Jokes about the characters

Read funny Jokes about Harry Potter

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Professor Grabbli-Derg brings pupils into the shelter with a unicorn and speaks:
-Girls, approach here and try it to stroke. To boys to remain - unicorns prefer female ruki.
golos from crowd malchikov:
-Professor, and what they eat?
-You that, deaf? I told - PREFER FEMALE HANDS!

*****

Professor of numerology asks Rona:
-Here if you found in the right pocket of the trousers three galleons, and in the right - two galleons...
-Means, I put on others trousers.

*****

Professor Severus Snape loved potions, logic and holidays. Therefore, waking up after a rough party with the hooting head, red eyes and the shivering hands, Harry Potter precisely knew that on a bedside table near a bed he is expected by seventeen absolutely identical capacities and the turned yellow parchment on which it is written: "A brine not in the flask, left since the end, and not in the middle. Sulfuric acid not on the right. Imperial vodka not about hydrocianic acid. Two of these statements are false. Good morning, Mr. Potter!"

*****

Professor Snape gloomy examined a class and said:
-Tomorrow how you, probably, already know, will be ekzamen.
i judging by your results, tomorrow will not pump up only Longbottom.
drako Malfoy could not hide the vozmushcheniya:
-It still why?
SNEYP:
-is simple because I do not allow it to take examinations.

*****

- Professor Sneyp, what to you to give me that you allowed to kiss yourself?. <3 <3 <3
Chloroform, Ms. Mary-Sue. Chloroform...

*****

Professor Snape was taken to hospital, and after assistance is placed in palatu.
-did not cope with a sweeper? - took an interest sosed.
-Is not present, a typographical error in the textbook on Alchemy.

*****

- Professor Sneyp, and I can get a philosophers' stone! I know
-Ya, Potter.
-Professor Snape, and I can gold snitch dostat.
-I know, Potter.
-Professor Snape, I can Godric's sword dostat
-I know, Potter. You whom want can get

*****

Professor Snape presented to Harry Potter on birthday of 5 points.
C of that time Potter stopped being the hunter, went to the touch, came across acute angles and any magic spells could not tear off from his face five couples not removed points - a generous gift of Severus Snape...

*****

Professor Snape is very pleasant in obkhozhdenii.
metrov on hundred, it is desirable.

*****

- Professor Sneyp, you cook moonshine? What for? So I drink
-...

*****

- Professor Snape, a plate is not necessary to you?
-Electric?
-Granite!

*****

Passing on a drawing room Griffindora, Ron pushed a door of the room of Hermione. The door did not open. Ron pushed more strongly. The door did not open. Then Ron ran up and struck a door with a shoulder. The door did not open. - It is locked, - Ron thought.

*****

There pass Harry and Germi an obstacle course to the Philosophers' Stone. The last room with potions, Germi, without looking in parchment, chooses a small bottle and speaks:
-Drink from here!
-E? Germi, and from where you know? You did not even read...
-is elementary, Harry. It is noticeable that from here already time was drunk!

*****

Drunk Harry becomes hollow in the general drawing room of Griffindor, hardly stands on the feet. Hermione vozmushchyonno:
-Harry, you are drunk! Potter is silent... It opyat:
-Harry, you are VERY drunk! Potter again is silent... Germiona:
-Harry!!! You are UGLY drunk!!! After a long pause of Harry speaks:
- And you have curve feet!. You have VERY curve feet!. You have UGLY curve feet!!! And I will be sober tomorrow!.

*****

Drunk Dumbledore speaks:
- The Girl in black, give with you we will dance! Which time I tell
-to you: No! No! And once again not!
-By the way, I is a director Hogvartsa!
-A I, by the way, professor Snape!

*****

Parkinson thinks of Pens to Malfoy zagadku:
-Dva the end, two rings, and in the middle of carnations.
Between an eye to Potter points were hammered with a nail!
Well is not present... nozhnitsy.
-Nozhnitsy hammered? To be stunned!

*****

The employee of bank of Gringotts attentively considers chek:
-Something, madam, the signature of your husband seems some neuverennoy.
-Yes, I know, - the client answers.
-It always shivers when I direct on it a stick and I start saying And - vaa - da Chedaaa...

*****

Broadcast on zayavkam:
"Griffindor's Pupils ask to transmit to the teacher of a zelyevareniye Severus Snape a sound of a drill..."

*****

Talk Harry and you Know Dzhinni.
-, so there is a wish to buy a sweeper, light would be seen...
-This or that?

