Jokes about the characters

Read funny Jokes about Sherlock Holmes

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- Watson, buddy, you prepared a big cage how I asked you? -
were asked by Sherlock Holms.
-Prepared. But Holmes, explain to me, why to us this cage?
-Pardon, Watson, we are gentlemen! Sir Henry Baskervil with us paid off?
-Paid off!
-Means,

*****

- Watson how you think, why Russia pays the maintenance of Soveta
evropy?
-But Holmes, after all only also does the Council of Europe that cares about pravakh
man in Russia. To whom to pay for it?
-A why is simple not to give this money to

*****

Watson married and, having left the wife, for some days left. Having returned, he addresses to Holmsu:
- And than you were engaged, Sherlock, during my absence? I do not want to answer
-this question, Vatson.
-Can not trouble yourself, I already dogadalsya.
-Watson, and want, I learn, your guess is right or not? Well, try
-, Holms.
-Watson, all of you still consider me the best friend?
-Yes, Holmes, nesomnenno.
- Then, dear Watson, your guess is incorrect.

*****

- Watson - noticed Holmes - yes at you the person is more white than a pillow!
-K to that is Holmes?
- The sir Is time to wash at last a pillowcase!

*****

Watson calls Holmsu:
-I was at Mrs. Hudson yesterday. It handed over our rooms to two milym
pakistantsam. They probably photographers or hudozhniki.
-Why you so think, Watson?
-A few years ago I saw at them photos two New йоркских
небоскребов, and now they have photos of hotels in Bombay.

*****

Watson calls Holmsu:
- At me the poodle got sick. It is remembered you said that your spaniel was ill you. What did you undertake? Watson again gave
-Ya to a dog dimetilizoglyukonat.
through day Holmsu:
-I calls gave to a poodle this gluconate and he sdokh.
-my spaniel too died at once at once.

*****

- Watson, you do not know why it is Mrs. Hudson such happy goes?
-of Holmes, you said that long ago a time vzdryuchit.
-I meant it for bad behavior, Watson.

*****

Watson: - Know, Holmes, in the apartment on Baker Street happen at us strange veshchi.
kogda you close behind yourself a door in a toilet, dies away svet.
kholms: - Dear Watson, you simply mixed a toilet with holodilnikom.
vatson: - Holmes but how you guessed? Again your deductive method?
kholms: - Same it is elementary, Watson! Taste this paste!

*****

- Watson, where your beautiful cane with a gold knob?
-Here it, at me in ruke.
-But it without knob!
-Alas, Holmes, a cane was too long. Dear Watson was necessary it obrezat.
-, but why you cut off a cane from above, but not from below?
-A wh

*****

- Watson, and what you smoke it? Let me guess - Queen Virginia tobacco with cherry leaflets, from anniversary release in velvet packing?
-is amazing, Holmes! How you guessed it?
-Really, Watson! Well not Mrs. Hudson snatched the last pack from my ro

*****

- Watson, you again smoke the Russian cigarettes?
-But how you guessed, Holmes?
-is elementary, my friend! Topsy-turvy.

*****

- Watson, why our so happy Ms. Hudson?
-Expensive Holmes, you told that long ago a time vzdryuchit.
-I meant it for carelessness, my friend.

*****

- Watson what write in "Tayms"? - Holmes asked, obviously missing for vechernim
chayem in state muddy Mrs. of Hadson.
- The most interesting history, Holmes. Somebody Baskervil, being journey v
rossii, in one of villages on the way bought a nice dogg

*****

Vatson:
-Holmes, I will go progulyayus.
-Is not necessary, Watson, round the corner on Baker Street you strongly pobyyut.
-I do not trust you, Holmes. You cannot expect it. Leaves. Through polchasa
vozvrashchayetsya hackneyed, in bruises and broken off odezhde.
-But... Holmes... From where you knew?
-is elementary, Watson. Yesterday I showed off on Baker Street in your suit.

*****

- Watson, we will assume your dog barks at a black entrance, and the wife, with full hands of purchases, shouts at smart whom you let in the first?
-Who shouts more loudly, navernoye.
-It is elementary, Watson, - it is necessary to let in a dog. She

*****

Watson comes to the house on Baker Street. Sitting in a chair of Holmes throws emu:
-After all I do not understand how vysmogl at all your respectability to get into a fight on Ho Leyn.
-Park devil take it!!!!!
-… at you on a forehead a trace of my boot.

*****

Watson with the friend (not Holmes) were gathered up to an eyebrow, send to bogs this
samoy bogs, caught The Hound of the Baskervilles and had it. In the morning Vatson
vykhodit in a corridor, meets Holmes. Vatson:
-Sherlock, and know, what we did yesterday? I believe
-Ya, forced a dog of Baskerviley.
- And how you guessed?
-Idiots! Where you saw a dog with a tube?

*****

- Watson! What at us today for breakfast?
-Solyanka, ser.
- And why not porridge, sir?
-Mean trick, sir!

*****

- Watson, here I look at you and I think... You that, gay?
-But... but how you guessed, Holmes?
-Guessed? I simply asked.

