Jokes about the characters

Read funny Jokes about Harry Potter

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Zhivoglot came on mail, took the form for the telegram and wrote: "Meow... Meow... Meow... meow... meow... meow... meow... meow... meow". The post worker read the telegram and speaks:
-Here only 9 words. You can add one more word for the same tsenu.
-Well, - the tomcat answers, - then some hogwash will turn out...

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Life gave a crack - Harry told, having rubbed a forehead a hand

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Terribly interestingly, whom Hagrid will grow up the following, - Harry thought, being closed by a chair from Gorgona's Jellyfish.

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Harry got sick once. Ron comes to it to visit and speaks:
-Know at us yesterday such was!
-That happened?
-we Sit we have dinner in a hall, suddenly candles die away and...
-Oh, probably a panic was?
-Yes, when candles were lit...

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Riddle. Hermione gave birth to the boy. Eyes green with a red reflection, hair white, on a face of a freckle, huge shnobel a hook, weight - 5 kilograms, boring makhonky, already white beard makes the way, and on fingers wolf claws. Attention, question: who has to pay the alimony to Hermione?

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Tasks on arifmantike:
zadacha No. 3
garri Potter and Draco Malfoy made running from Pugnacious Iva to Hagrid's hut. It is known that Harry ran with a sound speed, and Draco with velocity of light. What force pendel both runners received from Pugnacious Iva? Pivz played
zadacha No. 4
poltergeyst snowballs. How many pupils will address to madam Pomfri if it is known, what instead of snowballs Pivz used kilogram cobble-stones?
zadacha No. 5
U of madam Huch was 3 sweepers. After she borrowed 1 sweeper to Snape, it still had 2 sweepers. Question: Nafiga of madam Huch of 2 sweepers?

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Diary entries of professor Snape:
ponedelnik - Potter was again stolen for me in the foolish raincoat.
UBIL to the devil's grandmother.
vtornik - Granger and Weasley put out the tongue at me at a lesson because of
kotla. Killed idiots.
sreda - all Hogvards was up in arms against me! Killed all nafig!
chetverg - is boring...

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Harry in avtobus.
- The Granny comes, ask for proyezd.
- And magic to speak?
-(directing on it a stick) Imperio!!

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Harry to Hermione comes somehow and begins to her kleitsya:
-Know, Hermione, you are pleasant to me for a long time, and I solved that I to you too. To us for 16 years and so on can to us already it is time to become adults, here I decided to suggest to lose to you virginity...
-A bad idea should look only about it in the book of spells how you tell it is called?

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Harry Potter comes into an office of professor Dumbledore and sees, what that sits at a table and through a tubule zanyukhivat some poroshok.
-That you do, professor? Leave
-, Harry! I can relax at least sometimes?! The bird the Phoenix burns down time in hundred years!

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Snape in apteku:
-comes Give, please, acetilsalicylic kislotu.
-Aspirin, perhaps?!
-is exact! The devil, I cannot remember in any way as he is called!

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Hagrid comes into a copper Full of holes, and in hands at it a heap of shit! All on it stared as at the idiot, and joyful Hagrid to all of them and speaks:
-Children, look in what I nearly walked smack!.

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Ron and Hermione come in state muddy Griffindora Harry, before them slipped Zhivoglot and a bullet departed to the room of boys, then with the same speed to the room of girls, then in general ran out from the room. Harry and Ron in perplexity. And Hermione answers (sadly):
-Yes it I castrated it segodnya.
- And what?
-Well here runs, appointments cancels.

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Harry in militsiyu:
-Hallo, militia calls?
-Yes.
-I Beg, I ask, help... please... my favourite teacher Severus of Sneyp.
-you was gone understood. Try not to hang up a receiver longer. Answer only "yes" or "no". You are threatened with the gun?

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The call in Hogvarts:
-is necessary to you the teacher Zely?
-NET.
- Then, on a horse-radish you hold it?

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Ron and Harry ring Severus Snape three o'clock in the morning. Sleepy Sneyp speaks:
-Allo-au-au?
-Severus, you - a goat! Who tells
-?! All say to
-Yes...

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Why there is a lot Of kitaytsev
-so same Kosoy Lane.

