Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about elections

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On the polling precinct interview at izbirateley.
korrespondent:
-Hello for whom you came to vote?
izbiratel:
-Hello, I came to vote for the new term of Putin and his team … … … … … … … … it is desirable for life and with confiscation.

*****

On selective uchastke:
-Bulletins are rubbed with something! The handle does not write!
- cannot be! Well, try here a dagger to put, opposite to the United Russia.

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On the polling precinct the man took the bulletin and there were it chitat.
-you that do? - terribly the person in shtatskom.
-asked it I Want to know for whom I golosuyu.
-Yes you that, do not understand, what we have secret elections?

*****

On the desert island after ship-wreck. Whether the man together with the girl razbirayet
rezultaty a referendum on a question "You want to have sex with tovarishchem
po to misfortune?". Thus vorchit:
-All is democracy - fiction. These elections, referenda - continuous jugglings,
kotorye overstep any limits. Well, I voted pro twice,
NO from where in a ballot box appeared 11 bulletins pro, if us on the island only two?

*****

Putin's party won Russia the last elections!

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At the last parliamentary elections of the voter sprashivayut:
-you for whom voted?
- For the Union of the Right Forces!
- Oh, yes you democrat?!
- Is not present, I am a MASOCHIST!

*****

On a pre-election banquet Irina Hakamada dances with Boris Nemtsov and tells how she played chess before voters with Vladimir Zhirinovskim.
nemtsov interrupts her voprosom:
- And than the party ended?
- the Mat on the 13th course... As you answered with
-I to this impudent person?

*****

At the upcoming elections of the President of Russia Philip of Kirkorov.
posledny will become the main rival of V. V. Putin there will be the candidate from the party "Plywood".

*****

To the registrar comes to reception muzhchina.
-Hello. I heard, you professionally go in for study of local lore. The matter is that I roots from these places, but anything plainly about the relatives not znayu.
- And why you to me came? You for this purpose have enough to propose candidature on elections against the candidate from the party of the power. At once and about all recognize all, and not only you.

*****

Actually won the CPRF led by Gennady Zyuganov State Duma elections. But it paid off.

*****

On the following utro:
-Well, and yesterdays earned a skok?
-Ten tyshch.
- And chyo so is not enough?
- Yes at us more than ten byuletnev in one hands did not give...

*****

In Ukraine, speak, running shutka.
"I Will sell tent, second-hand, 7 years, Kiev. To Muscovites discount."

*****

In Ukraine elections, and together with them money, water, gas and light came to an end. I want again elections!

*****

On the street on a wall of yaxy.ru two portraits hang. At the left - the candidate for mayors, on the right - "Searches for him militia". The old woman approaches. She badly sees. Long looks, then sighs and speaks: "Eh, whom to choose?. On the right it is it seems more nice".

*****

On the street stand the guy with the girl. By passes muzhik.
-Sorry, - the girl addresses to it. - You could not answer one question: for whom you will vote in the second round? I will not tell
-, - the man mutters and udalyaetsya.
-is fine, - the guy speaks, - look how it is necessary delat.
mimo passes another muzhchina.
-Forgive, - the guy addresses to it. - We are medical students, we prepare work on the subject "Improvement of Interaction of Patients with Doctors". You could not answer one question?
- Yes, please, - are answered by the man.

*****

To a central square of the city there is a man with a video camera and the poster "I VOTED FOR MEDVEDEV AND PUTIN'S UNITED RUSSIA"
TUT on it the crowd flies from all directions and starts mutuzit very much. Beats both hands and feet, tears the poster, ukhodit.
muzhik hardly rises, puts before itself the turned chamber, spits out all teeth on snow,
ulybayetsya and says in a chamber: "And FAM is WEAK?"

