Jokes about cats

Read funny Jokes about cats

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Not to mix, the grandmother of one newborn kitten nazvala
barsik, and drowned the second.

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- Why you shuffle all the time?
-Privychka
-?
-KOT
-I?
-you go at night, darkly... it is better to kick, than to come.

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Shiva was thought up by cats: to whom else could come to mind to supply god with such number of chesatelny devices?

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Stierlitz stroked a cat. The cat hissed and died. "Strange", Stierlitz thought and spat on the iron.

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Experiment on cats! Pavlov's
sobaki.

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This kid is so weak and defenseless, but at 3 o'clock in the morning his footfall and miaow will convince you of the return. Buy this swine of Whiskas and Catsan that to it was than to be engaged.

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Yury Kuklachev will not act with the cats any more. Recently he learned that cats secretly from him organized the left concerts.

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- I fed a cat with chicken yesterday, he is direct rejoiced. Even to sleep to me prishyol.
-Kot sleeps with you for food?

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I choose freedom! Kot Dorofei.

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- I found a kitten, but I do not know, the boy or devochku.
- There is only one way to check eto.
-What?
-Put a kitten in the car, let will park.

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I to a wedding on cats trained, very inconvenient animal... Until you dress a ring on a paw, will scratch all muzzle.

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I called the cat the Official. Guzzles, sleeps, and advantage zero. Only grows fat!

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Obvious proofs of that your cat knows your password interneta:
1. You loaded to yourself WarCatII.
2 recently. Your mouse has on itself traces of teeth and strongly smells ryboy.
3. You received E-mail from type by the name of the Down.

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Hard business love. And not female.

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- And you that by phone sent me yesterday? I wanted to wish kind morning you …
-First, there were 6th mornings. Secondly, I did not send, and politely took an interest that it is necessary for you in such early hour. And, thirdly, the word "moron" esca

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- And loves B, the B loves In What to do And?
- to Find another B!

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- And the truth, what separation strengthens love?
-Of course. After departure of the husband, I fell in love with Robert even more strong!

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- And my parents are afraid to look "Good night"...!!
-...???.-
-Oni as will include to me, lay down under a blanket and shiver, shiver, shiver....

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- And my neighbor constantly calls the wife a swallow, is tender tak.
-That, it at him such small?
-Well, it at it flies constantly.

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- I fucking love Japanese women more!
- So they are small?
- And I love them in bulk.

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The Englishman has the wife and the mistress. Loves zhenu.
fpantsuz has the wife and the mistress. Loves lyubovnitsu.
evpey has the wife and the mistress. Loves mamu.
russky has the wife and the mistress. Loves vypit.
ukrainets has the wife and the mistress. Simply likes to have.

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Anton found the wife with the lover in a bed. He is enough the gun and wants to shoot ego.
Wife in uzhase:
-Stop! From where how you think at us there was a new car, my jewelry, our new beautiful house?!
-It all of you? - Anton asks the man in the bed zheny.
-Yes.
- Then we will correct a blanket, be covered more warmly that did not catch a cold!

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- The barin, I laid a bed - go to oppress!

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The pregnant woman comes to the astrologer that that made a horoscope it to the future rebenku.
-Under what sign the child was conceived? - asks astrolog.
-It seems. "It is FORBIDDEN to SMOKE"!

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The businessman - psikhiatru:
- The Doctor, remember - last summer you advised: to distract from work it is necessary to have a good time with girls? Yes. So advise
-to
-as to me now to distract from girls and to return to work!

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- How will be in German "I love you"?
- their liba dikh.
- And in English?
- Ouch lavas yu!
- And in a Krasnodar way as will be?
- And well quickly in the car!

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- What will be if at the same time to accept viagra and a Dimedrol?
-"Love Similar to a Dream".

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The young woman of years of thirty comes into SEX SHOP and very constrainingly approaches a counter with vibratorami.
-Forgive, it is possible for me that white, that black, and in a corner of krasnenkiya...
-White - please, black - too, but, madam, the fire extinguisher we cannot sell you...

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In avtobuse:
- the Woman, take away elbows from mine plechy!
is not elbows, - grudi.
- Then leave it.

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In library: Tell
-, you have interesting books about love?
-Here, please, "Love poses".
-of Hm... And something more decent?
-Is. Here "Intelligent love poses".

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In marriage kontore:
-you whom prefer, Ms., the brunette or the blonde?
-would be desirable for me red. Know, I have a furniture of red color.

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On a visit the old friend came. Sit at a table. The owner periodically addresses to the zhene:
-Darling, bring, please, still chayu.
-to Zolottsa, be so kind, give sakhar.
- The Sun, your pie is matchless, it is possible still?
POKA the wife follows a pie, the friend voskhishchayetsya:
-I envy you: you so much time are married, and still it so love, the sun, zolotets call!
-Yes that you! Simply I years five as forgot her name!

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In the state muddy the gentleman sits, smokes a cigar, reads evening tays. The wife's lover enters, greeted and rises upward, in a bedroom. Through a nekotor vermya comes back. Also speaks hozyainu:
-That that your wife today especially holodna.
dzhentelmen without coming off from gazety:
- They and during lifetime did not differ in temperament.

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In the village it was got that on Saturday women wash, and in revival - men. However few years ago the bathhouse attendant Varfolomey absolutely grew decrepit and bathing day made one. The general. Women then for a long time reflected, and then quickly agreed. And men quickly agreed, and then for a long time reflected …

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The group of fascists came to the village, built all men in a rank, took off them trousers and govoryat:
-If the woman blindfold finds the husband on the member, it remains zhit.
pervaya idet.
-It is not mine, do not wash it, wash it!
vtoraya also the nashla.
tut the German officer thinks that here something not fine and orders for check to one soldier too to rise in sherengu.
tretya idet:
-do not wash It, do not wash it, and it at all not from our village...

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In convent: - Carrot was brought … really, silly women, rejoice, it grated!!!

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On the eve of March 8 the woman who is used up from run zaskakivat in the elevator. In hands of a string-bag, bag, under mice sausage, long loafs … Suddenly behind it the languid handsome, in a hat, in a black coat comes into the elevator, testing looks at it. The elevator is closed, the man plows up a coat. Naked! The woman in a hysterics: "A-a-a … forgot to buy eggs!".

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In the room three couples make love.
myzhskoy voice: Want
-a joke?
zhensky voice:
-Only not trite.

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In shop elektrotovarov:
-you have an extender?
-Extender of that?