Jokes about cats

Read funny Jokes about cats

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- Whether you reflected, what in the nature of a cat nobody ironed?
A well, got used now.

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The lady in zoomagazin.
dama came: To me means from blokh.
prodavshchitsa: Is only for koshek.
dama: Oh, and I have a cat... will not approach, huh?

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The granny in service spaseniya:
-Hallo calls, my kitty got stuck on a tree. You could not remove it?
-Yes anything, will sit-will sit also itself slezet.
- And if is not present? So it there with hunger pomret.
- The Granny, and you sometime on a tree saw a skeleton of a cat?

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Calls familiar to the friend - Veterinaru:
-hi, I advised the mother-in-law that she addressed to you that - that at her happened to a cat there. You make everything normally, well itself you understand … Do not worry, I will make everything. And the cat one will reach then the house?

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Call to 2 o'clock in the morning to veterinaru:
-Hallo, the veterinarian? Da's
-! You have something urgent?
-Of course! Here on a roof the cat makes love to a cat and terribly mews - it is impossible to sleep!
-Invite a cat to phone!
-you he thinks will stop making love? Well I stopped
-!

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Whether you know, what in nature nobody irons a cat? And now got used, a reptile!

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The well-known Russian cat predictor Zhora which the day before predicted a victory of Russians over Greeks, and Poles - over Czechs, solemnly was castrated.

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- How call a cat of the Minister of Foreign Affairs of Germany?
-Yoshkin cat!

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Pet-shop. Prodavshchitsa:
-That you want? For koshki.
-What you want Canned food
pokupatelnitsa:
-? At us is fish, chicken, meat. And different firm.
-Well, on your taste pick up, please!

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And day and night the cat neighbour's everything goes under a threshold mudak...

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There is a bandit to plunder bank, sees - it is stolen a march by a black cat. Well, he spat all superstitions, went further. Only opened the safe - caught. Let out, there is he next time, again sees the same cat. Again spat superstitions, went further, and again caught. For the third time goes - sees the same cat. Feels, something not so here, and You ask ee:
-, a cat for whom you work?
-MUR-R!!!

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There is an Uncle Fedor, sees - Kot Matroskin sandwich sausage zhuyet.
-down That, Matroskin, sausage down - is more tasty?
-Well, it is simple see I this sausage I cannot any more!

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There is a protection of the thesis on a subject: "What instinct is stronger?". The author of dissertation reports and carried out eksperimentakh:
-To the dark room the cat was located. Then to the same room were located food and a cat. At first the cat rushed to a cat, then to food, and then went to bed. After a while the cat at first rushed to food, then to a cat, and then went to bed. Later the cat rushed to food and then laid down spat.
question the opponent: - And how the food often changed?
-Ezhednevno.
-A cat?

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There is a kitten on the Sahara Desert, long so goes, all poor was tired.
I thinks: "If I now do not find boxes with sand, I opisatsya precisely..."

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- I go about garbage containers yesterday and I see how two huge rats fight, and nearby, having pressed in a wall, the cat sits and with horror on them smotrit.
-to the Campaign, a cat divided...

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There are two cats by butcher shop. One speaks drugoy:
-we Will come?
vtoraya a cat speaks:
-is written In the same place, what with pets to enter nelzya.
- And who knows, what we are able to read?

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There are three cats of white color. The road to them is crossed by the Black. One of koshek:
vot, a pancake, again will not carry today!!!

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Because of weather conditions cats postponed March to April.

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The engineer, the accountant, the chemist and the public servant argued, whose cat umee.
inzhener called the cat: "X square, show them!". X square approached a table, took paper and the handle and drew a circle, a square and a triangle. All agreed that it neplokho.
togda the accountant called the cat: "Grossbukh, show them!". Grossbukh went to kitchen and returned with dozen of cookies which spread out to 4 small groups, on 3 cookies in everyone. All agreed that it too horosho.
khimik called the: "The pallet, show them!". The pallet got from the refrigerator a package with milk, from the shelf the 200-gram glass and poured in it precisely 150 grams of milk, without having spilled at all. Everything too vpechatlilis.
i all three asked the civil servant: and yours that is able? And then the civil servant told the cat:" Smoke break, show them". The smoke break ate all cookies, drank all milk, peed on paper, raped three other cats, began to yell that from it at it the back ached, wrote the complaint to harmful working conditions, sent it to a sanepidemstantion and the sick-list for the rest of day took.

