Jokes about the characters

Read funny Jokes about Sherlock Holmes

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Holmes and Watson went hiking. On the first lodging for the night in the middle of night of Holmes tolkayet
vatsona.
-My dear friend, what you can tell about this star?
-Well, Holmes, devil take it why it is necessary now, well same the Pole star, ona
ukazyvayet a way on the North, here all...
-Same is elementary, Watson, from us stole tent!

*****

Holmes and Watson drunk to the utmost, go down the street and meet the young girl. Watson begins pristavat:
- The Girl! What is your name?
Ta, without stopping, silently shows them average palets.
vatson vozmushchenno:
-Holmes, what it means?!
-is elementary, Watson! The girl - the deaf- And-dumb Spaniard, also call her - Juanita!

*****

Holmes and Watson gather in travel. Holmes sends the friend of
posmotret to the thermometer. Having returned, Watson reports: "Hangs".

*****

Holmes and Watson make a trip on the yacht on okeanu.
vatson looks in the field-glass and addresses to Holmsu.
-We again float by the island which is not designated on the card. There again on the coast some person who acquired hair runs, swings hands and something shouts. How you think, Holmes, what it wants?
-Ya I think, Watson, it is dissatisfied with that we too close swim up to his island.

*****

Holmes with Watson late come back to themselves to Baker-strit.
priblizhayas to one of gates at night, Holmes turns the head to Watson and is insinuating speaks:
-Watson, I calculated that behind this corner to us will give on a muzzle!
I is exact, once it came for a corner, the gang of swells and a nakostylyala to both on a physiognomy flew. After the incident, hardly standing on the feet, both friends crawl to treasured doma.
-Holmes but how you guessed? - questions Vatson.
-Really your deductive method? What
-, to hell, a method, was simpler than nothing - I there vy*byvatsya yesterday...

*****

Holmes speaks to Watson: - Watson, you returned from Afghanistan recently - As you guessed, Holmes? - Elementary, Watson. You in a zinc coffin!

*****

- Holmes, well why because of two idiots who could not part na
rovnoy to the road, all others are compelled to stick out in the arisen ambassador avarii
to "stopper"?
-is elementary, Watson! Have to have "teapots" though what-to
vozmozhnost to r

*****

- Holmes and as you a dogada …
-is elementary, Vatson.
-It again yours deduktiv …
-No, is a guess.

*****

- Holmes how you think why all heads of the Russian Federation so love poseshchat
izrail especially on the Holy Week? It is elementary
-, Watson. Simply for them this the most convenient time
sdelat to itself trimming by all Judaic rules to try o

*****

- Holmes how you think why the terrible violet face which floats by air in our state muddy, pulls to me such terrible faces?
-Ya I think, Watson, it becomes angry because it was my cocaine!

*****

- Holmes why women have hair on a pubis soft and fluffy, and at muzhchin
zhestkiye and prickly? - Do not distract Watson, suck.

*****

- Holmes who it so ominously howls on bogs?
-Is The Hound of the Baskervilles, Vatson.
-of Holmes who so ominously myauchit it on bogs?
-Is the Cat Baskervilya, Vatson.
-of Holmes, what ominous silence came!
-Is the Small fish Baskervilya, Wa

*****

Holmes goes down the street and sees the person rolling in dirt. Speaks aloud: - So, we will argue by means of deduction. The man lies the person in dirt in three cases: if he is dead, drunk or was tired. If it was dead, he would not breathe. If it was drunk, from it would smell. So, he was tired. The man is tired so in three cases: if it goes from the wife, from the mistress or from the idle. If it went from the wife, from it would smell as pies if from the mistress - spirits, from it not pakhnet; therefore, it went from the idle. In our city two babbling - my wife and Watson's wife. Therefore … Watson, get up!

*****

Holmes:-So, we observe three picturesque pictures: on the first the burned slightly pies, on the second - the drowned person, on the third - the pregnant woman zhenshchina.
askssya are represented: what the general in these stories?
-is elementary, Watson: late pulled out...

*****

- Holmes, we, apparently, got to the truth!
-Yes, Watson, we will try to get out of a hole now.

*****

- Holmes, here you so like to come from the street, to wash hands with soap, to drink a cup of coffee and to sit down at a fireplace with a tubule of the first-class Turkish tobacco. And imagine that soap, coffee, tobacco suddenly will disappear! How you

*****

- Holmes, explain to me why in RS put two-nuclear processors? Ved
99,9% of programs cannot use vtoroy.
-Elementary, Watson! The first processor is used by the user, and on vtorom
rabotayet the hacker. So they do not disturb each other.

*****

- Holmes, explain to me - why this youth plunders shops? That im
eshchyo is not enough, Britain gave everything to them in compensation for kolonialnoye
proshloye?.
-is elementary, Watson! It is necessary to give still to them a cudgel on the confu

*****

- Holmes why cucumbers crackle?
Elementary, Watson! Little beaten glass.

