Jokes about the characters

Read funny Jokes about Harry Potter

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Harry: - Darkness ahead of us, ruins behind us... e-mine, what I made?!

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Harry heard somehow a family legend that his father, the grandfather and even the great-grandfather in day of the majority went on water.
ON took the boat, sailed far away, and tried to go "by the sea, like on dry land". And, certainly, nearly drowned...
-You see of Harry, - were told by Hermione when it returned to Hogvarts, - the matter is that yours the father and the grandfather were born in January, and you - in July.

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Harry wanted to jump with joy, but on shoulders the heavy coffin with professor Snape lay...

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Harry reads questions in the questionnaire of census naseleniya:
"What number you were born? What year? What horse-radish?"

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Harry went down the street and suddenly to him time fell on the head kirpich.
-Here those - Garri.
-Here that two thought - Draco thought and threw the second.

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- Germi, you that such sad?
-U me Zhivoglotik lightning ubilo.
-Yes as so?!
-Ya clasped a jacket, and he did not manage to take away the head...

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Hermione rushes in gostinnuyu:
-People! We are deceived! Cubes actually - bulyonny parallelepipeds!

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Hermione Harry: Take away me rather, take away for hundred seas and you will receive ten years - eighteen to me are not present!

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Hermione speaks podruge:
-It was a pity to leave Harry, after all we loved each other all first course. More precisely, I loved it, and it - all first course.

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Hermione: Draco, you promised me marries!"
drako: Well you never know that I ON WHOM promised …

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Hermione pouts at Rona:
-As you could call at all me the silly woman?!
-Sorry, you did not warn that hide...

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Hermione complains Dzhinni:
-Ron a reptile, the swine, the rascal!!! Ginny asks:
-It that, beats you?
-Well, simply I asked for it $200 for salon krasoty.
-Well and?. He looked at
-A at me and gave $500!!!

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Hermione comes into pet-shop. She lovely smiles to the seller and govopit:
-I would like to buy myshku.
ppodavets otvechayet:
-Want to buy this small greyish the handsome with huge sad eyes or this shaggy lazy white mysh?
germiona with a smile otvechayet:
- And to my cat all the same!

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- Hermione as you are charming in this toilet!
Crumb! You are OHRENEL! Close a door!!!!

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Hermione comes to library and prosit:
-Give me please the book "Griffindor - the Owner of the Cup on Quidditch". And Malfoy to it with ukhmylochkoy:
- The Fantasy at us in other end of the hall...

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Hermione comes home and speaks:
-Mama, I exposed to the wind lips!
How many time to tell you, wear warm pants...

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Hermione tries to pass on a path through a lawn on which Mcgonagall feeds pigeons. Pigeons occupied all path and the angry Hermione with loud shouts "Fuck off!" tries to drive away birds. Professor of Mak-Gonagall:
-of My dear, do not use such words! Just sau "shoo, birds, shoo!" - and theu will fuck off...

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Hermione talks to Parvati of Patil:
-Advise, how to me to get rid of this annoying Ron?
-Than it so bothered you? Every day carries a bag of wons to you from shkoly.
-Yes, but at my place these portfolios already of pieces two hundred collected.

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Hermione Rhone, razdrazhenno:
-Listen! You to me the hints already tore all pants!

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Hermione of Ronu:
-Also do not try, anything not vyydet.
-did not leave you will leave tomorrow today, - Ron quietly told, getting up from a toilet bowl.

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Hermione asks Rona:
-Why your cat so shouted yesterday?
-Ya it kupal.
-I too bathed the, but it molchala.
- And you squeezed out it?

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Hermione in the middle of the night runs in a bedroom of boys and Oret:
-Harry, take me...
Sleep the silly woman, I do not go anywhere.

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Hermione costs in an epicure and drinks milk directly from a package. The old woman approaches it and asks:
-That you, the daughter, it directly in shop drink? And Hermione to it otvechayet:
-it is Right there written - to OPEN HERE!

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- Hermione, and at you in the childhood of a nickname were?
-Yes. Vinni-PUKH.
-It because you were such round and chubby?!
-Is not present!!! Just friends were pigs...

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- Hermione, from you smells as a smoke?!
-of Harry again tried me potselovat.
-But Harry does not smoke!
-of Hm, but smokes Draco!

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- Hermione, you were already invited to the following dance?
-Oh, not yet. I am free!
-Take then my glass of beer...