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Sometimes my cat looks at me, as if speaking: "Here I - a cat. And that in life you achieved?".

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Interview with dressirovshchikom:
-you the tamer of big wild cats?
-Yes, it I! Why they you do not touch
-after all you such small and thin?
-B that that and all focus: they wait when I grow stout.

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The yoga is useful... I sit in "a lotus pose", all such weakened, light pleasant music plays... I made a deep breath and... understood one very important thing...
koshak, the swine, somewhere spoiled!

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Every day, towards the midnight, I come in full exhaustion from the third work home, and thoughtfully I look at permanently full, had a rest and cheerfully murlychashchy cat meeting me. He does not even understand that is still live only because I fall at once to sleep...

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How to give to a cat a tablet (the translation from English).

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How Japanese check, whether the car is hermetically closed? Close in the car a cat if in three days the cat is still live, the hole means somewhere... Our
Kak check, whether the car is hermetically closed? Close in the car a cat if in three hours of a cat in the car is not present, the hole means somewhere...

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- How lovely! That you have a cat or kitten?
- And you do not see the ears?
- Net.
- This rabbit ...

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When my cat learned from me that people occurred from monkeys, she long laughed, and then began to treat me with considerably smaller respect.

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When opened a new coal mine, by tradition threw a cat there. It, getting out, also scratched the first ton of coal.

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When I told that year will be leap, my cat so ozhivilsya.
vidimo he thought that year will be Whiskas-ny...

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- The cat hid in a suitcase yesterday and refuses vykhodit.
- The international passport and the helicopter Demands?
-Aha, and eggs that back sewed...

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The cat grew well-fad and round therefore moved only rolling, and by a long distance - kicks.

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The cat is such animal, which on command "Where?!!", automatically changes the direction of three-dimensional motion.

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The cat goes on eaves: "Here from this window always smells as fish, there lives an old woman who treated me with milk twice, here - a vicious dog". All such native, familiar. So it approaches a drainpipe, creeps on it: "Now I will lie down on a roof, I will get warm on the sun". And here the pipe breaks. The cat flies down and thinks: "Now, as usual, on paws I will land". Lands directly on a spine, jumps, looks around and speaks: "DID NOT UNDERSTAND?!"

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The cat by nickname Tom behaved strange: rushed about on the neighboring yards, got on a roof on a fire-escape, ransacked on podvalam.
khozyaina asked: "He that at you, went balmy? "
-Really! Everything is much simpler. He was castrated and he hurries to cancel all the appointments.

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Cat - kotu:
-What original sunglasses of red color at you …
-It to me the owner bought that I took porridge for forcemeat.

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Cat bought for 500 dollars, sgryz boots for 1000 dollars. The owner so strongly became angry that led him to the general financial losses v
1500 dollars.

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The cat nas*at to you in slippers?... Well, for a start stop to use its tray in a toilet as an ashtray!

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Kot Ryzhik in full confusion rushed about on snowdrifts, freezing svoyu
lyubveobilnost, and krichal:
-Well and where? Where, I ask you, spring? Well for the country, and? Gde
devchonki, snowdrops, chatter of birds? Though sparrows chirping, hot
voron croak, where?! I do not speak about thaw any more. sypetsya
kak broke through snow from the sky at them there, and at these spring here. Continuous deception and lies!
A people listened to cat's shout and ulybalis:
-See as shouts. Feels spring. You will not spend cats.

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The cat of the priest throws out a bowl on a floor, displays a forage a cross, prays, eats a forage and lays down spat.
kot the architect pours out a forage, displays from it the architectural plan, interchanges the position of details, at last eats everything and lays down spat.
kot the director pours out food on a floor, starts hollowing a forage a bowl, razdalblivat it in dust, displays from this dust three roads, sniffs up them, falls at a back and shouts: "No, I cannot work so!"