*****

- Holmes! From where you so understand all these quarks, muons,
protonakh!?
-O! It is elementary, Watson!

*****

- Holmes how you distinguish Russians from Martians?
-Same is elementary, Watson! Martians have a red muzzle to a disgrace,
A at Russians - after...

*****

- Holmes, what you would advise to undertake to the authorities of Korea in response to the statement of Japan for interception of its space rocket in case of start?
-Same is elementary, Watson! They need to insure the rocket in Japanese insurance comp

*****

- Holmes, what you would advise to make Russian for release ikh
letchika, condemned in Tajikistan?
-Same is elementary, Watson, they can exchange it for couple tysyach
moskovskikh janitors.

*****

Holmes, and you and the truth saw The Hound of the Baskervilles?
kholms, stretching to Watson a tube, Try, Watson, you and not takoye
uvidete!

*****

- Holmes, and what such "a rhetorical question"?
-is elementary, Watson! For example, when show the terrorist preparing attempt at Putin in the Time program. It is beaten, the muzzle in brilliant green, hardly moves, even cuffs did not put that did not

*****

Holmes, sitting with a tube in a chair and reading gazetu:
-Watson, you can imagine that production kistochek
ezhegodno requires two thousand verblyudov.
-It simply amazingly, to Holmes to that will only not teach animals in nashi
dni.

*****

- Holmes, what you will tell about this gentleman on his appearance?
-to me is a pity to confuse you, Watson, but it passive gomoseksualist.
-As you defined it?
-Watson, it has a fly szadi.
-But Holmes, after all this person costs to us litsom.g

*****

- Holmes, heard news: at Ksenia Sobchak at a search found one million euros!
-Here therefore, dear Watson, demonstration of opposition is also called as "March of millions"

*****

- Holmes, heard news: one Russian ballerina declared that zanimayetsya
druzheskim sex with the ex-husband. What would it mean?
-is elementary, dear Watson: before divorce they had an enemy sex!

*****

- Holmes, you heard, what "Russia has to make friends with the USA"? Know
-, Watson, the one who suggests you to make friends with the cannibal, libo
durak, or expects to profit scraps.

*****

Holmes, you heard, what "Russia has to make friends with the USA"? Know
-, Watson, the one who suggests you to make friends with the cannibal, libo
durak, or expects to profit scraps.

*****

- Holmes, you heard: Russians dominate in bobsled!
-of Anything surprising, Watson. All Russia sits on beans long ago.

*****

- Holmes! To you it is not strange that in ours the district it suddenly did not become audible pro
sobaku Baskervillya!
-Yes, is valid! I think, Watson, we should discuss this question za
stakanchikom kind scotch whisky! By the way, here recently

*****

- Holmes! In what similarity of the Eiffel Tower to a female foot?
-is elementary, Watson, the higher, the captures more spirit.

*****

- Holmes why in the USA there are no revolutions?
-Same is elementary, Watson! If to throw a frog into hot water, ona
postarayetsya to jump out. And if to put a frog in a pan with holodnoy
vodoy and to start gradually it heating, the frog will noti

*****

- Holmes, it is awful! Our poor national team got to one selection gruppu
s Croatia and Ukraine!
-Calm down, Watson. Unless you did not read the book "Ukraine not Russia"?

*****

- Holmes, you read the latest news in "Tayms"? Can imagine,
chto our soldiers in Iraq will wear only silk pants soon!
okazyvayetsya, they much more convenient and is more practical!
-Of course, Watson! But the most important in this news, you see

*****

- Holmes! Why these people run in front of our car?
-Same is elementary, Watson! You already half an hour go on the sidewalk.

*****

Sherlock Holmes sat and scraped on a violin, missing from inaction. The visitor came to this moment to Watson. Without knowing Watson by sight, whether he handled the problem to Holmsu:
-you will be able to explain the reason of my illness?
-That disturbs you?
- The Elbow bolit.
ne long thinking, Holmes asked the visitor to hand over kcal on the analysis and to come to it with results. The visitor was dumbfounded by such recommendation, without understanding - what communication a calla and an elbow. Having thought that the doctor plays it, he decided it to play. For this purpose it gathered kcal, kcal of the wife, the daughter, a cat and handed over on the analysis. Having received the standard answer after a while: "eggs of worms are not found", it came with this result to Holmes. Sherlock Holmes looked at the form with result of the analysis, thought a little and said:
-Well I can tell you? You and really have no your cat of worms. The daughter on the second month of pregnancy. The wife already half a year has a venereal disease therefore refuses to you the love. You are compelled to be engaged in an onanism in the toilet, and it at you narrow. You constantly fight in a wall an elbow - here it at you and hurts.