Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about elections

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Went for the first time to vote on elections. As a gift gave Chupa Chups, the state absolutely unostentatiously hints.

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Rules of behavior on vyborakh.
den elections is the only day, when men and zhenshchiny
polzuyutsya one kabinkoy.
1. Come into a booth, paper you will be given out zaranee.
2. If about a booth you see the observer - do not worry,
U of everyone the slabosti.
3. If in a booth you find flies - be not frightened, this pure sovpadeniye.
4. Do not hesitate of the desires, it is done vse.
5. Try to make it silently, remember - many in general suffer molcha.
6. Having made the business, you will feel huge oblegcheniye.
7. Throw the used paper in urnu.
8. Come to elections, differently you should suffer five more let.
9. After everything surely wash up hands with soap: the policy is a dirty business

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- Why election campaign of Putin Govorukhin, but not Mikhalkov directed?
- Because Mikhalkov is occupied with crowning preparation!

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The pre-election slogan Medvedeva:
"choose the smaller From two angry!"

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The chairman partii:
-Before proposing you the candidate from our party, I would like to learn, whether you are inclined to lie, dodge, steal …
- Is not present. But if it is necessary for a victory on elections, I can quickly learn!

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The president signed the decree according to which the candidate for president has to have length of service the president not less than five years.

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Presidential elections in Russia ended, and there came usual gray putn.

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- Hi, Mish! How are you doing?
- Yes here bought party for 100 million
-A as is called?
-
- "Right cause" For 100 000 000 could buy other affairs also...

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There comes Medvedev to the village, to have a rest and hunt. Business happens on the eve of parliamentary elections. The chairman organized hunting, all made the huntsman as it is necessary. Medvedev happy poses, the crowd of men mestnykh.
-Well, Russians how your modernization takes place gathered nearby?
muzhiki molchat.
-Khm. And how at you affairs with education are, at school all classes are computerized?
muzhiki molchat.
predsedatel Dmitry Anatolyevich, men at us whispers to Medvedev on ukho:
- The people dark here, you with them
medvedev:
-Khm is simpler …. Zdarova, men!
muzhiki, klanyayas:
-Zdarova, barin …

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Cool nested dolls will start being on sale this year: Putin,
medvedev, then, BANG! - again Putin.

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The grandmother comes to the polling precinct. But came, without points. Near a ballot box there is bugay.
babushka to it speaks:
-a Sonny help to note in byulletene.
bugay pomog.
a the grandmother asks:
- And for whom I voted?
A the bull otvechayet:
- The Grandma, we have secret elections?
- Yes.
- Here also go, go the grandma.

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The deputy comes to reception to vrachu:
- The Doctor. Something strange occurs. I eat caviar - there is a caviar. I eat a sturgeon - there is a sturgeon. Advise what to do?
-A you eat what other Russians - there will be that is necessary!

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Come to policy with the brilliant future, leave with the awful past.

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Putin, Gryzlov and Mironov in restoran.
offitsiant (About) - "Good afternoon, Vladimir Vladimirovich what will eat come?"
VVP - "I will be meat!"
O - "… And vegetables …?"
VVP - "Vegetables will be the same, as I!"

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The grandma came to a market. Sees - the man from "United Russia" meat prodayet.
podkhodit to it and asks:
-How much meat, a piece of chalk?
muzhik-edinoros:
-A at you, the grandma, validol with itself?

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CHECK YOURSELF, or KTO KAK GOLOSUET:
- the Bilious choleric person: Without reading - at once to all on minus 2, then chitayet.
- The Melancholiac: After reading by all on minus 1 - that very much not vyezhyvalis.
- The Generous sanguine person: Without reading - all on plus 2, then chitayet.
-Simply the sanguine person: After reading by all on plus 1 - not for nothing karyachilis.
- The Phlegmatic person: To anybody anything - let among themselves with all this hrenovny razbirayutsya.
- The Mathematician: To everyone - on zero and on two in ume.
- The Communist: Revolutionary equalization from whom there is a lot of - on 2 to take away and who has not enough - on 2 dobavit.
-Tax inspectors and GAI officers: To peel everyone to the maximum the minus two and whenever possible to repeat this procedure from others kompyyuterov.
- The Accountant: The first to five - on plus 2, other five - on minus 2, that balance skhodilsya.
- The Student: After a grant - to the full extent, it is generous all on couple plus, before a grant - all on nulyam.
- The Miser: To the first in the list hardly and doubts - unit (at first plus, and then instead of it - minus as it nevertheless less plus, though it is a pity for her).
- Security officer: After careful acquaintance, so far to anybody anything, then, after special meeting - to everyone on zaslugam.
- The Woman: Because of impossibility to contemplate authors, unsystematic and any approach to vote if only at everyone something stoyalo.
- The Man: Where about women and beer, that on plus 2.
Author: To yourself plus 2, the rest on minus 2, differently you will be in a miss, as to you already competitors the minuses votknuli.
-Sexually anxious: That here in general to climb after the pornosites if in a smoking-room and so all cool is told.

