Jokes about hunting and fishing

Read funny Jokes about fishing

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The man caught somehow the beautiful mermaid. And that, take and speaks to it velvet goloskom:
-Release me in the sea, I will execute three of your any zhelaniya.
posmotrel the man on the beauty and otvechayet:
-Desire at me one, but you will execute its three times...

*****

Having drunk a glass of vodka, the fisherman threw a rod. Absolutely threw...

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GAI officer, pomniya motto of the real fishermen! "Caught - release!"

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The GAI officer, came to nachalniku.
-Companion major, here to you a small fish from Don!
-Here thanks. Itself caught? Rod or how?
-Yes, rod, such striped... Two times waved - men left a floor of ton.

*****

The GAI officer on fishing rasskazyvayet:
-I if you wish to know, on butnirovanny with one radar hazhivat,
schitay with barehanded! They after all are not afraid of a radar! How to catch them,
sprashivayesh? It is known as. A stick you cut - and on itself it is right rezko
dyorgayesh!

*****

Late fall. There is a meeting of society of amateur fishers. One question acts predsedatel:
-On the agenda: Let's take how many vodka on opening of a winter season? In a year before last took on one bottle - lost rods. Last year took on two - lost the bus. What offers will be? I Suggest to take
-on three, but the rod not to take and not to leave the bus!

*****

The Georgian sells on a market fish. Approaches pokupatel:
- The Mullet?
-Forel.
-Fresh?
-Zhivaya.
-A why not to move?
-of Spyt...
-A why smells? Listen to
-, darling, you when spysh - You are responsible for the actions, huh?

*****

Let's drink for that the biting quickly began and long did not come to an end!

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Give to the person fish - and he will be full one day. Teach the person to catch fish - and he will sit all day in the boat and to drink beer.

*****

Two British catch fish. At one the float twitches, it cuts and pulls out charming rusalku.
polyubovavshis it it unhooks the mermaid and throws back into water. The second udivlyaetsya:
-But why?
-But how?

*****

Two men go by the bus, by radio report that fishing in Russia will begin platnoy:
-to shit for money budem.
-to You Soon soon and there will be nothing to shit soon.

*****

Two men went for winter fishing. Did holes, drank - sit lovyat.
vdrug see - the huge polar bear to them rushes, from canines the saliva splashes, and in eyes gloss golodnyy.
odin from men sharply throws off heavy fishing boots, gets from a backpack to Ribok steam and let's pull. Vtoroy:
-Here a nafiga to you it, all the same you will not overtake it - hungry polar bears gather speed to 40 km/h Yes I and I am not going to overtake it. I should overtake you.

*****

Two pensioners gather on rybalku.
odin another asks:
-But are not afraid to leave the apartment without supervision?
-Well. I at a door a note vstavil.
-What?
-"Fine, Vovan! I left for a while on strelku.
srochno leave on Midges or Rough, tell that a trunk at me. Sickly wetted yesterday. Iron".

*****

Two English friends go on the coast of the river and see the girl sitting on other coast who catches pybu.
odin from friends kpiknul:
-That catch?
-of Men, - joked devushka.
-Why you then sit on a bait? - prikolnulsya in reply anglichanin.
oni went further, and through couple of minutes the second friend suddenly paskhokhotalsya:
-is healthy you to it answered. As you learned Ho?

*****

Two friends were on fishing. One was lucky: it pulled out the large bream who violently twitched and was not given in ruki.
-Listen in any way how to me to finish off it? - asked successful rybolov.
- And you drown it!

*****

Two fishermen beseduyut:
-I hooked such fish once that there was even no scale of scales that it vzvesit.
- And I such that one its photo weighed 2 kg!

*****

Two fishermen in the boat at dawn?
U of one pecks?
vytaskivayet production... mermaid?
NU very beautiful.?
ON looked at it with grief and released...
vtoroy asks: WHAT FOR?!!?
pervy answers: And HOW?

*****

Two fishermen in a row come up many days by the boat, but cannot find a fish place in any way. And once they were lucky. When they got back to shore and handed over the boat, one of them asks another?
-You remembered that place where we caught today?
-What do you take me for?! I drew a dagger at the bottom of the boat?
-Fool!!! Tomorrow can give out us other boat!!!

*****

Two fishermen on the lake, young and the old man. At the young does not peck, and the old man one behind one tyagayet.
-Ded, on what you catch?
-Ha chervya.
-In б#я, and I on an oparysh...
Ha the next day everything repeats, only a bait on the contrary. Well young and not vyterpel.
-Ded, share sekretom.
- And a secret any and is not present. I delay the end in the morning and I release. If on the left falls, on a worm. If to the right - on oparysha.
- And if costs?
-A if at me would stand, I on fishings would not gad...

