Jokes about the characters

Read funny Jokes about Harry Potter

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

372  373  374  375  376  377  378  379  380  381  382  383

Potter comes to the doctor and brings analyses. The doctor seats him before himself, takes a shit slice, tastes and speaks:
-Yes, with a liver and a stomach at you a full order. After that drinks couple of drinks of urine and Dobavlyaet:
- And there is nothing to be afraid, kidneys and a bladder work like clock-work. After that the doctor puts the shit remains in a beaker, fills in with urine, shakes up and unexpectedly splashes out in Harry's face. That in Shoke:
-A-a-a-a, the doctor, you went nuts?!!
-E, smart guy, and here nervishka at you play pranks.

*****

Potter comes to a griffindorsky drawing room all in bruises.
RON asks: - What it with you, Harry??
-Is Malfoy decided to pay off with me!
- And you hit it back?
-He told that delivery it is not necessary!

*****

- Potter! You why scoff at a birdie?!
-A he likes to utter platitudes, professor Snape!
-As it?! Same do not scare, he is not able to talk! Well want
-I will show? Well try
-...
-Filin! (unwinding an insulating tape) You think, what our pro

*****

Potter - Sneypu:
-Professor, I die! Now I will help
-!

*****

Potter broke from the Northern tower. Snape, slowly approaching edge, it is sympathizing Potter shouts vsled:
-More likely, for you the brick flies!.

*****

Potter:
etiket is when you think "That you died!", and you speak "Hello, professor Snape!".

*****

Why Snape so long cannot choose between Malfoy and Blek?
One of them white, other fluffy.

*****

Harry to the oculist went somehow, to change points. That closed to Potter one eye and began to show small letters on the table. What will not show - Harry all answers. At last the oculist did not sustain and speaks:
"So, Potter! I did not understand something. We here eyes treat or we are engaged in magic?"

*****

Snape went to shop. Comes to the seller, scratches a nape, frowns, considers. His seller potoraplivayet:
-Decided? Yes I cannot be defined by
-in any way, how many take: 38 or 39 grams... The seller mrachno:
- And whether is impossible more precisely, you buy heroin...

*****

Imagine, how many would be books, if idea about Harry Potter prishla
by in the head to Darya Dontsova! The first ten books he would only look for the train,
sleduyushchy in Hogvards.

*****

Foamy Nevill on vokzal.
-resorts Tell, the train to Hogvards already left?
-Only chto.
- And where?

*****

- You are welcomed by radio "Hogvarts"! Shortly about the main thing. The main thing at us still Dumbledore.

*****

Harry Potter brought analyses in policlinic.
vytaskivayet 3-liter can of urine. Nurse to it: You still a suitcase of shit would bring
-! Harry (getting a suitcase because of a back):
-As knew that is required!

*****

Arthur Weasley from work comes and tells zhene:
-a sabantuychik Tomorrow at work so I drunk will come. Mollie (terribly):
-Not drunk, and having drunk! Artur (shy):
-Everything, everything, everything, having drunk, understood. Molli:
-without having drunk, and having simply drunk!!!

*****

Harry to Volan-de-Mortu:
-comes I want to become Devourer Smerti!
-of Awad Kedavr!! Eat - be not bespotted

*****

Harry to madam Pomfri comes, asks snotvornoye.
-Sleeping pill is not present. But there is slabitelnoye.
-Why it to me?
-to Fall asleep will not fall asleep, but at least will be, than to be engaged.

*****

Harry Potter to Snape comes to working off, and at that in a copper, covered with a cover, something is cheerful bulkayet.
-Professor, it is possible to take an interest, what you such cook?
Guess, Potter.
-Perechnoye a potion?
No, Dumayte.
-Perhaps, antilikantropny potion?
Not ugadali.
-Togda vseessentsiya.
-Kakoy you inscrutable, Potter. Sausages cook there. Sausages.

*****

Harry to Ron comes and speaks:
-Listen, Ron, in my opinion Hermione was gone...
-As was gone? - that is surprised,
-It at you on hands... I tell
-Ya, was gone! Already as two days the dead rolls! You do not trust - smell!

*****

Hermione to professor of Sneypu:
-Professor comes! State the conceptual assessment of the last monograph of Flammel devoted to polemic concerning impossibility of creation of a philosophers' stone by inversion, polymerization and a nitration of tips of tails of one-day tadpoles of the Madagascar frog?
professor:
-In marriage, Granger, urgently in marriage!!!

*****

Lyutsius home from work and directly from a threshold of Nartsisse:
-So, a dinner, massage and comes to a bed!
-A magic word, road?
-of Imperio!

*****

Nevill to madam of Pomfri:
- At me a throat bolit.
-comes Go to vaults to a professer to Snape and show it yazyk.
- And what for? It will cure me? I do not know
-. Simply I do not like it.

*****

Parvati to professor Trelawney and speaks:
-Professor comes, and at me something the neck itches...
Ta otvechayet:
-Oh, Parvati, it at you is a lot of friends new budet.
-Professor, and at me still hands itch...
-Oh, Parvati, it you Harry Potter on a ball priglasit.
-Professor, and at me still a back scratches...
-of Parvati, you would be washed, and?.

*****

Ron to the father and speaks:
- The Father comes, I have for you two news. One good, other bad. With what to begin?
-C bad...
-Ya broke yours mashinu.
-Well, and good? - constraining anger, Mr. of Uizli.
-asked I will not be any more!

*****

Snape to madam Pomfri upset comes to depressions and prosit:
-Give soap and a rope! Pomfri's
madam ispuganno:
-you that, were going to be hung up?
sneyp with izdyovkoy:
-Well, I will be washed and to mountains.

