Jokes about peoples

Read funny Jokes about Americans

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New Russian on Mercedes goes. By it for the horizon small, unsightly
mashinka literally flies by and leaves. He was surprised, gave to gas. At the intersection overtook. The window opens and the surprised
morda:
- The Man leans out of Merce! What at you for the car?
A that sits pale everything, already the green. Answers ispuganno.
-Yes I do not know...
-A year, what? I do not know
-...
-A country?
-Yes are not known by me!
-A you go from where?
-C of a roller coaster...

*****

The only American who does not have anything protiv
nashey the immense Homeland Russia - the Colorado beetle!

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Two go kovboya:
-John! When you smoke at full tilt, you look like a padaras!
-is good, Bill, I will brush away in other party.

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The American, the Russian, the Israeli go by the train and hokhol.
khokhol chews fat, the American listens uolkmen. At nego
zakanchivayetsya the cartridge, and it negligent gesture vykidyvayet
ee in okno.
russky (trying to catch the cartridge):
-It costs money!?
-Yes at us this shit in bulk!
khokhol decided to pontanutsya too, and threw out with the same words a piece sala.
a the Israeli it everything got, he told the same, and threw out in a window of Russian.

*****

The American, the Russian and the Jew go to a taxi. Passable by a ravine, the taxi driver did not cope with the road, and the taxi began
padat. The American prays, Russian covers all with a three-storeyed mat, and the Jew shouts:" The chief, cut down the counter!"

*****

If you consider that the Russian government forbade import of the American ham in revenge on introduction of
amerikantsami of the customs duties on import of our steelmaking production, you are mistaken. Simply their hens did not pass
nash a drug test.

*****

The young American marries the elderly American, him ask: "why? "
-It rich, will die - I will get money...
zhenitsya the young Englishman on old ledi
ego is asked: "why? "
-It will die - I will get a title...
zhenitsya Russian "Vanya" on the old grandma, ask it: "why? "It Lenina saw
-A... :)

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We live in America recently - local holidays in memory were not pressed to automatism yet. Overheard,
chto, say, on Monday day off - day of memory (or perhaps birthday) Martin Luther King. Reported about
etom to the husband. The husband calls the bossu:
-That, speak, tomorrow - day off?
-of Opanki... - the boss is surprised (he is the Orthodox Jew - it has holidays). - From what it?
-Yes, perhaps, killed the Black some... - the husband decided to show osvedomlennost.
-Uff, - the boss breathes sigh of relief. - Not... Day, in general, the worker but if you want to celebrate this business,
beri at own expense...

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- Why do not you love the Americans?
- Yes, I like imagining that they do not have to switch the layout ...

*****

Georgians vedmedya hammered, well go, bear it. On a meeting American turisty:
-That, a grizzly? Georgians in otvet:
-Da Nath, so, his kynzhalam...

*****

Three American tourists in the desert got lost.
bredut absolutely exhausted.
vdrug look - a tent in the middle of the desert.

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The release plant mezhkontinentalnykh
raket was converted into release hlopushek.
pervym by cotton on morning performance in detskom
sadu the American spy satellite,
upavshy near the South Pole is brought down.
To Columbus Americans were compelled to live in Europe

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Riddle: What question Americans unanimously answer: Of course!, and Russians - God forbid!
otgadka: On a question: Would you like to trade places with the richest person of the country?

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The out of breath American soldier runs up to monashke:
-Please, please - it is possible I will hide under your skirt?!. I will explain later!.
monakhinya agreed. A little later two soldiers politseyskikh:
- The Sister resort, I'm sorry, you did not see here incidentally... soldier?
monakhinya answered that it left in other direction... After military police officers left, the soldier creeps out
IZ under yubki:
- And I do not know how to thank you... Understand... I do not want to go to Iraq...
monakhinya answered that it it completely ponimayet.
soldat:
-do not think that I am rough, but you have pair of delightful legs!
monakhinya (bass): If you looked at
-a little more above, you would see couple of delightful eggs. I too do not want to go to Iraq!

*****

Americans of the spy to the Ukrainian village sent. Put on the shirt embroidered, etc. there is he on the village and sees the grandfather at
kalitki:
-Healthy of the bull, Dida!
DED otvechayet:
-Healthy bulls, American nasty!
-Dida and yaky I am American? I mountain Ukrainian hlopets.
-Yaky you are the mountain ukrainsky boy, the Black gubaty!

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Come into cafe of 5 people: American, Frenchman, Russian, Chinese and Jew. Ordered tea in each glass
mukha floated. The American splashed out tea in a face to the waiter, the Frenchman politely asked to replace, Russian threw out a fly and drank
chay, the Chinese drank tea and sat down a fly, the Jew suggested the Chinese to buy from it a fly.

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- Why Americans mold an antimissile umbrella?
-That own galimy rockets after start on the head would not fall!

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Whether you know that according to the last researches of the American scientists, the average speed of movement of the average wife of
PO to shop makes 200 dollars an hour.

*****

And main sensation of a ceremony. For the first time for all history amerikanskoy
kinoakademii, "Oscar" for the best man's and female roles was received aktery
afroamerikantsy. Were offered all rest gold olimpiyskiye
medali on a choice.

*****

Game "Last Hero". On the desert island throw the American,
anglichanina and the Russian, allowing to take with themselves on one thing. Amerikanets
beret an army knife, the Englishman - an axe, and Russian - fotografiyu
obnazhennoy Pamela Anderson. In a month at Russian were also a knife, i
topor...

