Jokes about the characters

Read funny Jokes about Harry Potter

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There are Harry and Ron down the street, talk. Suddenly on Ron the birdie broke. Ron speaks to Harry: - Let's a piece of paper podteret. Harry answers it: - What to wipe up? The ass already departed.

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There is Dumbledore's funeral. Harry approaches a coffin and in a fit of temper vosklitsayet:
-Snape will pay for it!
dambldor PROFESSOR Snape, Harry opens eyes and speaks:
-.

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From the far childhood of Draco Malfoy: five-year-old Draco meets the father at doors and it is joyful soobshchayet:
-Papochka, and I your old notebook, well that on which it is written "Tom Riddl", exchanged for a kitten!

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From the diary of the Moon Lavgud: "If the turtle loses the armor - she remains naked or homeless?"

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From the diary potteromanki:
12 July. Read fanfik about Ron and Hermione. Three hours plakala.
13 July. Read fanfik about Malfoy. In the afternoon plakala.
14 July. Read fanfik about Voldemort's childhood. Cried all den.
15 July. Read fanfik about Snape. Cried all day and all night long. Nearly died from slez.
16 July. Bought the sixth book. I read...
17 of July. Better I on Friday would die!

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Because of recent incident with a shpionsksky stone, FSB of Rossii
zainteresovalos the book Harry Potter and the Filosovsky stone. On dannyy
moment there are suspicions that this book is the instruction to a stone.

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From the unpublished speech of Harry of Pottera:
lyublyu Griffindor - that svoi.
lyublyu Slytherin - that is over whom poizdevatsya.
lyublyu Puffenduy (having reddened) - I love for Zhou CHANGG.
I Kogtevran - that Cedric BOLSHE NET!

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From one fanfika:
-On the following lesson Hagrid will drag Voldemort, - Harry gloomy joked.
-I will tell supposedly in live it very few people saw, a little dangerous, of course, but that from that...

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From the translation of another fanfika:
-From love to hatred one step, - philosophically noticed Sirius, looking at Lily and Dzheymsa.
-It means, what all of us can fall in love with Snape?!. - with disgust Ram asked.

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From the letter to Hermione from Rona:
"... Yesterday I and Harry went to the father to Birthday.
garri presented the TV, and I to a teleprogramk for a week. Passed 3 days.
televizor was whooped, and the aaplet still works!."

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From equipment of safety at a lesson informatiki:
If you will feel a smell of burning, or will see Harry, immediately switch off the computer and report about it to the teacher.

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From a final song of Voldemort and the world Kvirella:
v there is no good and evil,
NETU of darkness and there is no light,
EST only the power and two goats,
ChTO sing now about it...

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From Sharmbaton on an exchange there arrived a pupil to Hogvarts. Language knows badly, but tries to catch something …
vdrug hears dispute between a semikursnik and professor, but having understood nothing, asks to explain to him,
O than the speech at the next student. That speaks: - Professor Sneyp "asks" to make an oborotnichesky potion,
argumentiruya it that is in intimate relations with the student's protests.
potter refuses to weld this potion, reasoning it is the intimate relations with professor,
ego by mother, the dean, the principal and with a potion, and an unnatural way.

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Invented a new deodorant "Harry Potter". Perfectly deletes smells of burning and sweat.

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Sometimes leaves better, than you conceive, - Ron told, having thrown a broom into Zhivoglot, and having got to Hermione...

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Information agencies report about Harry Potter's death. Po
svidetelstam otsevidets, Harry Potter, having got drunk from fire Cup i
upravlyaya a drunk sweeper did not manage to drive and the forehead v
lob faced Margarita flying with obvious excess of speed po
napravleniyu a ball of the Satan. Margarita got off with scratch points.

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Admiration of the audience of unusual animals was sincere surprising of the Ukrainian scientists: three-headed dog and unicorn. "Come to us, - scientists told, - here, in thirty kilometer zone, and not such meets".

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In a disco approaches Hermione stunned paren:
- The Girl you dance?
-Yes, and what?
-Thank God, and that I thought that you current beats...

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To Hermione are glued nice paren:
- The Girl, what is your name?
-Not skazhu.
-we Argue from three blows I will guess?

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Does not treat GP but Harry's
organizm of Pottera:
glaza is ridiculous …: - We see a pothouse tochku.
mozg: - Feet, povorachivayem.
nogi: - And we have a lace razvyazalsya.
rot: - To me couple, You're welcome.
glaza: - Beer muddy, gadost.
mozg: - Anything, stomach razberetsya.
pryamaya gut: - Aha, to understand again through me budete.
mozg: - To you not privykat.
zheludok: - Oh, it is good kak.
rot: - Still parochku.
ruki: - Go out, money net.
mozg: - And me on kayfu.
mochevoy a bubble: - Here so always, to tops for kicks, and to bottoms vkalyvat.
zheludok: - To sing okhota.
rot: - I those spoyu.
pochki: (deeply breathe)
mochevoy a bubble: - Oh, not mogu.
mozg: - Hey, feet, help a bubble. Right rose, opustilas.
levaya rose, fell. Time, two, time, two....
NOGI: - Pancake, lace razvyazalsya.
mozg: - Prevailed upon. Trunk, nagibayemsya.
vestibulyarny device: - Otklyuchayus.
zheludok: - Now spoyu.
mozg: - Trunk, otstavit.
vestibulyarny device: - Vklyuchayus.
zheludok: - All the same spoyu.
mochevoy bubble: - Or now, or nikogda.
mozg: - Understood you. Feet, forward for ugol.
nogi: - And we have a lace razvyazalsya.
mozg: - I told, for ugol.
vestibulyarny the device: - Byvaaali days vesyoyoly...
glaza: - To what corner?
MOZG: - To blizhayshemu.
pravy an eye: - To pravomu.
levy an eye: - To levomu.
nogi: - And we on a lace nastupili.
shishka on a forehead: - Fine, muzhiki.
mochevoy bubble: - Quicker, bystrey.
nogi: - Time, two, time, two.
mochevoy bubble: - Ufff!
ROT: - Still parochku.
shishka on a forehead: - Correctly, I to itself brother hochu.
mozg: - Become deaf, bruise bezmozglyy.
shishka: - I am a hematoma, it you - sinyak.
pochki: - Bothered, otklyuchayemsya.
pravy an eye: - Oh, what girl idet.
levy: - Where?
pozvonochnik: - A spinal cord I feel - the blonde!
glaza: - Ahead stolb.
golova: - Boom!
glaza: - Oh, what zvyozdochki.
mozg: - Itself I see. I take over control on sebya.
pozvonochnik: - 5.4.3.2.1 went!
ROT: - The earth in a window....

