Jokes about cats

Read funny Jokes about cats

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Two mice were solved with cats to go for war. Gathered, all mysharnya saw off them. After a while one returned. All ask it, as a cat and, in general, where the second a mouse … And it speaks:
-Fight unequal was, but a cat we almost ubili.
-As almost?! Yes I it for a tail bit
-, and Vasek at it in a throat tried to get stuck!!!

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Whether two men sit in pivnoy.
-A you know, - tells one, - that there are such cats who it is much cleverer than the owners? Stop telling to
-nonsenses! Itself you know that it cannot be!
-Is not present, it is an honest truth! I at most had such cat.

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The girl keeps in the bus on a lap a kitten and gently it irons. The man sitting opposite speaks with namyokom:
-I Would like to appear on a place of your kitten!
-Well it hardly: I carry it to the veterinarian on castration...

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Deputies are also deaf to your addresses, as cats to "pussycats pussycats" when they drink up milk.

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Children brought a cat to a cat that there were kittens.
-calls by telephone to them podruzhka:
-Well, how are you doing? In any way, they do not even kiss.

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Dialogue of a cat and koshki:
-Expensive kisonka, you such darling, such beautiful, you have such fine voice. By the way, you do not want to go with me to cinema?
-Is not present, a cat bare, not hochu.
-Well, please! You do not think... that I all kitties at cinema priglashayu.
-Well, anything... I after all refuse too not to each.

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Dialogue of the grandmother and operator of service spaseniya:
-Darlings! My kitty on a tree under a window sits, myauchit plaintively, help - remove her from there?!
- The Granny, she will sit-will sit and slezet.
- And if is not able? Suddenly she will starve to death there?
- the Granny! You sometime skeletik cats on a tree saw?!.

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To make a centaur, you need the naked man and very curious horse...

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- The kind word and a cat is pleasant, - speak lyudi.
-But "Wiskas" after all is better, - cats think.

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- Doctor, my cat strongly tsarapayetsya.
-Cat beautiful?
-Beauty! That did you want
-A? The stinker, here also scratches.

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- The doctor, I cannot sleep at night. Still this damed cat under a window brought me to the handle...
-Here to you fine poroshok.
- And how to accept it?
-It not for you. Give it to a cat.

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Houses cold. On "to take a cat on handles" the schedule is made.

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- Darling you something prepare it, or the cat again somewhere shitted?

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- Darling want I to you a cat I will present?
-I Love cats! But I have an allergy... I in tight packing will present
-A to you!

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The train goes. Suddenly moves down about a rail, and then again on them becomes. To one passenger was impatient to learn in what delo.
prikhodit to mashinistu:
-Sorry, and why the train descended about a rail? There on rails the cat sidel.
-Well would also crush
-! So I it only in the field caught up with
-…

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If your pet often has to remain all alone, without walks, we advise you to teach him to open a toilet door a paw. Here will see, at you it will turn out! .
IZ letters in redaktsiyu:
"It turned out! Now our canine friend not only pisat by a toilet bowl, but also pinches from the refrigerator sausage".

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- If in Moscow the black cat stole a march, means it it was largely lucky.

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If in Moscow the black cat stole a march, so she was largely lucky.

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If you were stolen a march by a black cat, and behind her a black mouse, and behind it the black granddaughter, the grandfather pulled not a turnip, but a high-voltage cable.

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If to you it is bad - strong embrace a cat. That's all. Now it is bad not only to you, but also a cat.

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If you still think that your wife loves you more, than your cat, try to nassat too to her in a boot.

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If the black cat crossed the road there and back - he doubled punishment or cancelled the decision?

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Still Pushkin spoke, what even the cat when had a bit on the side - always thus told fairy tales!

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The stomach at a kitten is no more than thimble, and both nakakat, and will not believe...

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The stomach at a kitten is no more than thimble. Therefore that liter of milk which it blows for half a second, is at it in a stomach under pressure ten times exceeding pressure in the center of nuclear explosion.

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- Wife! Wife! Go here!
-Well such?
-Is not present, you only look, what muzzle was nayet on our mice by a neighbour's cat!!!