*****

There is the American wedding. The main manager runs in the hall and objyavlyaet:
- The Wedding is cancelled - the bride disgraced!
Bce started gathering home. The same runs in rasporyaditel:
-Misters! The wedding will take place! Honor of the bride is restored! The villain apologized!

*****

There is the American paratrooper on the Afghan village, sees - pushtuny
privyazali the Talib to a tree and the heated rod at it on a back maternye
slova burn out. The American asks:
-That, Pushtuns, do not love Talibs?
pushtuny turn to it, some time attentively it consider, and then one speaks:
-Yes know... we and Americans... too... somehow not really.

*****

There is a lesson at the American school. Subject Russian. One pupil speaks drugomu:
-I not as I will not understand these Russians, tell one, and do another. Here for example as to understand it: "Put on a cap on
х#й, and that ears will freeze.

*****

There is a fights World Cup without rules. The final is reached by the huge Black the American and our fellow. The trainer tells
nashemu:
t: - listen here, it has a crown if catches capture - at once give up, it already several this capture in
reanimatsiyu otpravil.
parenyok: - ponyal.
nachinayetsya fight, the American of ours takes in the capture. The trainer in grief goes to a locker room, and here hears -
nash plays the anthem, leaves, to ours a medal gold on a neck hang up. It to nemu:
t: - how you got out of capture, it crippled all before, nikto
ne got out?!!!
P: - yes you understand, it is enough me, I feel, $#$@ец - one hand there, the second there, the third there and here I see -
yaytsa, well I think, here goes - I bite... and you will not believe that the person,
ukusivshy can make himself for eggs.

*****

There is an examination at the American intelligence school before zabrosky to the Union. Who reads the abstract who writes spurs... One
drugogo asks: - You do not remember, in what place in the phrase "Beer is not present" the article of "Bl" is put?"

*****

There are an American, the Canadian and the Russian on the desert. See on sand the lamp lies, rubbed-rubbed, time... gin took off!
-I to you on two desires, - speaks.
amerikanets:
-Will execute Million dollars and in native Ameriku.
ischez. Kanadets:
-Billion dollars and to native Canada!
ischez. Russkiy:
-Eh and as everything well began! Give me a box of vodka and these two back.

*****

There are American and Israeli generals on territorii
izrailskoy military base. The American also says that mol
distsiplina at you to the other end of the world, like - here mimo
proshel the soldier and them did not greet. Israeli general
nachinayet to redden and says that now it with that ryadovym
razberetsya. Catches up with that, pulls a sleeve and speaks:
-Izya, you that, took offense at me?

*****

There are, so an Englishman and the American together, approach to liftu:
-I Ask you, the sir, - the American, - a proydemta in "elevator" speaks (the elevator in American).
- The Sir, - are answered by the Englishman, - this piece is called as "lift" (the elevator in English).
-Well as? After all the elevator was invented in America! Perhaps you will approve
-, as English invented in America?!

*****

8 of 10 Americans have hemorrhoids. To two more, it even is pleasant.

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From the diary vigilant amerikantsa.
8-00: Prevented act of terrorism on a workplace, having cut two suspicious provoda.
8-05: For some reason do not work the keyboard and a mouse …

*****

From zhizni.
zhivyom we in America recently - local holidays in memory were not pressed to automatism yet. Overheard,
chto, say, on Monday day off - day of memory (or perhaps birthday) Martin Luther King. Reported about
etom to the husband. The husband calls the bossu:
-That, speak, tomorrow - day off?
-of Opanki... - the boss is surprised (he is the Orthodox Jew - it has holidays). - From what it?
-Yes, perhaps, killed the Black some... - the husband decided to show osvedomlennost.
-Uff, - the boss breathes sigh of relief. - Not... Day, in general, the worker but if you want to celebrate this business,
beri at own expense...

*****

From novostey:
"Today in territorial waters of Russia encountered an iceberg and the American submarine sank. The crew of
aysberga is awarded by awards and medals".

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From Soviet vremeni.
popali after ship-wreck in captivity to cannibals the Englishman, the American and the Russian. The leader to them speaks:
-Now each of you will ask to us a riddle. If we are not able to guess it, thought at once we release.
NU and if we guess, understand...
anglichanin:
-That such space?
tuzemtsy in a heap, shu-shchu-shu. The leader otvechayet:
-we Know. Yury Gagarin, ship "East"... Englishman's
sjeli. Amerikanets:
-That such computer?
tuzemtsy again in a heap, shu-shu-shu. The leader speaks:
- And we know. Bill Gates, operating system... American's
sjeli. Russkiy:
-That such party bureau?
tuzemtsy in a heap, shu-shu-shu. Do not know. Ran about, again in a heap, shu-shu-shu. There is no answer. Vozhd:
-Everything, you are free. Only tell us, what such party bureau?
-A it as at you. Will gather in a heap, shu-shu-shu, and there is no person.

*****

For political correctness reasons to the USA at game in chess and checkers the black allowed to go the first.

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From messages American pressy:
"Intelligence services of the USA investigate case on washing through Bank of New York of illegal money of the Kremlin administration and
drugikh of the criminal organizations of Russia"

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From messages of TACC:
- Yesterday in the Bermuda Triangle the American submarine sank, from our party losses are not present.

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Volcanic eruption Vizuvy in the 2nd century do
n.e.
chislo of the victims among the civilian population Pompeii utochnyaetsya.
postradavshikh among the American military personnel is not present.

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Interestingly, Bush Sr. of the son grew up, or a tree planted?

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Interestingly, and what in these cases the Russian tsars did? - the president Bush at negotiations in the Kremlin thought, choosing what
rukoy to get a cud from a mouth.