Jokes about the characters

Read funny Jokes about Harry Potter

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Terrorists captured hostages. 2 billion dollars and the helicopter demand. In the maglovsky world - the panic, helps nothing. To involve with
reshili in negotiations of magicians. The ministry of Magic sent professor of Sneypa
through hour: terrorists already reduced requirements to 30 million dollars and black "Mercedes" .
through two: terrorists already agreed to a vodka bottle, two "Chupa Chups" and moped.
through five hours terrorists lost all points which could only be removed...
peregovory proceed

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The fat Lady woke up because, what the boy in a fur coat, swimming trunks knocked on her and kaske.
-Elephants go on sever.
-What elephants?
-Password: "elephants go north".
-Elephants go to a garden, and Hafflpaff's drawing room a floor below!

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Trelawney (delightfully)
-O, Severus, what beautiful, graceful fingers at you... You that, practise music?
Well. I wash test tubes...

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Trelawney - Nartsisse:
-I see a terrible picture: tomorrow your husband will die! It I know
-. I am interested in another: I will be caught?

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Trivolshebny Tournament, Third Competition, labirint.
sedrik: Harry, take a cup, you won it!
garri: But, so it is not honest! It is your cup, Cedric! Take it!
sedrik: Is not present, Harry, take him better itself! I up to the end read the fourth book of Rowling...

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Three entrants at examination at Severus Snape. One - Malfoy, the second - some kogtevranets, and the third - Harry Potter.
question pervomu:
-Over what country for the first time blew up an atomic bomb?
-Over Yaponiyey.
-Pyat.
question vtoromu:
-Over what country is for the first time blown up an atomic bomb?
-Over Yaponiyey.
-In what year?
-B 1945 godu.
-Pyat.
tretyemu:
-Over what country is for the first time blown up an atomic bomb?
-Over Yaponiyey.
-In what year?
-B 1945 godu.
-Over what city?
-Hirosimoy.
-How many was lost? tysyachi.
-List to
-Two hundred ninety four names of the dead

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Tournament of three wizards, third task, labirint
sedrik: - Harry, take a cup, you won it!
garri: - But, so it is not honest! It is your cup, Cedric! Take it!
sedrik: - Is not present, Harry, Take him! I up to the end read the 4th book!

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You are hurt by teeth? Breaks bones? Twists joints? Tell where there is a staff of the Award of the Phoenix and Krutsio's action will end!

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Lyutsius at heart had many sins, it was pursued constantly strakh.
one day at night he woke up from rustle. Called Dobby. That rummaged around all corners and speaks:
-Any bandits in the house, except you, the sir.

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At professor Dumbledore Sprashivayut:
-Kak you imagine the ideal wizard? What qualities it has to possess?
Regular development of new spells, implicit following to instructions of the teacher,
distsiplina, aspiration to study is more than magic...
-But is not enough such magicians!
-of Such magicians as much as necessary. But they have a shortcoming: they are not able to conjure.

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Snape has no megalomania. Great people do not suffer from it.

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Snape behind a wall has a slizerinsky hostel, and is concrete - Draco's room of Malfoya.
i Snape approaches once it and speaks:
-Mr. Malfoy, you when come at night, do not throw, please, the boots about a wall, and that I always wake up!
-Yes, yes of course, excuse, professor!
Ha drunk Draco comes back the next night to the room, and again with scope from a foot the boot flies and in professor's wall, then remembers that promised Snape not to rustle, accurately removed the second and went to bed. In an hour knock in a wall and shout: When you throw the second, the swine, I cannot fall asleep!

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- Move away a dog! On me already fleas creep! - Sneyp.
-Sirius shouts, depart from Snape - it has fleas! - told fastidiously Harry.

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- Already I catch you the tenth time on circulation along a corridor in not put time, - Snape Harry speaks. - What with you to do to me? Whether not to arrange with
-A to us on this occasion a yubileychik? - offers Harry.

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Malfoy, Snape and the Lord died. Clear business, all are pushed in the Hell. But the Angel speaks:
-U you is the last desire: to hear over the coffin what you hoteli.
lyuts speaks:
-Well, would be good if told that I was the beautiful family man, the strong magician, the
krasavtsem-male that all were afraid of me and uvazhali.
sneyp:
-I would like that somebody told what I was remarkable Zelyevar that ostavil
cled in science, - well, and with Slytherin too helped students, sowed reasonable, kind, vechnoye.
voldemort:
- And I would like that all suddenly at once cried: "Look, moves!"

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It is not difficult to operate Hogvarts, but it is absolutely useless Albus Dumbledore.

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Lesson of potions. Snegg interrogates Rona.
snegg: Why you did not perform homework?
RON: And to you to shit!
snegg: Once again I ask why you did not perform homework?!
RON: And to you to shit!!
snegg: I ask the last time why you did not perform homework?!!
RON: Well understand, could not find the necessary book in library...
snegg: And me to SHIT!!!

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Zelyevareniye lesson. In a class Nevill, all vzdryuchenny, comes into dirt, into blood and with a scar on a forehead. Snape, it is angry:
-That it with you, Mr. Longbottom?
nevill, getting Voldemort's head from a bag and inspecting all a blood-thirsty look:
-I is Now a Boy Who Survived!