*****

Griffindorets come to the lake to catch fish. Suddenly from water appears som.
-Idit from here! It will not be cool!
-Why?
-But because BITING was yesterday!

*****

Harry came to be employed. At it sprashivayut:
-Chto you can do? I
Can kill with Volan-de-Morta.
-A that else? I can not kill with
-A Voldemort...

*****

Draco with the wife came to the festive banquet devoted to some anniversary of the organizatsii.
stoyat and attendees discuss. Draco to the spouse speaks:
-look, there is a mistress of ours shefa.
through some time again the supruge:
- And here the mistress of our deputy shefa.
eshche through some time:
-Here the mistress of the main thing inzhenera.
Wife asks the supruga:
- And you show the lyubovnitsu.
drako pokzyvat from far away the mistress, the wife with koketstvom:
- And ours that is better!!!!

*****

Hagrid to gnomes came to a disco somehow. And as the beginning to thrash him...... Respectively, to flatten gnomes

*****

Came on a visit to Dudley Fred with George and speak: You Want
-a candy?
-Of course!
-Well on you...
dadli eats candy.
bliznetsy with genuine curiosity watch it.
-Well, and how it to you?
-is tasty.
-is strange, and Mrs. Norris with the Down for some reason her spat out...

*****

Check yourself or N signs of that you - Malfoy.
1. You are beautiful. No, you are fantastically beautiful!
/ Immediately depart from a mirror, the test is not finished yet! /
2. The coat of arms Malfoyev is embroidered even on yours trusakh.
/ Clasp trousers, in this question we are ready to believe you on slovo./
3. You are hated by Potter.
/ Well, it vzaimno./
4. You spoiled to Narcissa its the best gody.
/ And it vzaimno./
5. Sorting old papers, you regularly find Riddl's diaries and Valentine's Day cards from Sneypa.
/ That - about? Sneyp's diaries and Valentine's Day cards from Riddl?! /
6. Gryum dreams to catch you with polichnym.
/Perepryachte Riddl's papers and return to testirovaniyu./
7. You the swine to kill you malo.
/ Prove, Mr. Potter. /
8. You are not humiliated before disputes with protivnikami.
/Imperio! /
9. You like to leave the last word for soboy.
/ Awad to Kedavra./
10. Yesterday you again met Voldemort...
11.... in own bathroom...
12.... and he told you: "Good morning". .
13.... and the day before you did not drink anything of that kind. Also did not smoke. Did not prick and even not nyukhali.
14. Who would not win, you - get out.

*****

We sell the Immortality Elixir. A guarantee - 3 years.

*****

Continuation of the story about an organism of Garri:
edet Harry in the tram, having accepted in good time a lot of beer. And meanwhile in its interior exchange words internal organy:
mochevoy the Bubble (MT) - to the Spinal Cord (SC).
MP: Brain, and brain! I in a toilet hochu.
sm: In a toilet? Shcha sdelayem.
sm shouts to the Brain (B).
CM: To Alya, head! Uric to ssat hochet.
gm (very muddy): Che? In a toilet? Eyes!!!
GL: It is necessary to Che?
GM: We where?
GL: Where, where. In tramvaye.
gm: Let podozhdet.
sm: Hear, a bubble, suffer, and?
MP: What suffer? I as want two hours!
CM: Yes? Head!!!
GM: Well che it is necessary, and?
CM: There, below, uric asks for a toilet ochen.
gm: Again? Eyes!!!
GL: It is necessary to Che?
GM: We where?
GL: Yes in the tram we!
GM: In the tram... In the tram... Let suffers!!!
CM: Puzyrik! Suffer the darling!! We will arrive soon!! Keep, the brother!!!
MP: WHAT?! SUFFER?! YES NOW I WILL RUN around LIKE A MAD!!!!
CM: A-A-A!!! BRAIN!!!
GM: Well it happened?
CM: THERE URIC NOW WILL BLOW UP!!!
GM: Yes? Eyes!!!
GL: Yes that such?
GM: We where?
GL: Yes in the tram we. Did not leave nikuda.
gm: Hear, back. Report to the uric - let zhdet.
sm: Puzyrik, dear, suffer minute!
MP: Yes, that to suffer there. I already all. That. It was described, generally...
CM: Devil! Head!!!
GM: That stuck?
CM: Bubble already all. That. It Obossatsya!
GM: Yes you that! EYES!!!
GL: (Bothered!) What is necessary??
GM: We WHERE???
GL: In the tram...
GM: In the tram? Oh as it is a shame...

*****

- How to go to library?
-B three o'clock in the morning?!!
-So we in Forbidden Section...

*****

It is good to paste laying with wings on a sweeper as elevators and stabilizers of flight.

*****

Damnation! - it is annoyed Nagayna hissed. - "I die! From what you took"
"?"
"I bit to myself tongue!"

*****

Harry Potter wakes up idumat: "the school of magic, magic, flights na
metle; neeet everything with a grass it is necessary to finish!"

*****

Harry Potter with the breaking-up head wakes up somehow in the morning. Begins rugatsya:
-Sorcery, flights on a sweeper, locks... It seems that it is time to give up a grass!

*****

Professor Binns sets question :
-Children, whether you know where now there is a Great Magician Merlin?
garri: Yes he died for a long time!
germiona: According to an ancient legend, Merlin is on the island of Avalon, together with the magician Nimue, which...
RON perebivayet:
-It lives at our place in a toilet!
BINNS:
-Chto-au-au-au-au??!!!
RON:
-Ches-slovo, every morning the father runs up to a toilet, pulls the handle, then punches at a door and shouts: "Oh, Merlin!!! You still there!?"

*****

Professor of Binns:
-dreamed me Recently: I give lecture to students. I wake up. And what you think?! Really I give lecture!