Jokes about the characters

Read funny Jokes about Sherlock Holmes

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Holmes across London walks and will come across on lying on a pavement man.
-So, - Holmes argues, - the Person can lie in three cases: 1-if it is drunk, 2-if it is dead and 3-from full exhaustion. the 1st disappears since from it does not bear, the 2nd disappears since he breathes. Means, from full iznemozheniya.
polnoye the exhaustion can occur in three cases: 1-from the whore, 2-from the prostitute and 3-from the normal woman. For the 1st it too solidly looks, for the 2nd is too young. Therefore, from the normal woman. And normal women in the city only two: washing marrying and marrying doctor Watson. My wife disappears since I go from her... Watson, get up!

*****

Walking along the Thames, Sherlock Holmes and doctor Watson saw the charming lady who floundered in water, swinging hands. As true gentlemen, they waved with hands in reply.

*****

Dialogue with Berrimorom:
-What is it? of
-Watson's Brains, ser.
-Why so is not enough? I told
-: brains - Watson!

*****

- Dmitry Ivanovich, even I with the deductive method could not zametit
zakonomernosti in properties of chemical elements. How you managed it?
-Same is elementary, Holmes! Try my vodka, also not takoye
uvidite!

*****

- Good evening, dear ladies, - Sherlock Holmes told, passing by a bench on which three women and fir-trees banany.
-sat you know them? - the doctor asked it Vatson.
-Is not present, - Holmes answered, - I never met this nun, the prostitute and the you

*****

Doctor Watson having come back home Watson will come across Holmsa:
-, you were on the Maidan today and supported Yushchenko.
-Quite right but how you guessed? It is elementary
-. You tied an orange scarf and pockets nabity
apelsinami.
-by Bravo, Holmes!!! And I am glad that we won, and you? "We will live
, we will see", the great detective thought crumpling in a pocket a white-blue tag...

*****

Doctor Watson runs up to Sherlock Holmes, and asks:
-Holmes how you believe, that high blonde takes in a mouth?
kholms reflects some minutes, examining the blonde, and resolutely zayavlyaet:
-Takes!
-Holmes but how you defined it?
-is elementary, dear Watson. If there is a mouth, means has to take.

*****

Doctor Watson somehow decided to disaccustom the friend Sherlock Holmes to smoking. Once, when Holmes was not in the room, he took his favourite call and picked it at himself in a bum. However when Holmes returned, he with pleasure smoked a tubule. Next day Watson again took the favourite call of Holmes and again picked it at himself in a bum. Holmes again with pleasure smoked it …
proshel year. Holmes both smoked, and smokes. And here Watson without tube cannot any more.

*****

Doctor Watson removes the prostitute, brings home and there bangs. Here the prostitute speaks:
-That you, the doctor, the married person, and a telok snimayete.
- And from what you took, what I am married?
-(a hoarse voice) Well same is elementary, Watson!.

*****

Doctor Watson asks Holmsa:
-Sherlock Tell, the dear, and the truth that you saw The Hound of the Baskervilles?
Ha that Sherlock Holmes, stretching it the tube otvechayet:
-Try Watson, and you will see such yet.

*****

Doctor Watson asks Sherlock of Holmsa:
-of Holmes, tell and why women have soft pubic hair, and at men - rigid? Suck
-, Watson, do not distract!

*****

Doctor Watson, reading gazetu:
-Holmes, here write that in the USA and Europe heavy fires. What vy
skazhete? Well it is elementary
-, Watson. From this J. Bush easily will derive for
sebya benefit. Will accuse of it Arabs, will untie next military agressiyu
i will pocket others oil as it was with Iraq.

*****

Doctor Watson, reading the newspaper: - Holmes, write here that on Chubais again there was an attempt, but it again escaped. How you consider who could attempt upon it - professor Moriarty or Jack-Potroshilel?
kholms: - That, drugoy.
- Then who? It is elementary
-, Watson. Remember, what from 99% of similar attempts, the object of attempt remains to
kogda is live, attempt it sam.
- And orders the remained 1%?
-Officers of Wehrmacht and losers similar to them.

