Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about elections

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- Vladimir Vladimirovich, what you will tell about competitors of "United Russia" at the upcoming elections?
-of Hodyut here everyones...

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Vladimir Zhirinovsky attended kindergarten. As he declared in prosecutor's office subsequently - children the first began a fight.

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- Vovochka, conjugate a verb "to vote".
-Ya - I vote, you - vote, it - votes, we - golosuyem.
- And they? They h*y put
-A on us, Maryivann.

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Whether the question to the candidate in deputaty:
-Has to pay the politician income tax from the income from kriminalnykh
struktur?
-Of course has to! If He is the honest person.

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question :
-That the general between elections and game to a thimble?
OTVET:
-organizers look as decent LYUDI;
-organizers promise that everything will be chestno;
-organizers promise easy vyigrysh;
-rules very much prost;y
-participation borrows a little vremeni;
-for participation call nenavyazchivo;
-participation easily and priyatno;
-not participating watch at participants as on idiotov;
-participation absolutely voluntary, but the right for participation is necessary podtverdit;
- The equipment is very simply and surely checked on pustotu;
-everything goes vtemnuyu;
-appears pobeditel;
- At the end the state stands apart and pretends that has nothing in common with organizers;
-we do not know those who really costs for organizers;
-as play - all the same as a result proigryvayesh;
-to grab hand the dishonest organizer dangerously for zdorovya;
- At the end everything understand that them deceived, but do not know KAK;
-having lost once, next time we go to play again.

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Question after an exit from selective uchastka:
- At us poll - as you voted?
-" Against all"
-As? Such line was excluded from the bulletin! I drew
-A

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Somewhere God sent to a crow, as usual, a cheese slice. The fox runs,
mozguyet, as if cheese uvesti.
k on tiptoe suits a tree and speaks so sladko:
-Listen, a crow, you want, we will hold elections?
vorona molchit.
- The Crow, you want, we will hold elections? The answer zvuka.
-Listen to
B, a crow, democracy after all, I seriously sprashivayu:
vybory you want you?
vorona, vpolgolosa:
-Hochu.
syr dropped out, with it there was a cheat such is. The crow thoughtfully scratches repu:
-It that turns out: if I tell I "do not want", all ravno
bez cheese would remain?

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- Here it would be good, Holmes if there was suddenly such means that to change criminals. Here we take the thief, the bloody murderer, the bandit, and rrraz! - becomes the honest person, a support of society...
-Yes that you, Watson! And fair democrat

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Two met satirika.
-Know, what now the most foolish question?
-Who will become the president of Russia in 2012...

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Two acquaintances after vote on vyborakh.
-Well as meet, voted? What you think of candidates?
-I Think that we were lucky that will choose only one!

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Yesterday the party leader Regionov arrived to Lugansk. Thousands of enthusiastic admirers surrounded the candidate for president, people in a fuse shouted, whistled, arranged an applause, threw into cap air. Then missed six pieces.

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- How can you assess the current political situation in Russia?
- ERnya ...

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Chose in the tsar's wood zverey.
sredi candidates there were an eagle, a lion, an elephant, a bear. And won with a big separation krysa.
a against everything why? Because election campaign of a rat Berezovsky directed.

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- Why did the people in the election does not go to the polls?
- Once it. In other urns digs ...

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Presidential elections give the unique chance not only to each officer, but also each private through the bulletin to address to the Supreme Commander here so: "But you would not go a nakher?".

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Presidential elections in Russia showed again that elections could and be not carried out.

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Elections passed in one Chur.

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I.O.'s elections took place. All thanks, all are free.

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Elections 2012. Here guess who will win. 3 clowns or director of circus?

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Elections in Ukraine took place. The CEC declared results. In total soglasny.
evrosoyuz, states and Russia twisted about them legitimnosti.
pobedil - Victor. The surname won is not called.

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Vladimir Churov calls the candidate Mikhail Prokhorov for the CEC before vote and declares that removes it from elections for charity - transfer 1,5 million rubles on a national monument - the Labrador Koni's sculpture. Mikhail disagreed with the chairman of the CEC, having told that it is intrigues of rival namesakes since he promised to sell the business and to transfer money for charity only after a victory at presidential elections, but not to. Then Mikhail suggested Vladimir not to force events and to wait for the end of the second round of vote.

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- Where is going to spend this summer your family?
- The Daughter - on Canary Islands, the wife - in Cuba, the mother-in-law - in Paris...
-A you as?
-A I should sunbathe in parliament...

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The main joke today's dnya:
vse was forgotten that the United Russia party was thought up and created initially by Boris Berezovsky.

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Speak, after Putin's election as the president to it Medvedev's wife came and convinced him that the first lady on a crossing do not change.

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2012 - the bulletin on the head's elections strany
tandemy:
1) Medvedev-Putin
2) Khodorkovsky-Lebedev
3) Luzhkov-Baturina
4) Malakhov-Sobchak

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Year 2023. Putin and Medvedev with heavy boduna.
putin:
-wake up And you do not remember, who from us today the president, and who the prime minister?
medvedev:
-Yes what difference, well let I will be premyer.
putin:
-Well, time you are executive power, to you and behind beer to run.

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Vote for "United Russia" is always as the first seks:
polovine it is opposite next morning, it is a shame to a half.

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It is simplest to vote for the United Russia. It is possible not to go to elections even.

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Really so worry, in the business... Only through 12
let there will be at us a new president! For example, Medvedev...

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Give policy freedom of hands, and you will find them in the pockets.

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The lady walked upstairs in the building of parliament and incidentally stumbled. The speaker passing by helped it podnyatsya.
-Oh, many thanks, mister speaker. Than I can thank you for the help?
-If will not complicate you, on the following elections give the vote for mine partiyu.
-But after all I hurt a knee, but not the head!!!

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Two men read pre-election posters on yaxy.ru.
-Well, Petrovich, and what you think of candidates?
-Is happiness that will choose only one!

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Two pazgovapivayut:
-Hy that you think of these candidates?
-That? Yes we were simply lucky that will choose only one!

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To two galerny slaves suggested to be released in a half-year, but those declared that will row further with both hands...

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On December 3 citizens of Russia woke up in other country. Hi, SCOOP!

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On December 2 showed that Russia it even not Venezuela, it simply Honduras.

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On December 31, 23.50 - the solemn speech of the President of Russia on the central TV. "Dear Russians! I was tired... Was tired all these years, to live with heavy freight on heart and to deceive you, just as I obmynyvat the family. And now, under peal of bells, in the family circle, I will be very short, and I will reveal to you terrible secret. I not that for whom give out myself, I am not Putin. I am ROMANOV!"

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On reception at psikhiatra:
- The Doctor, I have a deputy "rastroyeny" persons: I tell one, I think another, I do tretye.
-Calm down, it proves that you quite normal people's deputy.

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George Bush calls the president Putin and asks:
-Vladimir, how are you?
-is good. And you as?
-Not really. You understand, I have congressional elections soon. And my Republican Party lags behind in all 50 states, generally - bad nastroyeniye.
putin:
-I will send you the chairman of Central Election Commission, Churov his surname, let him to you pomozhet.
otpravil.
dney through ten Churov call Putinu:
-Vladimir Vladimirovich, I can report, eat some uspekhi.
-with Dolozhite.
-generally so: in all 50 states is in the lead - with small advantage, but is in the lead - "United Russia"