Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about elections

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One friend asks drugogo:
-How are you doing?
- Yes so. I look forward to the coming nearer elections in parlament.
-That, so strongly you love elections?
- Is not present. So strongly I hate pre-election advertizing.

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Once children caught the sixth-grader Vovka on small theft, arranged to it dark and tied a condom to clothes. Since then Vovochka began to steal more cunning, is engaged dzyudy and hates any whitish bandages.

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- Union of Right Forces - Egor Gaidar sprashivayut:
"you would like one of leaders of fraction of democrats that in Russia at last won against capitalism?" .
"no" - answers Gaydar.
"But why!? "
" da because I am the director of Institute of a t

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One man very much wanted to become the deputy of the Duma. sprosili:
- And what you will make it if you become the deputy?
- It does not disturb me. And here that I will do if I do not become the deputy is just very much disturbs!!!

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Inspired with success of the Affordable housing program, in anticipation of vyborov
pravitelstvo the Russian Federation started the Available Food program.

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Oleg yavilsya
i stupidly looks at elections in byulleten
vsyo looks for where there serdechki
i the button to tell friends

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The OMON fighter thrashes the demonstrator a bludgeon: "It is impossible to call for overthrow of the power!". The demonstrator, trying to evade: "Yes I did not call! I only for fair elections!". The OMON fighter starts thrashing even more often: "So fair elections are and there is an overthrow of this power!"

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The opposition carries out the DDoS- Attack to police. Sooner or later offices will be crowded that will cause refusal in service.

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Fall of 2007. Monday after elections of deputies of Gosdumy.
predsedatel of VTsIK "the United Russia" - 25% of bulletins, the CPRF - 13%, LDPR - 11% respectively declares results golosovaniya:
. And the others 51% of bulletins with an inscription in all sheet "GOATS" of .
Tak here, according to the law are the majority and will form the new government of national trust.

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The main intrigue of the upcoming elections in Russia - what to it, hapless to be? Uniform, but not Fair or Fair, but not Uniform?

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Tsarism - the power passes features of transfer of power in Rossii:
pri from the father to synu.
pri socialism - from the grandfather to dedu.
pri capitalism - from Putin prime minister to Putin president and vice versa.

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The father teaches the adult syna:
-You are capable to express the thoughts clearly?
- Yes, - answers the son, a little podumav.
- Then you have nothing to do in policy.

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Excellent result of elections in Russia. They objectively confirmed number of idiots, worthy the power.

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Official fish of elections of the American President - the Humpback salmon.

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- Father! However, that fairy tales begin with words: "Once upon a time there were grandfather with the old woman".
- Is not present, the sonny. The present fairy tales begin with words: "If you vote for me on elections …".

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Paradoks:
v Russia the person goes on elections not to vote for someone and in order that his bulletin was not illegally included in favor of a certain okhrenevshy party!

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The party of swindlers already which time successfully confirmed the qualification.

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Patients of psychiatric clinic watch together with zavotdeleniyem
predvybornye televised debates. Long look. At last, zavotdeleniyem
vyklyuchayet the TV and interrogatively looks at patients. In polneyshey
tishine one patient gets up and is shy asks:
-Misters, and what all of us do here?.

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First Channel: "Spartak fans gathered on Triumphal for a protest against Pavlyuchenko's transition to the Locomotive"

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Program on TV about vyborakh:
"... It is the first elections on which Mr. Yeltsin was as simple izbiratelya.
ego armor Mercedes approached..."

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The plan of the United Russia - a victory of Russia over Russians! Hurrah!

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According to WikiLeaks, the crying Putin on Manezhny was played by Bezrukov.

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Following the results of elections Putin made two veshchi:
1) Thanked voters for sincere mass podderzhku.
2) Entered troops into Moscow.

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On the hearings demanding confirmation, the Central Electoral Commission refused registration to a certain association "Progress and legality. Democratic uniform center". The reason - in obscene sounding of its abbreviation.

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I repeat once again: elections of governors are not cancelled! By
prosto I will choose them.

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Time of elections of the new political leader approaches, and your voice will be surely included. Before you characteristics three main favoritov:
kandidat 1. It was repeatedly noticed in communications with semi-underground financial bigwigs and the former bandits. It is physically unhealthy. Had two mistresses. Heavy smoker. Drinks 8-10 martinis everyone den.
kandidat 2. It was twice expelled from the service. Is accustomed to sleep in the forenoon. During study used drugs. Every evening drinks a bottle konyaka.
kandidat 3. Has war decorations for courage and heroism. Vegetarian. Does not smoke. From alcoholic beverages - from time to time uses only beer. Never it was involved in any suspicious contacts with mafia, criminals, "otmyvka" of money or other illegal actions. It is modest in bytu.
progolosuyte for your candidate. 1.2.3. Thanks. The list kandidatov:
kandidat 1 - Franklin D. Ruzvelt.
kandidat 2 - Winston Cherchill.
kandidat 3 - Adolf Hitler.