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There takes place the meeting of the candidate with voters. To it set question :
-Forgive, whether but not your grandfather took Winter?
- Yes, mine! But I so consider - the grandson is not responsible for the grandfather!.

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Passed State Duma elections. Two deputies - one prosecutor meet, and businessmen.
businessmen speaks:
-Listen to the second, well here I have own business. Colleagues businessmen helped money,
Ya for them and conducted election campaign. And you on what shish?
prokuror otvechayet:
- The Vacation pay poluchil.
-Anything at you in prosecutor's office a vacation pay!
- So, it watching whom to release...

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Passed parliamentary elections. Two deputies, one prosecutor meet, and businessmen.
businessmen speaks:
-Listen to the second, well here I have own business. Colleagues businessmen helped money, I on them also conducted election campaign. And you on what shish?
prokuror otvechayet:
- The Vacation pay poluchil.
-a fig at you in prosecutor's office a vacation pay!
- So it watching whom to release...

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- It that, Putin for the whole 12 years?
- Calm down, in 2012 the end sveta.
-Though it pleases.

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Putin and Medvedev in the Kremlin... Lavrov.
putin:
-Well what news from Ukraine comes?
LAVROV:
-As always, news two. One bad, another horoshaya.
medvedev:
-Give horoshuyu.
-Tymoshenko will not be the president of Ukrainy.
- And bad?
- the President of Ukraine became Yanukovych...

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Putin so surely won that entered into Moscow troops and a heap of police.

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Putin after elections, at a meeting with the Lord's ER:
-, I congratulate you on a victory. Now everything belongs to us. It would be time already and to think of the people!!!
golos from zala:
-Yes, Vladimir Vladimirovich, is time - a shower on 200 would not prevent …

*****

Putin after elections, at a meeting with the Lord's ER:
-, I congratulate you on a victory. Now everything belongs to us. It would be time already and to think of the people!!!
golos from zala:
-Yes, Vladimir Vladimirovich, is time - a shower on 200 would not prevent …

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Why Putin tears after the election?
- it was painful. You Would have pulled his ears.

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Putin not the member of the United Russia, is the United Russia Putin's member.

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Putin is called by Churov.
-Vladimir Vladimirovich, we began a party registration to elections. Here" green" appeared. To register them?
- in any sluchaye.
- And that with them to do?
- Well as usual: pack and with the courier to me.

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Wake me years through hundred, and ask, what party now governs in Russia. And I will answer - the Party of crooks and thieves - Saltykov-Shchedrin

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Two obyvateley:
-What do you think of what at us elect future president of the country at congress of ruling party talk?
- is normal, it and is the operated democracy.

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Earlier in Russia there was only an Old New year, and now there will be also Old New Prezident
" Time of political dwarfs passed!.", - Mikhail Prokhorov declared and right there became the hero of the movie "Groundhog Day"...

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Rollers from the Internet doubted Medvedev's authenticity.

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Russia likes to step on a rake. It is historical tradition. We attacked "United Russia" in the third time in a row …

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Ruslana at last went on hunger strike - do not miss the show "Wild tantsy
oranzhevogo Skeleton". "Terminator-3" has a rest.

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From Ukraine denial: "Some slander that Yanukovych the rough person and even hits subordinated in the face. It is a lie. It beats everyone. And not on the person, and on a muzzle".

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For the purpose of fight against the corrupted device the management of ER decided to admit to the party owners of party-membership cards of CPSU without renewal of documents and with preservation of a party experience

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The most popular pre-election slogan - "Let's not allow ANOTHER to plunder Russia!".

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The most widespread question on March 4, 2012 goda:
-You for whom on Putin's elections will vote?

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- The miracle came true!
-of Zamirotochil Putin's icon?
- Is not present, Putin zamirotochit.

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Future president in an office sits. Telephone zvonok.
on takes the call, listens, puts down a reciever, then dials number and speaks:
-Hallo, mother?! You can congratulate me! I won presidential elections!
MAMA, radostno:
-Oh! Honestly?!
- Mother, well though you would not pin up!!!