver had small fishes. The cat was hospitalized with the diagnosis: "General exhaustion of an organism and socially dangerous behavior".

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At one lady there lived a cat, well such clever cat, just did not speak. Here she was also upset everyone den:
- The Cat, well you such clever, well tell something! Well when you will start telling
sidyat! They once against each other at a table, the hostess raises the same song: a pier, the cat, would tell something. And the cat opens wide a mouth and vydayet:
-Now the piece will fail from a ceiling!
khozyayka and was stunned, sits, at a cat goggled - and here it as will hit on the head that piece of plaster from a ceiling!
-Well here, - were grumbled by a cat, - that all "a cat, say yes a cat, speak" and when I speak, madam does not listen.

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- How to persuade a woman to continue the way, if you ran across the road a black cat?
- is easier to persuade the cat back.

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Appease the cat! Yesterday he so shouted that my daughter was compelled to stop a singing lesson! Forgive to
-, but your daughter began the first.

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Three cats, who from them the laziest brag. speaks:
-Here to me yesterday the hostess a bowl of cream poured one, nearby put. And me so laziness was to rise that all day hungry lezhal.
vtoroy kot:
- And me yesterday the hostess brought a young beautiful kitty. The kitty so wanted me, accepted different poses, and to me laziness was to rise, so anything with it and not sdelal.
trety a cat asks:
- And heard at night shouts?
drugiye koty:
-Yes! Heard, all night long because of them could not fall asleep. And what happened?
trety kot:
-It I to myself sat down on eggs, and there was to rise so a laziness!!

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The owner feeds a cat with buckwheat. In the first day the cat ate, for the second day Fi, buckwheat approaches to chashke:
-...
ukhodit. On sleduyushchiy:
-Fi, again buckwheat...
ukhodit. For the fourth day podkhodit:
-About! Buckwheat!!!

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The owner about the kote:
-In my cat is not pleasant to me that he is the terrible coward. As soon as the thunder-storm begins, it at once climbs under a bed, and there is not enough place for both of us.

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The owner sits, has dinner. Plaintively myaukayet.
ne having stood Kot under a table, the owner throws under a table a piece myasa.
kot, having quickly coped with meat, shouts still gromche.
khozyain vzryvayetsya:
-Idi, sit down on my place, and I will get under a table and I will shout, then I something will get
mozhet!

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To good cat and in December March!

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It is good to be a cat: stretched - all be touched, turned over on other side - all lisp, grew stout on 5 kg - all again be touched.

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It is good to be an elite cat. Fluffy, thoroughbred, expensive. Tolstoy, impressive and lazy. Naturally, horse-radish not doing. All caressed and leleemy. Guarded from all adversities. For you elite forages, expensive shampoos and the best cats. Only luxury, benefit and happiness. What can be better? You are an elect, the minion of fortune...
ODNO only confuses me in this heavenly dream: from time to time itself should lick the back.

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- You want on handles?
-Is not present, I want on the person or on zhivotik.
-Foo, what platitude!
-you are platitude, - the cat thought, jumping off from a sofa...

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- Che long did not answer?
-of Kuriles on a balcony...
-of 40 minutes? Well I still a fight watched
-...
-Oops, che for a fight?
-Yes two were linked, shout, fight...
-A che shout?
-Meow, to a myayayayaya!

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- You that such sad?
-U me kitten lightning ubilo.
-It as!? Yes I a jacket clasped
-, and it did not manage to take away the head.

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- Than the March cat differs from the usual?
-Publicity!!!

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Than Putin differs from a cat?
KOT does not pretend to be, as if his people worry.

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The black cat stole a march on the woman with empty buckets. Both died on the spot.

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The black cat sent around the superstitious pedestrian at the intersection.

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I read the announcement: "I will give a cat in a good charge. Clever, beautiful, clean, omnivorous". Remembered, what I on Kot's horoscope and somehow pricked up the ears - really washing wants to get rid of me? But read dalshe
"I will give together with a lodge" and calmed down - definitely doing not wash.

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What does the cat think when runs for koshkoy:
-Doganyu, I will have, I will not catch up - whether sogreyus
chto thinks Koshka:
-not too I quickly run?.....

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What does your kitty when spoils a carpet in a corner behind a chair think? I Know
-that it is impossible, but: first, anybody is not present, secondly - it is dark, and then - I will dig...

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That thinks about the person sobaka:
-On feeds me, looks after, walks - probably he is a god...
ChTO thinks a cat about eto:
-On feeds me, looks after, probably I am a god...