*****

- Watson, I look you today incidentally walked smack left high overshoes in shit?
-A here you also brought your deductive method, Holmes! I in it specially came.

*****

- Watson, you again dreamed The Hound of the Baskervilles? Why you so solved
-, Holmes?
-from your house were again distributed Last night kriki.
-Yes? And what I shouted? That did you do
-with sir Henry, a bough?!

*****

Watson asks Holmsa:
-I understand why the thief took money from the safe and dragotsennosti.
no why it took away the lord's wife?
-is elementary, Watson! That the lord did not look for it!

*****

Watson asks Holmes: - Holmes and why my stream rings, and at you murmurs? - Watson, same it is elementary. I pisat to you in a pocket, and you - me on boots.

*****

Watson asks Holmsa:
-of Holmes how you think why women have hair on lobke
myagkiye and silky, and men - rigid and prickly? Suck
-, Watson, and %dit not п$!

*****

Watson asks Holmsa:
-Sherlock you really saw The Hound of the Baskervilles? On what Holmes stretched the tube to Watson and said:
-Try, Watson, will see such yet!

*****

- Watson, surprising nearby!
-Yes, yes I too felt this smell of a settler, in which my
nakhodimsya.

*****

Watson often played in club cards. Very much he liked to play. And there rule: who will lose, the naked back on beaten glass sits down. Here Watson sat down to play - and was blown completely. There is nothing to do - sat down on glass as told. It was cut, of course. Came home, began to sleep to lay down, took off trousers. Also decided cuts to stick with a plaster - the doctor after all. Stuck, went to bed. In the morning at breakfast meets Holmes. Holmes speaks to it: - Watson, again you in club in cards were lost yesterday! - How you guessed, Holmes?! - Elementary, Watson! All mirror in a plaster!

*****

Evening on Baker Street. Behind windows darkly, fog. Watson's voice: - Holmes, at you whisky turns gray - Suck, Watson, do not distract.

*****

Evening in Sherlock's apartment of Holmsa.
-Holmes how you think whom actually is Jack the Ripper? -
zadayet a question the doctor of Vatson.
-Exists the version, my friend that this maniac - the physician. Judging by that,
kak it skillfully undresses the victims, it is represented to me vesma
pravdopodobnoy.
-Rather this is the former police officer or the detective, - if to accept vo
vnimaniye as dexterously he manages to escape from hands of Scotland Yard. Pritom
zhenonenavistnik - it is known that become its victims isklyuchitelno
padshiye zhenshchiny.
-Very curious hypothesis, Watson, - Sherlock Holmes chilly told. - A
kstati where our hostess, the kindest missis
khadson vanishes in so late hour?
-It seems that long communication with two so uncommon gentlemen,
kak we, did not pass for it completely. Recently this ledi
vedet itself it is the extremely excentric! In what it is shown by
-I?
-She smells the whole evening cocaine, then puts on your road suit i
sent alone to walk across night London. Moreover for some reason beret
s itself my small suitcase with surgical tools!

*****

Watson from a tour comes back. Already in a taxi asks shofera:
-As you think, from where I now come back?
-From Russia!
-But how you guessed?
shofer (got hoarse):
-is elementary, Watson! Only you could pay the porter instead of "greens" in one dollar usual Russian ten!

*****

East European Ochkarka. Well that here ridiculous, really?...
NU, weakened at a dog sight, well and what?... To whom happens?... But wearing spectacles it looks more intelligent!

*****

- Here it would be good, Holmes if there was suddenly such means that to change criminals. Here we take the thief, the bloody murderer, the bandit, and rrraz! - becomes the honest person, a support of society...
-Yes that you, Watson! And fair democrat

*****

- How you think, Holmes what will be with the Lenin Mausoleum?
-Is 4 options, dear Watson: 1. Will leave everything as is. 2. Will take out Lenin's body, will leave the mausoleum. 3. Will take out a body, will demolish the mausoleum. 4. The mausoleum w

*****

- How you think, Holmes? It is elementary
-, Watson.

*****

- Why you do not marry, Holmes?
-It creates an array of problems, Watson. Present, you sit posle
trudnogo day in a chair, have a rest, read the newspaper. Suddenly for paradnoy
dveryyu hear a voice of the wife and at the same time behind a black en

*****

- You know, Holmes, - doctor Watson reported, - the inspector Lestreyd from Scotland Yard called you narkomanom.
-Well though not the homosexual, - Holmes indifferently responded, smoking the favourite tube and looking at fire in kamine.
" And after a

*****

- You heard, Watson, Abramovich buys one more football komandu.
-you are mistaken, Holmes. It has a difficult financial position. Nastolko
tyazheloye that the Russian government allocated to it considerable ssudu.
-That's it for this loan it and buy

*****

- You heard, Holmes, Ukraine will be presented on
reklamnym "Eurovision" by Yushchenko's roller?
-A that here strange, Watson? It is quite natural that the Englishman budet
pet about England, Russian - about Russia, and the Ukrainian - about Yushc

*****

Speak Sherlock of Holmes awarded the order in English Embassy?
- And as, stones of English intelligence services in Moscow to find it to you ne
khukhry-mukhra