Jokes about men

Read funny Jokes about men

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If earlier the guy on the new foreign car - the real boy, now, girls, be careful if the guy on the new foreign car - on it hangs the 5-year credit.

*****

When I woke up, the guy was not any more. Together with it my ear rings and a gold chain were gone... I once again praised myself that else in the evening when we came from a disco, I pulled out at it from a jacket a wallet and the passport.

*****

The company from two guys and two girls celebrates some holiday. Started missing. Suddenly one girl speaks:
- And can we will play cards? On razdevaniye.
vtoraya whispers to it on ukho:
- And you that, you lose all the time?

*****

Summer. Heat. Beach. On a beach there is a guy and watches at not the Parizh.
okolo sunbathing devushek.
-It vtoroy:
- And it not Parizh.
vozle tretyey:
- And it not Paris at all!
Ta rises, approaches it, delays an elastic band of swimming trunks, looks and speaks:
- And you on this antenna want to catch Paris?

*****

- Whether it is possible to come to you in the evening, the madam? Honour
-, sudar.
-If it is honest, I have opposite intentions...

*****

The young man bent and kissed the unfamiliar girl who is sitting next on a bench in park. Without encountering any resistance, he kissed her once again and asked izumleno:
-But why you are silent? My mother told
-that I never talked to unfamiliar men.

*****

- My girl as mobila.
-That, same small, modern, necessary?
-Is not present when money comes to an end, it does not talk to me!

*****

The man wakes up after a strong wine party and finds in himself in a bed the woman, You are by sight more terrible nuclear voyny.
-who?
-Manya.
-A how old are you? How many you will give
-A?
-Is not present..., people do not live so much!...

*****

At a stop there is a girl in well very tight jeans. By there passes a guy and, without having kept, speaks:
- And as soon as it is possible to get into such tight jeans?!
devushka:
- At first in restaurant …

*****

In Ukraine long since there was a custom - if the boy who wooed the girl was refused, to it handed pumpkin … if lucky guys by fall received
poetomu to themselves in wives darling, clever - on some tons of fine vegetables.

*****

Never tell the new girl about those dirty tricks which did you the previous. It is not necessary to throw up it ideas.

*****

Night. Park. From bushes calls for help reach. The healthy big fellow enters a circle of light of a lamp. Big fellow (thunderous bass):
-Who sticks to the poor girl there?!
zhensky voice (with insult):
-Ya not the girl!
detina (turned sour and dejectedly): Forgive to
-I always am late.

*****

One asks drugogo:
-Something your girlfriend is invisible, swore?
-Yes. It has such nasty laughter which me already dostal.
-it is strange, anybody in our company of it not zamechal.
- And I in the company never and did not undress

*****

One beautiful girl went down the street, unintentionally stumbled and fell. The guys standing nearby loudly laughed. She got up and saida:
-it is good that there are no men, and that to me would be inconvenient.

*****

One girlfriend speaks drugoy:
-You know, got acquainted with the new guy yesterday. He invites me to himself to pose obnazhennoy.
-You, of course, told him, what never worked as the model?
-is natural. But he answered that it does not matter, after all he, it appears, too not the artist.

*****

- Olya, we will go to cinema!
-we Will go, Serezha.
- And your guy will not be against?
-U is not present me the guy. His husband killed.

*****

He or she met in the bar. He took it to himself, offered it a glass of wine and sprosil:
-You will not refuse to oversleep with me?
-With me it never sluchalos.
-You never fell down with the man?
-Is not present, the little fool, never refused.

*****

He or she met in the bar. He took it to himself, offered it a glass of wine and sprosil:
-You will not refuse to oversleep with me?
-With me it never sluchalos.
-You never fell down with the man?
-Is not present, the little fool, never refused.

*****

It to It after carried out nochi:
-You marry me?
-A we already on first-name terms?!

*****

ONA:
-Come to me tonight - we will spend the night, we will play pranks! The father with mother will allow
ON:
-A??
ONA:
-Not, with mother of course will not resolve, with me will sleep.