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Damldor's office, meeting of an internal circle. Albus to anybody specifically not obrashchayas:
- And still I do not understand how Potter managed to worry to Awad?. Sneyp:
-Well, in a printspa, I can explain. Albus:
-to Explain I and itself can. I not - on-ma-yu!

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- All kinds of people, - Snape told and put down marks to Griffindor

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Every year, in March, professor Mcgonagall took vacation for a week and somewhere uyezzhala.
i then the whole year Hogvarts did not know all where to put kittens.

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Everyone who will buy from us new Nimbus 2002 (the safest sweeper in the world), will receive free of charge crutches!

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How Patronus Volan de Morta looks? - DEMENTOR!

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Somehow Dumbledore had dinner at Snape who since some time began to practice healing. Snape asked the director to write him something to the visitors' book Hogvartsa.
dambldor wrote: "Since professor Snape treats our students, it is necessary to close a hospital wing".
-O! You flatter me!
togda Dumbledore smiled and added: "And to construct two cemeteries in the territory of Hogvarts".

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Somehow Zlatopust Lokons came into Kabanyyu the Head. It Natreskatsya before piggy squeal,
I decided to be engaged in old business. Sat down by some stranger, gave to drink him,
podrobno asked... And it was the disguised Flounce de Mort. In two weeks Lokons was sentenced to a life sentence in Azkabana, for the crimes described by it in ego
novoy to the book "I Am a DARK Wizard"...

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As Hogvarts's teachers go in gosti
albus Dumbledore with lemon dolkami
makgonagall with dostoinstvom
madam the Trick on metle
professor Snegg with yadom
kak they come back from gostey
albus Dumbledore with a pie under myshkoy
makgonagal in uncombed clothes ("Ah, could not resist!")
TRYUK on a stretcher ("it is impossible to do a loop in a state of intoxication!")
professor of Snegg with satisfaction ("Experiment extremely was successful!")
ChTO they think of a past prazdnike
albus Dumbledore "And lemon segments nevertheless are more tasty than"
makgonagall "Why he did not call?" By
madam the Trick "Eh, it was necessary to make a double barrel instead of a loop!"
professor of Snegg "To whom still to descend on a visit?"

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Somehow Hmuri's time before reception at the koldomedika-proctologist unintentionally swallowed the glass eye. Also went for reception. Koldomedik told it to undress, pass to the room and to lay down a stomach on a couch. Began survey and saw that at Hmuri that eye sticks out of a bum. Then koldomedik sighed and Alastor told emu:
-, you need really to learn to trust me.

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- What is the difference between a fairy and witch?
- year of living together.

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The Canadian court decided that the people who bought the new book about Garri
pottere HAVE no RIGHT to OPEN E_ to an official premiere 16 avgusta.
pravozashchitniki already acted with kritikoy.
eto the truth!
kakoy shop sold a few books by mistake ahead of time. Sud
postanovil to forbid buyers to tell its contents to dnya
ofitsialnogo the beginnings of sales of this book.

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Vacation of Garri:
ya behind a candle - a candle in an oven,
Ya behind the book - that bezhat
i skipping under KROVAT
BOLSHE, B *, the GRASS of TAKUYu
Ya I WILL NOT BUY!!!

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Cemetery near the house Reddlov. Everywhere bodies of dead Devourers of Death roll. Near a grave of the father Voldemort's corpse embracing dead Nagayna lies. In the middle of all this disgrace costs, rocking, in an insole drunk Dumbledore and asks:
-Well, ik who the catfish more - doubts, ik, what I am the greatest ox - the wizard, ik?

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Book 1: Harry Potter of the villages of Filosovsky kamen.
kniga 2: Harry Potter does not get out from secret komnaty.
kniga 3: Harry Potter and that whom punished NEYTRON.
KNIGA 4: Harry Potter and "It was necessary to drink" less.

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Book 1: Harry Potter of the villages of Filosovsky kamen.
kniga 2: Harry Potter does not get out from secret komnaty.
kniga 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban whom they met in secret komnate.
kniga 4: Harry Potter and "let's lift the Cup" with the prisoner of Azkaban whom they met in the secret room.

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When Draco for the first time saw Harry, podumal:
-Vot it, washing about l at and I am dream...

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When professor Snape, at last, forced to wash the head - he appeared the blonde...

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When Severus Snape was 8 years old, parents begged him to escape from the house.

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The summary of the finishing book about Harry Pottere:
"Harry Potter and the New Universe"
sostoyalas Harry and Voldemort's final fight. Dark volshebnik
poverzhen, but Harry completely lost pamyat.
on began new life among ordinary people: works as the programmer v
solidnoy the companies, hakerstvuya from time to time - as a hobby. Garri
drugoye a name, and from former times still had only thirst for long raincoats i
strannoye feeling that in this world something not so …
I here, it is found by Morfeus …