Jokes about holidays

Read funny Jokes about March 8

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Why always so - You wait for New year, you wait, and the 8th of March, as always, will unexpectedly appear suddenly...

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The holiday was thought up on March 8 by impotent men because as it is possible to remember women once a year.

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The festive. Question: Whether it is necessary to give to pederasts gifts for March 8? answer? yes, if they gave you gifts on the date of the defender Otechestvayu Only chur not to turn away when they start you kissing on the answer.

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I suggest to unite on February 23 and on March 8 and to make clearing.

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I suggest to postpone on March 8 to February 29.

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The chairman at evening 8 marta:
-Girls - to the right, ladies - on the left!
-A if I...? I Will ask
- in presidium!

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APPEALS To 8 MAPTA
1. Women, know: On March 8 you can suddenly be found out that can create an emergency situation and lead to unjustified loss of money and other useful things in life. To avoid it, try to show the presence and in others dni.
2. Women and girls, remember: the skirt is shorter, the way to the man's heart is shorter!
3. The woman has to make three things in life: to grow up a tree, to feed up a tree then to lay this tree and long to saw!
4. Women and girls, do not go to the man with barehanded! To do it barelegged much more effectively!
5. Women and girls, live so that painfully painfully for it was not useless the spent make-up!
6. Women and girls, remember: beauty - terrible force! Therefore the woman is more beautiful, the more strongly. Or it is more terrible, to kak.
7 lump. Women, remember: men love when round them many persons of the weaker sex curl! Therefore drive them more often in women's clothing shops and cosmetics. And in a family attract the mother-in-law, grandmothers, sisters and other relatives. It is also good to give birth to the man to many girls!
8. Women and girls, be vigilant! Do not give to men of that they want without explanations and telling arguments in the form of flowers, chocolate and spirits!
9. Women and girls, remember: the man is do not aim but only sredstvo.
poetomu if you have available no model of "constantly acting man", you can get to yourself model "temporarily acting" or achieve the plans by other non-standard methods!

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The wife home comes, brings a vodka bottle, puts it in the refrigerator and speaks muzhu:
-It will stand till February 23rd!
husband otvechayet:
- Then it... will lie till March 8th.

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The Cheburashka to Shapoklyak comes for March 8th and speaks:
-I Congratulate you since March 8! Accept for memory from me and Gena this modest gift - a green handbag from crocodile skin...

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The husband with the wife in the morning on March 8 wakes up. The wife with pleasure potyagivayetsya:
-Ah, what marvelous dream I had! As if you for March 8 presented me a diamond necklace. What would it mean?
husband kisses eyo:
-Wait till the evening, dorogaya.
vecherom the wife laid a table, put a wine bottle, lit candles …
prikhodi the husband and gives it the beautiful box which is tied up lentochkoy.
ta it opens and … sees the book "Interpretation of Dreams".

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The 8th wakes up the husband with the wife in the morning marta.
Wife, with pleasure potyagivayas:
-Akh what wonderful dream I had! As if you on 8e Marta presented me a brilliant necklace! What would it mean? Kissing
husband ee:
-Podozhdi, you learn in the evening!
vecherom the wife came running from work a bit earlier, set the table, put a bubble, lit candles... The husband comes and stretches it a beautiful box, reknitted bantikom.
ta it opens and sees the book "Interpreter Snov".

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Protocol of a ceremony of a congratulation with 8 marta:
-Expensive - You are beautiful, as these flowers!
-A I thought, I am beautiful as gold braslet.
-Is not present, expensive! You are beautiful, as these flowers!!

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- Why Friday 13 - is considered in the terrible afternoon?
- Because this day witches, frights, grandmas-ezhki, mermaids, furies, harpies, gorgona, shrews, Valkyries and other evil spirits gather and arrange shabash.
-Here only it is not necessary to

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Hard workers call the direktoru:
-Ivan Petrovich, we congratulate on March 8!
- That I to you, woman, perhaps?
- Woman not the woman, and bough you good!

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Talk 2 blondinki:
-Slysh, Marinka, this year on March 8 will be on Friday! Da's
-?! If only not the thirteenth!!!!

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Early morning. Kitchen. The husband with the wife drink kofe.
Wife (a gentle voice):
- Lovely, you did not forget, what soon on March 8?
husband (having choked on coffee):
- As, again?!?