*****

Watching elections in Ukraine the uncle Vasya podumal:
pozhaluy, I will declare myself the president of Russia... no, it somehow ne
zvuchit...
I declared itself the Sovereign Emperor Velikiya (Vova, move...), Malyya
(Yanukovicham and Yushchenkam together with different Kuchmami to gather tomorrow na
ploshchadi with things), Belyya (Lukashenko, get out from my place) Russia, a
takzhe lands Imereti, Kakhetinsky and so forth (excuse, Saakashvili.), a
takzhe the grand duke Polish, Finnish (tremble, Europe) and other, i
prochaya and other....
dannoye the announcement I ask to consider by an official anointing me,
vasiliya V on a kingdom... I will appelirovat in case of refusal to mirovomu
soobshchestvu!!!

*****

Navalny writes in the twitter that it on freedom, to a pre-trial detention center Bezrukov.

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Reliability of electronic system of the Russian elections is finished to full sovershenstva; all data it is possible to enter from one computer now.

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- How the victory on elections when nobody voted for you is called, but you won?
-of Churov victory

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Real job title of Medvedev: "the employee who is responsible for technical maintenance of an account of the president of the Russian Federation".

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The real politician, having reached a road fork, goes on both roads at once.

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Approach of the second round of presidential elections is vsegda
rezultat defects of the authorities on falsifications of the first round...

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- The Nafiga in general was elections to hold? Would tell all prosto:
"Elections took place yesterday, you voted for...".
- do not advance an event of the following elections!

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It not you vote for us. It we vote for you! EdRo.

*****

Were not in time will end elections as happy to the rasseena, happy with a victory of "United Russia" started expressing the pleasure by jokes:

*****

A certain radio station conducts survey on streets goroda.
korrespondent:
-For whom you will vote on elections?
MUZHIK:
-Yes to darling …
korrespondent, killing muzhika:
-it is correct! For "United Russia"!

*****

No, well Yeltsin did not keep the word, did not lay down on rails, but Churov could - shave a beard.

*****

But there is also a factor neozhidannosti.
predstavte, the same Putin's supporters - can think that everything is decided and to sit doma.
a Putin's opponents - can will decide to come nevertheless on vybory.
i will win not against Putin.
no against it any more provided that elections will be really honest.

*****

But notice - Putin and his EdRo make plans on budushchee.
prinimayut laws and other for themselves and future planov.
eto involuntarily already says that elections and to the truth are already solved - Putin will win.

*****

- But how, Vladimir Vladimirovich?!
- is elementary! Ballot boxes had covers with the lock, but there was no bottom!

*****

But today even those observers - they do not see all process and any selling person H, can throw the bulletin and in TsIKE - which lost trust of people, can change kol.vo golosov.
i why not to calm the people and not to replace those who works in TsIKE - at least for these future elections of "the president of the Russian Federation" of
Kak option, temporarily it is possible to take those in the CEC - who himself called "League of voters" of
IH many people there, will be able to count number of votes and the people will be quiet.

*****

Well for elections at us were? To a drugstore a choice of condoms and that is more than
B!

*****

And further I will continue ya:
lisa thought as it is good, competent - I stole cheese at vorony.
poydu to vote for Putin, my life - will be full.

*****

- Well you think of these candidates?
- That? Yes we were simply lucky that will choose only one!

*****

- What it is necessary to make to win elections?
otvet of the Central Electoral Commission: to participate in elections it is necessary to submit the application for participation, to create the campaign headquarters, to collect podpisi.
- And it ever

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United before elections Greenpeace with RNE, thought, thought what to choose the pre-election slogan, as a result stopped on it: "Beat kikes - rescue whales!"

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Usually, when there is an election campaign, we often hear statements of type: "I will put an end to drug addiction, unemployment, nonpayment of a salary". But you should not be under a delusion - only the first two-three words are usually right.

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One candidate gave a series of performances before voters. Debut took from it 5 minutes. Second 45 minutes, and the third an hour and a half. When it was asked in what business, it otvetil:
-For the first time I was hurt awfully by teeth. For the second time I acted already with a new denture, and for the third time I by mistake fastened the wife's jaws.