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The wife calls in militia, asks to find her husband. It sprashivayut:
- And why you think, what something happened to it? Yesterday it took
- The boat and went to the small river to heat koshku.
-Well and what?
- The Cat already came back home, all wet.

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The wife of the pilot talks with sosedkoy:
-Yesterday the husband took a cat in flight and told, what wants to check, whether there will be that on four paws if to dump it from height of three thousand metrov.
- And than experience terminated? I do not know
-Yet. The cat, however, came back home, and the husband is not present second day...

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The wife brought home liverwurst. Why you it bought
-? - the husband asks, - with This sausage feed only pets now, and at us neither a cat, nor a dog, it seems, net.
-Know that, sit and do not bark!.

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The wife comes home. Sees - the husband tycht the chest kid a nose in soiled pelenki.
-You that?
-Yes here, I try to disaccustom! The neighbor of wons of the cat disaccustomed.

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The wife went to the resort, calls the husband home and asks as dela.
-Everything is all right, your darling koshka.
-only died Could it is softer tell, for example, that the cat sits on a roof, then would tell that it fell from a roof and broke. And how there mother?
-Sits on a roof...

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The married man - as a cat scientific: goes on the left - the song gets, to the right - the fairy tale tells...

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Once upon a time there was a cat. The hostess worshipped it, and the cat behaved premerzko.
tolko March outside - the cat is not present. At the end of May is all peeled, thin, but dovolnyy.
v the end of the ends it bothered the hostess, she incurred it to the veterinarian, that somewhere cut something, sewed up and told that now it has not a cat, and "simply the pussycat".
I came March, and the cat disappeared. April, March - no, summer - a cat is not present, fall - no, with the first snow the cat comes back thick, fluffy, and besides very much dovolnyy.
khozyayka not vyderzhala:
-Listen, Vasya, we together with you were at the doctor, it to you something - that...
-Well! With my talents and experience I - advised!

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There lived at certain people a cat. Big such, fluffy, terribly clever. And solved all the cat's problems directly in a toilet bowl. Will sit down on edge, a tail a pipe, academic will make a muzzle and for good reason... Culturally so... Just did not use paper. Owners were delighted. This idyll long enough until in one tragic day, directly during process the toilet bowl cover fell to a cat proceeded, having frightened it is deadly... After that case the cat continued to go to a toilet bowl. He still lifted up a tail, pulled clever faces... but it sat down a muzzle to a cover.

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There lived three sisters, kitties. Younger on economy and two revellers. Younger bothered. Decided to splurge. Seniors wait for it. O'clock in the morning, two, three, five, in seven zayavilas.
-Oh, little sisters, met a cat in red boots, the handsome. As since evening pressed me to basement doors and all night long, all night long... told how he was castrated five years ago.

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The Ball in a log hut runs and Matroskinu:
-Matroskin, Matroskin shouts to a cat!! Our cow of a striped calf gave rise!!! Stroking
matroskin usy:
-Murrr, my cow that I want that and I do...

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Forgot yesterday a cat to feed. I wake up in the morning, something rattles in kitchen...
navernoye, prepares.

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The man to himself got a cat. And she spoils constantly in the middle komnaty.
on solved this business isppavit.
kak only the cat will shit, he is enough it for shkirku, rubs the nose in shit and throws out in foptochku.
raz so made, two, week passed....
hichego not menyaetsya.
on sits in thoughts what to do...
TUT again comes into the room a kitty, spoils in the middle on a carpet, with scope is stuck with a muzzle into shit, and with wild miaow jumps out in a window leaf...

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Got to itself new Russian of a cat, called Basilio (in Vask's use). Well, by itself that the animal did not remain unattended - every day wash with very expensive shampoos, scratch a special brush, claws polish-manikyuryat. Evening. Vaske is manikyurit by claws, put the last varnish coat and here because of a window reaches invocatory myav neighbour's kotov:
-Vas, go to us - here such girls!
KOT jumps off from a leather sofa on a window sill and is only going to jump for a roof as his paw gets to bird's shit, he poskalzyvatsya, with squeal flies by down, plops down in the dirtiest pool and takes a form street slop pobirushka. Lying in a pool, the cat - wet, dirty pathetic - exposes before himself paws with manicured claws and with zloboy:
-Mlya....!!! And this scoop... for ** it is scarlet!!!