Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about elections

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And after all indeed well is to some, after all gosudar does not see theft, and the security guard selling.

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And in general, elections do not make sense there - where very big percent korruptsii.
soldatov, teachers and other people - force to vote for for whom prikazhut.
inache can dismiss and still a heap of troubles ustroit.
tak "roundabout" works - people for money go round a heap of polling precincts and golosuyut.
i of course corruption in high official posts, elections also do senseless.

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And it is Moscow where there live Vovik and Dimon. And today they try to win vybory.
-Vovik, I che the ochky. You think will give a ride?
-Yes you calm down! I already two times so did!

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And NOW NOVOSTI:
V a number of regions on elections recorded a record appearance - in some subjects of federation it approached closely hundred percent. Inhabitants of Chechnya appeared the most conscious - there 99 percent of the population of the republic came to polling precincts. Only 5 thousand people were not. The president already set to security officers the task of their detention. The same consciousness was shown by inhabitants of Chechnya and in a political choice - more than 99 percent of votes were given for "United Russia". The heads of the dissatisfied will be hung out in administrative centers of the republic for the next four years.

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Allah gives to Chechnya money and 99.5% of votes of the United Russia.

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- Hallo, mother?! You can congratulate me! I won presidential elections!
MAMA radostno:
-Oh! Honestly?!
-Mother, well though you would not pin up.!!!

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Amerikanets:
- At us one Claude Van Damme replaces ten members of spetsnaz!
russkiy:
-It that? Unas one Churov replaces ten million voters!

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The Armenian radio asks Americans after elections to SShA:
- As you could elect the president-idiot?
amerikantsy otvechayut:
-We such rich country, are able to afford even it!

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To the Armenian radio set question :
-Why in the Ukrainian circuses only children laugh?
-Children do not go to elections...

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The grandmother comes to shop behind bread. Speak to it: bread costs 30 rubles - 15 rubles bread and 15 on elections of "ER". The grandmother swore and left without pokupki.
na the next day comes - stretches 30 rubles, asks bread. Return to it 15 and speak: "Bread is not present, tomorrow come".

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Barack Obama calls Medvedev and complains that there is a high probability that his democratic party will lose at congressional elections Ssha.
medvedev speaks:
- The Hogwash! I will help you. There is at me a specialist in elections, Churov his surname. It to you will arrive - all uladit.
vybory passed in the USA. Medvedev calls Obama to learn that - yes - kak.
obama speaks:
-Yes in general everything silently-quietly passed. Only the result strange some - all states with a big separation was won by the United Russia.

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Basques gave the vote for "United Russia" and now it is compelled to lip-synch.

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Berezovsky declared that will leave Russia if Primakov's Primakov.
reyting becomes the president rose from 35% to 85%.

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Thanks to modernization of electoral processes, primeneniyu
nanotekhnology and to creation of the competitive political environment in the Voronezh region vote of 130 percent of voters, in the Rostov region - 147 is recorded. Heads of other regions which are not keeping up to date expect dismissal.

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Thanks to last State Duma elections, now we know not only WHOM we will elect in presidents but also AS.

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In America in two months after elections still it is not known, who stanet
prezidentom. In Russia - in two months prior to elections it is already known.

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In army before vyborami:
-Companions soldiers if you for Putin, put opposite a tick if against, a dagger.

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In the near future we are expected by a putinism and a putanizm.

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To nursing home during elections there arrived a member of election commission with bulletins and with a special exit ballot box. All grandmothers and grandfathers gathered in zale.
-Well, dear citizens of Russia? For "United Russia" we will vote?
-Is not present!
-Means, we put on it a cross? Da's
-!
-Well, and put it in the bulletin directly opposite to "United Russia".

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In expensive cafe London two gentlemen sit and read "Tayms". Suddenly one of them throws the newspaper and with irritation exclaims:" Eb your mother!" The second, without coming off the newspaper, speaks Russian: "You are right, the sir, they again collected 50% of votes: we in London got stuck for a long time."

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In the Duma three smoked deputies are caught. They found Putin's plan.

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In ballots of the 3rd round of election of the president of Ukraine will be only 2 grafy:
1. For Yushchenko.
2. For the 4th round of elections

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The nomination "Sharper of Year" was won surely by mister Churov. He managed to attribute 63% of party, at one mention about which more than a half of the population starts being spat and use foul language.

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In policy not so it is important as you igrayete; it is much more important who keeps count.

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In provincial circus number "Clowns on a Tandem" was renamed just in case in "Clowns on pedal transport".

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In a psychiatric clinic of our city from the street brought two patients. One gave out itself(himself) for Napoleon, another - for Zhirinovsky. After survey it became clear that the first of them - the loony, and the second - really Zhirinovsky.

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As a result of an election of the president of Ukraine it became clear, chto:
35% of Ukrainians will not come the second time on same grabli;
25% - nastupyat;
5% - will come and will jump.

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Made changes to the Russian Constitution: The president of Russia is elected the previous president of Russia.

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Due to a large number of victims in road accident in Donetsk, s
segodnyashnego day all orange special clothes of road workers perekrashivayutsya
v blue color.

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Due to the difficulties at an election of the president of the USA, Americans invited, as the technical consultant Churov. After carrying out consultations everything fell into place - Putin is in the lead.

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- In Ukraine elections again ...
- And who is chosen?
- deputies of the Supreme Rady.
- And from whom?
- of the deputies of the Supreme Rady.
- And who cares?
- deputies of the Verkhovna Rada. Their is a pin ...

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In the center Nashists, opposition, drove water-cannons FILLED IN with WATER KATOK Square MADE EVERYTHING WITH ICE CREAM SKATE IN PADDYWAGONS are HEATED

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At school at a world lesson children are addressed by Putin. Seeing that from his speech school students start being sleepy, he decided to replace a monologue with dialogue: - Someone from you has to me questions? There is Petya Ivanov and speaks:
- At me to you three voprosa:
1) who killed Litvinenko? 2) why people in the country such beggars? 3) why in the country human rights are constantly violated?
putin feels, what it is broken through by cold sweat, but the call rings here and children headlong run out from klassa.
v the beginning of the following lesson Putin again asks:
-somebody else has to me questions?
Vovochka:
-U me to you five questions: 1) who killed Litvinenko? 2) why people in the country such beggars? 3) why in the country human rights are constantly violated? 4) why the call rang out for 20 minutes earlier? 5) where Petya Ivanov?

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It is interesting to you, what party received my vote? To me here too.

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- Vasily Ivanych! And where there will pass the line of this most popular front?
-On offices, Petka, on offices...

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- Vas, you heard: presidential elections are cancelled!
-C of that it suddenly? Whether
- The Galley sleep …. To row there is nothing...

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Vladivostok, APEC summit, Stopper. The cop knocks on a car window, drove lowered steklo:
v - that happened?
M - Yes here on the island Russian, terrorists took the prime minister hostage, demand repayment of 10 000 000 dollars, or threaten to water it with gasoline and to burn, here we go, we collect who than can …
B - … Nuuuuu, liters of 5 ladies …

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- Vladimir Vladimirovich, I have for you two news: good and bad. With what to begin?
- Come with horoshey.
- You won!
- A bad?
- for you, no one voted.

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- Vladimir Vladimirovich, what do you think of statements, what you ne
vypolnyaete the promises? Them not only I carry out
-Ya, I exceed them. I promised doubling of GDP, a
seychas went for the trebling.