Jokes about peoples

Read funny Jokes about Americans

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

264  265  266  267  268  269  270  271  272  273  274  275

- Than fairy tales of white Americans differ from fairy tales of black Americans?
-of the Fairy tale of the former begin with words "Very long time ago in the far kingdom...", and fairy tales of the black - "Hey you, small
chernomazy the bastard, yo

*****

What is the American special troops?
ETO soldiers who can live the whole three weeks without Coca-Cola, popcorn and prostitutes.

*****

That Americans when on them falls advertizing shchit:
-O, shit speak!!!

*****

To lift dollar rate, Americans caused a flood in all Europe.

*****

The Chukchi and the American went shooting. Go, go and suddenly came across a den.
chukcha ran up to it and as shouted, the bear jumped out and pursued them.
ONI run, run and suddenly the American stopped and shot from the gun, having killed medvedya.
k to it the Chukchi runs up and You shout on nego:
-that did, however, now to the house bear it!

*****

Widely known American expression "Oh, boy!" into Russian it is translated as "How about that!" .
If to argue logically, not less known expression "Oh, man!" in principle it has to be translated as "How about that, бл#!".

*****

The Scot wins 100 000 dollars in the American casino. Happy,
ON stretches to the croupier a coin in 50 cents and asks:
-you will have a delivery? I want to make happy all your personnel!

*****

The state Alabama.
agent which is engaged in researches of the market knocks at the door of one house in which lives Black semya.
dver the young woman round whom three children.
objyasniv the purpose of the visit jump opens, the agent receives a consent of the woman to answer his questions. Having received the negative answer of
NA a question of, whether she ever heard the name of its company, the agent starts listing products which they are
vypuskayut. Vaseline was one of products, and she admitted that uses it regularly. Na a question where it is
ispolzuyet vaseline, the woman answered that uses it as auxiliary means for occupations by sex. This
otvet interested in agenta:
-Ya often I hear answers that vaseline is used in economy for greasing of bicycle chains or door loops.
KHOTYA we know that vaseline is used and for sex, but nobody wants to speak about it. Time you were so
otkrovenny, you could not tell how you use it?
-We smear with it a sphere of the door handle that children could not open a door.

*****

The civilian Jones was appointed in army training center where he has to byl
prosveshchat recruits concerning various governmental obyazatelstv
pered them, especially about the Life Insurance Voyenosluzhashchikh (LIV). Vskore
posle it the lieutenant of the center noticed that Jones has nearly 100%-yu
prodazhu of a SZhV insurance that earlier never happened. The lieutenant sel
v the end of the room filled with recruits also began to listen trade podachu
dzhonsa. Jones explained to new recruits of a basis of SZhV, and then said:
"If you have SZhV and you went to fight and were lost, - the government obyazano
vyplatit to your successors of $200 000. If you have no SZhV and you went in boy
i were lost, - the government is obliged to pay to your successors maksimum
vsego only $6000". "And now", he told in summary, "as you think, they will send
kogo to fight the first?"

*****

Shtaty.
zhurnalisty asked a question of ten prokhozhim:
-That you would make if learn that one of your friends gomo the sapiens?
9 from 10 would answer approximately tak:
-Such friends at me net.
-I stopped with it druzhit.
-would Forbid the family with it obshchatsya.
i etc.
I only one in pure Russian told that gomo the sapiens is a homo sapiens, but such here, in
amerike, he did not manage to meet.

*****

- I know how the American mummies of children home call the children!
-As?
-It is time for lunch. Yankee, public educational institution home!

*****

Japan invented a watch which start hurrying for 5 minutes if hear mat.
chasy distributed: to the American, the Russian and frantsuzu.
through month of all was collected, at the Frenchman of a chisa hurried for 5 minutes, at the American, on 15, and Russian had no hours on ruke.
kogda Japanese approached to Russian, they asked: "and why you do not carry an experimental sample which we gave you a month ago on a hand?... "
A Russian with surprise answers:"... and on ** uya to me to carry the fan on a hand!?."

*****

The English people - great narod
russky the people - good narod
azerbaydzhansky the people - proud narod
armyansky the people-... too people

*****

The Armenian reads on a beer lark "Beer is not present, and for Armenians IN GENERAL is NOT PRESENT". Asks at prodavtsa:
- And why for Armenians in general is not present?
-Because when Armenians sprashivayut6 "Beer is?" you say to them no, and they ask: "IN GENERAL NOT?"

