Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about elections

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

392  393  394  395  396  397  398  399  400  401  402  403

Voters of the United Russia is as users of Internet Explorer. It seems, there is a lot of them, but among my friends there is no such …

*****

- Sorry, and I can replace urgently a full name on Zayebalivs Pidarasyzloyebuchiye Pshlivsenakh@y?
-Is possible, Vladimir Volfovich, but ballots are printed for a long time.

*****

Sorry, but the service Fair elections" is not supported in your region".

*****

As showed results of the last elections, the best presidential program appeared at Vladimir Putin - the computer program of counting of votes.

*****

- What difference between Russia and the USA?
-B of the USA in 2 months after elections is unknown the president, and in Rossii
za 2 months to elections is already known.

*****

The candidate at a meeting with voters tells about the detstve:
-I grew up in awfully poor family. Even we had a black- And-white rainbow!

*****

The candidate addresses to izbiratelyu:
-Why you decided to vote for my opponent? Unless not I employed your sister in bank? Unless not I took care of a personal pension of your father? Unless not I achieved an early release from prison of your brother?
-Yes, is difficult to argue with it. But nevertheless, what you made for me personally lately?

*****

The candidate is asked zhurnalisty:
-For what purpose you stand? You look at
-that is created in power: officials wallowed in debauchery, theft, corruption!
-I you that, are going to fight against all this?
-Well you - I want to participate in all this!

*****

mad grandmas in number of 150 people are required for the candidate for propaganda.

*****

Candidates agree before "a round table" which in 15 minutes Will is some be broadcast on television in direct efire.
-it possible to complain of difficulties, the main thing - not to call a surname of those who creates them!

*****

The roundabout, a roundabout chooses friends, - Churov sang under a nose, watching vote of bums.

*****

- Kolyan, it's ages since we met! What do you do?
-Yes here - we create party new tipa.
-Well, and how progress? Just now we look for
-this type!

*****

Kom@nd Putin the throw-in always wins.

*****

Kopperfild, having visited elections in Russia, called Churov the colleague.

*****

Korrespondent:
-For whom you will vote on elections?
MUZHIK:
-Yes to darling …
korrespondent, perebivaya:
-is correct! For" the United Russia"!

*****

The Kremlin promised that guilty of an obscene retweet will be punished. Dima remains without dessert at supper today.

*****

- Who will come in December to elections?
-Yes as usual - grandmas! Yes, grandmas solve everything!

*****

- You where go, the country?
-Ya I go quietly on …
- To work? On the doctrine?
- is simple on, without specification.

*****

- To Kuma, and vi hto hot_l, shchob buv the U.S. President - Oboma chi McCain?
-of Krashche, shchob Oboma.
- And to that?
- On nyy is precisely visible, shcho not the Russian.

*****

Personally I consider that at first have to overcome corruption and already then arrange vybory.
kak the option is to find ten (on one site) people of volunteers (honest, checked, etc.) - which will attach to each site. This person will always follow a box where voices lie and will not allow any frauds.

*****

The slogan on the polling precinct: "People, be cultural - spit in ballot boxes!"

*****

Lukashenko congratulated Medvedev on a victory of" the United Russia" at State Duma elections, on what Medvedev hurried to congratulate Lukashenko on a victory on elections in 2014 and 2018.

*****

Not the one who can well do, and the one who cannot badly do is better.

*****

Maxim of Galkin:
- And here is how should be arranged these genres as their reliability: science fiction, fairy tale, advertizing, election program of the deputy.

*****

The boy Vova is envied detki:
vova found to itself a place in razvedke
i seized a right moment -
byl the resident, and now the president!

*****

Maryivann in klasse:
-Vovochka, decline a verb "to vote".
-Ya I vote, you vote, it votes, she votes, we vote, you golosuyete.
-Vovochka, and "they"? They - wanted to shit
-A on us!

*****

Medvedev loved three things: the big leather chair in the office, chocolate with forest nutlets and plush pink mishku.
no after elections was necessary to refuse a bear.

*****

Many are surprised how it is "Party of crooks and thieves" received more than 50% of votes?
chitayem is attentive the beginning of a question: "Party of swindlers..."

*****

Moscow demanded from the authorities of Lviv to take measures on obespecheniyu
bezopasnosti Consulate Generals of Russia. Actually the crowd vostorzhennykh
ukraintsev cannot wait to obtain the rossysky citizenship promised emu
vsenarodno by the elected convict.

*****

The husband, having put the newspaper, addresses to zhene:
-you Know, I came to a conclusion that a half of candidates - to anything not capable easy riders!
- But is also the second half...
- Oh, yes! These are capable of everything!!!

*****

The man comes into shop of souvenirs. Sees a small bronze figure of a cat. On the price tag it is written: "a cat - 1000 rubles, her history - 10 000 rubles. "I can buy
-Ya a cat without history? - he asks prodavtsa.
-Of course, - the seller answers, - But behind history all of you will equally return. The man buys a little bronze cat and goes on the city. Suddenly he notices that after him at first there is one cat, then another, then still. After a while it is already followed by thousands of cats. The man in horror starts running away. Cats do not lag behind. Then he swings the arm and throws a small bronze figure of a cat into the river. All cats running before for the man right there jump in water after a figurine and tonut.
muzhik goes back, in the same shop suvenirov.
-I warned you that you will return behind history, - tells it prodavets.
-To hell history! - the man answers. - You have a little bronze United Russia party member?

*****

The man goes back, in the same shop suvenirov.
-I warned you that you will return behind history, - tells it prodavets.
-To hell history! - the man answers. - You have a little bronze United Russia party member?

*****

The man buys a little bronze cat and goes on the city. Suddenly he notices that after him at first there is one cat, then another, then still. After a while it is already followed by thousands of cats. The man in horror starts running away. Cats do not lag behind. Then he swings the arm and throws a small bronze figure of a cat into the river. All cats running before for the man right there jump in water after a figurine and sink.

*****

V. V. Putin answered a question of the blogger Navalny what will be the term of presidential board of V. V. Putin, that Navalny's term, undoubtedly, will exceed it.

*****

On a question in what the main progress of work of "United Russia" of
45 of % of respondents consists answered "E-e-e-e"... 35% answered "to Hm... E-e-e...", the others were at a loss with the answer.

*****

At a meeting with the deputy voters sprashivayut:
-What difference between democracy and dictatorship?
- Democracy is when the people openly show discontent with the government. Dictatorship - when the people openly shows discontent with foreign government...

*****

At a meeting with voters the candidate in the Duma speaks:
-We, democrats, want that all people were bogatymi.
- And where the poor will get to?
-A poor all will die!!!

*****

At a meeting with the candidate in deputaty.
-I will Not lie... - the beginnings on.
vse pricked up the ears.

*****

On elections, one of candidates received three votes. The wife emu:
-Admit! You have a mistress???!