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The end of term of a prezidentstvovaniye of J. Bush approaches, he to sebe
svoyego calls the adviser and speaks:
- The Pancake, term comes to an end, soon elections. Will not choose me, and tak
mnogo George there is a wish still sdelat.
sovetnik emu:
-, it is necessary to ask at knowing lyudey.
- And at whom?
- Yes is one here. Four terms and constantly 90% of the population for nego
golosuyut.
- And who it?
- President of Bashkortostan Murtaza Rakhimov. Only just like that to nemu
ne podjedesh.
vzyal George a small suitcase from 1000000 dollars also departed. Comes to Murtaze.
-Hello, to me here for the following term izbratsya.
murtaza emu:
-Would be not present, I am not engaged in these affairs, come a floor below, there at menya
rafael Ibrahimovic of Baydavletova sits, it pomozhet.
nu, George left a small suitcase to Baydavletov and poshel.
through half a year Murtaza Baydavletova and speaks:
-Raphael summons that for a hogwash, here the good person came, 1000000 baksov
ostavil that you on elections as everything is necessary made, and. .
baydavletov and otvechayet:
- And I as is necessary all and made, elections proshli.
- And who was elected?
- You, of course, Murtaza Gubaydulovich!!!

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The little son approaches the father and asks:
-Fathers, tell that such policy? I Will explain
- to you on the example of our family. Here look: I earn money, I mean - the Ministry of Finance. Mother conducts economy, she means - the government. The grandfather watches that in the house there was an order - it labor unions. The housemaid performs all housework - it working class. All that we do is for you, you mean is people. And your one-year-old brother - the future. Clearly?
-NET.
-Well, then go spat.
posredi nights the son wakes up from crying of the brother. He gets up and goes to a bedroom to awake mother. After unsuccessful attempts to make it it goes on kitchen where the father makes love to the housemaid, and the grandfather watches it in a keyhole. After that he comes back to itself(himself) to a bed and continues to sleep. For the morning he meets the father and speaks:
-Fathers, I understood that such politika.
-Well, rasskazhi.
-It when the Ministry of Finance "has" working class, the government thus sleeps, and labor unions observe from outside, thus on the people all to spit, and the future - in shit.

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Politik-oligarkh fell asleep a lethargic dream and woke up in 2050. Hardly he came to itself(himself), the first business called the agent to learn about the bankings. The agent told him that at it is on the account of 10 billion dollars and still actions on 5 milliapdov.
dovolny, it hangs up a telephone tube. In a minute calls dezhupnaya:
-you spoke four minutes. From you 6 billion 600 million dollars.

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Political debate of two candidates in deputaty:
-Stop to deceive the voters at last!!
- Is not present, it you stop to deceive voters!!!
- Is not present, at first you!!
- Is not present, you!!

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Political scientists of the whole world actively discuss results of elections in Ukraine. According to many serious western experts, Tymoshenko easily became the president if together with girls from the movement "Femina" came to the polling precinct topless. However more than the source, close to Tymoshenko, claims that in this case she in general would have no chances of success.

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The popular announcement in Ukraine: "I will sell tent, second-hand, 7 years, Kiev. To Muscovites discount".

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Sat with the girl at restaurant yesterday. Brought the account. Long in it looked. It was necessary to reconcile to that, as here consider not as mathematics, and as in the Central Electoral Commission.

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Sat at restaurant, brought the account. I looked at it and understood that here consider on system of the Central Electoral Commission.

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After elections on March 4 Mikhail Prokhorov decided to create the mass people's party. It will be called "Billionaires of Russia".

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After vote at State Duma elections of Tsentrizbirkomu
prishlos some time to tinker with bulletins - 102% for ER are too... Overdid on places.

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After acquaintance to the kind uncle wizard Churov, Harry Potter burned the allegedly magic wand …

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After a free voleisprazhneniye of the Ukrainian people of a plowing went po
vsey to Europe.

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Having watched video in which Medvedev touchingly communicated s
govoryashchey a ballot box, it was thought that it and ostanetsya
edinstvennoy in the country who told it "thanks"...