*****

Two fishermen spent day on the river bank. Towards evening one speaks drugomu:
- There is one thing, in which I never poveryu.
-What?
-Lie that there are whole people which live one fishery.

*****

Two rybaka.
-last Sunday I caught a pike - here, as my hand! You Lie
-! Such hairy pikes do not happen!

*****

Two fishermen rasskazyvayut:
-I hooked such fish once that there was even no scale of scales, its
chtoby vzvesit.
- And I such that one its photo weighed 2 kg!

*****

Two fishermen fish lovyat.
-In fishery, - speaks to one another - terpeniye.
-Since morning I suffer the main thing, I cannot any more, give a corkscrew!

*****

Two fishermen sit on the lake. From the village reaches bell zvon.
odin rises, takes off a cap, does a gloomy face. Drugoy:
-You that?
-Yes bury the wife...

*****

rybaka:
-Watch two, you have no worm long ago, all hook naked!
-All right, can what full will peck!

*****

Two fishermen unsuccessfully stayed the whole day with rods at reki.
kleva is not present. As tried - nothing poymali.
pod evening one of them the evil speaks:
-Is in the world such things in which I will never believe!
priyatel udivlenno:
-What for example?
- At least that many people live fishery!

*****

Two fishermen in a row swam the whole day by the boat, and could not find a fish place in any way. And here at last to them povezlo.
nalovili on a bucket of decent breams. When they got back to shore and handed over the boat, one of them asks drugogo:
-You remembered that place which we found today? For whom you me take
-, of course?! I drew a dagger at the bottom lodki.
- The Fool!!! Tomorrow can give out us other boat!

*****

Two spinningist catch fish. At one pecks, at another - no. Having lost patience, what is not lucky, addresses to more successful tovarishchu:
-Listen, the mobster, open sekret.
-you Understand, I have a treasured spinner - krasnaya.
- And still is?
-Is not present, such at me one. And you scratch a tack on the: spinner krasnaya.
natsarapal. Did not manage to throw - felt huge weight on kryuchke.
vytaskivayet a huge snag. And on it the plate: "Pike cool".

*****

Two persons caught fish. When they saw the coming nearer inspector of a rybnadzor, one of them rushed nautek. When, at last, the inspector caught up with it and demanded to show the license for the right of catching, the fisherman, having recovered the breath, showed it. The surprised inspector sprosil:
- Then why you ran, having caught sight of me? Because my friend had no
-of such license.

*****

Two wives of fishermen exchange words from balconies on the opposite sides of the street. One shouts drugoy:
-Mash, yours came?
-Is not present that it died! And yours?
-Came. That he died!

*****

Two hundred fishermen were removed from an ice floe by snipers of Emercom of Russia.

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govopit:
-you have no two pybachat.
odin with yourself a spare float?
-What for? of
-got to me the rejected... All time sinks!

*****

Two friends fish. Suddenly from nowhere - rybinspektor.
odin from fishermen jumps and starts getting away. The fish inspector for nim.
begut they through bushes, through lawns. Half an hour run. At last, the fish inspector caught up parnya.
-Show your license for fishing! - having been out of breath, speaks on.
paren indifferently you get from a pocket bumagi.
-Well and a goat, - the fish inspector speaks, - why you got away,
kogda at you the license in a full order!!
-Yes, of course, - to answer the guy, - but you see my friend does not have it...

*****

Two men fish on the river bank. Leans out of bushes swelled up harya:
-Men, today it will not be cool!
-Why???
-was cool yesterday!

*****

Two men fish. Suddenly odin
vytaskivayet a huge salmon, considers him,
snimayet from a hook and throws in vodu.
-You went crazy! - exclaims priyatel.
-Why you made it? I am not able to afford
-Ya such roskosh
pri to my scanty salary.

*****

Are engaged in two mute Chukchi in ice fishing. One of them shows another znakami:
"At me does not peck, however" .
drugoy answers too znakami:
"That you started shouting at all ice floe, however, all fish will scare away".

*****

Two went to fishing and reveled in a smoke. For the morning get out of tent - and behind tent all field is plowed up and networks stand. Odin:
-You where delivered to a network yesterday?!
-Where you rowed yesterday - there I and put...

*****

Two in a bed. Phone call is distributed. The woman takes the call, listens i
brosayet.
- The husband Called. Told that with you on fishing.

*****

Two new Russians gather for fishing, but is already cold - it is time on winter! The first reminds the second that it has no ledobur, valenoks, winter rods and other neobkhodimogo.
-Well and that, what difference if only fish klevala.
-You will freeze!
-Well, I since the childhood do not love cold!
-Well, and how then winter fishing, on the first ice?
-As, how? - the same winter, as summer, on the Red Sea!