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The recipe for vlyublennykh.
chtoby a kiss was sweet and hot, take the girlfriend, put her in a mouth 2 slices of sugar, fill in with boiled water and carefully stir a tea spoon.

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The recipe of usual apple pie ("charlotte"),
(painted especially for men by MARCH 8)

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The man decided to make somehow the real holiday of the darling on March 8. Woke up a bit earlier, made a breakfast, sent the half for walk, washed ware, cleaned, began washing, started a grandiose festive lunch, dostirat, met darling, set the table, washed ware, stroked, prepared, fed, washed up, washed, laid, fell to a bed, was hammered to a wall and dumayet:
-Really will start climbing? Really, My God?

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The addict the girlfriend solved since March 8 to congratulate. Came, calls in dver.
-Hi, Olya pozovi.
-Olya lives etazhy above. Well is also good-thinks that was mistaken, now I will move i
podymus etazhy above. "Moved" and rings the same kvartiru.
-Hi, call OLYU.
-? Olya Etazhem lives above. In affairs - thinks - Nado
dognatsya. It was caught up - You ring the same dver.
-Olya pozovi.
-that the stupid? Above your Olya lives...
- But you, padlo, in all apartments.

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The heading "Questions of Readers" in the Odesskaya Zhizn newspaper:
-Ya worried on March 8! Whether any privileges and compensations from the state rely me?

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Russian extreme: To tell on March 8th stopped the Gaishnikam:
car "Hi, girls, with a holiday you!"

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Since March 8 (Man's SMS):
1. Children welded,
OBED washed,
belye nakormil.
2. Since March 8,
tseluyu,
BUDU late.

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- Sarochka! And what the father presented to you for March 8th? To me and mother the father presented
- on 200 dollars!
-I (is proud) as you disposed of them? We them put
- in a family moneybox, "for rainy day"...
- Oh. what you are a clear he

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Make to the wife the pleasant! Present it a fur coat from the most expensive breeds of beet i
seledki.

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- Today only your holiday! Today we gathered only because of you here! Today we drink only for you! And if something happens, only you will be guilty!

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The network of Sputnik movie theaters congratulates dear women with prazdnikom
8 March!
smotrite on our screens the new blockbuster "Time of Witches"!

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Two drunk men sit. One speaks to the second: "That sad such?". "Yes here, I sit and I think that to present to the wife for March 8...". "And when at it on March 8?"

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Three girls girlfriends were going to cafe before March eighth and discuss that husbands will present to them on prazdnik.
odna speaks:
-I hinted the recently that old my mobile phone something started knocking. It at me bright, I think, now I will receive the mobile phone of a latest model for a holiday. And that old in three months already nadoyel.
vtoraya prodolzhayet:
- And I complained to the recently that was tired to display our family photos on albums and the place for them is not present more. It at me bright, I wait from it as a gift abrupt tsifrovik.
a now the third sighed and shared the myslyami:
- And at me here houses tore slippers, and I needed to hold on only three days that it not uznal.
on at me too the very bright - I will precisely receive slippers for March eighth.

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Council to wives: If for March 8 the husband presented you household appliances from El Dorado, think who got "the second free of charge".

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Council Wifem:
If for March 8 the husband presented you household appliances from El Dorado, think who got "the second free of charge".

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The happiness is when on March 8th you manage to congratulate only those women who deserve it.

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The son approaches the father and asks:
- The Father and why on March 8 in a calendar by red color it is designated?
- Is color of our men's blood, the sonny, - the father with an anguish in a voice answered.

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- The sonny, eat bread, after all we have a new bread machine, your father presented me it for March 8!
- Mother, but I do not love bread! The Son's
-, it is necessary to eat bread!
-A why?
- to grow big and strong that could earn the living!

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- What is on March 8?
- National Georgian holiday.

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- What is the universal gift?
- Is such gift which can be presented on February 23 and back to perepodarit on March 8.

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The mother-in-law asks at zyatya:
- And what you, zyatek will present to us with dotsy for March 8?
- the Ruler, answers muzhik.
- And why to us a ruler, what we with it will do? Will measure by
-that H@Y which I received for February 23!

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- Something at us the chief lately became furious, as a dog!
- Yes I for March 8 presented to his wife a rolling pin, and the mother-in-law a frying pan!

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Delicate hint: to present to the girlfriend the pink electrorazor for March eighth.