Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about elections

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- Dima, it is necessary to forbid sale of black threads! And it is urgent!!!
-Vladimir Vladimirovich and what happened?
-All state employees will put a dagger from threads on the bulletin and to shoot with phone as though for me vote. Photos will sh

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- Dima, everything was gone!!!
-Vladimir Vladimirovich that it happened?
-We distributed millions an otkrepilok to karuselshchik, we declared the working days at hundreds of plants, arranged internal izbiralka without any observers there, we put chi

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For the candidate for president of Ukraine lack of a criminal record is a sentence.

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In order that without problems to enter a party, Buratino was necessary to tell lies that he is made of mahogany.

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- Dmitry Anatolyevich when you are engaged in fight against crisis?
-A you who such to ask?
-We yours izbirateli.
-Voters happen during elections. Now any a choice is not present. So, go all on h*y.

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- The doctor, you know, recently at me the hearing very much became aggravated. Started hearing that people speak around. To what it?
-It to elections, Vladimir Vladimirovich. Do not worry, after elections everything will return to normal.

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Darling I participate in mass riots today. I will be late.

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The 4th of March, late evening. Putin - Churovu:
-Evgenyich, for my clear victory is not enough only 20 thousand voices!.
churov, pulling out from a beard couple voloskov:
-Now. U-u-u … Trakh-tibidokh-tibidokh! Well, here 20 000 fleas - and that no dirty trick was visible!.

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You go by the tram, you look around, and it becomes terrible. After all every second voted FOR THEM …

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United Russia told lies 49,64% of voices

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If in bulletins on the Russian elections to replace a line "Against all with"
NA "That you died, swine!", 99% of the population will vote for it.

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If on elections voted for the one whom from deputies to put, the turnout of voters would be close to 100%.

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- If to allow free elections, thieves and villains can come to the power!
-A if not to allow, they in power will remain!

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If you lie to people to receive their money is a fraud. If you lie to people to receive their votes, is a policy.

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If politicians started making a declaration of love to you - means, soon elections.

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If on advertizing carriers of your city began появляться
какие unscrupulous ugly faces, means elections soon.

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If you want that your voice was not stolen - vote for "United Russia"!

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- It is a pity that you can not zaseyvitsya and vote for Zhirinovsky, to see what would happen.

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Wives of politicians, as a rule, do not imitate an orgasm, they forge it.

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The journalist hands over a note: "Only the Miracle helped "United Russia" to gather the majority"
redaktor: You have in the word "Churov" two mistakes.

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Journalists joke. "Misters authors! If gather on Saturday for meeting - hand over texts for 15 days ahead! Edition"

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- For whom you will vote at the upcoming elections?
-For the new apartment, BMW of the seventh series and weekend in Evrope.
-As so? In sense? Among candidates is not present such partii.
-Yes here so … For the father I will vote, for the father!

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- You for whom voted?
-Is what a question! natural, for "United Russia". Than you reason
-? Here to reason
-A of that? It is all the same clear that they pobedyat.
-It is all the same clear that we will die. Perhaps then we will go at once we w

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A day before elections one old tale-bearer suffering from a sclerosis long suffered: what muck to throw out but so that nobody guessed. Next morning thought up: wrote the anonymous letter where a mat scolds the authorities violently, and itself went and voted for them. On the way home came on mail and lowered the letter in a mailbox. Comes home: your mother!!! It appears, mixed envelopes: lowered the anonymous letter together with the passport in a ballot box, and the ballot sent by mail!!!

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For Russia! For Putin! For 500 rubles!

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The tortured man tychtsya in different offices, gets to regional office of Izbirkoma:
-Sorry, not at you the right for driving of small size vessels here: boats, yachts, it is possible to receive?
-Is not present, at us it is possible only on a galley …

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The lawyer to Navalny, and Navalny the lawyer comes.

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Vovochka Prezidentom wanted to become... and... became.

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- Hello, you called the president of the Russian Federation. If you want to talk to Dmitry Anatolyevich Medvedev, press "2" .
lozung on the polling precinct: "Be cultural - spit in ballot boxes!"

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- Hello, and Sasha will leave? You know
-, Sasha died …
-…
A throw off the bulletin!

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In vain we so with EdRo on elections. They will steal now, as the last time!

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Zyuganov and Yavlinsky talk about questions pre-election stpategii.
- When I take a taxi, - Yavlinsky declares, - I give to the driver solidnye
chayevye and I speak to it: "Vote for democrats, my friend!".
-A I, - were told by Zyuganov, - when take a taxi, I pay strictly on schetchiky
i it is more than kopek, and getting out of the car, I tell Driveryu:
"He forget to vote on elections for democrats!".

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- And why to you, brother Chichikov, dead souls? Whether the oligarch you want to become?
-Pardon, buddy Sobakevich... Oligarch, what of me? I not in a clan, and not in the plan... So, small deal - with... I will buy a few souls and I will sell to Elec

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There is Ilya Muromets on the road, before him a fork, and on a stone is written: on the left you will go - 3,14zdy you will receive, you will go to the right - too 3,14zdy you will receive! There was Ilya Muromets, reflected...
razdayetsya voice from above: think, bl@t, quicker, and that it is direct 3,14izdy you will receive here!!!

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There is sociological opros.
reporter:
-a Grandfather, you were defined for whom will vote on elections?
DED:
-Oh, granddaughters, if only not back to a scoop, stagnation and CPSU. This disgrace - partokratii.
eporter:
-So you, so for "the United Russia will be enough from us? "
DED:
-Is not present. For communists!

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There is an exit poll poll. Stop the man leaving from a site for golosovaniya.
-Sorry, you can tell us what party will receive your vote?
-Well, you give! And most it is interesting to me.

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From the decision komissii.
vybopy to consider selective taken place if in them candidates accepted uchastiye
vse plus one voice.

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From A. B. letter of Chubaysu.
uvazhayemy Anatoly Borisovich, writes you the electrician Ernest Petrovich Sidorov. Do something. In view of huge external similarity to you, me very often beat a muzzle!

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From 837 people who came to elections 1524 voted for the United Russia.