*****

Armenia, Yerevan, the central street, the educational car, at a wheel the pupil, nearby instruktor.
instruktor - Here tebe introduction: you edesh with a speed of 60 km/h, vpered on the road unexpectedly jump out old
babushka with the young granddaughter. Whom you will be davyt?
uchenik - probably after all is a pity for the grandmother, the granddaughter!
instruktor - the Ram! A brake it is necessary davyt, a brake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*****

The Armenian comes back home and the Wife speaks zhene:
-! Quickly undress, quickly!
-A that?
- The Position in Mexican pokazhu.
poshel protsess.
posle protsessa.
Wife- And that here in Mexican, after all was as vsegda
husband -Oh, nearly forgot ''CHA-CHA''.

*****

The Armenian speaks znakomomu:
-Listen, darling, the brother sent the telegram to me that he gave birth to the child, only did not tell: boy or
devochka.
-Well and what? - told znakomyy.
-So I after all do not know now who I am: aunt or uncle.

*****

Armenian zhene:
-Akhchi, Haykanush, you my deng of a vzil?
-of Macaw, did not "vzit", a ram, "vazmit"!

*****

The Armenian married the Russian. Stay at home. The wife studies the book of customs, customs and traditions of the Armenian people and
speaks: - Suren, listen, here it is written that earlier, in the ancient time, in settlements husbands sold the wives to other
muzhchinam. And what - You could sell me? - I would present you.

*****

The Armenian swam in the sea and suddenly started sinking. Sees - on the coast there is a Russian. The Armenian for fear forgot how
PO-Russian to call to the aid, and oret:
-Hey, paslyushay, pasledny time kupayus - is offensive and!

*****

The Armenian bathed in Odessa. It was caught by Chernomor:
-Here that, the friend, or you bang my twelve daughters, or I tebya
utoplyu.
armyanin more tightly reel up on a hand a beard and speaks:
-Not twelve, but thirteen, you too were pleasant to me.

*****

The Armenian graduated from medical institute, faculty of the logopedist. First visiting day. The man comes into an office, lisps,
plokho utters slova.
logoped:
-Razdevaytes, prakhadyte for shirmu.
through minute because of a screen is distributed loud "A-a-a". The doctor leaves, washes hands and speaks:
-All harasho, prikhadyte tomorrow, we will study a letter "B".

*****

The Armenian, crosses border. The customs officer to it speaks:
-In the declaration in the column 'SEX'??? Da's
-!!! As well as vse - Sam dney in nedelya!
-Is not present! I mean - the man or zhenshchina.
-Ne imeyt znachenye!!!

*****

The Armenian caught for the boy in park and offers: - Give, at first I will bang you in buttocks, and then you me!?
malchik speaks: "Give", takes off pants and rises a cancer. The Armenian made business, clasped trousers,
proch turned and went. The boy to it shouts following: - Dyad, and generally real men keep the word! The Armenian thought that
deystvitelno somehow not as a real man arrived: "especially as this patsanenok can make there?" took off trousers and there was
rakom. The boy was attached behind and as blew!!! Armenian: - Boy! Young man!! Man!!!, Then is louder: - Horse of
Yo. ny! Militia!! On - mo-gi-teeee!!!

*****

The Armenian went to Cuba and comes to have dinner to restaurant. Soon he notices that when the waiter wants to receive on
schetu from Cubans, those stroke a jaw and whisper: "Agent Castro". And the waiter takes nothing from them... When
podkhodit turn of the Armenian to pay, he also irons chelyus and whispers: "Agent Castro".
-Where then your beard? - is surprised ofitsiant.
armyanin undoes a shirt and, pointing to a hairy breast, shepchet:
- The Secret agent!.

*****

The Armenian caught a goldfish. Well that also speaks: release - I will execute any desire. He was delighted gets from a pocket of
kartu and speaks:
smotri, here Karabakh, here Armenia - connect them to one state!
rybka: Ne-e-e well it is too difficult, something order another...
armyanin: (having sighed) Well... Gets 3 photos from a pocket - Here hundred of mine 3 daughters - marry them!
rybka: (having looked at photos) hle en Cortez mi hatel tsuyts round....
(well once again show that card...)