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- Hi, Albus! First, I just killed your Golden Boy Harry Potter, the
VO-second how it is pleasant to you first?
-I to you hi, Tom. First, it will survive again, secondly, it was yours poslednim
krestrazhem, and thirdly how it is pleasant to you sec

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Hello! With you tells Severus Snape's answering machine. Everything that you think of me, you will tell then, and here that I think of you: piiiiiya

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Potions. Enraged Sneyp.
-Get up those who the most stupid here!
vstayet Potter.
-Potter, you really consider yourself stupid?
-Is not present, professor, but is somehow offensive, you cost one...

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- You know, Harry, I, probably, the genius! - Tells RON.
-From what you took?
-were Bought by the designer and brought together all in a month! And on a box it is written "from 3 to 5 years".

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- You knew, in Monaco cancelled Quidditch? Ne-e-t
-, and why?
-A, troublesome business - kvoffl endlessly departs that to Spain, to France.

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And only when in Hogvartsa there was Harry Potter, professor Snape understood how it is good emu
zhilos earlier...

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Also there lived Harry and Draco long and happily. And then met.

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... and here in the field there is Griffindor's kom@nda! It is easy to recognize them on golden t-shirts and red pants. The others are dressed much more warmly...

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... and Hedwig gently pecked Harry in an eye...

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There is Vasily Ivanovich across London, and towards to it - Voldemort. Go, look narrowly to each other, suddenly Chapayev joyfully of a krichit:
-Petk, whether you it?!
- Yes - and- And, Vasily Ivanovich, the destiny scattered us.

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There is Harry by the lake, sees - the person sinks. Plunges into the water, grabs hair, pulls out on the coast - and finds out that Saviour of Sneypa.
sneyp (turned sour): - All right Potter. It turns out, what I am a little obliged to you, isn't it? What can I make for you?
garri: (turned sour) - I beg you, professor - say to nobody that I you rescued it.

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There is Harry Potter on park - obshiryalsya, hardly thinks. Sees, on it the deer rushes. Knocks down Harry so that that already flew away in bushes. Well Harry rises all in perplexity... Tries to go further, and on it already the elk rushes, and again the same history - in bushes. Well, it again rises... Only manages to notice that on it again chyo rushes and hears a voice: "Hey you, the moron, depart from a roundabout!"

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There is Harry down the street, suddenly before him the brick falls. - Tetris..., - Harry thought. - You are a tetris, - Draco thought, throwing the following brick...

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There is Hermione, after her Harry and Ron and to one another so gpomko:
-What long legs!!!
germiona:
-Wow, compliment!
RON:
-Especially right...

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There is Dudley with the father down the street. The father bought beer and drinks.
SYN to it: - Fathers, buy ice cream.
-You that, the sonny, was stunned perhaps? Beer with ice cream!?!?

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There is Krebb with the blood-stained axe. Towards to it Dambldor:
-Krebb! Why you with an axe? Why it in blood? What happened?
-Here to laughter that will be. Tomorrow Goil will wake up, and it has a head in a bedside table.

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There is on the wood Hagrid. Sees - Harry something royet.
-Hi, Harry!
-Hi, Hagrid! Than you are engaged in
-, Harry?
-Yes here, Rhone horonyu.
-Yes? And why a shovel in blood?
-Yes gets out it!!!

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The guy on the road meets halfway, suddenly to him the dude with a scar in vide
molnii.
paren (having been stunned):
-O!!! Harry Potter?! 8-0
chuvak (sadly):
-Well, in Opel flew …

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There is a meeting of Devourers of death. Sneyp with a tray of oranges enters, puts a tray on a table, gets the camera, photographs all and ukhodit.
-It still who? - asks Maknayer.
- And this is Snape, Dumbledore's spy - Voldemort.
-answers That you do not seize him and do not interrogate?
-A it all the same will dodge, will tell that oranges brought.

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There is Titanic at movie theater, the end of the movie. Ron and Hermione sit, DiCaprio, before the credits, Hermione in tears sinks, so. Ron: "Something prompts to me that the second part will not be..."

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There are Harry and Ron by a lodge of Hagrida
-Slysh, Ron. Choi here Malfoy dangles? You cho forgot
-? We here hung up it yesterday!

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There are Harry and Ron. RON:
-Oh, it seems to me the girl smiled!
GARRI:
-All right, I when the first time saw you, the whole week neighed...