*****

She told that the guy at her such kind that even phone offered yesterday in fund of the help to needy street muggers.

*****

It: You very much are not enough for me.
ON: For entire happiness or for the equal account?

*****

Two guys to the girl on a visit come. One sppashivayet:
-Sorry, y slippers are not present you?
-Yes, pozhalyysta.
potom turns to the second, and sppashivayet:
- And slippers are not necessary to you?
Ha that that otvechayet:
-Is not present, thanks, y me socks without holes.

*****

The guy takes the girl on hands and Darling, bears in krovat.
- And can better after a wedding?
-You that, and suddenly the husband jealous will get!

*****

Guy (with love):
-You - the best from this that with me sluchalos.
devushka (with astonishment):
-So after all we did not happen to you yet!

*****

The guy returns to the friend a disk with a collection of pornofilms, and that asks:
-Well how the cinema was pleasant?
-Quite. However, not everything worked well posmotret.
-Why?
-of the Hand did not reach...

*****

The guy speaks at the meeting girl:
-(sadly) Listen, in our relations appeared problema.
-What? (with astonishment watchfully scaredly)
(pause) of
-Ya forgot what is your name.

*****

The guy - girl:
- And you believe, what dreams come true?
-Veryu.
- Then undress …

*****

The guy brags before druzyami:
- And I presented a ring to the girl!
basketbolnoye. Let jumps with joy.

*****

The guy - girl:
-You the most beautiful was at the bottom rozhdeniya.
-Thanks! I tried!!
-Specially selected guests?!

*****

The guy with the girl lie in krovati.
on:
-I think, at us it not love...
ONA:
-Not love? And what?
ON:
-Well... Easy flirt.
ona (rising on an elbow and attentively looking at it):
-Little Flirtation??? Two months in an ass?

*****

The guy with the girl, both very happy, put on after a stormy night, hurrying for work. The guy, admiring soboy:
-Seventeen times in a night, and forces though take away, before such never happened to me. - And addressing to the girl, - I will give a lift to you, you where work?
-On Decembrists, in laboratory on a dope.

*****

The guy with the girl went on a confession and on doroge
sogreshili. The girl confessed the second and told, chto
sogreshila dvazhdy.
-As so! - the priest speaks. - And Yuzek just spoke, chto
vsego once!
-So after all it, the Holy Father, forgot that to us still to go back!

*****

The guy with the girl went to the country. He chopped firewood and speaks:
-Darling at me froze ruki.
-Warm at me between bedrami.
on got warm and went again to cut firewood. Through some opyat:
-Darling at me froze ruki.
-Warm at me between bedrami.
i again went firewood to cut. Cuts, cuts - again were cold ruki:
-Darling at me froze ruki.
-Damn it, and ears at you never freeze?

*****

The guy with the girl behind a little table in cafe study the menu. Devushka:
-Perhaps, I will be carpaccio, beaters with black caviar, lobsters and martini with freshly squeezed juice mango.
paren:
-Well anything to yourself you grew rich! And I will be coffee …

*****

The guy brags in the company druzey:
-Yes I will only whistle - here the whole crowd of maids will run together!
-do not whistle - money will not be.

*****

The guy, having stopped near the nice girl, calls on telefonu:
-Listen, buy me stocks of City Group on 50 million evro.
zatem pompously offers the girl poznakomitsya.
devushka:
-Is not present, the citizen the billionaire, I do not get acquainted with such uncivilized. You threw out the ticket from a minibus by a ballot box.

*****

The guy approaches the girl and speaks:
-You would not oversleep with me for 100 dollars? Well understand
-NET.
-, I very need this money …

*****

The guy got acquainted with the girl in a disco. After brought it to himself home, suddenly the girl became sad. Her guy asks:
-That it with you?
-You, likely, badly think of me. But you know, I at all such... Yes I you trust
-. The word of honor, veryu.
tut in general sobbings nachalis:
-You at me pervyy.
-That, the first with whom you sleep?
-Is not present, the first who trusts me.