*****

Talk Harry and RON:
-Ron, you that such happy?
-Father car new kupil.
-What it colors?
-Well, - are told by Ron with inspiration, - You saw a decline?
-Yes - delightfully exhales Garri.
- And so same, only the green.

*****

Malfoy and GOYL.
M talk: I am going to make to myself tatuirovku.
g: And yours parents will not die of horror?
M: No. I discussed everything with them also they soglasny.
g: And then why to you tattoo?

*****

Ron and Harry, Ron soobshchayet:
-talk Heard, at us in Hogsmeda recently the cannibal caught! You know what came across? Sold pelmeni "My Family"!

*****

Conversation in the bathroom Hogvartsa:
-Ron, C.O.B. handed over?
IZ of the next booth sppava:
-Well, this goat Snape does not pass in any way! sleva:
-Also I will not put
IZ of the next booth!!!

*****

Tell conversation in hospital of Sacred Mungo:
-, the doctor, it will live? Understand
-, we tried: Moreover, we did everything possible: But: Will be, - the doctor sadly sighs.

*****

You Know Hermione's conversation and Parvati:
-, the doctor told me joyful news yesterday - I am pregnant!
-I Congratulate! You already thought up a name to future child?
-Well while I think over a middle name...

*****

Conversation of griffindorets and slizerintsa:
-It is necessary to face the truth always!
-You before looking, at first it find...

*****

As children eat conversation of two house elves cooks observing: - Look, Dobby, they eat it, the word of honor, eat!.

*****

Draco's conversation and Pansi:
-Well, your girlfriends liked a ring which I presented to you?
-More than! Two even recognized him!

*****

Conversation of Mrs. Malfoy and Mrs. of Goyl:
-Something the kid Gregory not vidno:
-Yes he sat down at textbooks...
-Is going to come to work to the Ministry of Magic?
-Well, school library robed.

*****

You everything handed over Snape's conversation and Garri:
-on two! What is the examination in your representation???
-It when talk two clever man.
- And if one of them the idiot???
-That will badly hand over the second C.O.B.!

*****

Early morning. Hermione after the party which is roughly held by Griffindorska unwillingly wakes up and starts all parting forcibly vigorously.
garri, Ron, Draco and still the person five-six rise with stonami:
-About is not present! Hermione, you again?!
germiona:
-Well, for study pora.
-Hurrah! For study! For study!

*****

The distributing Hat is put on little Tom Marvolo's head of Riddla:
-Azkaban... - carefully the Hat offers

*****

Advertizing: "New spirits from Harry Potter! Will protect you from ashes and sweat!"

*****

Reklama:
pampers! And even at Snape and Hagrid's lessons you will feel chilly and comfortably!

*****

Advertizing campaign in Hogvartse:
-Professor Snape, what toothbrush you use?
-Plastmassovoy.
-A why not a brush of Reach? After all she perfectly brushes teeth even in hard-to-reach spots?!
-U is not present me teeth in hard-to-reach spots.

*****

God how Hogvarts's students prepare for examinations decided to check somehow. A month before examinations sent the angel to Hogvarts. An angel dokladyvayet:
-Puffenduy, Kogtevran and Slytherin study, Griffindor bukhayet.
za before examinations God again sends week an angel to Hogvarts. That soobshchayet:
-Puffenduy, Kogtevran and Slytherin study, Griffindor bukhayet.
noch before examination. God sends an angel to Hogvarts to look that occurs. An angel rasskazyvayet:
-Puffenduy, Kogtevran and Slytherin sleep, Griffindor molitsya.
bog: - Here also we will help them!

*****

Harry decided to frighten somehow Nevill, drank the Reverse potion, turned into Snape and hid opposite to an office on potions. And in the same evening Snape decided to catch for Nevill to push to it for the next melted copper and hid at himself in an office. Here Nevill goes. Both of them as will jump out!!!

*****

Dumbledore decided to look, what teacher abuses more pupils, hung clock in each office: if the teacher on students swears - they go forward. At Stebl on half an hour hurry, at Mcgonagall - for an hour. The director comes into a zelyevareniye office - hours are not present. Asks Pottera:
- And where hours? Round such, belye.
- And, white? So professor ordered to remove this fucking fan!

*****

The kerosene stove comes into an office of Zeliy
-Severus, why other potion today? Snape it is (very careful): - A
CHTO forces you to think, what I replaced it? - Understand, earlier,
kogda I poured out it in a toilet bowl, it floated on a surface, and teper
vdrug began to sink.