Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about elections

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The crow on a tree sits, by runs lisa.
-Hey, a crow, you for Putin will vote?
vopona molchit.
- The Crow, you that, became deaf? You for Putin will vote?
vopona molchit.
-You, deaf silly woman! I ask the last time: you for Putin will vote?
VOPONA:
-Well, net.
syr dropped out, the fox picked up it and skrylas.
vopona sits on a tree and rassuzhdayet:
-Well, I would tell yes, and what would change?

*****

The crow on a tree sits, holds a piece of cheese in a beak. By the fox runs, the Crow saw a crow and asks:
-, you will vote for "United Russia"?
vorona is silent. Lisa:
- The Crow, well tell, you will vote for "United Russia"?
vorona is silent. Lisa:
-Well a crow, well tell at last, whether you will vote for "United Russia"?
VORONA:
-Yes - and- And!!!
TUT cheese, certainly, dropped out, the fox seized him and escaped. A crow it is offended vorchit:
-It is possible to think if I told "no", something would change.

*****

Churov sits on border, time whiles away in buffet, waits until its car is examined. Here some foreigner comes into buffet. Sat down. Got to talking. Churov asks:
- And who you are?
-Ya - David Copperfield. Got stuck here, I think nadolgo.
- And that it?
- Well I is an illusionist. I have a lot of requisite with secrets, a double bottom, mirrors … Customs officers long will be it osmatrivat.
… - the Illusionist? And it as?
- Well here, watch, I cover with a scarf a hand in which put a napkin. Ap! Here - golub.
-About … too to me focuses. You when in a kotnor to customs officers came, saw opechanaty ballot boxes?
- Yes. You that, had elections?
-Aga. Yesterday. And so, there in ballot boxes of 20% of bulletins - for EDRO.
-Well?
- (Gets the protocol of the commission, claps on it the press) Ap! Already 80%.

*****

Tell why for management of nuclear power plant it is badly necessary clever, the personnel certified and passed state commission, and for government - in public elected silly persons?

*****

- How many money is required to the United Russia on the pre-election company of 2012?
- Five rubles.
- Five rubles?!?!
- That Putin with Medvedev could on an eagle and to play a reshka who will be a president, and who the prime minister...

*****

How many in Russia idiots?
POKA 64 percent.

*****

Soon exclamation "ours are beaten" will be followed only by positive emotions.

*****

Soon elections how you will vote - the head or heart?
-Zhopoy.
-That is how? Yes I wanted to shit
- on such elections!

*****

- Soon elections how you will vote - the head or heart?
-Zh "poy.
-That is how? Yes sr" t I wanted
- on such elections!

*****

- The next year in Russia presidential elections: the third - lishniy.
-Why the third, after all real candidates only two?
-Third is the people.

*****

At first we listened to jokes about Vovochka, but time went, he grew up and we saw it in all beauty.

*****

With me yesterday such was! Two and sprashivayut:
-Hey approach, so in the dark lane, the man, you for the United Russia will vote or not?
Ya as heard then understood - will plunder now.

*****

The political council of the Union of the Right Forces gathered. The chairman takes slovo:
- And who will begin to take away party cash desk, we will beat on a muzzle... On an impudent red muzzle.

*****

- Fellow citizens, we will see these series from the beginning to kontsa.
na our eyes the quirky resident, he is the second pilot, the diver and the combine operator V. V. Putin on whom put as on the president, will gradually turn into the old, decrepit

*****

Authors of the Russian encyclopedia had to move urgently expression "From change of the places composed the sum does not change" from the category "Mathematics" in the category "Joke".

*****

Urgently! In Moscow as a result of the fire the head of the CEC Vladimir Churov got burn of 146% of a body!

*****

Urgently! In Moscow as a result of the fire the head of the CEC got burn of 140% of a body!

*****

- Urgently! In Moscow as a result of the fire the head of TsIKA Vladimir Churov got burn of 146% of a body!

*****

The court on our policy, in the State Duma remained only two fractions: gomosotsialist and lesberala!

*****

Judge: why you did not fulfill the requirement of police officers?
navalny: we were surrounded and demanded to disperse.

*****

Sudya:
-Why you did not fulfill the requirement of police officers?
navalnyy:
-surrounded Us and demanded to disperse.

*****

Scheme of the Russian selective kampanii:
deputat: - I will make that, and that!
narod: - The Urraa, he will make that, and that!!! It is voted!
posle vyborov.
narod: - Well when you will make that, and that?!
deputat: - Yes you went there, there and there!

*****

Congress of "United Russia" decided that the present generation of people will live at democracy.

*****

The film-making crew came for hunting for fried. At the station noticed two drunk bums who being unsteady and singing along stuck leaflets "Down with the party of crooks and thieves!". Journalists approached and became sprashivat.
-Hello. And you will go to elections?
- Yes, and as!
-I for whom will vote?
- As for whom?! For ER!
-??? What for?
-A that this fairy tale did not come to an end!

*****

- What is pluralism?
- This is when the opinion of the Russian Prime Minister does not coincide with the opinion of the acting president. But that was before ...
- Now?
- And now there is no pluralism.

*****

Now before "United Russia" it is worth - creating the main task worthy opposition instead of present, humiliating by itself the Russian power before the whole world! And let's invite Croats?

*****

The party in power which just won a victory needs the armed protection against the people which just supported her.

*****

Our party with the name "United Russia" can collect 99% of votes at recent separatists.

*****

- Tuk-tuk.
-Who there?
- It I, the mail carrier Putechkin, came to congratulate yours malchika.
-Tuk-tuk.
-Who there?
ETO I, the mail carrier Putechin, came to congratulate....
and so on and so forth......

*****

Ask the Armenian radio: "How to make an orange banner for
yushchenko? "
armyanskoye of radio answers: "It is necessary to take a white hospital sheet and ssat
na it, will not turn yellow yet"

*****

At the bum standing in the center of Kiev in a new jacket, new boots, s
oranzhevym a scarf on a neck, chewing orange with the poster "So Yushchenko",
korrespondent asks:
-For whom you will vote in case of re-elections, of course, for Yushchenko?
- Is not present, - the bum, - is responsible for Yanukovych,
-??????????!!!! I want
-Ya that the fairy tale did not come to an end.

*****

At the candidate sprashivayut:
-Why you decided to stand? Yes you look at
-that is created! The power wallowed in luxury, corruption, inaction!
-A, so you want to fight against all this?
- Well you! I want to participate in all this!

*****

Having learned that in the Rostov region 147% of voters voted, Grigori Perelman gave at once the award on mathematics to the Central Electoral Commission.

*****

Ukraine the only country in the world which can choose to itself in presidents the woman with a braid.

*****

Ukraine broke up to two parts: To Nedokrain and Perekrain.

*****

Ukraine was captured by a hatred attack to dogs (a film phobia?). Crowds lyudey
brodyat on streets also shout: I BEAT PUPPIES, I BEAT PUPPIES

*****

The Pope died. The conclave for elections of the new father gathers. Before the beginning one journalist interviews at influential kardinala.
-As in your opinion, whom the best chances to become the new father? I do not know
-, to predict very difficult. I will tell one - at Petersburg there can be difficulties.

*****

Having been tired to live under the power of Lukashenko, inhabitants of Belarus vydvinuli
kandidaturu fathers on the Pope's elections.

*****

Morning after elections. Zyuganov came to the power … sat in a reception … and left …