Jokes about cats

Read funny Jokes about cats

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The cat gets away from a dog and dumayet:
"I on the room chased yesterday a hamster, to it it was also terrible, a poor hamster, a poor pussy... "
TUT, bang! tree. The cat on a tree, recovered the breath, sits and dumayet:
" Well, a hamster, a creature hairy, keep now!"

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The cat who fell asleep in the washing machine woke up only on the fifth circle, but already on the sixth left in leaders, having overtaken socks and a brassiere...

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The cat was castrated, but he all the same continues to run away on ulitsu.
-That he does there?!
-Drives excursions in places of fighting glory!

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- You fed a cat? He waters ate
-...

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- Kitten to whom? Qualitative. Almost yuzany, 2 months only. Completed. There is a wool (cheerful black- And-white coloring), paws (4 pieces), moustaches (neschitano) and an urchalnik (built-in).

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The kitten walks with mother on the wood in the evening. By them the bat flies by. The kitten stops and enthusiastically looks it in a trace:
-Mother, watch, the angel departed!

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The kitten sits on a roof and sees - is stolen on the sidewalk old kot.
-Hey! You where? Yes I want
-a cat to myself nayti.
-Take me with soboy.
-You still the small. Sidi, observe and uchis.
uvidel an old cat a cat and as will rush on her! Time! Also missed the mark! Bach! The head in a fence! Recovered. And kitten asks:
-Well as? Yes here couple more of trips I will make
- And home I will go.

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Our Kotche, hedgehogs of an esa on sausage and to murchitsya your muzzle and the laziness kingdom yours will come and there will be your sausage both on a table, and under a bed, a valerian our essential pour out to us in a bowl, and ostav to us slippers master's, to a yakozha and we unburden the heart there, and do not enter us into the cellar without mice, but izbav us from gavkuchy, a yak there is yours to a murmya for ever and ever. Skotin.

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CATS of 100% it is BETTER than DOGS!!! At least because it is pleasant to all when they are called by the CAT or the PUSSYCAT... And to anybody, when PUPPY, DOG or SUKOY)))

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- Why do cats shitting in sneakers?
- They instigate cockroaches that childhood hate these shoes killer.

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Cats can doze till 20 o'clock per day. But bl*t why other 4 hours of wakefulness drop out for the night?!

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Cat's tost:
u one person there was a cat. Cat as cat, the most ordinary. And as well as it is necessary to cats, every March the cat saw off it is not known where, and came back home dirty, lean, bare!
cheloveku bothered it adventures of a cat, and he did over him known operation. But here March comes, and the cat again vanishes from the house, and comes back only in a month - dirty, hungry and peeled! The owner at it asks:
-But now, now that you did there?!
-Ya directed! - it is proud answered kot.
tak we will drink for our mentors, heads and teachers.

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I respect cats. Brought a cat to other city and left on a dump among bums without any means of livelihood. And she came back home. Neither shouted, nor threatened, did not write the application to the police. Not that mother-in-law.

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- The cat was depressed, advise spetsialista.
-any cat Will descend...

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The cat pursued a mouse, but that managed to disappear in a mink. Then the cat approached a mink and began a bark. The mouse was surprised: as it: the cat - and suddenly barks? She leaned out of a hole, here the cat caught it and ate. Then licked lips and thought: "As it is useful to know at least one foreign language".

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The cat walks in itself, the cat walks itself on sebe.
-From where kittens?

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Cat and training it is simple... It is enough to cat to spend for you two days.

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The cat living in the apartment on 15 floor nassat in a boot to the owner. And then managed to obossat also the grandmothers sitting near the house.

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The cat is the animal calming nerves if gently to stroke-oar or softly to podpinyvat a foot.

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The cat calls a cat on appointment. And a cat and speaks:
-I very much am tired. Three weeks water is not present, the owner should wash the head.

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The cat is the corrected mouse typographical error.

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Cat play at hide- And-seek with a cat. A cat speaks:
"If you will find me, I yours. You will not find - I in a case!"

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The cat approaches the bowl: - Faugh, buckwheat!
Ha approaches the second day: - Faugh, yesterday's grechka.
na the third day approaches: - Wow!!! Buckwheat!!!

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The cat caught vorobya.
- The Sir, excuse, but I owe you sjest.
-Forgive, the lady, but you cannot eat me with dirty paws! Real ladies always wash before food!
koshka listened to a sparrow, and began to wash carefully. And the sparrow departed at this time. Since then cats always wash after food.

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The cat caught myshku:
- The Mouse, want to live?
-C whom?
-Fie, prostitute. Even appetite was gone.

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The cat lived nine lives and got on heavens. Before it there was God and sprosil:
-I hope that to you it will be good here. Ask that zhelayesh.
-My God, - the cat answered, - all the life I ran as the madwoman, catching mice and trying to pull down though a little food. It would be good if I had not to work so uporno.
-here do not continue, - God told and gave to a cat a soft bed and much edy.
na the next day on heavens six got myshey.
-I hope that to you it will be good here. Ask that will wish, - told them appeared BOG.
-My God, we only also did all the life that got livelihood and got away from cats. We do not want to run more! Do not continue
-, - God told and gave them on skeytu.
na the next day God came to koshke:
-Well, whether you are happy with everything here?
-O yes! - the cat answered, - I like my bed, my new toys, a havka shaking here. And that snack on castors be simply hurt!

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The cat asks kota:
-Darling, let's talk about prekrasnom.
-You had itch?
-Is not present!
-Well, here and perfectly!

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The cat tells the podrugam:
-Represent, yesterday I go on the neighboring yard, suddenly I was caught by local cats and raped. Today again I go on this yard - I was caught again and raped. Tomorrow again I will go...

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The cat at first was afraid of the vacuum cleaner. But then anything - it was involved.

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The cat and dog came to veterinaru:
- The Doctor, we have no children, it because we a kitty and a doggie?
-Is not present, it because both of you are girls.

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The cat is too most, as a cat, only without excessive decor.

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Cat it is much cleverer than people. They did not start talking that them did not force to work.

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Cats, as well as women, love ears. Otherwise cats so would not shout.

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- Why do cats have learned to see in the dark?
- Because do not reach the switch.

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Cats - they from family brysy...

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Who told, what cats speak "Meow"? To me, for example, it is obviously heard "Let's guzzle, fucking bastards".

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- Who there, expensive? The drunk bum
Came and again brought a kitten. Darling, you could not offer once again to him $10? It will be so noble!
Darling it in two days dragged already the fifth kitten! Everything that it did not come any more, I wi

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Who it there, in bushes? - Alisa.
-Miracles took an interest … - Cheshire KOT.
-answered And what they do there? - she asked, slightly pokrasnev.
-As well as it is necessary to miracles - happen …

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- Who is cleverer, a cat or a dog?
-Cat, of course!
-C of that it? You sometime saw
-A that ten cats dragged in the tundra a team with Chukchi!