*****

Doctor Watson, reading newspapers: - Holmes, write here that in the former Soviet republics how the president is elected, at once there is a revolution to the requirement to renominate to its place drugogo.
tak was in Ukraine, and now here in Kyrgyzstan. What it how you consider,
kholms? Well it is elementary
-, Watson. People try to avoid povtoreniya
rossiyskogo effect. Remember, a year ago Russians chose svoim
prezidentom V. Putin, and within only one year for them uzhe
povysili the prices, cancelled privileges, selected the right to elect governors,
sokratili holidays, and from some already take away the last housing. Komu
zakhochetsya that the president instead of caring o
blagosostoyanii the citizens and protection of their rights, would trample on the constitution,
ushchemlyal of the right of the voters, worsened financial position of the people i
vel itself, as any invader or the despot. Well on a horse-radish takiye
"elections". - the great detective answered.

*****

- Dear Watson, pay, please, attention of wons to that dog,
kotoraya imperceptibly keeps for us already about half an hour. Well, on that. See,
K to her tail is attached a frying pan, and on a collar Holmes and Watson - swindlers and gays hangs big t

*****

- Dear Holmes how you think, why sacred a nimbus?
-is elementary, Watson: to cover horns.

*****

- What it for awful howl on bogs, Watson?
-Is a dog of Basques, Holmes.

*****

Sir Henry runs other vastson to sir Henry to the house and speaks:
-, it is possible for me a glass of water?!
-Of course Watson, berite.
vatson runs away outside, and through couple of seconds there is vnov:
-Sir Henry, it is possible for me still a glass of water?!
-yes, berite.
beret also leaves, snova:
-Sir Henry, two glasses of water are possible for me?!
-Really, what happened?
-Fire, sir …

*****

- Why we so quickly go, Holmes?
-is elementary, Watson. I am the bad driver, I hurry home until brought down nobody.

*****

- Hello, Watson, - Holmes told, sitting in the twilight of the room at the fireplace crackling firewood and smoking the favourite tube. - I see, on the street excellent dry weather?
-Opposite, Holmes, - objected Watson. - It is raining and very dirty.

*****

Know, Holmes, in the apartment on Baker Street happen at us strange veshchi.
kogda you close behind yourself a door in a toilet, light dies away. Sh. H. Dear Watson,
VY simply mixed a toilet with the refrigerator. V. Holmes but how you guessed?
opyat your deductive method? Sh. H. Same it is elementary, Watson! Try etot
pashtet!

*****

There is in the evening on Baker Street a passerby and asks Holmsa:
-Tell the sir, this street not dangerously to walk?
-Would be dangerous, I would not go here!

*****

Go Holmes and Watson across evening London. See a dark gate. Holms:
-Watson if you come there, receive pi. dy!
vatson without trusting Holmes comes, fight sounds are distributed. Watson with blood-stained rozhey:
-From where takes off you knew Holmes?
-elementary Watson! I here vy@byvatsya long yesterday in your coat!

*****

There are Sherlock Holmes, other Watson, Barrymore and sir Henry on bolotu.
szhr Genri:
-Barrymore what squelches at me in boots?
Porridge, ser.
-A that it does there?
Squelches, the sir.

*****

There are Sherlock Holmes and doctor Watson down the street. Sherlock Know Holms:
-, Watson, yesterday I saw behind this corner of two children who very much wanted to fill to me mordu.
doktor Vatson:
- And how you guessed, Holmes? Again your deductive method?
sherlok Holms:
-Same is elementary, Watson! Would not like - would not fill!

*****

There are Sherlock Holmes and doctor Watson on the wood and see a huge heap derma.
-Here, Watson, I for the first time saw The Hound of the Baskervilles.

*****

The researcher of creativity Conan of Doyle, the philologist Vasya Pupkin, having got divorced from wife, by method of scientific deduction proved that The Hound of the Baskervilles was suky.