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Hermione and Zhou:
G: Zhou whom from the gentlemen you will leave for today?
Ch: I think Harry.
G: And why?
Ch: Well it the highest.
G: But you love low and the small...
Ch: And I should whitewash a ceiling.

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Hermione at examination prepares the next magical potion and here sees that forgot one component in a bedroom. Looks around and thinks what to do. At last finds the solution. Brings a soup komissii:
-Unfortunately chickens at me it did not appear, but I found it zamenu.
a at this time Harry Potter in vain shouted in corridors shkoly:
- The Curl! Curl!
garri heard somehow a family legend that his father, the grandfather and even the great-grandfather in day of the majority went on water. It took the boat, sailed far away, and tried to go "by the sea, as on dry land". And, certainly, nearly drowned...
-You see of Harry, - were told by Hermione when it returned to Hogvarts, - the matter is that yours the father and the grandfather were born in January, and you - in July.

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1950, a tower of Griffindora:
-Hagrid, do not dare to keep vampires under a bed! Now release!
-In vain you so, professor Dippet, - were told by Hagrid and released leads.

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2060. The last film according to Joan's novel of Rouling.
"Harry Potter and the pension certificate" comes out.

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2030. The plate on a gate at the house on Grimuald-pleys.
"Knock more loudly - in the yard a deaf dog!".

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Grabbli-Planck is interested at Hagrida:
-Why when you wash animals, they at you shout?
-A at you, what do not shout? You them squeeze out
-NET.
-A?

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Griffindorsky drawing room. On the Hogvarts-plus channel show Voldemort's corpse, on a wall the big-eyed head of the troll, nearby in an aquarium the spoiled dementor is beaten, on a floor the oriental carpet from a skin of a vervolf lies, on a chest with a blissful smile happy and tired Hermione rolls. In the middle of a drawing room in an easy chair Harry with almost drunk up bottle of "The Russian vodka" collapsed, it is joyful bormochet:
-It... Simply... Some holiday...

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Griffindorsky drawing room. On a ceiling Voldemort's corpse is hung up, on a wall the big-eyed head of the troll, nearby in an aquarium the spoiled dementor is beaten, on a floor the oriental carpet from a skin of a vervolf lies, on a chest with a blissful smile happy and tired Hermione rolls. In the middle of a drawing room in an easy chair Harry with almost drunk up bottle of "The Russian vodka" collapsed, joyfully mutters: - It... Simply... Some holiday...

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Dudley comes to Harry and speaks:
-Guess, what color mother bought a tie to me? On the letter V.
-Cherry?
-Is not present, the fool, in a section.

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Dumbledore was inspired by magglovsky ideas of psychological testing and decided to carry out it in shkole.
ucheniki and professors wrote testy.
dambldor sits and proveryaet:
tak, a question 1 "Think of two-place number", a question 2 "And why not to rearrange figure?".... So, we will look... Harry Potter... the answer to a question No. 1 "48", the answer No. 2 "for anything, you from me will not wait for it"... so, we will write down "hot temper, does not make a compromise". Draco Malfoy the answer to a question No. 1 "27", the answer to a question No. 2 "it is possible and 72, is ready to change the mind for remuneration"... so, clearly..., we will write down "is cunning, prudent, unscrupulous". Oh, here tests of professors... (opens an envelope, without looking at the signature)... answer to a question No. 1 "55"... (disappointedly)... And, it you, professor Snape.

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Dumbledore causes Sneypa:
-your student was caught in attempt iznasilovaniya.
sneyp:
-In attempt or at rape?
- At popytke.
-Is not my student.

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Dambldor:
-Harry, why you at all told, what Snape of a trestle?
POTTER:
-So from where to me was to know, what he hides it?

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Dumbledore entrusted Snape to reduce two faculties in the museum - Griffindor and Slytherin. Well, go on maglovsky streets.
pochti came - only through the road it was necessary to pass. Malfoy, having contemptuously been lop-sided on the traffic light, Professor how we by means of this piece will cross the road pulls the dean for rukav:
-?
sneyp, subshod in maglovsky traffic regulations, is mischievous ulybayetsya:
-Here, see, Mr. Malfoy, the green person on the plate shines? Means so, Slizerintsa, forward!
slizerintsy pass. The red person lights up. Sneyp:
- And now Griffindortsa forward!