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Zelyevareniya's lesson.
-Something you, Mr. Potter, painfully clever became!
-Who am I?
-Well not I!!!

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Lesson zelyevareniya.
-Potter, will remain and will wash up all coppers in an office!
-For what, professor?! I was guilty nothing!
-you came to a lesson the last, Potter!
-But someone after all had to come the last!
-But someone after all has to wash up all coppers...

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Zelyevareniye lesson. Professor of Snegg:
-Hermione, what color at you solution turned out?
-Krasnogo.
-Good fellow, ten points to Griffindor. And at you, Potter?
-Oranzhevyy.
-is fine, five points to Griffindor. And your Nevill?
-Chernogo.
-is bad, ten points from Griffindor. A class, lay down!!!

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Zelyevareniya's lesson. Professor Sneyp writes on a board with crayons composition of the Pacifying balm. Suddenly from the last school desk the voice of Pottera:
-Professor is distributed, blue it is not visible!
-Blue, Potter, can change for the first school desk...

*****

Lesson of studying of magl: What is AK-47 - Awad Kedavr 47 times.

*****

The lesson of Madam of Huch.
garri:
-Why Nevill so quickly flies, it will surely crash!
germiona is sad kivayet.
drako:
-It it not to forget where flies …

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Lesson, Snape checks Dom.zadaniye:
-Nevil!
Sorry, professor, my grandmother got sick, I did not manage to make...
Sit down, two points! Following - Weasley!
Forgive, professor, I helped mother, was not in time sdelat
-Sadites, two points! Following - Potter!
Hear, professor, at me the Godfather from Azbakan returned yesterday, met, sat, yes se when to do...
sneyp is shrill: "You do not frighten me by the Godfather, do not frighten, sit down, rub..."

*****

Morning, Harry Potter wakes up with terribly hurting head, begins rugatsya:
-Sorcery, locks, flights on a sweeper, will be enough, it is necessary to give up a grass.

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Hogvarts's pupils ask professor of Dambldora:
-Professor Dumbledore, and the truth say, what in youth you were member of the court?
-Eh, youth! Member of the court, member there!

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Scientists invented a new watch which accelerate the course if are in the room where pyyut.
uskoreniye depends on the quantity drunk. Hung up in Haflpaff: with hours all normalno.
povesili in Kogtevran: hours in days left on 10 minut.
povesili in Slytherin forward: an advancing on hour of
povesili in Griffindore. Come next day - is not present chasov.
sprashivayut at Harry and Rona:
- And where hours?
-What hours?
-Yes here at you povesili.
- And Mcgonagall ordered to remove yesterday this fan...

*****

Scientific psikhiator already described cases of new diseases: potterofiliya (when the patient knows about the hero everything) and potterofobiya (when the patient is afraid that he nevertheless does not know something).

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Fadzh asks:
-Sirius Black, why you ran away from Azkaban?
-You see mister minister, I simply could not miss such event as Snape's funeral!
-A why you stole his stick from Ron Weasley?
-Well, you, probably, understand that unexpectedly Snape did not begin to bury...

*****

To Harry Potter's fans posveshchayetsya.
prednovogodny a banquet at small Zvenigorod small restaurant. Kucha
roditeley with children, the standard cultural and mass program - Father Frost, the
post-sovok musical program, actors different... There is a conjurer,
detishki in delight - shows something with kerchiefs, balls: "And well,
rebyatki and who from you knows magic words? Well? Really anybody ne
znayet?" The maalenky davochka comes forward, and, having waved a hand, napravlyaet
na the conjurer the imagined volshabny stick with words: "AVADA
KEDAVRA!!"

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Filch bought the vacuum cleaner. Mrs. Norris at first was afraid of it, and then anything, was involved...

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Flitvik asks Malfoya:
-you in the composition of any mistake! Tell, someone helped your father?

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Fred and George against own shop, before them - the mountain of candies, tablets, powders and other drebedeni.
-Heartburn? Nausea? Vomiting? Abdominal distension? Headache? Diarrhea? Scrofula? What, truth? Hurrah, everything worked!!!

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Fred:
-Professor why you put to me the two?! Really I made many mistakes?
No, only one, Mr. Weasley: put a crib by a pocket.

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Hagrid comes back from hunting scary angry. Harry sprachiv?et:
-That happened?
-To what a fox a cunning animal, ches the word! I see a fox, I shoot, the fox falls, I go to her, the fox lies, I approach, lo and behold, and this is my dog!

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Hagrid advertizes in "the Daily Prophet":
propal Down. Found - the Kingdom of Heaven.

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Hogvarts. Examinations. From audience joyful Hermione runs out. Tolpa:
-Handed over?
-Handed over!!!
sledom falls out tired professor Snape and mutters to itself under nos:
-Well, not she will put handed over, but I gave up...

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Hogvarts-Express. Compartment. Mcgonagall, Snape, Hermione, Garri.
dlinny the tunnel, is suddenly heard a slap in the face sound. Thoughts kazhdogo.
makgonagall:
-Here Germionochka the good fellow, for certain read the book "Elementary Self-defense without Magic Wand" of
germiona:
-Oh what Mcgonagall, the old woman club, and to Snape repulse dala.
sneyp:
-Well here, this cretin stuck to someone from them, and on an ugly face again I poluchil.
garri:
- And will be one more tunnel, I to it once again on an ugly face will go!