*****

- So, dear Watson, you are sure, what to spring so far early to trust, what this heat is deceptive? From where you know
-, Holmes? But after all you put on
-warm belye.
-today As you guessed, Holmes?
-Same is elementary, Watson! Going to me, yo

*****

To Holmes the visitor in a shabby suit comes and asks for help. Holmes does not refuse. When the client leaves, Watson snatches on Holmsa:
-you never helped the poor! It not poor, it $в 1000 a pocket had
-A!
-??? Let's count
-A together!

*****

To Sherlock Holmes the visitor in a shabby suit, the rumpled cylinder and in a shirt with the shabby cuffs came, and began to ask about pomoshchi.
kholms to it refused. When the visitor left, Watson snatched on great syshchika:
-you never denied the assistance to the poor!
-Yes, but it was not poor. It in a purse had 125 pounds and 12 pensov.
-From where you know? Let's count
-A together!

*****

Somehow time doctor Watson talked to Sherlock Expensive Holmsom:
-Holmes, and the truth, what you saw a dog Baskervilly?
sherlok of Holmes, stretching to doctor Watson the trubku:
-Try, Watson, you will see such yet!

*****

How you think, Holmes, than gays differ from pidaras?
-is elementary, Watson. Are born gays, and pidarasam become. V
osnovnom, after appointment to positions state grazhdanskoy
sluzhby, - the well-known detective added, having darted a short glance na
leystrada.

*****

Somehow flied Holmes with Watson by a balloon. Also fell asleep. Wake up over some unfamiliar district, see - below some man of cows grazes. They decreased and ask muzhika:
-Tell, the sir where we are?
(long thought) - On air share.
-Thanks, the sir! - also rose up. Holmes it is thoughtful speaks:
- The Interesting district, Watson! The programmer grazes cows!
-But, Holmes from what you took, what he is a programmer? It is elementary
-! First, he long thought over the answer. Secondly,
ego the answer was absolutely exact. And the most important - absolyutno
bespolezen!

*****

Somehow Sherlock Holmes and doctor Watson went puteshestvovat
na bicycles. Found their night on the way. Solved zanochevat.
a tents forgot! Well also decided bicycles to put shalashiky (/),
A between nimi.
hu, at night Watson awakes Holmes and speaks:
-Sherlock, you know, to me for some reason blows! It is elementary
-, Watson, of you is not enough several spokes!

*****

- What discovery was made by Sherlock Holmes?
-That such number as with Mumu, with The Hound of the Baskervilles will not pass.

*****

Whom you the first let in the house?
-Who shouts more loudly, navernoye.
-it is necessary to Let in a dog, Watson. She will cease to bark when enters.

*****

- This, of course, not my business, Holmes. But it seemed to me that in poslednee
time your night violin concerts began to be pleasant less missis
khadson.
-Throw, Watson. From what you took?
- At least, is so told in a note which I found dvadts

*****

Bought the new Russian lock Baskervilya. Speaks to the dvoretskomu:
-Hear in the evening! Organize to me since morning any canary for
razvlecheniya tomorrow. Only that it was in the best English traditions!
Ha in the dining room is opened the next morning the door and the butler objyavlyaet:
-Ovsiyenko, the sir!

*****

Laborator. The dog was brought in order that the scientists who are not getting out of the laboratories for weeks too were able to afford get sobaku.
laborator can not to eat if the owner forgot to feed him, can not walk if the owner forgot to walk him, and without any harmful consequences both for himself, and for the owner. The dog is exclusively clean, it is simple sterilna.
iz for it evil tongues claim that at removal of breed cats were used. Laborator is well trained to bark when in laboratory something too long boils, ignites spontaneously or going to explode. According to unchecked data the dog is capable to feel the increased level radiatsii.
k to a regret a certain academician Pavlov and his colleagues very much liked to use laborator in the experiments. As a result breed was completely istreblena.
v the present moment in Japan development of artificial analog of this dog is conducted, but so far results of these works cause interest only in fans find fault - flew news.