Jokes about the characters

Read funny Jokes about Chuck Norris

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

382  383  384  385  386  387  388  389  390  391  392  393

Chuck Norris died 10 years ago. Simply the old woman with a braid is afraid to tell it about it.

*****

Chuck Norris was the fourth magician, and granted to the baby Jesus a beard which that carried to the death. Three other wise men, having taken offense that Jesus preferred Chuck's gift, agreed and erased from everywhere from the bible a name of Chuck. All three soon were lost from the mysterious wounds connected with a kick from a turn.

*****

Chuck Norris never reads books. He stares at them, does not receive all information necessary for it yet.

*****

Chuck Norris is the only human being embodying the principle of uncertainty of Heisenberg - never know precisely, where and when it gives you a foot from a turn.

*****

To tell of the above, movies about a doll of "Chaka" (orig were specially shot. Chuck).

*****

Chuk and Gek search for the brother Chuck of Norrisami who is illegally adopted by Americans.

*****

Churov since the childhood wanted to become more abruptly than Chuck Norris. When he deceived 150 million people, Chuck Norris pricked up the ears.

*****

Energy of blow of Chuck Norris a foot from a turn has enough to provide with electricity Australia for 44 minutes.

*****

Pandora's box actually was the music box with which Chuck Norris played in the childhood.

*****

And you know that Mumu caught a goldfish, made a wish and became The Hound of the Baskervilles!

*****

The American journalists conduct on streets of the Russian city sociological survey on the subject "your relation to political correctness" .
otvechayet one of oproshennykh:
- The American political correctness to me is absolutely unclear: not only that u
vas Blacks in movies are Knights of the Round Table not only that u
vas women in special troops, and Sherlock Holmes - blue, so at you i
prezident is chosen from among the feeble-minded...

*****

Baskervill-Hall, the burning fireplace. Sir Baskervill with a tube in teeth on a rocking-chair covered by a plaid. Knock in dver.
-Who there?
-Berimor, sir!
-Enter, Berimor! To
- The Sir, allow a water glass from a decanter?
-Please, Berimor!
VSYo repeats a little raz.
- The Sir, resolve still a water glass from a decanter?
-That happened, Berimor?
-Fire, sir!

*****

Baker Street. Sherlock Holmes and doctor Watson sit in deep kreslakh
pered a fireplace. Holmes thoughtfully smokes a pipe, and Watson reads svoyemu
drugu news from "Tayms".
-Holmes! You only look, these villains from "Tayms" again called vas
narkomanom! It is shocking!
-Lovely Watson, do not get excited, could be worse. For example, they mogli
nazvat me "blue"...
I doctor Watson again was surprised to an insight of the friend...
A after all really could...

*****

- Barrymore, what my dog now does?
-O sir! It will transform energy of proteins, fats and carbohydrates to a product of structural instability of a certain color scale!
-is more concrete!
-Spoils, the sir!

*****

- Barrymore, your wife all night long cried. You that, badly with it managed?
-Haprotiv, perfectly did without it.

*****

Bleyd-haund. The dog of this breed is perfectly trained in possession of fighting receptions with use of a cold weapon. Unfortunately it appeared that the blade-haundy are not capable to own firearms at all. It led to extinction of this breed soon after the invention skorostrelny oruzhiya.
zlye languages say that breed the blade-haund simply did not exist, a
bleydkhaundom called a dog of a certain lowest semi-vampire by the name of the Blade, whose adventures inspired on creation of several foolish movies.

*****

Boss-teyl. Dogs of this remarkable breed enjoy wide popularity of chiefs of various rank. The dog oblaivat all visitors, but phenomenal intuition the boss-teyla allows it to distinguish unmistakably the ordinary visitor from the chief before whom the dog always dances attendance and faithfully waves hvostom.
boss-teyl adores expensive machines, especially Mercedes. In attempt push the boss-teyla in the domestic car can ukusit.
edinstvennaya attempt to push it in the Zaporozhets brought pushing to lethal iskhodu.
zlye languages say that owners the boss-teylov draw to themselves unnecessary attention of people around and in particular - special organov.
dostoverno it is known that the chief who the boss-teylom owns still has much more time for the secretary, than at the chief without dog.