*****

The Armenian caught a taxi and speaks:
-me on a market, and then on vokzal.
Driver:
-BAZARA is not present!!!
armyanin:
- Then to the station!

*****

The Armenian receives a parcel from the son who the RG-5 grenade and a note to ney.
-"Expensive roditeli.
If serves in army.
v to a parcel want that I arrived to holiday for 10 days, pull for koltso.
tseluyu, Armen".

*****

The Armenian comes to Moscow by train. On Peron conducts the porter and Taskalchik shouts for nim
-! taskalchiiik...
-Ya not a taskalchik, I am a porter.
-Well then force my suitcase!

*****

The Armenian arrived to Moscow, made all affairs, bypassed all shops and lies with the prostitute number gostinitsy.
iz Armenia Akop-dzhan calls Wife:
-, affairs made? All bought? Here, maladets! Now, it seems, with whores you have a good time?
armyanin zakryvt phone tube, joyfully whispers prostitutke:
-It is mine the wife! Worries about a teba!

*****

The Armenian comes to church and at the priest asks:
-Mozhno I will confess?
POP: Yes, konechno.
arm: I during war sinned. In 1945
POP: And what you made?
ARM: I one Jew in the cellar from fascists spryatal.
pop: So same not a sin, you to the person life spasli.
arm: But I from it for each day of 100 dollars bral.
pop: Well, it, of course, not well, but you all the same rescued it. Whether I you proshchayu.
armyanin leaving at the priest asks:
-A as you think to him It is necessary to tell, what war ended?

*****

The Armenian passes examination in anatomy at medical institute. Extends "the STRUCTURE of the SEXUAL MEMBER". Prepares at a table.
professor emu:
-Student Akopyan! Stop spying in a crib!

*****

The Armenian was caught by Papuans. Tied to a column, made fire, are going to eat. Well, the Armenian, naturally, not
khochet, offers Papuans money, gold, the apartment in Yerevan. Papuans refuse. Here he watches near him
odin the guy on a tomtom knocks. And strongly that guy is similar to the Armenian. He to it shouts: "Hey, brother, you Armenians?"
papuas, in a whisper: "Yes, Armenians, but very hungry!"

*****

Armenian armiya.
prapor (the commander of a company) comes to the middle and speaks: "Private Obezyan! "
molchaniye...
prapor again: "Private Obezyan! "
molchaniye....
prapor: "Hy in ustavi napysano: the private Obezyan" approaches day
through it the private: Tavarishch kamandyr, and vi too monkeys!
prapor: How eto?
ryadovoy: Hy here in ustavi napysano: komandyr companies of monkeys...
prapor: Nat, here napysano: komandyr...
(shows on a system and says) companies of monkeys!

*****

The Armenian scientists on the mountain Chorus Virab found the proof of that Yerevan was founded in 782 B.C.
gruziny as was seen, decided that so business will not go. Bought an alyuminevy bucket, on it traced 882 to N e and
zakopali at Tbilisi. Then on television declare: SENSATION, the Georgian archeologists found a bucket with date of the basis of
tbilisi. The international experts arrived to confirm a find, took a bucket, turned and saw an inscription at the bottom:
erevansky aluminum plant.

*****

The Armenian theater put "Little Red Riding Hood": Listen to
-, the grandmother, why at you such balshy eyes? This
-that tebya better videt
-Listen, and why at tebya such balshy ears? That tebya better slushat
-Listen to
-, and why at tebya such balshy a nose? At
-of Vi, the macaw, on sebya look better.

*****

Armenian theater. Statement of the children's fairy tale. Ivan Tsarevich, addressing to an izba on kury nozhkakh:
-Yzbushka, a yzbushka, become to a les peredy, me zadom.
iz zala:
- And it is a little nagnys, huh?

*****

Asked the Armenian radio a question: whether the truth, what at all girls of the facilitated behavior in the dark eyes shine?
POKA deliberated the Armenian radio over the answer, joined odesskoye:
-If it was so, in Odessa there would be white nights!
TUT was connected by Sankt-Peterburg:
-of the Lord, you on what hint?

*****

There was at us an Armenian - the Rope. we sit we pass examination, at everyone the task. And here since the end of audience the laughter,
vse sprashivayut:
-What is the matter? is distributed
Te who did not slip under a school desk yet speaks: "task 67. "
" Zadacha 67. On a table the rope lies, the end hangs down on 3 meters..."