*****

- The boot - Watson, - was asked somehow by Holmes, playing with a dark brown boot and attentively considering it through a magnifying glass. - What can we tell about the owner of this boot? Mm
-... - uncertainly lowed Vatson.
-this is the thin man,

*****

- Berimor, what it for terrible howl behind a window?
-Is a dog Baskervillya, the sir!
-Berimor, what it for a wild cry on bogs?
-Is a cat Baskervillya, the sir!
-Berimor, and what it for deep, chilling silence?
-Is fish Baskervillya, the s

*****

- Barrymore, you saw the person who took my coat?
-Yes, sir!
-As it looked, oh, damn?!
-is awful, the sir! Sleeves to it were too short.

*****

- Barrymore! What you do? Shame on you? Whom you are applying signals candle? You betrayed Sir Baskerville?
- No sir! I'm just kidding!
- Like this?
- convict Seldon thinks he now bring to eat.

*****

- What it, Barrymore?
-Watson's Brains, ser.
-Why so is not enough? I told
-: Watson's brains …

*****

- Barrymore! What at us today for breakfast?
-Solyanka, ser.
- And why not porridge?
-Mean trick, sir!

*****

- Barrymore, what at me squelches in a boot?
-Porridge, ser.
-Porridge?! And what it does there?
-Squelches, the sir.

*****

In "Revival" on doctrines on "Civil defense" to "Inveterate swindlers" there was "Accident" - "The foot was cramped", and in the first-aid kit only "Viagra". If not "Doctor Watson", V
"Crematorium" would go.

*****

In clothes of club Sherlock Holmes asks some gospodina:
-Tell, you, incidentally, not Sherlock Holmes?
-Is not present, and what is the matter?
-Yes in anything. Simply you put on it a coat, and Mr. Holmes is I.

*****

In London evening. It is drizzling. Holmes and Watson sit at restaurant. Watson thoughtfully gnaws nails. On a foot. Through a boot.

*****

In restorane:
-It is improbable, Holmes! But how you guessed, what the chef has short black hair and a habit to bite nails?

*****

In the movie "Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and the doctor of Vatsona.
sobaka Baskervilya" doctor Watson and his satellite,
genri Baskervil in the person of the actor N. Mikhalkov - ekhali
v to a cart to the patrimonial lock was found ridiculous kinolyap.
geroy the movie..... without flasher.

*****

Watson called on Sherlock Holmes in the evening. Sherlock all tired, goes to bed, and Watson still hangs out, roams, at it in the apartment Utrom:
-Watson is engaged in something …! I see you all night long did not sleep, and watched a porno on a video recorder!
-Holmes how you guessed?
-Well first, Watson, you have red eyes …
-true, Holmes! And secondly?
-A secondly I have no other cartridges.

*****

- Watson! I see you all night long did not sleep, and watched a porno on a video recorder!
-of Holmes how you guessed?
-Well first, Watson, you have red eyes …
-true, Holmes! And secondly?
-A secondly I have no other cartridges.

*****

- Watson, I see, you suffered prolonged anxiety today in the morning … with
-brilliant, Holmes! Again your deductive method?
-of Hypermarket … you forgot to put on trousers, Watson.

*****

- Watson, I see, you visited at racketeers?
-Yes. But how you guessed, Holmes?
-is elementary, Watson! You lie in a coffin!

*****

- Watson, how to you on taste The Hound of the Baskervilles?
-Ya did not eat it, Holms.
- And Mrs. Hudson says, what eli.
-Why you trust it, but not me, Holmes?
-Because it cooks food, but not you.

*****

Watson comes back from a tour in Rossiyu.
-you know, Holmes, there all took me for sir Artur of Conan-Doylya.
s ten ladies at once wanted to marry me zahusband .
-be not under a delusion, Watson. They for certain wanted to marry you po
raschetu. How their surnames? I remember
-of the First of three. Ustinova, Dontsov, Marinin...

*****

- Watson, you struck yesterday?
-As you guessed?
-is A little make-up and a dress...

*****

- Watson, you gay?
-Yes, Holmes. And how you guessed? Again probably deduction method?
-Well, simply asked.

*****

Watson grustit:
-I Want the woman! But after all you the wife have
-!
-Well Holmes, you still would remember mother!

*****

- I have Watson for you two news: good and bad. At first plokhaya:
nash house snosyat.
-As?!
-Bulldozer. On its place will be ryumochnaya.
- And good?
-Good, Watson! Good, cozy and inexpensive bar.